She had been talking of dying only the
evening before, with a friend, and had
described her own sensations after a long
illness when she had been at the point of
death. "I suppose," she said, "that I was
as nearly gone as any one ever was to
come back again. There was no pain in
it, only a sense of sinking down, down—through
the bed as if nothing could hold
me or give me support enough—but no
pain." And then they had spoken of
another friend in the same circumstances,
who also had come back from the very
verge, and who described her sensations
as those of one floating upon a summer
sea without pain or suffering, in a lovely
nook of the Mediterranean, blue as the
sky. These soft and soothing images of
the passage which all men dread had been
talked over with low voices, yet with smiles
and a grateful sense that "the warm precincts
of the cheerful day" were once more
familiar to both. And very cheerfully she
went to rest that night, talking of what
was to be done on the morrow, and fell
asleep sweetly in her little room, with its
shaded light and curtained window, and
little pictures on the dim walls. All was
quiet in the house: soft breathing of the
sleepers, soft murmuring of the spring wind
outside, a wintry moon very clear and full
in the skies, a little town all hushed and
quiet, everything lying defenceless, unconscious,
in the safe keeping of God.
How soon she woke no one can tell.
She woke and lay quite still, half roused,
half hushed, in that soft languor that
attends a happy waking. She was happy
always in the peace of a heart that was
humble and faithful and pure, but yet had
been used to wake to a consciousness of
little pains and troubles, such as even to
her meekness were sometimes hard to
bear. But on this morning there were
none of these. She lay in a kind of hush
of happiness and ease, not caring to make
any further movement, lingering over the
sweet sensation of that waking. She had
no desire to move nor to break the spell
of the silence and peace. It was still very
early, she supposed, and probably it might
be hours yet before any one came to call
her. It might even be that she should
sleep again. She had no wish to move,
she lay in such luxurious ease and calm.
But by and by, as she came to full possession
of her waking senses, it appeared to
her that there was some change in the
atmosphere, in the scene. There began
to steal into the air about her the soft
dawn as of a summer morning, the lovely
blueness of the first opening of daylight
before the sun. It could not be the light
of the moon which she had seen before
she went to bed; and all was so still that
it could not be the bustling wintry day
which comes at that time of the year late,
to find the world awake before it. This
was different; it was like the summer
dawn, a soft suffusion of light growing
every moment. And by and by it occurred
to her that she was not in the little room
where she had lain down. There were no
dim walls or roof, her little pictures were
all gone, the curtains at her window. The
discovery gave her no uneasiness in that
delightful calm. She lay still to think of
it all, to wonder, yet undisturbed. It half
amused her that these things should be
changed, but did not rouse her yet with
any shock of alteration. The light grew
fuller and fuller round, growing into day,
clearing her eyes from the sweet mist of
the first waking. Then she raised herself
upon her arm. She was not in her room,
she was in no scene she knew. Indeed it
was scarcely a scene at all—nothing but
light, so soft and lovely that it soothed
and caressed her eyes. She thought all
at once of a summer morning when she
was a child, when she had woke in the
deep night which yet was day, early—so
early that the birds were scarcely astir—and
had risen up with a delicious sense
of daring, and of being all alone in the
mystery of the sunrise, in the unawakened
world which lay at her feet to be explored,
as if she were Eve just entering upon
Eden. It was curious how all those
childish sensations, long forgotten, came
back to her as she found herself so unexpectedly
out of her sleep in the open air
and light. In the recollection of that
lovely hour, with a smile at herself, so
different as she now knew herself to be,
she was moved to rise and look a little
more closely about her and see where she
was.
When I call her a little Pilgrim, I do
not mean that she was a child; on the
contrary, she was not even young. She
was little by nature, with as little flesh and
blood as was consistent with mortal life;
and she was one of those who are always
little for love. The tongue found diminutives
for her; the heart kept her in a perpetual
youth. She was so modest and so
gentle that she always came last so long as
there was any one whom she could put before
her. But this little body, and the soul
which was not little, and the heart which
was big and great, had known all the round
of sorrows that fill a woman's life, without
knowing any of its warmer blessings. She
had nursed the sick, she had entertained
the weary, she had consoled the dying.
She had gone about the world, which
had no prize nor recompense for her, with
a smile. Her little presence had been
always bright. She was not clever; you
might have said she had no mind at all;
but so wise and right and tender a heart
that it was as good as genius. This is to
let you know what this little Pilgrim had
been.
She rose up, and it was strange how like
she felt to the child she remembered in
that still summer morning so many years
ago. Her little body, which had been
worn and racked with pain, felt as light
and unconscious of itself as then. She
took her first step forward with the same
sense of pleasure, yet of awe, suppressed
delight and daring and wild adventure, yet
perfect safety. But then the recollection
of the little room in which she had fallen
asleep came quickly, strangely over her,
confusing her mind. "I must be dreaming,
I suppose," she said to herself regretfully;
for it was all so sweet that she
wished it to be true. Her movement
called her attention to herself, and she
found that she was dressed, not in her
night-dress, as she had lain down, but in a
dress she did not know. She paused for
a moment to look at it and wonder. She
had never seen it before; she did not
make out how it was made, or what stuff
it was; but it fell so pleasantly about her,
it was so soft and light, that in her confused
state she abandoned that subject with only
an additional sense of pleasure. And now
the atmosphere became more distinct to
her. She saw that under her feet was a
greenness as of close velvet turf, both cool
and warm, cool and soft to touch, but with
no damp in it, as might have been at that
early hour, and with flowers showing here
and there. She stood looking round her,
not able to identify the landscape because
she was still confused a little, and then
walked softly on, all the time afraid lest
she should awake and lose the sweetness
of it all, and the sense of rest and happiness.
She felt so light, so airy, as if she
could skim across the field like any child.
It was bliss enough to breathe and move
with every organ so free. After more than
fifty years of hard service in the world to
feel like this, even in a dream! She smiled
to herself at her own pleasure; and then
once more, yet more potently, there came
back upon her the appearance of her room
in which she had fallen asleep. How had
she got from there to here? Had she
been carried away in her sleep, or was
it only a dream, and would she by and by
find herself between the four dim walls
again? Then this shadow of recollection
faded away once more, and she moved forward,
walking in a soft rapture over the
delicious turf. Presently she came to a
little mound upon which she paused to
look about her. Every moment she saw
a little farther: blue hills far away, extending
in long sweet distance, an indefinite
landscape, but fair and vast, so that there
could be seen no end to it, not even the
line of the horizon—save at one side, where
there seemed to be a great shadowy gateway,
and something dim beyond. She
turned from the brightness to look at this,
and when she had looked for some time
she saw what pleased her still more, though
she had been so happy before—people coming
in. They were too far off for her to
see clearly, but many came, each apart,
one figure only at a time. To watch them
amused her in the delightful leisure of her
mind. Who were they? she wondered;
but no doubt soon some of them would
come this way, and she would see. Then
suddenly she seemed to hear, as if in
answer to her question, some one say,
"Those who are coming in are the people
who have died on earth." "Died!" she
said to herself aloud, with a wondering
sense of the inappropriateness of the word,
which almost came the length of laughter.
In this sweet air, with such a sense of life
about, to suggest such an idea was almost
ludicrous. She was so occupied with this
that she did not look round to see who the
speaker might be. She thought it over,
amused, but with some new confusion of
the mind. Then she said, "Perhaps I
have died too," with a laugh to herself at
the absurdity of the thought.
"Yes," said the other voice, echoing that
gentle laugh of hers, "you have died
too."
She turned round and saw another standing
by her—a woman, younger and fairer
and more stately than herself, but of so
sweet a countenance that our little Pilgrim
felt no shyness, but recognised a friend at
once. She was more occupied looking at
this new face, and feeling herself at once
so much happier (though she had been so
happy before) in finding a companion who
could tell her what everything was, than
in considering what these words might
mean. But just then once more the recollection
of the four walls, with their little
pictures hanging, and the window with its
curtains drawn, seemed to come round her
for a moment, so that her whole soul was
in a confusion. And as this vision slowly
faded away (though she could not tell
which was the vision, the darkened room
or this lovely light), her attention came
back to the words at which she had laughed,
and at which the other had laughed as she
repeated them. Died?—was it possible
that this could be the meaning of it all.
"Died?" she said, looking with wonder
in her companion's face, which smiled back
to her. "But do you mean—? You
cannot mean—? I have never been so
well. I am so strong. I have no trouble
anywhere. I am full of life."
The other nodded her beautiful head
with a more beautiful smile, and the little
Pilgrim burst out in a great cry of joy,
and said—
"Is this all? Is it over?—is it all over?
Is it possible that this can be all?"
"Were you afraid of it?" the other said.
There was a little agitation for the
moment in her heart. She was so glad,
so relieved and thankful, that it took away
her breath. She could not get over the
wonder of it.
"To think one should look forward to
it so long, and wonder and be even unhappy
trying to divine what it will be—and
this all!"
"Ah, but the angel was very gentle with
you," said the young woman. "You were
so tender and worn that he only smiled
and took you sleeping. There are other
ways; but it is always wonderful to think
it is over, as you say."
The little Pilgrim could do nothing but
talk of it, as one does after a very great
event. "Are you sure, quite sure, it is
so?" she said. "It would be dreadful to
find it only a dream, to go to sleep again,
and wake up—there—" This thought
troubled her for a moment. The vision
of the bedchamber came back, but this
time she felt it was only a vision. "Were
you afraid too?" she said, in a low voice.
"I never thought of it at all," the beautiful
stranger said. "I did not think it
would come to me; but I was very sorry
for the others to whom it came, and grudged
that they should lose the beautiful earth
and life, and all that was so sweet."
"My dear!" cried the Pilgrim, as if she
had never died, "oh, but this is far sweeter!
and the heart is so light, and it is happiness
only to breathe. Is it heaven here?
It must be heaven."
"I do not know if it is heaven. We
have so many things to learn. They cannot
tell you everything at once," said the
beautiful lady. "I have seen some of the
people I was sorry for, and when I told
them, we laughed—as you and I laughed
just now—for pleasure."
"That makes me think," said the little
Pilgrim. "If I have died as you say—which
is so strange and me so living—if
I have died, they will have found it out.
The house will be all dark, and they will
be breaking their hearts. Oh, how could
I forget them in my selfishness, and be
happy! I so lighthearted while they—"
She sat down hastily and covered her
face with her hands and wept. The other
looked at her for a moment, then kissed
her for comfort and cried too. The two
happy creatures sat there weeping together,
thinking of those they had left behind,
with an exquisite grief which was not unhappiness,
which was sweet with love and
pity. "And oh," said the little Pilgrim,
"what can we do to tell them not to grieve?
Cannot you send, cannot you speak—cannot
one go to tell them?"
The heavenly stranger shook her head.
"It is not well, they all say. Sometimes
one has been permitted; but they do not
know you," she said, with a pitiful look in
her sweet eyes. "My mother told me
that her heart was so sick for me, she was
allowed to go; and she went and stood by
me, and spoke to me, and I did not know
her. She came back so sad and sorry that
they took her at once to our Father, and
there, you know, she found that it was all
well. All is well when you are there."
"Ah," said the little Pilgrim, "I have
been thinking of other things—of how
happy I was, and of them, but never of
the Father—just as if I had not died."
The other smiled upon her with a wonderful
smile.
"Do you think He will be offended—our
Father? as if He were one of us?"
she said.
And then the little Pilgrim, in her sudden
grief to have forgotten Him, became conscious
of a new rapture unexplainable in
words. She felt His understanding to
envelop her little spirit with a soft and
clear penetration, and that nothing she did
or said could ever be misconceived more.
"Will you take me to Him?" she said,
trembling yet glad, clasping her hands.
And once again the other shook her head.
"They will take us both when it is time,"
she said. "We do not go at our own will.
But I have seen our Brother—"
"Oh, take me to Him!" the little Pilgrim
cried. "Let me see His face! I
have so many things to say to Him. I
want to ask him—Oh, take me to
where I can see His face!"
And then once again the heavenly lady
smiled.
"I have seen Him," she said. "He is
always about—now here, now there. He
will come and see you perhaps when you
are not thinking—but when He pleases.
We do not think here of what we will—"
The little Pilgrim sat very still, wondering
at all this. She had thought when a
soul left the earth that it went at once to
God, and thought of nothing more except
worship and singing of praises. But this
was different from her thoughts. She sat
and pondered and wondered. She was
baffled at many points. She was not
changed as she expected, but so much like
herself still—still perplexed, and feeling
herself foolish, not understanding, toiling
after a something which she could not
grasp. The only difference was that it
was no trouble to her now. She smiled
at herself, and at her dulness, feeling sure
that by and by she would understand.
"And don't you wonder too?" she said
to her companion, which was a speech such
as she used to make upon the earth where
people thought her little remarks disjointed,
and did not always see the connection of
them. But her friend of heaven knew
what she meant.
"I do nothing but wonder," she said, "for
it is all so natural—not what we thought."
"Is it long since you have been here?"
the Pilgrim said.
"I came before you—but how long or
how short I cannot tell, for that is not how
we count. We count only by what happens
to us. And nothing yet has happened to me,
except that I have seen our Brother. My
mother sees Him always. That means she
has lived here a long time and well—"
"Is it possible to live ill—in heaven?"
The little Pilgrim's eyes grew large as if
they were going to have tears in them,
and a little shadow seemed to come over
her. But the other laughed softly and
restored her confidence.
"I have told you I do not know if it is
heaven or not. No one does ill, but some
do little and some do much, just as it used
to be. Do you remember in Dante there
was a lazy spirit that stayed about the
gates and never got farther? but perhaps
you never read that."
"I was not clever," said the little Pilgrim,
wistfully. "No, I never read it. I wish I
had known more."
Upon which the beautiful lady kissed
her again to give her courage, and said—
"It does not matter at all. It all comes
to you whether you have known it or not."
"Then your mother came here long
ago?" said the Pilgrim. "Ah, then I
shall see my mother too."
"Oh, very soon—as soon as she can
come; but there are so many things to do.
Sometimes we can go and meet those who
are coming, but it is not always so. I
remember that she had a message. She
could not leave her business, you may be
sure, or she would have been here."
"Then you know my mother? Oh, and
my dearest father too?"
"We all know each other," the lady said
with a smile.
"And you? did you come to meet me—only
out of kindness, though I do not know
you?" the little Pilgrim said.
"I am nothing but an idler," said the
beautiful lady, "making acquaintance. I
am of little use as yet. I was very hard
worked before I came here, and they think
ft well that we should sit in the sun and
take a little rest and find things out."
Then the little Pilgrim sat still and
mused, and felt in her heart that she had
found many things out. What she had
heard had been wonderful, and it was
more wonderful still to be sitting here all
alone save for this lady, yet so happy and
at ease. She wanted to sing, she was so
happy, but remembered that she was old
and had lost her voice, and then remembered
again that she was no longer old,
and perhaps had found it again. And
then it occurred to her to remember how
she had learned to sing, and how beautiful
her sister's voice was, and how heavenly
to hear her, which made her remember
that this dear sister would be weeping, not
singing, down where she had come from—and
immediately the tears stood in her
eyes.
"Oh," she said, "I never thought we
should cry when we came here. I thought
there were no tears in heaven."
"Did you think, then, that we were all
turned into stone?" cried the beautiful
lady. "It says, God shall wipe away all
tears from our faces, which is not like saying
there are to be no tears."
Upon which the little Pilgrim, glad that
it was permitted to be sorry, though she
was so happy, allowed herself to think
upon the place she had so lately left.
And she seemed to see her little room
again with all the pictures hanging as she
had left them, and the house darkened,
and the dear faces she knew all sad and
troubled; and to hear them saying over
to each other all the little careless words
she had said as if they were out of the
Scriptures, and crying if any one but mentioned
her name, and putting on crape and
black dresses, and lamenting as if that
which had happened was something very
terrible. She cried at this and yet felt
half inclined to laugh, but would not because
it would be disrespectful to those she
loved. One thing did not occur to her,
and that was that they would be carrying
her body, which she had left behind her,
away to the grave. She did not think of
this because she was not aware of the loss,
and felt far too much herself to think that
there was another part of her being buried
in the ground. From this she was aroused
by her companion asking her a question.
"Have you left many there?" she said.
"No one," said the little Pilgrim, "to
whom I was the first on earth, but they
loved me all the same; and if I could only,
only let them know—"
"But I left one to whom I was the first
on earth," said the other with tears in her
beautiful eyes, "and oh, how glad I should
be to be less happy if he might be less sad!"
"And you cannot go? you cannot go to
him and tell him? Oh, I wish—" cried
the little Pilgrim; but then she paused, for
the wish died all away in her heart into a
tender love for this poor sorrowful man
whom she did not know. This gave her
the sweetest pang she had ever felt, for
she knew that all was well, and yet was so
sorry, and would have willingly given up
her happiness for his. All this the lady
read in her eyes or her heart, and loved
her for it; and they took hands and were
silent together, thinking of those they had
left, as we upon earth think of those who
have gone from us, but only with far more
understanding, and far greater love. "And
have you never been able to do anything
for him?" our Pilgrim said.
Then the beautiful lady's face flushed all
over with the most heavenly warmth and
light. Her smile ran over like the bursting
out of the sun. "Oh, I will tell you,"
she said. "There was a moment when he
was very sad and perplexed, not knowing
what to think. There was something he
could not understand; nor could I understand,
nor did I know what it was until it
was said to me, 'You may go and tell him.'
And I went in the early morning, before
he was awake, and kissed him, and said
it in his ear. He woke up in a moment
and understood, and everything was clear
to him. Afterwards I heard him say, 'It
is true that the night brings counsel. I
had been troubled and distressed all day
long, but in the morning it was quite clear
to me.' And the other answered, 'Your
brain was refreshed, and that made your
judgment clear.' But they never knew it
was I! That was a great delight. The
dear souls! they are so foolish," she cried
with the sweetest laughter that ran into
tears. "One cries because one is so
happy; it is a silly old habit," she said.
"And you were not grieved, it did not
hurt you—that he did not know—"
"Oh, not then; not then! I did not go
to him for that. When you have been
here a little longer you will see the difference.
When you go for yourself, out of
impatience, because it still seems to you
that you must know best, and they don't
know you—then it strikes to your heart;
but when you go to help them—ah," she
cried, "when he comes how much I shall
have to tell him! 'You thought it was sleep
when it was I—when you woke so fresh and
clear it was I that kissed you; you thought
it your duty to me to be sad afterwards and
were angry with yourself because you had
wronged me of the first thoughts of your
waking—when it was all me, all through!'"
"I begin to understand," said the little
Pilgrim; "but why should they not see
us, and why should not we tell them? It
would seem so natural. If they saw us it
would make them so happy, and so sure."
Upon this the lady shook her head.
"The worst of it is not that they are not
sure—it is the parting. If this makes us
sorry here, how can they escape the sorrow
of it even if they saw us?—for we must be
parted. We cannot go back to live with
them, or why should we have died? And
then we must all live our lives—they in
their way, we in ours. We must not
weigh them down, but only help them
when it is seen that there is need for it.
All this we shall know better by and by."
"You make it so clear, and your face is
so bright," said our little Pilgrim gratefully.
"You must have known a great deal, and
understood even when you were in the
world."
"I was as foolish as I could be," said
the other, with her laugh that was as sweet
as music; "yet thought I knew, and they
thought I knew; but all that does not
matter now."
"I think it matters, for look how much
you have shown me; but tell me one
thing more—how was it said to you that
you must go and tell him? Was it some
one who spoke—was it—"
Her face grew so bright that all the past
brightness was as a dull sky to this. It
gave out such a light of happiness that the
little Pilgrim was dazzled.
"I was wandering about," she said, "to
see this new place. My mother had come
back between two errands she had, and had
come to see me and tell me everything;
and I was straying about wondering what
I was to do, when suddenly I saw some one
coming along, as it might be now—"
She paused and looked up, and the little
Pilgrim looked up too with her heart beating,
but there was no one. Then she gave
a little sigh, and turned and listened again.
"I had not been looking for Him, or
thinking. You know my mind is too light.
I am pleased with whatever is before me;
and I was so curious, for my mother had
told me many things: when suddenly I
caught sight of Him passing by. He was
going on, and when I saw this a panic
seized me, lest He should pass and say
nothing. I do not know what I did. I
flung myself upon His robe, and got hold
of it, or at least I think so. I was in such
an agony lest He should pass and never
notice me. But that was my folly. He
pass! As if that could be!"
"And what did He say to you?" cried
the little Pilgrim, her heart almost aching
it beat so high with sympathy and expectation.
The lady looked at her for a little without
saying anything.
"I cannot tell you," she said, "any more
than I can tell if this is heaven. It is a
mystery. When you see Him you will
know. It will be all you have ever hoped
for and more besides, for He understands
everything. He knows what is in our
hearts about those we have left, and why He
sent for us before them. There is no need
to tell Him anything; He knows. He
will come when it is time; and after you
have seen Him you will know what to do."
Then the beautiful lady turned her eyes
towards the gate, and, while the little Pilgrim
was still gazing, disappeared from her, and
went to comfort some other stranger. They
were dear friends always, and met often,
but not again in the same way.
When she was thus left alone again,
the little Pilgrim sat still upon the grassy
mound, quite tranquil and happy, without
wishing to move. There was such a sense
of wellbeing in her that she liked to sit
there and look about her, and breathe the
delightful air, like the air of a summer
morning, without wishing for anything.
"How idle I am!" she said to herself,
in the very words she had often used
before she died; but then she was idle
from weakness, and now from happiness.
She wanted for nothing. To be alive was
so sweet. There was a great deal to think
about in what she had heard, but she did
not even think about that, only resigned
herself to the delight of sitting there in the
sweet air and being happy. Many people
were coming and going, and they all knew
her, and smiled upon her, and those who
were at a distance would wave their hands.
This did not surprise her at all, for though
she was a stranger, she, too, felt that she
knew them all; but that they should be
so kind was a delight to her which words
could not tell. She sat and mused very
sweetly about all that had been told her,
and wondered whether she, too, might go
sometimes, and, with a kiss and a whisper,
clear up something that was dark in the
mind of some one who loved her. "I that
never was clever!" she said to herself, with a
smile. And chiefly she thought of a friend
whom she loved, who was often in great
perplexity, and did not know how to guide
herself amid the difficulties of the world.
The little Pilgrim half laughed with
delight, and then half cried with longing
to go, as the beautiful lady had done, and
make something clear that had been dark
before to this friend. As she was thinking
what a pleasure it would be, some one
came up to her, crossing over the flowery
greenness, leaving the path on purpose.
This was a being younger than the lady
who had spoken to her before, with flowing
hair all crisped with touches of sunshine,
and a dress all white and soft, like
the feathers of a white dove. There was
something in her face different from that
of the other, by which the little Pilgrim
knew somehow, without knowing how,
that she had come here as a child, and
grown up in this celestial place. She was
tall and fair, and came along with so
musical a motion, as if her foot scarcely
touched the ground, that she might have
had wings. And the little Pilgrim indeed
was not sure as she watched, whether it
might not perhaps be an angel, for she
knew that there were angels among the
blessed people who were coming and going
about, but had not been able yet to find
one out. She knew that this new-comer
was coming to her, and turned towards
her with a smile and a throb at her heart
of expectation. But when the heavenly
maiden drew nearer, her face, though it
was so fair, looked to the Pilgrim like
another face, which she had known very
well—indeed, like the homely and troubled
face of the friend of whom she had been
thinking. And so she smiled all the more,
and held out her hands and said—"I am
sure I know you," upon which the other
kissed her, and said, "We all know each
other; but I have seen you often before
you came here," and knelt down by her,
among the flowers that were growing, just
in front of some tall lilies that grew over
her, and made a lovely canopy over her
head. There was something in her face
that was like a child—her mouth so soft
as if it had never spoken anything but
heavenly words, her eyes brown and golden
as if they were filled with light. She took
the little Pilgrim's hands in hers, and held
them and smoothed them between her own.
These hands had been very thin and worn
before, but now, when the Pilgrim looked
at them, she saw that they became softer
and whiter every moment with the touch
of this immortal youth.
"I knew you were coming," said the
maiden. "When my mother has wanted
me I have seen you there. And you were
thinking of her now—that was how I found
you."
"Do you know, then, what one thinks?"
said the little Pilgrim with wondering eyes.
"It is in the air; and when it concerns
us it comes to us like the breeze. But
we who are the children here, we feel it
more quickly than you."
"Are you a child?" said the little Pilgrim,
"or are you an angel? Sometimes
you are like a child; but then your face
shines and you are like—you must have
some name for it here; there is nothing
among the words I know." And then she
paused a little, still looking at her, and
cried, "Oh, if she could but see you, little
Margaret! That would do her most good
of all."
Then the maiden Margaret shook her
lovely head. "What does her most good
is the will of the Father," she said.
At this the little Pilgrim felt once more
that thrill of expectation and awe. "Oh,
child, you have seen Him?" she cried.
And the other smiled. "Have you forgotten
who they are that always behold
His face? We have never had any fear
or trembling. We are not angels, and there
is no other name; we are the children.
There is something given to us beyond
the others. We have had no other home."
"Oh, tell me, tell me!" the little Pilgrim
cried.
Upon this Margaret kissed her, putting
her soft cheek against hers, and said, "It
is a mystery; it cannot be put into words;
in your time you will know."
"When you touch me you change me,
and I grow like you," the Pilgrim said.
"Ah, if she could see us together, you and
me! And will you go to her soon again?
And do you see them always—what they
are doing? and take care of them?"
"It is our Father who takes care of
them, and our Lord who is our Brother.
I do His errands when I am able. Sometimes
He will let me go, sometimes another,
according as it is best. Who am I that I
should take care of them? I serve them
when I may."
"But you do not forget them?" the
Pilgrim said, with wistful eyes.
"We love them always," said Margaret.
She was more still than the lady who had
first spoken with the Pilgrim. Her countenance
was full of a heavenly calm. It had
never known passion nor anguish. Sometimes
there was in it a far-seeing look of
vision, sometimes the simplicity of a child.
"But what are we in comparison? For
He loves them more than we do. When
He keeps us from them it is for love. We
must each live our own life."
"But it is hard for them sometimes,"
said the little Pilgrim, who could not withdraw
her thoughts from those she had left.
"They are never forsaken," said the
angel-maiden.
"But oh! there are worse things than
sorrow," the little Pilgrim said; "there is
wrong, there is evil, Margaret. Will not
He send you to step in before them, to
save them from wrong?"
"It is not for us to judge," said the
young Margaret, with eyes full of heavenly
wisdom. "Our Brother has it all in His
hand. We do not read their hearts like
Him. Sometimes you are permitted to
see the battle."
The little Pilgrim covered her eyes with
her hands. "I could not—I could not!
unless I knew they were to win the day."
"They will win the day in the end.
But sometimes, when it was being lost, I
have seen in His face a something—I cannot
tell—more love than before. Something
that seemed to say, 'My child, my
child, would that I could do it for thee, my
child!'"
"Oh! that is what I have always felt,"
cried the Pilgrim, clasping her hands; her
eyes were dim, her heart for a moment
almost forgot its blessedness. "But He
could—Oh, little Margaret! He could!
You have forgotten—Lord, if Thou wilt
Thou canst—"
The child of heaven looked at her
mutely, with sweet grave eyes, in which
there was much that confused her who
was a stranger here; and once more softly
shook her head.
"Is it that He will not, then?" said the
other with a low voice of awe. "Our Lord
who died—He—"
"Listen," said the other, "I hear His
step on the way."
The little Pilgrim rose up from the
mound on which she was sitting. Her
soul was confused with wonder and fear.
She had thought that an angel might step
between a soul on earth and sin, and that
if one but prayed and prayed, the dear
Lord would stand between and deliver the
tempted. She had meant when she saw
His face to ask Him to save Was not
He born, did not He live, and die to save?
The angel-maiden looked at her all the
while, with eyes that understood all her
perplexity and her doubt, but spoke not.
Thus it was that before the Lord came
to her the sweetness of her first blessedness
was obscured, and she found that
here, too, even here, though in a moment
she should see Him, there was need for
faith. Young Margaret, who had been
kneeling by her, rose up too and stood
among the lilies, waiting, her soft countenance
shining, her eyes turned towards
Him who was coming. Upon her there
was no cloud nor doubt. She was one of
the children of that land familiar with His
presence. And in the air there was a
sound such as those who hear it alone can
describe—a sound as of help coming and
safety, like the sound of a deliverer when
one is in deadly danger, like the sound of
a conqueror, like the step of the dearest-beloved
coming home. As it came nearer
the fear melted away out of the beating
heart of the Pilgrim. Who could fear so
near Him? her breath went away from
her, her heart out of her bosom, to meet
His coming. Oh, never fear could live
where He was! Her soul was all confused,
but it was with hope and joy. She
held out her hands in that amaze, and
dropped upon her knees, not knowing
what she did.
He was going about His Father's business,
not lingering, yet neither making
haste; and the calm and peace which the
little Pilgrim had seen in the faces of the
blessed were but reflections from the
majestic gentleness of the countenance to
which, all quivering with happiness and
wonder, she lifted up her eyes. Many
things there had been in her mind to say
to Him. She wanted to ask for those she
loved some things which perhaps He had
overlooked. She wanted to say, "Send
me." It seemed to her that here was the
occasion she had longed for all her life.
Oh, how many times had she wished to be
able to go to Him, to fall at His feet, to
show Him something which had been left
undone, something which perhaps for her
asking He would remember to do. But
when this dream of her life was fulfilled,
and the little Pilgrim kneeling, and all
shaken and trembling with devotion and
joy, was at His feet, lifting her face to
Him, seeing Him, hearing Him—then she
said nothing to Him at all. She no longer
wanted to say anything, or wanted anything
except what He chose, or had power
to think of anything except that all was
well, and everything—everything, as it
should be in His hand. It seemed to her
that all that she had ever hoped for was
fulfilled when she met the look in His eyes.
At first it seemed too bright for her to
meet, but next moment she knew it was
all that was needed to light up the world,
and in it everything was clear. Her
trembling ceased, her little frame grew
inspired; though she still knelt, her head
rose erect, drawn to Him like the flower
to the sun. She could not tell how long
it was, nor what was said, nor if it was in
words. All that she knew was that she
told Him all that ever she had thought, or
wished, or intended in all her life, although
she said nothing at all; and that He opened
all things to her, and showed her that
everything was well, and no one forgotten;
and that the things she would have told
Him of were more near His heart than
hers, and those to whom she wanted to be
sent were in His own hand. But whether
this passed with words or without words
she could not tell. Her soul expanded
under His eyes like a flower. It opened
out, it comprehended, and felt, and knew.
She smote her hands together in her
wonder that she could have missed seeing
what was so clear, and laughed with a
sweet scorn at her folly, as two people who
love each other laugh at the little misunderstanding
that has parted them. She was
bold with Him, though she was so timid
by nature, and ventured to laugh at herself,
not to reproach herself—for His divine
eyes spoke no blame, but smiled upon her
folly too. And then He laid a hand upon
her head, which seemed to fill her with
currents of strength and joy running
through all her veins. And then she
seemed to come to herself saying loud out,
"And that I will! and that I will!" and
lo, she was kneeling on the warm soft sod
alone, and hearing the sound of His footsteps
as He went about His Father's
business, filling all the air with echoes of
blessing. And all the people who were
coming and going smiled upon her, and
she knew they were all glad for her that
she had seen Him, and got the desire of
her heart. Some of them waved their
hands as they passed, and some paused a
moment and spoke to her with tender congratulations.
They seemed to have the
tears in their eyes for joy, remembering
every one the first time they had themselves
seen Him, and the joy of it; so
that all about there sounded a concord of
happy thoughts all echoing to each other,
"She has seen the Lord!"
Why did she say, "And that I will! and
that I will!" with such fervour and delight?
She could not have told but yet she knew.
The first thing was that she had yet to
wait and believe until all things should be
accomplished, neither doubting nor fearing,
but knowing that all should be well; and
the second was that she must delay no
longer, but rise up and serve the Father
according to what was given her as her
reward. When she had recovered a little
of her rapture she rose from her knees, and
stood still for a moment to be sure which
way she was to go. And she was not
aware what guided her, but yet turned her
face in the appointed way without any
doubt. For doubt was now gone away
for ever, and that fear that once gave her
so much trouble lest she might not be
doing what was best. As she moved
along she wondered at herself more and
more. She felt no longer, as at first, like
the child she remembered to have been,
venturing out in the awful lovely stillness
of the morning before any one was awake;
but she felt that to move along was a
delight, and that her foot scarcely touched
the grass, and her whole being was instinct
with such lightness of strength and life
that it did not matter to her how far she
went, nor what she carried, nor if the way
was easy or hard. The way she chose
was one of those which led to the great
gate, and many met her coming from
thence, with looks that were somewhat
bewildered, as if they did not yet know
whither they were going or what had
happened to them. Upon whom she
smiled as she passed them with soft looks
of tenderness and sympathy, knowing what
they were feeling, but did not stop to explain
to them, because she had something
else that had been given her to do. For
this is what always follows in that country
when you meet the Lord, that you instantly
know what it is that He would have you
do.
The little Pilgrim thus went on and on
towards the gate, which she had not seen
when she herself came through it, having
been lifted in His arms by the great Death
Angel, and set down softly inside, so that
she did not know it, or even the shadow
of it. As she drew nearer the light became
less bright, though very sweet, like a lovely
dawn, and she wondered to herself to think
that she had been here but a moment ago,
and yet so much had passed since then.
And still she was not aware what was her
errand, but wondered if she was to go back
by these same gates, and perhaps return
where she had been. She went up to
them very closely, for she was curious to
see the place through which she had come
in her sleep, as a traveller goes back to see
the city gate, with its bridge and portcullis,
through which he has passed by night.
The gate was very great, of a wonderful,
curious architecture, and strange, delicate
arches and canopies above. Some parts
of them seemed cut very clean and clear;
but the outlines were all softened with a
sort of mist and shadow, so that it looked
greater and higher than it was. The lower
part was not one great doorway as the
Pilgrim had supposed, but innumerable
doors, all separate, and very narrow, so
that but one could pass at a time, though
the arch enclosed all, and seemed filled
with great folding gates in which the
smaller doors were set, so that if need
arose a vast opening might be made for
many to enter. Of the little doors many
were shut as the Pilgrim approached; but
from moment to moment, one after another
would be pushed softly open from without,
and some one would come in. The little
Pilgrim looked at it all with great interest,
wondering which of the doors she had herself
come by; but while she stood absorbed
by this, a door was suddenly pushed open
close by her, and some one flung forward
into the blessed country, falling upon the
ground, and stretched out wild arms as
though to clutch the very soil. This sight
gave the Pilgrim a great surprise, for it
was the first time she had heard any sound
of pain, or seen any sight of trouble, since
she entered here. In that moment she
knew what it was that the dear Lord had
given her to do. She had no need to
pause to think, for her heart told her; and
she did not hesitate as she might have
done in the other life, not knowing what
to say. She went forward, and gathered
this poor creature into her arms, as if it
had been a child, and drew her quite within
the land of peace—for she had fallen
across the threshold, so as to hinder any
one entering who might be coming after
her. It was a woman, and she had flung
herself upon her face, so that it was difficult
for the little Pilgrim to see what
manner of person it was, for though she
felt herself strong enough to take up this
new-comer in her arms and carry her away,
yet she forbore, seeing the will of the
stranger was not so. For some time the
woman lay moaning, with now and then a
great sob shaking her as she lay. The
little Pilgrim had taken her by both her
arms, and drawn her head to rest upon her
own lap, and was still holding the hands,
which the poor creature had thrown out as
if to clutch the ground. Thus she lay for
a little while, as the little Pilgrim remembered
she herself had lain, not wishing to
move, wondering what had happened to
her; and then she clutched the hands
which grasped her, and said, muttering—
"You are some one new. Have you
come to save me? Oh, save me! Oh,
save me! Don't let me die!"
This was very strange to the little
Pilgrim, and went to her heart. She
soothed the stranger, holding her hands
warm and light, and stooping over her.
"Dear," she said, "you must try and
not be afraid."
"You say so," said the woman, "because
you are well and strong. You don't know
what it is to be seized in the middle of
your life, and told that you've got to die.
Oh, I have been a sinful creature! I am
not fit to die. Can't you give me something
that will cure me? What is the
good of doctors and nurses if they cannot
save a poor soul that is not fit to die?"
At this the little Pilgrim smiled upon
her, always holding her fast, and said—
"Why are you so afraid to die?"
The woman raised her head to look who
it was who put such a strange question to
her.
"You are some one new," she said. "I
have never seen you before. Is there anyone
that is not afraid to die? Would you
like to have to give your account all in a
moment, without any time to prepare?"
"But you have had time to prepare,"
said the Pilgrim.
"Oh, only a very very little time; and
I never thought it was true. I am not an
old woman, and I am not fit to die; and
I'm poor. Oh, if I were rich, I would
bribe you to give me something to keep
me alive. Won't you do it for pity?—won't
you do it for pity? When you are
as bad as I am, oh, you will perhaps call
for some one to help you, and find nobody,
like me."
"I will help you for love," said the little
Pilgrim. "Some one who loves you has
sent me."
The woman lifted herself up a little and
shook her head. "There is nobody that
loves me." Then she cast her eyes round
her and began to tremble again (for the
touch of the little Pilgrim had stilled her).
"Oh, where am I?" she said. "They
have taken me away; they have brought
me to a strange place; and you are new.
Oh, where have they taken me?—where
am I?—where am I?" she cried. "Have
they brought me here to die?"
Then the little Pilgrim bent over her
and soothed her. "You must not be so
much afraid of dying; that is all over.
You need not fear that any more," she
said, softly; "for here where you now are
we have all died."
The woman started up out of her arms,
and then she gave a great shriek that
made the air ring, and cried out, "Dead!
am I dead?" with a shudder and convulsion,
throwing herself again wildly with
outstretched hands upon the ground.
This was a great and terrible work for
the little Pilgrim—the first she had ever
had to do—and her heart failed her for a
moment; but afterwards she remembered
our Brother who sent her, and knew what
was best. She drew closer to the new-comer
and took her hand again.
"Try," she said, in a soft voice, "and
think a little. Do you feel now so ill as
you were? Do not be frightened, but
think a little. I will hold your hand; and
look at me; you are not afraid of me."
The poor creature shuddered again, and
then she turned her face and looked doubtfully
with great dark eyes dilated, and the
brow and cheek so curved and puckered
round them that they seemed to glow out
of deep caverns. Her face was full of
anguish and fear. But as she looked at
the little Pilgrim her troubled gaze softened.
Of her own accord she clasped her
other hand upon the one that held hers,
and then she said with a gasp—
"I am not afraid of you; that was not
true that you said? You are one of the
sisters, and you want to frighten me and
make me repent?"
"You do repent," the Pilgrim said.
"Oh," cried the poor woman, "what has
the like of you to do with me? Now I
look at you I never saw any one that was
like you before. Don't you hate me?—don't
you loathe me? I do myself. It's
so ugly to go wrong. I think now I
would almost rather die and be done with
it. You will say that is because I am going
to get better. I feel a great deal
better now. Do you think I am going to
get over it? Oh, I am better! I could
get up out of bed and walk about. Yes,
but I am not in bed; where have you
brought me? Never mind, it is a fine
air; I shall soon get well here."
The Pilgrim was silent for a little, holding
her hands. And then she said—
"Tell me how you feel now," in her
soft voice.
The woman had sat up and was gazing
round her. "It is very strange," she said;
"it is all confused. I think upon my
mother and the old prayers I used to say.
For a long, long time I always said my
prayers; but now I've got hardened, they
say. Oh, I was once as fresh as any one.
It all comes over me now. I feel as if I
were young again—just come out of the
country. I am sure that I could walk."
The little Pilgrim raised her up, holding
her by her hands; and she stood and
gazed round about her, making one or
two doubtful steps. She was very pale,
and the light was dim; her eyes peered
into it with a scared yet eager look.
She made another step, then stopped
again.
"I am quite well," she said. "I could
walk a mile. I could walk any distance.
What was that you said? Oh, I tell you
I am better! I am not going to die."
"You will never, never die," said the
little Pilgrim; "are you not glad it is all
over? Oh, I was so glad! And all the
more you should be glad if you were so
much afraid."
But this woman was not glad. She
shrank away from her companion, then
came close to her again, and gripped her
with her hands.
"It is your fun," she said, "or just to
frighten me; perhaps you think it will do
me no harm as I am getting so well—you
want to frighten me to make me good.
But I mean to be good without that—I
do! I do! When one is so near dying as
I have been and yet gets better—for I
am going to get better? Yes! you know
it as well as I."
The little Pilgrim made no reply, but
stood by looking at her charge, not feeling
that anything was given her to say; and
she was so new to this work that there
was a little trembling in her lest she should
not do everything as she ought. And the
woman looked round with those anxious
eyes gazing all about. The light did not
brighten as it had done when the Pilgrim
herself first came to this place. For one
thing they had remained quite close to the
gate, which no doubt threw a shadow.
The woman looked at that, and then
turned and looked into the dim morning,
and did not know where she was, and her
heart was confused and troubled.
"Where are we?" she said. "I do not
know where it is; they must have brought
me here in my sleep—where are we?
How strange to bring a sick woman away
out of her room in her sleep! I suppose
it was the new doctor," she went on, looking
very closely in the little Pilgrim's face,
then paused, and, drawing a long breath,
said softly, "It has done me good. It is
better air—it is a new kind of cure."
But though she spoke like this, she did
not convince herself; her eyes were wild
with wondering and fear. She gripped the
Pilgrim's arm more and more closely, and
trembled, leaning upon her.
"Why don't you speak to me?" she
said; "why don't you tell me? Oh, I
don't know how to live in this place!
What do you do?—how do you speak?
I am not fit for it. And what are you? I
never saw you before nor any one like you.
What do you want with me? Why are
you so kind to me? Why—why—?"
And here she went off into a murmur of
questions. Why? why? always holding
fast by the little Pilgrim, always gazing
round her, groping as it were in the dimness
with her great eyes.
"I have come because our dear Lord,
who is our Brother, sent me to meet you,
and because I love you," the little Pilgrim
said.
"Love me!" the woman cried, throwing
up her hands, "but no one loves me. I
have not deserved it." Here she grasped
her close again with a sudden clutch, and
cried out, "If this is what you say, where
is God?"
"Are you afraid of Him?" the little
Pilgrim said.
Upon which the woman trembled so
that the Pilgrim trembled too with the
quivering of her frame; then loosed her
hold and fell upon her face, and cried—
"Hide me! Hide me! I have been a
great sinner. Hide me that He may not
see me," and with one hand tried to draw
the Pilgrim's dress as a veil between her
and something she feared.
"How should I hide you from Him who
is everywhere? and why should I hide
you from your Father?" the little Pilgrim
said. This she said almost with indignation,
wondering that any one could put
more trust in her, who was no better than
a child, than in the Father of all. But
then she said, "Look in your heart and
you will see you are not so much afraid as
you think. This is how you have been
accustomed to frighten yourself. But look
now into your heart. You thought you
were very ill at first, but not now; and
you think you are afraid, but look in your
heart—"
There was a silence, and then the
woman raised her head with a wonderful
look, in which there was amazement and
doubt, as if she had heard some joyful
thing but dared not yet believe that it was
true. Once more she hid her face in her
hands, and once more raised it again. Her
eyes softened; a long sigh or gasp, like one
taking breath after drowning, shook her
breast. Then she said, "I think that is
true. But if I am not afraid it is because
I am—bad. It is because I am hardened.
Oh, should not I fear Him who can send
me away into—the lake that burns—into
the pit—" And here she gave a great
cry, but held the little Pilgrim all the while
with her eyes, which seem to plead and
ask for better news.
Then there came into the Pilgrim's heart
what to say, and she took the woman's
hand again and held it between her own.
"That is the change," she said, "that
comes when we come here. We are not
afraid any more of our Father. We are
not all happy. Perhaps you will not be
happy at first. But if he says to you go—even
to that place you speak of—you will
know that it is well, and you will not be
afraid. You are not afraid now—oh, I can
see it in your eyes. You are not happy,
but you are not afraid. You know it is
the Father. Do not say God, that is far
off—Father!" said the little Pilgrim, holding
up the woman's hand clasped in her
own. And there came into her soul an
ecstasy, and tears that were tears of blessedness
fell from her eyes, and all about
her there seemed to shine a light. When
she came to herself, the woman who was
her charge had come quite close to her,
and had added her other hand to that the
Pilgrim held, and was weeping, and saying,
"I am not afraid," with now and then a
gasp and sob, like a child who, after a
passion of tears, has been consoled, yet
goes on sobbing and cannot quite forget,
and is afraid to own that all is well again.
Then the Pilgrim kissed her, and bade
her rest a little, for even she herself felt
shaken, and longed for a little quiet and
to feel the true sense of the peace that was
in her heart. She sat down beside her
upon the ground, and made her lean her
head against her shoulder, and thus they
remained very still for a little time, saying
no more. It seemed to the little Pilgrim
that her companion had fallen asleep, and
perhaps it was so, after so much agitation.
All this time there had been people passing,
entering by the many doors. And
most of them paused a little to see where
they were, and looked round them, then
went on; and it seemed to the little Pilgrim
that, according to the doors by which they
entered, each took a different way. While
she watched, another came in by the same
door as that at which the woman who was
her charge had come in. And he too
stumbled and looked about him with an
air of great wonder and doubt. When he
saw her seated on the ground, he came up
to her, hesitating as one in a strange place
who does not want to betray that he is
bewildered and has lost his way. He came
with a little pretence of smiling, though
his countenance was pale and scared, and
said, drawing his breath quick, "I ought
to know where I am, but I have lost my
head, I think. Will you tell me which is
the way?"
"What way?" cried the little Pilgrim, for
her strength was gone from her, and she
had no word to say to him. He looked
at her with that bewilderment on his face,
and said, "I find myself strange, strange.
I ought to know where I am; but it is
scarcely daylight yet. It is perhaps foolish
to come out so early in the morning."
This he said in his confusion, not knowing
where he was, nor what he said.
"I think all the ways lead to our Father,"
said the little Pilgrim (though she had not
known this till now). "And the dear Lord
walks about them all. Here you never go
astray."
Upon this the stranger looked at her,
and asked in a faltering voice, "Are you
an angel?" still not knowing what he said.
"Oh, no, no. I am only a Pilgrim," she
replied.
"May I sit by you a little?" said the
man. He sat down drawing long breaths as
though he had gone through great fatigue;
and looked about with wondering eyes.
"You will wonder, but I do not know
where I am," he said. "I feel as if I
must be dreaming. This is not where I
expected to come. I looked for something
very different; do you think there
can have been any mistake?"
"Oh, never that," she said; "there are
no mistakes here."
Then he looked at her again, and said—
"I perceive that you belong to this
country, though you say you are a pilgrim.
I should be grateful if you would tell me
Does one live here? And is this all?
Is there no—no—? but I don't know what
word to use. All is so strange, different
from what I expected."
"Do you know that you have died?"
"Yes, yes, I am quite acquainted with
that," he said, hurriedly, as if it had been
an idea he disliked to dwell upon. "But
then I expected—Is there no one to tell
you where to go, or what you are to be—? or
to take any notice of you?"
The little Pilgrim was startled by this
tone. She did not understand its meaning,
and she had not any word to say to
him. She looked at him with as much
bewilderment as he had shown when he
approached her, and replied, faltering—
"There are a great many people here;
but I have never heard if there is any one
to tell you—"
"What does it matter how many people
there are if you know none of them?" he
said.
"We all know each other," she answered
him; but then paused and hesitated a little,
because this was what had been said to her,
and of herself she was not assured of it,
neither did she know at all how to deal
with this stranger, to whom she had not
any commission. It seemed that he had
no one to care for him, and the little Pilgrim
had a sense of compassion, yet of trouble,
in her heart—for what could she say?
And it was very strange to her to see one
who was not content here.
"Ah, but there should be some one to
point out the way, and tell us which is our
circle, and where we ought to go," he said.
And then he too was silent for a while,
looking about him, as all were fain to do
on their first arrival, finding everything so
strange. There were people coming in at
every moment, and some were met at the
very threshold, and some went away alone,
with peaceful faces; and there were many
groups about, talking together in soft
voices, but no one interrupted the other;
and though so many were there, each voice
was as clear as if it had spoken alone, and
there was no tumult of sound as when
many people assemble together in the
lower world.
The little Pilgrim wondered to find herself
with the woman resting upon her on
one side, and the man seated silent on the
other, neither having, it appeared, any
guide but only herself who knew so little.
How was she to lead them in the paths
which she did not know?—and she was
exhausted by the agitation of her struggle
with the woman whom she felt to be her
charge. But in this moment of silence
she had time to remember the face of the
Lord, when He gave her this commission,
and her heart was strengthened. The
man all this time sat and watched, looking
eagerly all about him, examining the faces of
those who went and came: and sometimes
he made a little start as if to go and speak
to some one he knew; but always drew back
again and looked at the little Pilgrim, as if
he had said, "This is the one who will serve
me best." He spoke to her again after a
while and said, "I suppose you are one
of the guides that show the way."
"No," said the little Pilgrim, anxiously,
"I know so little! It is not long since I
came here. I came in the early morning—"
"Why, it is morning now. You could
not come earlier than it is now. You
mean yesterday."
"I think," said the Pilgrim, "that yesterday
is the other side; there is no yesterday
here."
He looked at her with the keen look he
had, to understand her the better; and
then he said—
"No division of time! I think that
must be monotonous. It will be strange
to have no night; but I suppose one gets
used to everything. I hope though there
is something to do. I have always lived
a very busy life. Perhaps this is just a
little pause before we go—to be—to have—to
get our—appointed place."
He had an uneasy look as he said this,
and looked at her with an anxious curiosity,
which the little Pilgrim did not understand.
"I do not know," she said softly, shaking
her head. "I have so little experience.
I have not been told of an appointed
place."
The man looked at her very strangely.
"I did not think," he said, "that I should
have found such ignorance here. Is it not
well known that we must all appear before
the judgment seat of God?"
These words seemed to cause a trembling
in the still air, and the woman on the
other side raised herself suddenly up, clasping
her hands: and some of those who had
just entered heard the words, and came
and crowded about the little Pilgrim, some
standing, some falling down upon their
knees, all with their faces turned towards
her. She who had always been so simple
and small, so little used to teach; she was
frightened with the sight of all these
strangers crowding, hanging upon her lips,
looking to her for knowledge. She knew
not what to do or what to say. The tears
came into her eyes.
"Oh," she said, "I do not know anything
about a judgment seat. I know
that our Father is here, and that when we
are in trouble we are taken to Him to be
comforted, and that our dear Lord our
Brother is among us every day, and every
one may see Him. Listen," she said,
standing up suddenly among them, feeling
strong as an angel. "I have seen Him;
though I am nothing, so little as you see,
and often silly, never clever as some of
you are, I have seen Him! and so will all
of you. There is no more that I know
of," she said softly, clasping her hands.
"When you see Him it comes into your
heart what you must do."
And then there was a murmur of voices
about her, some saying that was best, and
some wondering if that were all, and some
crying if He would but come now—while
the little Pilgrim stood among them with
her face shining, and they all looked at
her, asking her to tell them more, to show
them how to find Him. But this was far
above what she could do, for she too was
not much more than a stranger, and had
little strength. She would not go back a
step, nor desert those who were so anxious
to know, though her heart fluttered almost
as it had used to do before she died, what
with her longing to tell them, and knowing
that she had no more to say.
But in that land it is never permitted
that one who stands bravely and fails not
shall be left without succour; for it is no
longer needful there to stand even to death,
since all dying is over, and all souls are
tested. When it was seen that the little
Pilgrim was thus surrounded by so many
that questioned her, there suddenly came
about her many others from the brightness
out of which she had come, who, one going
to one hand, and one to another, safely
led them into the ways in which their
course lay: so that the Pilgrim was free to
lead forth the woman who had been given
her in charge, and whose path lay in a
dim, but pleasant country, outside of that
light and gladness in which the Pilgrim's
home was.
"But," she said, "you are not to fear or
be cast down, because He goes likewise
by these ways, and there is not a corner
in all this land but He is to be seen passing
by; and He will come and speak to you,
and lay His hand upon you; and afterwards
everything will be clear, and you
will know what you are to do."
"Stay with me till He comes—oh, stay
with me," the woman cried, clinging to her
arm.
"Unless another is sent," the little Pilgrim
said. And it was nothing to her that
the air was less bright there, for her mind
was full of light, so that, though her heart
still fluttered a little with all that had
passed, she had no longing to return, nor
to shorten the way, but went by the lower
road sweetly, with the stranger hanging
upon her, who was stronger and taller than
she. Thus they went on, and the Pilgrim
told her all she knew, and everything that
came into her heart. And so full was she
of the great things she had to say, that it
was a surprise to her, and left her trembling,
when suddenly the woman took away her
clinging hand, and flew forward with arms
outspread and a cry of joy. The little
Pilgrim stood still to see, and on the path
before them was a child, coming towards
them singing, with a look such as is never
seen but upon the faces of children who
have come here early, and who behold the
face of the Father, and have never known
fear nor sorrow. The woman flew and
fell at the child's feet, and he put his hand
upon her, and raised her up, and called her
"mother." Then he smiled upon the little
Pilgrim, and led her away.
"Now she needs me no longer," said
the Pilgrim; and it was a surprise to her,
and for a moment she wondered in herself
if it was known that this child should come
so suddenly and her work be over; and
also how she was to return again to the
sweet place among the flowers from which
she had come. But when she turned to
look if there was any way, she found One
standing by such as she had not yet seen.
This was a youth, with a face just touched
with manhood, as at the moment when the
boy ends, when all is still fresh and pure
in the heart; but he was taller and greater
than a man.
"I am sent," he said, "little sister, to
take you to the Father: because you have
been very faithful, and gone beyond your
strength."
And he took the little Pilgrim by the
hand, and she knew he was an angel; and
immediately the sweet air melted about
them into light, and a hush came upon her
of all thought and all sense, attending till
she should receive the blessing, and her
new name, and see what is beyond telling,
and hear and understand:—