STATE STOCKS—HISTORY OF THE MORRISON
KENNEL CONTINUED—INTRODUCTION OF
NEW CHARACTERS—THE U. S. BANK, &C.
BUBBLES.
Among the many schemes of finance that have
disgraced our country, and been fruitful sources
of peculation, deserving the severe censure of
justice, and the ridicule of wit, there are none
more prominent than the bubble of state stocks.
Time was when that name had a signification of
value; but a new era is now upon us, the end of
which, “is not yet.” The character of our
western population is one of hardy enterprise,
and great intelligence in their own particular
sphere; but by some strange fatuity they have
overrated their credit, and in so doing, have
overreached themselves. That confidence of a
western man which induces him to believe that
he can “whip his weight in wild cats,” is no
vain boast, but the natural consequence of that
hardihood, of vigor that comes of their spirit of
enterprise; and it is not to be wondered at, that
the thrift of their situation should inspire a
similar confidence in other matters.
HOW WISE MEN HAVE BEEN DUPED.
But, until
they can learn to take better care of their credit,
and intrust the management of it to more skilful
and experienced hands, they will never cease to
be cheated and dishonored. The following detail
by my venerable and facetious friend, of a
negotiation for the sale of state bonds, would be
true to life, if it were not too feebly described, for
as I write only from recollection I find it impossible
to do justice to his humor.
BUTTONING UP.
“Before,” said he, “I proceed to the story of
the state bonds, I must first relate to you what
changes took place in the Morrison.” As soon
as the speculation detailed yesterday had ceased,
and Mr. Friendly had fairly retired with his profits,
the stock went down, down, down, and not
a purchaser for a single share could be found at
any price; and as soon as the whole class of
small speculators perceived that they had been
“stuck,” aware of the injury the little credit they
possessed would sustain, if they were known to
have met with a loss, they all shut their mouths,
except, that each one pitied his neighbor; and
strange as it may seem, not a man could be
found in Wall-street, who confessed the ownership
of a share; where three weeks before there
were thousands. This is called “buttoning up,”
and if any gentleman in a certain predicament
was ever surprised by a bevy of ladies suddenly
turning the corner, he will know something of
the hurry felt, and the nonchalance assumed, on
this occasion.
NICK’S TALENTS AND COURTESY.
Six months from the time when Nicholas made
the loans before spoken of, he “found that the
security was not worth a farthing.” If any one
is surprised that he should have been so improvident
of safety, they only need be told, that he
is one of those men whose expansiveness of
mind, and splendid talents were at home only in
great things. He could grasp at millions, and
sport with them as mere baubles; but the dull
and dry detail of investigating trifles, was fit occupation
only for meaner minds. And to the
same splendid talents it was undoubtedly owing,
that in passing into retirement, he was enabled
to discover so much soundness and prosperity in
the affairs of the U. S. Bank of Pennsylvania,
when nobody else could, and that the stockholders
of that institution, are so permanently fixed
in an investment of a capital of 35 millions, that
they will never get a dollar of it back again.
Nicholas, however, was a man of courtesy, and
when on a visit to this city, condescended to
call on the directors of the Morrison. The
money borrowed by them, had been all expended;
another instalment of interest was becoming
due, and nothing provided to pay it with. He
met them in the Bank parlor, with solemn faces,
and like the Irishman’s owl, which he feigned to
be a parrot, they spoke not, but were thinking
very hard.
THE D——L NOT TO BE FEARED.
“Well gentlemen,” said he, “what is the matter?”
Mr. Faintheart, always foremost to express
discouragement, and always the last to aid
in relief, immediately replied. Why Mr. B. the
D——l is to pay, and we have no money. True,
answered Nicholas, you owe me a good deal
of money, but if that is all, it can no doubt be
arranged.
Mr. Faintheart first blushed, then turned pale,
rose from his seat, and his knees smote together,
when he perceived that he had unluckily hit on
the vulgar cognomen of Nicholas. Regarding
the man with the highest veneration, and even
with fear, and unable himself to comprehend,
how so great a mind could exist, without more
aid than falls to the lot of common mortals,
he secretly believed the profane allusion to be a
verity, and, in his fears, expecting a blow from the
forked tail, that would annihilate him at once,
he was fain to ensconce himself under the table.
But perceiving that none of his comrades attempted
to run away, and that Nicholas himself
sat in “the armed chair, calm as a summer’s
morning,” with a smile playing upon his countenance,
benignant as benevolence herself, he
was re-assured; the purple came to his nose again,
and he stammered out, I beg pardon, I had no
allusion to—to—you, sir.
“Sit down, Mr. Faintheart,” said Nicholas,
“your wit amuses us.”
Mr. Faintheart sat down, but was unable sufficiently
to master his disturbed, and mortified
feelings, to utter another word.
EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE.
What further took place at this conference is
not fully known, but it is generally understood
that, by the advice and influence of Nicholas, it
was then and there agreed, that, to revive the credit
of the Morrison, it was best to have a new official
organization, and to select for that purpose
men of talent, shrewdness, property and credit.
But as few such could be found who were willing
to act, common scandal has affirmed, that
resort was had to the principle, that “every man
has his price,” and that sums as high as ten thousand
dollars were paid, in more than one instance,
to procure the requisite number, all of proper
standing.
All this took place soon after the period we
are speaking of, and if, by talent and shrewdness,
is meant, the ability to obtain credit, when none
is merited, and to know how to appropriate the
avails to themselves, without incurring liability,
with two or three honorable exceptions, the selection
of officers was a judicious one. All these,
however, were minor considerations, and when
Nicholas saw his new friends installed, with a
prospect of reviving the credit of the company,
and not only recovering his debt, but obtaining
a bolster also, to support the weary head of his
great Pet, his ends were nearly answered. This
was probably one of the encouragements which
led to his famous letter of resignation; and, since
the cotton speculation is now closed, and the
commissions all realised, we must now leave
him to enjoy his taste for literature, botany, and
horticulture, on the banks of the Schuylkill.
FIGURES MAY BE MADE TO LIE.
A semi official statement of the affairs of the
Morrison was now put forth. This also is a
plan of modern invention, not called for of yore;
and whenever it appears gratuitously, is always
designed to support a false credit. Its success
depends on such a classification, division, and
subdivision of the items, that the figures will express
the same things three or four times over.
In this instance it was properly done, and accordingly,
the stock and credit of the company
were revived under its influence.
NEW CHARACTERS.
And now, said my friend, it is time I should
make you acquainted with the gentlemen you
saw this morning. The tall, spare, white haired
gentleman, with a scooping form, a down-cast
look, and a contriving countenance, is Mr.
Bold Eno. You saw that he had an eye of fire;
but it is only a spark struck from a heart of
flint, and a conscience of steel. I have not much
to say about him now, but he will figure by and
by. The next is a gentleman of more noble
presence, and less of the look of the d——l about
him. His mouth is full of honied words, but if
you believe them all, they will very likely prove
“sweet to the taste but bitter in the belly.” His
name is John-of-the-Field, which signifies that
he is a great sportsman; but his sports are
chiefly confined to shooting with the long gun.
It has been said that he could shoot round a corner;
but that is a slander upon the truth, and
arose only from his dexterity, in always providing
a corner, round which he can escape, whenever
his favorite weapon throws wide of the
mark. He is a lover of the arts, and his soul
melts at the dulcet sounds of music. His politeness,
and hospitality, can be measured only by
his love of power; and his opinion of himself is,
that to make him the “greatest and best” man
alive, he needs only to have his own way.
A WESTERN FINANCIER.
The third gentleman, whose hat was a little slouched,
and his coat not of the most modern cut, who
measured as much space at one stride of his legs,
as the other gentlemen measured at two, with his
fist doubled in his glove, expressive of his determination,
and his wrath, is Mr. Commissioner —— from
the state of ——. In his early
youth, he left the land of his fathers, the land of
steady habits, where he had learned, (what every
one learns there,) how to read and spell correctly,
with the rudiments of Pike and Murray, and
fearless and alone, treading the western wilderness
in search of a more genial soil, he established
himself, where now a flourishing city
spreads out her next to queenly beauty. Of
course he reapt golden fruits of his toil, and
opinions of his sagacity; in short he became,
not unworthily, a great man among them. The
principal error of his mind, was, that being born
in comparative poverty, and accustomed to matter
of fact dealing, he regarded the stupendous
bubbles of artificial credit and means, as all real,
and the men who managed them, as all abounding
in riches, and as honest as himself. He is now
here, to see how far his improved knowledge of
finance may enable him to correct his past errors
of judgment.
DINING PRELIMINARY, &C.
Two or three years ago, this same gentleman
came here, by the way of Philadelphia, being
there recommended to the Morrison Kennel Company,
and others, to negotiate the sale of two millions
of dollars, in state bonds. On his arrival
here, he made himself acquainted with all the
characters here introduced, and was “dined” by
each in turn, with a view to sound him as to his
wishes and expectations.
The president of the company having been
authorised to open preliminaries of negotiation
with the commissioner, the board of directors
was subsequently called together to hear the
report; and, not to offend the dignity of any one,
who may fancy he recognises his own character,
I will abbreviate the names of those present,
as follows, viz: The Prest. and Messrs. J. G.
S. T. and W., directors; and when all had taken
their seats, they proceeded to business, as follows:
DIRECTORS’S WIT AND CHAMPAGNE.
Prest. Gentlemen: in conformity with your
request, I have attended to the duty imposed on
me, and my report is—that in stubbornness, one
Hoosier is more than a match for us all.
“Ha, ha, ha!” all around the board.
G. Well, in cunning how does he stand, Mr.
President?
Prest. Simple as a doe.
T. Then he can’t escape, G., if we turn him
over to you.
G. Leave off your jokes, T.; this is not a
place for them. Mr. President, what says he to
our proposal?
Prest. He likes it not; he wants more ready
money than we possess—he won’t budge.
S. But, if we could get possession of the
bonds, I think I could make a private advance.
T. (aside.) Yes, no doubt, and a private profit,
too.
G. Does he object to our credit, Mr. President.
Prest. Not at all; he has the most perfect
confidence; that was cared for at Philadelphia,
before he came here.
J. Can’t we come over him with champagne?
PLANS, HARD NAMES, AND FLOORING.
T. If we had less sham here, I think it would
be better.
J. But, it is our only chance; and, if we do
not contrive to raise some active means soon, we
shall never accomplish our designs.
T. And, if you are not quick about it, John-of-the-Field
will outwit you all.
J. What says Mr. Bold Eno?
G. He is throwing cold water, and I suspect
he is attacking our credit.
J. Tell the commissioner, then, that we will
mortgage the Kennel to him.
G. But, it is mortgaged already.
S. No matter, tell him it is only for 700,000,
and cost two millions and a half.
T. Yes, and you can tell what became of
some of the money, eh?
S. Mr. T., you are impertinent; do you accuse
me sir, at this board. Sir, you are a scoundrel.
Here Mr. T. brought round his right foot
against the leg of the chair in which Mr. S., who
sat next him, was balancing himself with offended
dignity, and knocking it from under him,
brought him to the floor, to the very sensible uneasiness
of his crupper, for some time afterwards.
AVOID INDIVIDUAL LIABILITY.
Mr. S. was a man of courage, in words only; it
therefore evaporated with what he had last spoken,
and he dared not provoke his assailant any
further.
Prest. Gentlemen, I must use my prerogative!
order—gentlemen, order!
W. Gentlemen, this is not what I expected; I
must retire.
T. Well, W., I’ll go with you; rogues must
bear to be told the truth, without throwing back
an insult, generally the best evidence of their
guilt.
Messrs. W. and T. here retired, and the rest
again took their seats.
Prest. Suppose, gentlemen, we send for
Nicholas?
G. We are no longer dependant on him, and
as it might eventuate in our individual liability,
if we go forward in this thing, it is my opinion
that it is the duty of the president to conduct the
negotiation officially on behalf of the company,
and I therefore move a vote of the board that he
be directed accordingly.
Prest. Gentlemen, I have resigned one treasury
department, sooner than do another man’s
bidding, and shall decline the service; I like not
this business much.
G. Suppose, then, gentlemen, that we resolve
ourselves into a committee, and call the commissioner
in to-morrow.
The proposal being agreed to, the board adjourned,
and Mr. S. still suffering from the contusion
of his lower spine, walked home with a
gait much as he would have done, had he chanced
to have made a rent in his nether integuments,
on a windy day.
BREAKING UP—COLLOQUY.
As they went out, J. said, “Mr. G., look well
that the commissioner has not another interview
with Bold Eno.”
“Never fear,” answered G.; “I have provided
employment for him.”
While these things were going on in the parlor
of the Morrison, the commissioner sat in consultation
with John-of-the-Field, and the following
colloquy took place between them:
PALAVER.
John. Mr. Commissioner, your State is one
of great resources, I think.
Com. Undoubtedly, sir; surpassing that of
any other State in the Union; i. e. when they are
fully developed.
John. And you are taking the right course
for that purpose. The example of New-York, in
internal improvements, has, by its success, given
an impulse throughout the country. In point of
locality, you far exceed us; but then, we have
the capital here, which is our great advantage.
Com. Yes, sir, if we had the capital of New-York
in the State of ——, to carry out our plans
of public improvement, in twenty years from this,
we should exceed her in population by a million.
John. Yes, Mr. Commissioner, and your soil is
so fertile, that when they were completed, even the
farmers of New-York would draw their supplies
from you, through the lakes, the Erie canal, and
the Erie railroad, which is now in progress,
principally with that view.
Here John, perceiving a stare of surprise and
doubt in the eye of the commissioner, added, “i. e.
provided they could turn their lands to a better
account, by the cultivation of products more
congenial to the poverty of their soil.”
Com. The view taken of the subject by our
legislature, is, that if we can borrow the capital
now, to complete the works, the income from
them will so increase, with the increase of products
and population, that in twenty years they
will pay the debt and interest, and leave a large
revenue to the State ever afterwards.
FEELING HIS WAY.
John. I have always advised my friends to
invest in the securities of the Western States, as
being the safest they could make; and many of
them are large capitalists, who frequently ask
my advice in such matters. I think if I had the
agency of all the Western States, in this market,
I could save them a great deal of money in their
negotiations. Their debts being only about forty
millions, the management of them would relieve
me from too much leisure, which I find rather irksome,
since I retired from the active superintendance
of a large institution here.
Com. Perhaps the best introduction to such
an arrangement, would be, for you to take up the
loan now offered.
John. Well, my investments, latterly, have
been very large, which I would not like to disturb
at present, but if it would accommodate
you, I would take the matter of 300,000 dollars
of the bonds, at par; but then, I should pay you
200,000 in the stock of the Long Island Railroad
at par, and the balance in six months. This
railroad is estimated to be the most promising
stock in the country; and its friends are sanguine,
that when completed, and in operation, the
stock will be worth, at least, 250 per cent., and
produce an interest of, at least, 20 per cent. per
annum. The original capital was but 700,000,
and with that capital, and the income of the
portion already finished, say only about one-third
the distance, the company has already expended
one million and a half—i. e., including a
small debt still outstanding. I would not part
with the stock for any other purpose than to
oblige you—being anxious to facilitate the interest
of all the Western States.
Com. My object, sir, is ready funds; they are
wanted for immediate disbursement, to about the
amount you speak of; if that could be arranged,
terms could be made for the balance.
JOHN OVERSHOOTS HIS MARK.
John. Well, Mr. Commissioner, if that is the
object with you, I think I could arrange for 300,000,
and give you Mississippi funds at par. The
State would, of course, give me some additional
security, and you would deposite the remainder
of the 2,000,000 of the bonds with me for sale.
My commission would be very reasonable.
Com. Why, sir, if the security of the whole
State is not good, they have nothing else to offer.
However, I will think of your offer of Mississippi
funds. I have another call to make—so, good
morning, sir.
As soon as the commissioner had left, John
held this soliloquy with himself:
HIS SOLILOQUY THEREUPON.
“I am afraid I have overshot the mark. That
asking security was a bad affair; but then, I am
so in the habit of asking six or eight for one, hang
me if I could resist it in this instance. The railroad
stock, too: if he should inquire about it,
‘he’ll smoke me.’ Two hundred thousand dollars!—why,
I’ve got but ten shares; but then, I
could buy the rest at five dollars a share. A
small debt they owe, indeed—ha, ha, ha. I have
no doubt those they owe would be glad to make
it small. A promising company!—yes, they promise
every thing, and perform nothing. They
will never divide one-twentieth of one per cent.;
and then, the Mississippi funds, too—I wish I had
said at a small discount, instead of par; and then
I could have fixed it at one per cent., which certainly
would have been small enough, for I can
buy them at 30 off. Confound my avarice—I’ve
made a miss-fire. The fellow is tame as a spaniel—but
then, he’s no fool; how he stared, when
I puffed his State; he didn’t believe me. If he
talks about this, I’m ruined; but then, I’ll deny
it all, when he’s gone.”
HIS GAME UP.
When the commissioner went out, he proceeded
to the office of Mr. Bottomly, where, upon
inquiry, he learned the truth, viz: that Mississippi
funds were at 30 per cent. discount, and
that Long Island Railroad was worth 5 dollars a
share, instead of 100. Of course, all further negotiation
with John ceased, and that gentleman
was left to wait the arrival of a commissioner
from some state still farther west, with whom his
persuasive flattery, tempered by experience in
its use, would be more effectual. And here I
leave him, to the disposal of him, whom the
State has adjudged to possess a wiser head than
mine.
HOW TO “COME OVER” A MAN.
The commissioner, when he left the office of
Mr. Bottomly, encountered Mr. G., who, as we
have seen, had just left the parlor of the Morrison.
G. seized him by the arm, and insisted that
he should go home and dine with him. It was
the intention of the commissioner, to have gone
immediately to Mr. Bold Eno, whose advice he
now began to consider a salvo against the tricks
and managements of others; not in the least imagining
that, should he once get in the clutches of
that gentleman, it would be like escaping from
the thievishness of apes, to throw himself into the
embrace of a Bear. Such an interview was precisely
what G. desired to prevent, and consequently,
he was persuasive to a degree that common
sense, in polite society, would denominate
rudeness. The commissioner, who, in days gone
by, had often urged the weary traveller to partake
of the bounty of his board, or accept the
shelter of his roof, and whose open heart and
hand still made the luxuries of his table the common
property of his friends, had no idea of such
a perversion of the rights of hospitality, as a prostitution
of them to the sordid purposes of interest.
He was therefore persuaded; and once at
home with G., he was there detained through the
day and evening, and regaled with savory viands—“taste
after taste with kindliest change upheld,”
with flowing nectar, dulcet creams, and the sweet
sounds of music, with beauty’s winning smiles,
till his brain whirled with pleasure and delight.
GOOD EFFECTS OF HOSPITALITY.
It is not my business to record what further took
place on that day and evening; how many friends
accidentally came in, to enliven the scene, and
how certain gentlemen, who were introduced to
the commissioner, poured flattery into his ear.
It is enough that the deed was done, and in the
mind of the commissioner, the character of Mr.
G. was established, as the most disinterested, polite,
gentlemanly, agreeable, hospitable, and honest,
of men; and to his guidance he therefore
submitted himself.
On the following morning, agreeably to the
preconcerted plan, the commissioner, having been
notified, attended at the office of the Morrison, at
the appointed hour: and, in the mean time,
Messrs. G. and S. having agreed between themselves
to raise the amount immediately wanted by
the commissioner, little remained to be done.
Terms were at once agreed upon—two millions of
bonds were deposited in the vaults of the Morrison,
and in a few days the commissioner started
for the State of ——, with 250,000 dollars in
good cash, and highly gratified with his reception
and success. How much of the balance the
State has ever received, the condition of their
treasury will best explain. Certain it is, that
the embarrassment, which, in more than one instance,
has followed similar transactions, has been
severely felt, and will be well remembered by
our Western brethren.
A WORD ABOUT THE WEST.
And here—politics aside—a question may well
be asked, which every man can answer for himself,
so far as opinion goes. Have not the inexperience
and inefficiency of some of their agents,
and the villainy and irresponsibility of those with
whom they have negotiated, contributed more to
induce a proposition, in some of the States, to
disgrace themselves by repudiating their debts,
than any want of a proper sense of honor among
the men of the West? If such is admitted to
be the fact, it may, in some degree, excuse the
rashness of their tempers; but whoever entertains
such a proposition, after a moment’s reflection,
would sell—not his own birth right—but
his country and his kin for a morsel of bread.
THE BUBBLE WELL BLOWN.
To the uninitiated, it will seem a singular circumstance,
that a company, without a dollar in
their vaults, should undertake to loan two millions;
but they forget the maxim, that credit is
the life of business. This maxim formerly meant,
that a credit, well sustained, gave success to enterprise—but
by its misapplication and misuse, it
has come to a different signification, viz: that
the more one owes, the more he has to sport with;
and it was precisely on this principle, that the
Morrison Kennel contracted with the commissioner.
It was only carrying out, in another
shape, the invention of Nicholas—“always to be
the borrower, when he appeared to lend.” They
had now obtained possession of 2,000,000 of the
bonds of the State of ——, by advancing only
one eighth part of the amount. On the remainder,
they could borrow largely, and they were
now prepared to wing aloft a new flight; their
gaseous inflation borne upward and onward by
the breath of a fame of their own creation; and
they were not long in choosing which way they
should direct their course.
MYSTERIES LEFT UNEXPLAINED.
Some evil-minded people will perhaps begin
to surmise that Nicholas was the master-moving
spirit in this matter, and that he was artfully
contriving to get his pay of the Morrison at the
expense of some one else; perhaps of that
nondescript body called the public. Only one
thing, however, is certain; he did get his pay
but as every story has a sequel, this will be
found to have one also. If the Morrison did
not lend him the State Bonds to support his own
credit abroad, and then rally their own, by
negotiating his bonds, appearances and common
fame, whose poisoned breath we admit is no
standard of truth, were certainly against them.
On what principle matters were arranged between
them, is not certainly known; but it is
now matter of history that a system of issuing
bonds, certificates, endorsing and counter endorsing,
exchange and re-exchange, was adopted,
by which they drew together a large amount of
capital, and both became proud examples of the
splendid results which a single inventive genius,
like Fulton in steam, or Nicholas in finance,
may produce. The affection existing between
them was equalled only by the rivalry shown
by each, in offices of kindness to the other.
CHARITY BEGINNING AT HOME.
The little responsibilities of endorsing or negotiating
a million or two of bonds or certificates,
were all undertaken and performed as mere
offices of love. What if they were moved to
such kindness by the promise, or the hope, of a
reciprocal support? it but proves the excellence
of their hearts, and the nearer approach to that
command of the Master, that we “love our
enemies,” and it is for such things only that we
have reward. Their duty was to protect the
commercial interests, of which they each considered
themselves as the head; and, therefore,
the first rule of propriety, and the first law of
nature, imposed upon them the necessity of first
taking care of themselves, individually, and their
liberality in this respect cannot be too highly
commended. They had a facility for raising
money that other people had not, and duty required
that they should enable their debtors to
pay them; and if, in the accommodations necessarily
granted for that purpose, the Morrison
should lose a few hundred thousands, nobody
would ever know how it had been lost. The
stockholders, a vagabond race scattered over the
face of the earth, whom nobody knows,
would have to bear it; and, (aside,) perhaps
they could screen themselves, and protect the
Morrison, by throwing it all upon Nicholas,
should things go wrong. After all, what was
such a loss, compared with the importance and
public benefit of supporting the commercial
interest.
A CURE FOR HYPO.
It was not to be considered for a moment,
and the wisdom of this conclusion was
shortly made apparent in its effects. One gentleman
is known to have recovered entirely from
a nervous hypochondriacism, so severe, that his
cheek blanched at the sight of his bill-book, and
his rotund proportions shrank to the circumference
of an eel, from the self-denial consequent
upon poverty—or, what is more probable, the
chagrin of disappointed ambition. But we are
told that “the just shall inherit the earth,” and
so it was in this instance; it having been
affirmed, in vindication of this rule, that his reduced
diameter, and assimilation to the animal
aforesaid, enabled him to slide the easier between
the sheriff and his conscience; and while his
neighbors, one after another, were tumbling over
the precipice of ruin, he was saved from being
knocked down in their fall, by quietly reposing
beneath the shade of the Morrison.
But I am growing too elaborate of description,
and must bring this part of my story to a
close. The subjects and material of the picture
I am contemplating, are so numerous, and fruitful
of thought, that it is difficult to decide which
to choose, or where to stop; but the colors are
too gross, and weary the eye and the mind.
Besides, I hate to individualise, and must request
my readers to bear in mind, that in the characters
here described, nobody whatever is meant;
and should they remember ever to have seen
such a character as either of them, I must beg
them to bury the memory of their follies beneath
their more private and superior virtues, should
they be found to have any; and if they are
penitent, to throw the mantle of charity over
the past, and screen them from the rude gaze of
scrutiny.
CRISIS APPROACHING—NICK RETIRES.
The time was now fast approaching when the
boluses administered by the Kennel physicians,
could no longer support the weakened constitution
of Pennsylvania’s great pet; and what was
of more importance, in the opinion of the Kennel
directors, his credit was no longer sufficient to
support them.
Nicholas the first had retired from his charge,
to fatten upon his laurels; Alas! that they should
have faded so soon, and left him nothing but
dry leaves whereon to feed his morbid appetite.
Mr. Done-up had succeeded to his place as
chief physician; his patient had already suffered
a relapse, and the symptoms were by no means
favorable. His physicians recommended a more
generous diet, but both shores of the Atlantic
had already been dredged for dainties to satisfy
his hungry maw. Yet still he grew more rabid,
and would swallow at a gulp, what cost the labor
of a year to procure.
SKULKING.
In this dilemma, the curs of the Morrison, perceiving
that although they had paid the debt to
Nicholas, contracted under the old direction,
they had, in another shape, just doubled it under
the new—that each of them had served his
own purpose, and that not one of them owned a
dollar in the Morrison or the U. S. B. they all
resigned their seats, and scampered away to
their dens; where, it is to be hoped, that, for the
benefit of the coming generation, they will live
and die in a good old age. And may God them
assoil, the stockholders and creditors of the Morrison
never will.
As I approach the conclusion of this chapter, my
tale grows sadder, and still more sad. All created
beings and things, which have beginning, must
also have an end. Death lays his unpitying hand
alike on man, and every monument of his greatness.
A TOUCH OF THE PATHETIC.
We wonder at the duration of our own existence;
that the term of our lives should witness
the pride of a powerful state; the successful
opposer of the conqueror of armies, and the
controller of millions, to dwell only in memory.
Yet the sad tale has met our ear, that the U. S.
B. of P. is no more.—That pillar of the currency
that some thought was based on a rock of ages—that
nursing mother, who would fain have
gathered the whole nation, as a hen gathereth
her brood under her wings—that giant of ubiquity,
that dwelt in every town and city, a very
mastodon in power, and a mastiff in watchfulness—deserted
by his friends, persecuted by his
enemies, and cheated by all—expired at Philadelphia
on the 5th of Feb. A. D. 1841, after one
long and piteous howl of 20 days and 6 hours,
in the 5th year of his age.
The power of sympathy is one of the remarkable
properties of life, throughout all animate and
inanimate creation; and it is a circumstance worthy
of note, that, at the moment of his expiring,
every inferior cur, from New York to New Orleans,
gave one loud and piercing yell, and laid
himself down in his den. Throughout the land,
old men bowed themselves in sorrow, widows
wailed in secret, children began to cry for bread,
girls in their teens shed salt tears, lest the fall of
stocks should loose them their sweethearts, and
a thousand and one ancient virgins retired in
privacy to count their rosaries; not with catholic
piety and reverence, but to see how much remained
in the stocking.
A SHOW OF REASON.
My readers will be surprised, that I should apply
the incongruous and unmusical name of
bull dog to the U. S. B.; but I must beg them to
recollect that I am in Wall-street, that this is
Wall-street language, and that no other would
be understood here. And as this was the name
under which we first made his acquaintance, for
the sake of consistency, I must carry out the
figure. And to redeem my promise, it only remains
that I should give some account of his disease.
For the benefit of science, and the coming generation,
it is to be regretted that those who
have his body in keeping, have refused a post-mortem
examination.[3] Mr. Done-up, the chief physician,
insists that he is not dead, and that he
will have him kept for a year and a day, for experiments
of the galvanic battery, electro-magnetic
suspension, and such other inventions and
restoratives as his skill may suggest. But it is
the opinion of Wall-street physicians, that the
doctor will never be able to do more than to embalm
his body.
DISEASE—ITS NATURE AND CAUSE.
It is the opinion, also, of those who have had
an opportunity of observing his symptoms, that
his disease was a species of cholera, a sort of internal
evacuation; or, to be more particular in explanation,
that while promises were going out
one way, the specie was going out the other;
and that the too frequent gorging of stocks,
state bonds, cotton speculations, &c., had the
effect, like Major Downing’s elder-bark tea, to
work both ways. One singular circumstance
has attended him throughout; which, as it is a
reversal of the order of nature, is worth mentioning.
In his case, corruption took place long before
death, and mortification afterwards. His
disease is said to have had its origin in an overheating
of the blood, in the great contest about
the deposites. But as this is a matter of some
dispute, I leave the point to be settled by the
great successors of their “illustrious predecessors”—Dr.
Done-up of Philadelphia, and Dr.
Ran-down of Kinderhook, both of whom, it is
supposed will now find sufficient leisure, amicably
to settle their differences.
PRACTICAL HINTS.
My friend, the relator of the foregoing, here left
me abruptly again, but as I am sure to find him
in the same place to-morrow, I shall not fail to
make him a visit. What the subject of his conversation
will be, I cannot tell, but as he has
found me a willing listener, I feel sure that he
will be as communicative as ever.
It was my intention, at the close of this chapter,
to have expanded a little on the great value
to the public, of corporations, when in the hands
of men of talent, property, and credit, who can,
without responsibility to themselves, act for the
benefit of the stockholders. But, as I have already
detained my readers too long, and since
people will think for themselves, right or wrong,
if they ever chance to think at all, I need give
no further evidence of their utility, and entire
safety in such hands, than the following facts.
Among all the officers and directors of the Morrison
Kennel, and the U. S. B., in which about
forty millions of dollars have been totally sunk
and lost, not one of them ever failed, or lost a
dollar in his individual capacity; and, had the
stockholders loaned their capital directly to the
merchants, through whom it will perhaps be
said it has been lost, instead of investing it in
those stocks, they would have saved in the last
25 years, only about 50 millions of dollars, in
their expenses, investments in unconvertible property
for their splendid accommodations, and
losses consequent upon their management to sustain
themselves in a ruinous business.
THE WAY OF SAFETY.
But, since commerce has so organized herself,
that such institutions are necessary, if stockholders
will not look after their own interest, if
they will allow their agents to pursue their own
pleasure without supervision, or accountability—if
they will not employ as their agents, such men
as will have some reference to a good conscience,
and common sense, something besides selfishness
in the performance of their duty to their
principals, and the public, they deserve to lose
their money.
WHAT EXPERIENCE SAYS ABOUT IT.
I have no wish to appear the censor of the past,
or to make wise saws for the future. But for the
benefit of those who may have a little money
left to invest, I will give them, in few words, the
experience of thirty years. Every institution,
established for the purpose of creating capital, instead
of investing that already possessed—every
one established for the purposes of speculation,
or monopoly, of any kind—or for the promotion
of the interest of any particular individuals—every
one which contracts debts against itself beyond
the immediate means of paying, and thus
loses its independence of character—and every
one which perverts its means from the legitimate
use, which, on a fair construction, was contemplated
in its creation—either has ruined, or sooner
or later will ruin, itself, its stockholders, and
its customers.