I was so stunned I could not speak at all for a
minute, then I said, after a brief pause—
"Do you know if Mr. Fanning is in?"
"No, why should he be in?" replied Miss Mullins
in an almost irritable voice, "he has got his work to
do if you have not. Men who are generous on the
large scale on which he is generous, cannot afford to
be idle—that is, if they are going on adding to their
fortunes. He is out and probably in the city, he is
a great publisher, you know, and extremely successful.
For my part, I respect him; he may be a rough
diamond, but he is a diamond all the same."
Still I did not speak, and I am sure my silence,
and the stunned subdued heavy expression on my
face, vexed Jane more than any amount of words I
might have uttered.
"I will go and see if he has really gone," I said.
"It is sometimes quite late before he starts for the
city, I want to speak to him at once."
"Now, Westenra, if you in this crisis make mischief,"
began Miss Mullins.
"Oh, I won't make mischief," I said, "but I must
speak to Mr. Fanning."
I had almost reached the door when she called
me back.
"One moment," she said.
I turned, impatiently.
"Please don't keep me, Jane, I must see Mr.
Fanning before he goes to the city—I will come
back afterwards."
"If I wasn't almost sure what you are going to
say to Mr. Fanning, I would let you go," said Jane,
"but you ought to know—your mother was very ill,
worse than I have ever seen her before, last night."
"Mother ill in the night, and you never told me!"
The greater trouble seemed to swallow up the lesser,
and for the time I forgot Mr. Fanning, the man in
possession, and everything in the world except mother
herself.
"She had a sharp attack," continued Jane, "rigors
and extreme weakness. I happened most fortunately
to go into her room about midnight, and found her
in an alarming state. Dr. Anderson was summoned.
She is better, much better, but not up yet."
"But, Jane, why, why did you not wake me?"
"I should, dear, if there had been real danger, but
she quickly recovered. You looked so ill yourself
last night, that I had not the heart to disturb your
sleep. And there is no danger at present, no fresh
danger, that is. Unless something happens to cause
her a sudden shock, she is comparatively well, but
it behoves you, Westenra, to be careful."
"And suppose I am not careful," I said, a sudden
defiance coming into my voice.
"In that case——" said Miss Mullins. She did
not finish her sentence. She looked full at me, raised
her hands expressively, and let them fall to her sides.
Nothing could be more full of meaning than her
broken sentence, her action, and the expression of
her face.
"But you could not deliberately do it," she said
slowly, "you could not expose a mother like yours
to——"
"Of course I could do nothing to injure mother,"
I said, "I will try and be patient; but Jane, Jane,
do you know really what this means? Can you not
guess that there are things that even for a mother,
a dying mother, a girl ought not to do?"
"I do not see that," answered Jane deliberately;
"no, I do not, not from your point of view. You
can do what is required, and you can bear it."
I knew quite well what she meant. She did not
call me back this time when I left the room. I
heard her mutter to herself—her words startled me—putting
a new sort of sudden light on all our
miserable affairs.
"My little home gone too," I heard her mutter,
"ruin for me too, for me too."
I stood for a moment in the dark passage outside
Jane's room. There was no one there, and I could
think. I did not want to go into the big hall, nor
to run up the staircase. I might meet some of those
smiling, well satisfied, delighted and delightful paying
guests, those paying guests who were ruining us all
the time. Yes, I knew at last what Jane meant,
what Mrs. Fanning meant, what Albert Fanning
meant. We would be relieved from our embarrassments,
mother would receive no shock if I promised
to marry Albert Fanning. Albert Fanning would save
the position, he would pay the necessary debts; he
was rich, and for love of me he would not mind
what he did. Yes, I supposed it was love for me.
I did not know, of course. I could not fancy for a
moment that a girl like myself could excite any
feeling of worship in a man like Albert Fanning, but
anyhow, for whatever reason, he wanted me (and he
did want me), he was willing to pay this big price
for me. My heart trembled, my spirit quaked. I
stood in the luxury of the dark passage, clasped my
hands to my brow, and then determined not to give
way, to be brave to the very end.
I ran upstairs and entered the drawing-room. It
was tidy, in perfect order. I was glad to find no one
there. I went and stood under father's picture. I
gazed full up at the resolute, brave, handsome face.
"You died to win your V.C.," I said to myself,
and then I turned to leave the room. I met Mrs.
Furlong coming in.
"Ah, dear child," she said, "I am so glad to see
you. But what is the matter? You don't look well."
"I am anxious," I answered; "mother had a very
serious attack last night."
"We are all full of concern about her," replied
Mrs. Furlong. "Won't you sit down for a moment?
I wish to talk to you. Ah, here comes my husband.
Philip, we have bad news about dear Mrs. Wickham,
she was very ill last night."
"Your mother, Miss Wickham, is very far from
strong," said Captain Furlong. He came and stood
near me; he looked full of sympathy. He was very
nice and kind and gentlemanly. He had been kind
and courteous, and unselfish, ever since he came to
the house.
"You are very good, both of you," I said. "I am
going to mother now; please, don't keep me."
"But is there anything we can do? Would change
be of service to her?" said Mrs. Furlong. "I know
it is a little early in the year, but the spring is
coming on nicely, and she must weary so of London,
particularly this part of London; she has been accustomed
to such a different life."
"I do not think our present life has injured her,"
I said. "She has not had any of the roughing.
Things have been made smooth and pleasant and
bright for her."
"All the same, it has been a very, very great
change for her," said Mrs. Furlong. "It has been
good neither for her nor for you. Yes, Philip," she
continued, noticing a warning expression on her husband's
face, "I have got my opportunity, and I will
speak out. I am quite certain the sooner Westenra
Wickham, and her dear mother, leave this boarding-house
the better it will be for both of them. What
has a young, innocent girl, like Westenra, to do with
paying guests? Oh, if they were all like you and me,
dear, it would be different; but they are not all like
us, and there's that"—she dropped her voice. Captain
Furlong shook his head.
"Miss Wickham has accepted the position, and I
do not see how she can desert her post," he said.
"Never fear, be sure I will not," I answered; "but
please—please, kind friends, don't keep me now."
"There is just one thing I should like to say
before you go, Miss Wickham," said Captain Furlong;
"if you find yourself in trouble of any sort
whatever, pray command both my wife and myself.
I have seen a good deal of life in my day. My wife
and I are much interested, both in you and your
mother. Now, for instance," he added, dropping his
voice, "I know about tight times; we all of us get
more or less into a tight corner, now and then—if a
fifty pound note would——"
"Oh no, it would not do anything," I cried. My
face was crimson; my heart seemed cut in two.
"Oh! how can I thank you enough?" I added;
and I ran up to the kind man and seized his hands.
I could almost have kissed them in my pain and
gratitude. "It would be useless, quite useless, but
I shall never forget your kindness."
I saw the good-natured pair look at one another,
and Mrs. Furlong shook her head wisely; and I am
sure a dewy moisture came to her eyes, but I did not
wait to say anything more, but ran off in the direction
of mother's room. A softened light filled that
chamber, where all that refinement and love could
give surrounded the most treasured possession of my
life. Mother was lying in bed propped up by pillows.
She looked quite as well as usual, and almost sweeter
than I had ever seen her look, and she smiled when
I came in.
"Well, little girl," she said, "you are late in paying
me your visit this morning?"
"It was very wrong of you, mother, not to send
for me when you were so ill last night," I answered.
"Oh, that time," said mother, "it seems ages off
already, and I am quite as well as usual. I have
got a kind nurse to look after me now. Nurse
Marion, come here."
I could not help giving a visible start. Were
things so bad with mother that she required the
services of a trained nurse? A comely, sweet-faced,
young woman of about thirty years of age, now approached
from her seat behind the curtain.
"The doctor sent me in, Miss Wickham; he
thought your mother would be the better for constant
care for two or three days."
"I am very glad you have come," I answered.
"Oh, it is so nice," said mother; "Nurse Marion
has made me delightfully comfortable; and is not the
room sweet with that delicious old-fashioned lavender
she uses, and with all those spring flowers?"
"I have opened the window, too," said the nurse,
"the more air the dear lady gets the better for her;
but now, Miss Wickham, I cannot allow your mother
to talk. Will you come back again; or, if you stay,
will you be very quiet?"
"As you are here to look after mother I will come
back again," I said. I bent down, kissed the lily
white hand which lay on the counterpane, and rushed
from the room. Stabs of agony were going through
my heart, and yet I must not give way!
I ran upstairs, and knocked at Mrs. Fanning's
door. As Albert Fanning was out, I was determined
to see her. There was no reply to my summons,
and after a moment I opened the door and looked
in. The room was empty. I went to my own room,
sat down for a moment, and tried to consider how
things were tending with me, and what the end
would be. Rather than mother should suffer another
pang, I would marry Albert Fanning. But
must it come to this!
I put on my outdoor things, and ran downstairs.
The closeness and oppression of the day before had
changed into a most balmy and delicious spring morning;
a sort of foretaste day of early summer. I was
reckless, my purse was very light, but what did that
matter. I stopped a hansom, got into it, and gave
the man Albert Fanning's address in Paternoster
Row. Was I mad to go to him—to beard the lion
in his den? I did not know; I only knew that sane or
mad, I must do what I had made up my mind to do.
The hansom bowled smoothly along, and I sat
back in the farthest corner, and tried to hope that
no one saw me. A pale, very slender, very miserable
girl was all that they would have seen; the grace
gone from her, the beauty all departed; a sort of
wreck of a girl, who had made a great failure of her
life, and of the happiness of those belonging to her.
Oh, if only the past six or eight months could be
lived over again, how differently would I have spent
them! The cottage in the country seemed now to
be a sort of paradise. If only I could take mother
to it, I would be content to be buried away from the
eyes of the world for evermore. But mother was
dying; there would be no need soon for any of us
to trouble about her future, for God Himself was
taking it into His own hands, and had prepared for
her a mansion, and an unfading habitation.
I scarcely dared think of this. Be the end long,
or be the end short, during the remaining days or
weeks of her existence, she must not be worried, she
must go happily, securely, confidently, down to the
Valley. That was the thought, the only thought
which stayed with me, as I drove as fast as I could
in the direction of Mr. Fanning's place of business.
The cab was not allowed to go up the Row, so I
paid my fare at the entrance, and then walked to my
destination. I knew the number well, for Albert
had mentioned it two or three times in my hearing,
having indeed often urged me to go and see him. I
stopped therefore at the right place, looked up, saw
the name of Albert Fanning in huge letters across
the window, opened the door and entered. I found
myself in a big, book saloon, and going up to a man
asked if Mr. Fanning were in. The man was one of
those smart sort of clerks, who generally know everybody's
business but their own. He looked me all over
in a somewhat quizzical way, and then said—
"Have you an appointment, miss?"
"I have not," I replied.
"Our chief, Mr. Fanning, never sees ladies without
appointments."
"I think he will see me," I answered, "he happens
to know me. Please say that Miss Westenra Wickham
has called to see him."
The clerk stared at me for a moment.
"Miss West! what Wickham Miss? Perhaps you
wouldn't mind writing it down."
I did not want to write down my name, but I did
so; I gave it to the clerk, who withdrew, smiling to
a brother clerk as he did so. He came back in a
minute or two, looking rather red about the face,
and went back to his seat without approaching me,
and at the same time I heard heavy, ungainly steps
rushing downstairs, and Mr. Fanning, in his office
coat, which was decidedly shabby, and almost as
greasy as the one which belonged to the "Man in
Possession" on the previous evening, entered the
saloon. His hair stood wildly up on his head, and
his blue eyes were full of excitement. He came
straight up to me.
"I say, this is a pleasure," he exclaimed, "and
quite unlooked for. Pray, come upstairs at once,
Miss Wickham. I am delighted to see you—delighted.
Understand, Parkins," he said, addressing
the clerk who had brought my message, "that I am
engaged for the present, absolutely engaged, and can
see no one. Now, Miss Wickham, now."
He ushered me as if I were a queen through the
saloon, past the wondering and almost tittering clerks,
and up some winding stairs to his own sanctum on
the first floor.
"Cosy, eh?" he said, as he opened the door, and
showed me a big apartment crowded with books
of every shape and size, and heavily, and at the
same time, handsomely furnished. "Not bad for
a city man's office, eh?" he continued, "all the
books are amusing; you might like to dip into 'em
by-and-by, nothing deep or dull, or stodgy here,
all light, frothy, and merry. Nothing improving,
all entertaining. That is how my father made
his fortune; and that is how I, Albert the second,
as the mater calls me, intend to go on adding to my
fortune. It is on light, frothy, palatable morsels
that I and my wife will live in the future, eh, eh?
You're pleased with the look of the place, ain't you.
Now then, sit right down here facing the light, so that
I can have a good view of you. You're so young;
you have not a wrinkle on you. It's the first sign
of age coming on when a girl wishes to sit with her
back to the light, but you are young, and you can
stand the full glare. Here, you take the office chair.
Isn't it comfortable? That's where I have sat for
hours and hours, and days and days; and where my
father sat before me. How well you'd look interviewing
authors and artists when they come here
with their manuscripts. But there! I expect you'd
be a great deal too kind to them. A lot of rubbish
you would buy for the firm of Fanning & Co., wouldn't
you now, eh? Ah, it's you that has got a tender
little heart, and Albert Fanning has been one of
the first to find it out."
I could not interrupt this rapid flow of words,
and sat in the chair indicated, feeling almost stunned.
At last he stopped, and gazing at me, said—
"Well, and how is Miss Westenra Wickham, and
what has brought her to visit her humble servant?
Out with it now, the truth, please."
Still I could find no words. At last, however, I
said almost shyly—
"You have been kind, more than kind, but I
came here to tell you, you must not do it."
"Now that's a pretty sort of thing to bring you
here," said Mr. Fanning. "Upon my soul, that's a
queer errand. I have been kind, forsooth! and I
am not to be kind in the future. And pray why
should I turn into an evil, cruel sort of man at your
suggestion, Miss Wickham? Why should I, eh?
Am I to spoil my fine character because you, a little
slip of a girl, wish it so?"
"You must listen to me," I said; "you do not
take me seriously, but you must. This is no laughing
matter."
"Oh, I am to talk sense, am I? What a little
chit it is! but it is a dear little thing in its way,
although saucy. It's trying to come round me and
to teach me. Well, well, I don't mind owning that
you can turn me with a twist of your little finger
wherever you please. You have the most bewitching
way with you I ever saw with any girl. It has
bowled Albert Fanning over, that it has. Now, then,
what have you really come for?"
"You paid the bill of Pattens the butcher either
this morning or last night, why did you do it?"
Mr. Fanning had the grace to turn red when I
said this. He gave me even for a moment an uncomfortable
glance, then said loudly—
"But you didn't surely want that fellow Robert
to stay on?"
"That is quite true," I replied, "but I still less
want you, Mr. Fanning, to pay our debts. You did
very wrong to take such a liberty without my permission,
very, very wrong."
"To tell you the honest truth, I never wished you
to know about it," said Mr. Fanning. "Who blurted
it out?"
"Jane Mullins, of course, told me."
"Ah, I mentioned to the mater that it would be
very silly to confide in that woman, and now the
little mater has done no end of mischief. She has
set your back up and—but there, you were bound
to know of it sooner or later. Of course the butcher's
is not the only bill I must pay, and you were bound
to know, of course. I don't really mind that you do
know. It's a great relief to you, ain't it now?"
"It is not a great relief, and what is more I cannot
allow it."
"You cannot allow it?"
"No."
Mr. Fanning now pulled his chair up so close to
mine that his knees nearly touched me. I drew back.
"You needn't be afraid that I'll come closer," he
said almost sulkily, "you know quite well what I
feel about you, Miss Wickham, for I have said it
already. I may have a few more words to deliver on
that point by-and-by, but now what I want to say is
this, that I won't force any one to come to me except
with a free heart. Nobody, not even you—not even
you—although, God knows, you are like no one
else on earth, shall come to me except willingly. I
never met any one like you before, so dainty, so fair
so pretty—oh, so very pretty, and such a sweet girl
and, upon my word, you can make just anything
of me. But there, the time for love-making has
not yet come, and you have something ugly to say
in the back of your head, I see the thought shining
out of your eyes. Oh, however hard you may feel,
and however much pain you mean to give me, you
cannot make those eyes of yours look ugly and forbidding.
Now I am prepared to listen."
He folded his arms across his chest and looked
full at me. He was in such great and desperate
earnest that he was not quite so repellant as usual.
I could not but respect him, and I found it no longer
difficult to speak freely to him.
"I come as a woman to appeal to a man," I said.
"You are a man and I am a woman, we stand on
equal ground. You would not like your sister, had
you a sister, to do what you want me to do. I
appeal to you on behalf of that sister who does not
exist."
He tried to give a laugh, but it would not rise to
his lips.
"As you justly remarked," he said, "I have not
got a sister."
"But you know, you must know, Mr. Fanning,
what you would feel if you had a sister, and she
allowed a man who was no relation, no relation
whatever, to take her debts and pay them. What
would you think of your sister?"
"I'd say the sooner she and that chap married
the better," was Mr. Fanning's blunt response;
"they'd be relations then fast enough, eh, eh? I
think I have about answered you, Miss Wickham."
"But suppose she did not want to marry that
man; suppose she had told him that she never
would marry him; suppose he knew perfectly well
in his heart that she could not marry him, because
she had not a spark of love to give him?"
"But I don't suppose anything of the sort," said
Mr. Fanning, and now his face grew white, uncomfortably
white, and I saw his lips trembling.
"There now," he said, "you have had your say,
and it is my turn. I see perfectly well what you
are driving at. You think I have taken an unfair
advantage of you, but this was the position. I
knew all about it, I had seen it coming for some
time. Jane Mullins had dropped hints to mother,
and mother had dropped hints to me, and, good
gracious! I could tell for myself. I am a man of
business; I knew exactly what each of the boarders
paid. I knew exactly or nearly to a nicety, and if I
didn't my mother did, what the dinners cost which
we ate night after night in your dining-room, and
what the furniture must have cost, and what the
breakfast cost, and the hundred and one things
which were necessary to keep up an establishment
of that kind, and I said to the mater, 'Look you
here, mater, the incomings are so and so, and the
outgoings are so and so, and a smash is inevitable.
It will come sooner or later, and it is my opinion it
will come sooner, not later.' The mater agreed with
me, for she is shrewd enough, and we both thought
a great deal of you, and a great deal of your mother.
We knew that although you were dainty in your
ways, and belonged to a higher social class than we
did (we are never going, either of us, to deny that),
we knew that you were ignorant of these things, and
had not our wisdom, and we thought Jane Mullins
was a bit of a goose to have launched in such a
hopeless undertaking. But, of course, as the mater
said, she said it many, many times, 'There may be
money at the back of this thing, Albert, and if there
is they may pull through.' But when Mr. Randolph
went off in that fine hurry last winter, we found out
all too quickly that there was no money at the back,
and then, of course, the result was inevitable.
"I expected Pattens to send a man in, for I had
met him once or twice, and he told me that his bill
was not paid, and that he did not mean to supply
any more meat, and what Pattens said the baker
and greengrocer said too, and so did Allthorp the
grocer, and so did the fishmonger, Merriman, and so
did all the other tradespeople, and if one spoke to
me, so did they all. I have paid Pattens, but that
is not enough. Pattens won't trouble you any more,
his man has gone, but there is Merriman's man to
come on, and there is Allthorp's man, and there are
all the others, and then, above and beyond all, there's
the landlord, Mr. Hardcastle. Why, the March
quarter's rent has not been paid yet, and that is a
pretty big sum. So, my dear young lady, things
cannot go on, and what is to be done? Now there's
the question—what is to be done?"
I stared at him with frightened eyes. It was
perfectly true that I knew nothing whatever about
business. I had imagined myself business-like,
and full of common sense, but I found in this
extreme moment that my business qualities were
nowhere, and that this hard-headed and yet honest
man of the world was facing the position for me, and
seeing things as I ought to see them.
"What is to be done?" he repeated. "Are you
going to have the bed on which your mother sleeps
sold under her, and she dying, or are you not? I
can help you, I have plenty of money, I have a lot
of loose cash in the bank which may as well go in
your direction as any other. Shall I spend it for
you, or shall I not?"
"But if you do—if you do," I faltered, "what
does it mean?"
"Mean!" he said, and now a queer light came
into his eyes, and he drew nearer again, and bending
forward tried to take my hand. I put it hastily
behind me.
"I'll be frank," he said, "I'll be plain, it means you."
"I cannot, oh! I cannot," I said. I covered my
face with both my hands; I was trembling all over.
"Give me your promise," he said, dropping his
voice very low, "just give me your promise. I'll
not hurry you a bit. Give me your promise that in
the future, say in a year (I'll give you a whole year,
yes I will, although it goes hard with me)—say in a
year, you will be mine, you'll come to me as my little
wife, and I won't bother you, upon my soul I won't,
before the time. I'll go away from 17 Graham
Square, I will, yes I will. The mater can stay, she
likes looking after people, and she is downright
fond of you, but I won't worry you. Say you'll be
my little wife, and you need not have another care.
The bills shall be paid, and we'll close the place
gradually. The boarding-house, on its present terms,
cannot go on, but we will close up gradually, and
poor old Miss Mullins need not be a pauper for the
rest of her days. She's a right down good sort, and
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll start her in a little
boarding-house of a humble kind on my own hook.
Yes, I will, and she shall make a tidy fortune out
of it. I'll do all that, and for you, for you, and you
have only got to promise."
"But I cannot," I said, and now I began to sob.
"Oh, I cannot. You don't want a wife who doesn't
love you at all."
"Not even a little bit?" he said, and there was a
pathetic ring in his voice. "Aren't you sure that
you love me just a very little bit? Well, well, you
will some day; you will when you know me better.
I am a very rough sort of diamond, Miss Wickham,
but I am a diamond all the same, if being true and
honourable and honest and straightforward means
anything at all. I don't want to speak too well of
myself, but I do know that in my entire life I have
never done a real mean or shabby thing. I am an
honest fellow out and out, Miss Wickham, and I
offer you all I have, and I will get you out of this
scrape in a twinkling, that I will. You thought,
perhaps, your fine friend Mr. Randolph would do it,
but when he guessed how things were going he cut
off fast enough to the other side of the world."
"I won't let you speak of him like that," I cried,
and my voice rose again with anger, and the pity I
had felt for Mr. Fanning a moment ago vanished as
if it had never existed. "Mr. Randolph has been
our true, true friend, and he may be dead now. Oh,
you are cruel to speak of him like that!"
"Very well, we won't talk of him. It is unkind
to abuse the dead," said Mr. Fanning in a low, considerate
sort of voice. "He sailed, poor chap, in the
Star of Hope, and the Star of Hope has been wrecked.
He will never come back to bother anybody again,
so we won't talk of him."
I was silent. A cold, faint feeling was stealing
over me.
"Well, now, you listen to me," continued Mr. Fanning.
"You think that it is very hard on you that
a man of my sort should want you to be his wife,
but men of my sort, when they make fortunes, often
do marry girls like you. I have a lot of money,
Miss Wickham, plenty and plenty, thousands upon
thousands, and it's piling up every day. It is the
froth and the light literature that has done it—all
those picture-books, coloured, most of 'em, and those
children's books, and those nonsense rhymes, and all
that sort of thing. We have huge sales all over the
world, and the money rolls in for Albert Fanning,
and Albert Fanning can marry about any girl he
chooses. Why shouldn't he take a wife a peg above
him? It's done every day, and why should not his
wife be happy? What is there against that house
at Highgate, for instance, and what is there against
the old woman? Is there an honester or a better
heart than hers?"
"That is quite true; I really love your mother,"
I said.
"Ah, that's a good girl, now." He laid his big
hand on mine and gave it a little pat. "And you'll
be all right when you come to me; you'll be as comfortable
as possible. You'll soon get accustomed to
me and my ways."
"But I can never, never come to you," I cried,
shrinking away. "I cannot make you that promise."
"I won't take your answer now, and I have not
done speaking yet. Do you know that I have cared
for you for a long time? I'll tell you how it happened.
I was in the Park one day, more than two
years ago. I had been in Germany, learning book-binding.
There was nothing I did not go into as far
as my trade was concerned, and I had come back
again, and I was in the Park watching the fine folks.
My pockets were comfortably lined, and I had not a
debt in the world, and I was feeling pretty spry, you
may be sure, and thinking, 'Albert Fanning, the time
has come for you to take a mate; the time has come
for you and your sweetheart to meet, and to have a
right good time, and a happy life afterwards.' And
I was thinking which of the suburbs I'd live in, and
what sort of girl I'd have. Oh, there were plenty
ready to come to me for the asking, young girls, too,
with rosy cheeks and bright eyes. There was one, I
never saw blacker eyes than hers; they were as
black as sloes, and I always admired black eyes,
because I am fair, you know, and the mater is fair.
You always like your opposite as a rule, and as
these thoughts were coming to me, and I was thinking
of Susan Martin and her black eyes, and the merry
laugh she had, and her white teeth, who should
come driving slowly by, in the midst of all the other
grand folks, but your little self. You were bending
forward, doing something for your mother, putting
a shawl about her or something, and you just gave
the tiniest bit of a smile, and I saw a gleam of your
teeth, and I looked at your grey eyes; and, upon my
word, it was all over with me. I never knew there
were girls like you in existence before. I found
myself turning at first white and then red, and at
first hot and then cold, and I followed that carriage
as fast as I could, and whenever I had a chance I
took a glance at you. Oh, you were high above me,
far away from me, with people that I could never
have anything to do with; but I lost my heart to
you, and Susan Martin hadn't a chance. I found
out from the mater that you were Miss Wickham,
and that your father had been a general officer in
the army, and you lived in Mayfair, and went into
society; and often and often I went into the Park
to catch a glimpse of you, and I got the number of
your house, and sometimes I passed it by and looked
up at the windows, and once I saw you there; you
were arranging some flowers. I just caught the bend
of your head, and I saw the shape of your throat,
and your straight profile, and the whole look of you,
and my heart went pitter-pat. I wasn't myself after
I had caught a glimpse of you. You filled all my
world, and the old mater found out there was something
wrong. I am reserved about some things, and
I didn't let it out to her, but at last I did, and she
said, 'Courage, Albert, courage. If you want her,
why shouldn't you have her? You have plenty of
money, and you're a right good sort.' And then all
of a sudden one day the mater came to me with
news, no less news than this, that you, you plucky
little darling, were going to start a boarding-house on
your own account. After that, it was plain sailing."
"She is poor," said the mother. "She and her
mother have lost all their money; they are down in
the world, down on their luck, and they are going to
do this. So then we arranged that we'd come and
live in the boarding-house, and I began my courting
in hot earnest, and fortune has favoured me, Miss
Wickham; fortune has favoured me, Westenra, and
oh! I love you, God knows how much, and I'd be a
good husband to you, and you should have your own
way in everything. Won't you think of it, Miss
Wickham? Won't you?"
I was silent. The tears were running down my
cheeks, and I had no voice to speak. I got up at
last slowly.
"Won't you think of it?" he said again.
I shook my head.
"Well, I tell you what," he said, turning very pale.
"Don't give me your answer now. Wait until this
evening or to-morrow. I won't worry you in the
drawing-room to-night. I'll keep far away, and I'll
try if I can to keep everybody at bay—all those
wolves, I mean, that are surrounding you—and maybe
you'll think better of it, for the position is a very
serious one; maybe you'll think better of it. And
remember, whatever happens, there ain't a fellow on
earth would make you a better husband than I shall,
if you'll let me."