At the back of the great Shane house there clustered a little group of
buildings arranged in plantation style. There were a laundry, a kennel,
an office and a stable with a double row of box-stalls. The whole was
overgrown with dying vines and was connected with the big white-trimmed
brick house by a sort of gallery, roofed but open on the sides. The
buildings were empty now, since the old woman had taken to her canopied
bed, save for the pair of fat old horses who never went out any more and
now stood fat and sleek, groomed carefully each day by the old negro who
acted as groom and general factotum. One daughter had given up her life
to the poor and the other to the great world and no one cared any longer
if the hinges rusted on the stable doors and the great wrought-iron
gates sagged at the entrance to the park. Ghosts haunted the place—the
ghost of the wicked old John Shane who had built the Castle, the ghosts
of all the great who had stayed at the Castle in the glamorous days
before the coming of the black Mills. Old Julia Shane lay dying, aloof,
proud, rich and scornful. Nobody cared....
When the strike came the whole park fell into a state of siege, walled
in on the one side by the Mills and on the other by the filthy houses of
the steelworkers. The warfare raged just outside its borders. Sometimes
in the night a shot sounded in the darkness. But neither side invaded
the territory: it remained in some mysterious way neutral and sacred, as
if the lingering spirit of the old woman who lay dying in the
smoke-blackened house held the world at bay. The doctor came twice
daily, making his way bravely through the black district of the strike;
once each day, the old nigger Hennery went timorously across the
Halstead Street bridge to fetch food. Irene Shane and sometimes Hattie
Tolliver, a cousin who came to “take hold,” went in and out. Otherwise
the place lay deserted and in solitude, waiting.
Early in December, when the first blackened snow lay among the dead
trees of the park, Irene Shane and Mary Conyngham visited the stables.
It was the first time Irene had gone there since she was a young girl
and kept a pony called Istar. To Mary Conyngham it was a strange place
never before visited. They were accompanied by the old nigger Hennery.
Above the stalls of the fat horses there was a room once occupied by a
coachman, which now lay empty save for a table, two or three chairs, an
iron stove and a bed. At each end of the room there was a big window
partly covered by the vines that overran the whole building. It was here
that the two women and the old negro came.
Irene, dressed in her shabby gray clothes, opened the door of the
harness-closet, looked inside, and then regarded the room with a
sweeping glance. “This ought to serve, very well,” she said.
Mary was pleased. “It’s perfect, I should think.”
“Put those newspapers in the stove, Hennery, and light them,” said
Irene. “He can’t work here unless there’s some means of heat.”
The papers went up in a burst of flame. The stove worked perfectly.
The two women looked at each other. “Will you tell him, then?” asked
Mary.
“Yes ... Krylenko will tell him. I don’t know him at all.”
Suddenly Mary kissed the older woman on the cheek. It was an odd,
grotesque gesture, which failed of all response. It was like kissing a
piece of marble to kiss a woman like Irene Shane.
“Thank you, Irene,” she said.
Irene ignored the speech, and turned to the old negro. “Clean the room
out, Hennery. There’s a Mr. Downes coming here to paint now and then.”
“What? Pitchers?” asked Hennery.
“Yes, pictures. He’s to come and go as he likes. You needn’t worry about
him.”
They left him raising clouds of dust with a worn stable-broom. It did
not strike him that there was anything extraordinary in the arrangement.
He had come to Shane’s Castle a buck nigger of eighteen, when John Shane
was a bachelor. He was sixty-five now. Anything, he knew, might happen
at Shane’s Castle. Life there possessed a sort of subterranean
excitement.
As he swept he kept thinking that Miss Lily was already on her way home
from Paris, coming to see her Mammy die. She hadn’t been home in seven
years. When Miss Lily came home, everything was changed. All the
excitement seemed to rise above the surface, and all life changed and
became a tingling, splendiferous affair. Even the presence of death in
the Castle couldn’t dampen the effect of Miss Lily.
With that first fall of snow the fever began to lose a little its hold
upon the twice-stricken community. As it waned the new terror came to
take its place—a terror that, like the fever, rose out of the black of
the Flats.
Bristling barriers of ugly barbed-wire sprang up overnight and for days
each train brought in criminals shipped from the slums of a dozen cities
to protect the sheds and furnaces. In the beginning it was neither the
strikers, nor the men who owned the Mills, but the Town itself which
suffered. Business in the shops bordering the diseased area fell off;
but, far worse than that, there began to occur one after another, with
terrifying regularity, a whole series of crimes. Houses were broken
into, a woman was attacked at twilight in the raw, new park, two fat
business men were held up and beaten, and the Farmers’ and Industrial
Bank, the institution of the corrupt Judge Weissman, was robbed and then
quickly failed under mysterious circumstance. It was the gunmen brought
in to make war on the strikers who committed the crimes, but it was the
strikers who were accused. Save for Philip and Mary Conyngham, and
perhaps McTavish, they had no friends on the Hills. The Shanes could not
be counted, since they stood apart in an isolation of their own. A
panic-stricken community began to imagine innumerable horrors. The
newspapers wrote editorials predicting anarchy and dissolution. They
talked of the “sacred rights of property” and used clouds of similar
high-sounding phrases. Moses Slade, seeing perhaps a chance to harvest
new crops of votes by “standing by his community in such a crisis,”
returned to head a sort of vigilance committee whose purpose was to
fasten all crime upon the strikers.
By this heroic act he soon rose high in the esteem of Emma, so high
indeed that it seemed to wipe out all her doubts concerning her
marriage. It was an action of which she approved with all her spirit.
She herself went about talking of “dirty foreigners” and the need of
making laws to exclude them from a nation favored by God, until Moses
took her aside and advised her not to talk in such a vein, because the
very strength of the Mills depended on new hordes of cheap labor. If
they throttled immigration, labor would rule. Didn’t she understand a
simple thing like that?
She understood. Moses Slade seemed to her a paragon. “Why,” she told
Philip, “he understands all the laws of economics.”
Philip, restless and convalescent, listened to her in silence. He even
met the Honorable Moses Slade, who eyed him suspiciously as a cat and
asked about his future plans.
“I haven’t any,” said Philip. “I don’t know what I mean to do,” and so
put Moses Slade once more upon a bed of pins and needles concerning
Emma’s qualifications as a bride.
The omnipresence of the Congressman’s name in Emma’s conversation had
begun to alarm Philip. He saw presently that she meant to tell him
something, and after a time he came to guess what it was. He saw that
she was breaking a way through his prejudices and her own; and in that
odd sense of detachment born of the fever he faced the idea with
disgust. It was not only that he disliked Mr. Slade; it seemed to him
that there was something disgraceful in the idea of his mother marrying
again after so many years. It was in a strange way a disloyalty to
himself. Moses Slade was a new ally in the forces against him. The idea
came to torment him for hours at a time, when he was not pondering what
was to be done about Naomi, how he could escape from her without hurting
her too deeply.
The two women, Naomi and his mother, hovered over him with the
solicitude of two women for a man whom they had snatched from death. In
these first days when he came downstairs to sit in the parlor there was
always one of them with him. Naomi left him only long enough to nurse
the twins. She was, as Mabelle observed, very fortunate, as she was able
to feed them both, and there were not many women, Mabelle remarked with
a personal pride, who could say the same. And under Mabelle’s guidance
Naomi adopted the same methods: the moment the twins set up a wail they
were fed into a state of coma. Mabelle had great pride in them, as if
she had played in some way a part in their very creation. She was always
in the house now, for Emma’s request and Elmer’s commands were of no
avail against her instinct for human companionship. With the twins
crying and little Jimmy running about, the house seemed overrun with
children. And little Jimmy had turned into what Mabelle described as “a
whiner.”
“I don’t know what to do about him,” she said. Her method was to cuff
him over the head, thus changing the whine instantly into a deafening
squall.
Naomi used her own convalescence as an excuse for clinging to the
soiled flowered kimono and the green mob-cap.
It was a state of affairs which could not long endure and the climax
arose on the afternoon when Emma, returning unexpectedly, found a scene
which filled her with horror. In his chair by the window sat Philip,
looking white and sick. Behind him on the sofa Naomi in wrapper and
mob-cap fed the twins. Little Jimmy sat on the floor pulling photographs
out of the album at the back of the family Bible. Draping the backs of
the mahogany chairs hung white objects that were unmistakably diapers.
Two of the objects were even hung to dry upon the very frame of Jason
Downes’ enlarged photograph!
For a moment Emma simply stood in the doorway in a state of paralysis.
At the sight of her Naomi sat up defiantly and Mabelle smiled blandly.
Philip, wearily, did not even turn to witness the picture. And then,
quickly, like a bird of prey, Emma swooped upon the diapers, gathering
them up in a neat roll. Then she turned on Naomi.
“It’s the last time I want this to happen in my house.” She seized the
family Bible from Jimmy, who began to squall, setting off the twins like
matches brought too close to a fire. “I won’t have it looking like a
bawdy-house,” she cried. “With you sitting here all day in a wrapper,
like a chippy waiting for trade.” Words that she would have denied
knowing came to her lips in a stream.
This time Naomi did not weep. She sprang up from the sofa as if to
attack Emma. “Take care what you say! Take care what you say! You old
hypocrite!”
Emma turned suddenly to Philip. “You hear what she called me!”
And Naomi, like an echo, cried, “You heard what filthy names she called
me.”
Mabelle, terrified, rolled her cowlike eyes, and tried to stifle Jimmy’s
screams. Philip did not even turn. He felt suddenly sick.
Naomi was saying, “If I hadn’t all the work to do.... If I had the right
kind of husband—”
Emma interrupted. “I took care of my child and did all the work as well.
I never complained or made excuses.”
“You didn’t have twins.... Sometimes my back fairly breaks. Oh, if I had
the right kind of husband, I wouldn’t be in your dreary old house!”
Emma turned again, “Philip ... Philip....”
But Philip was gone. She saw him, hatless and without an overcoat,
running through the snow that had begun to come down slowly and softly
as a white eiderdown.
He only stopped running when he grew so weak that he could no longer
make an effort. He had gone, without knowing why, in the direction of
the Mills, and presently he found himself, with a savage pain just
beneath his heart, sitting on the steps of McTavish’s undertaking
parlors. It was almost dark, and the air was cold and still; he felt it
creeping about him as the heat went out of his body. He knew that if he
caught cold he would die and suddenly he wanted to live, horribly. It
was as if that sickening scene had in some way released him from the
bondage of the two women. They seemed all at once to belong to another
world in which he played no rôle, a world strange and horrible and
fantastic. Even the twins did not seem to be his children, but creatures
born somehow of the two women and all they stood for in his tired mind.
They were two squalling tomato-colored infants in whom he could take no
interest—a judgment sent by fate as a punishment for his own weakness
and indecision. He grew bitter for the first time and out of the
bitterness there was born a new strength.
Sitting there in the softly falling snow, he resolved to go his own way.
He couldn’t desert Naomi and his children, but he could tell her that he
was through with her once and for all. And he saw suddenly the whole
sickening depth of the tangle—that it was her fault no more than his,
that she had suffered as much as himself, that perhaps in the end she
would suffer more, because (he knew it with a kind of disgust) she loved
him with all her soul and body.
Beating his arms against his body, he rose and turned the handle of the
door. McTavish was inside, alone, sitting by the stove. At the sound of
the handle turning, he looked up and grinned.
“Hello, Philip,” he said, and then quickly, “What the hell are you doing
out without a coat or hat?”
Philip grinned, and the very grin hurt his face, as if it had been
frozen by the cold. “I came out in a hurry ... I wanted to borrow a coat
and hat off you.”
McTavish rose and stretched his great arms, yawning, watching Philip
all the while. “Driven out?” he asked at last, with a sharp look.
“Yes,” said Philip quietly. “Driven out.” He knew suddenly that McTavish
understood. He remembered all at once what he had said, “I knew your Ma
before you were born. You can’t tell me anything about her.”
“Here,” suddenly the undertaker was pouring whisky. “Here, drink this.
I’ll get you a coat.”
He disappeared into that portion of the establishment where the dead
were kept, and returned in a moment bearing a coat and hat. The curious,
pungent odor of the place clung to him.
“Here,” he said. “It’s all I’ve got. You couldn’t wear my clothes. You’d
be drowned in them.” He laid the coat and hat on a chair by the stove.
“These ought to about fit you. They belonged to Jim Baxter, who got
bumped off at the grade-crossing while comin’ home drunk last week. His
wife has never come for ’em. I guess he won’t need a coat where he is
now.” He sat down and took Philip’s wrist, feeling the flow of blood.
“Feel better now? Your heart seems all right.”
“I’ve always been strong as an ox.”
“It ain’t the same after you’ve had a fever.”
They sat in silence for a moment and then McTavish asked, “You don’t
mind wearin’ a dead man’s clothes?”
“No,” said Philip. “No.” Anything was better than going back to the
slate-colored house.
“When you’re in my business, you get over squeamish feelings like that.
Dead men and live ones are all the same, except you know the dead ones
are mebbe missing a lot of fun.”
“No ... I don’t mind, Mr. McTavish.” Philip looked up suddenly.
“There’s one thing you could do for me. You could send word around to
the house that I’m not coming home to-night.”
A grin lighted up the big face. “Sure I will.... I’ll take the word
myself.” After a pause, “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know ... somewhere.” He rose and put on Jim Baxter’s coat and
hat. “I’m going down to the Flats now.”
“Your friends have been raising hell down there.”
“Yes ... that’s why I want to go down there now.... They’ll think I’m
dead.”
“No ... they won’t think that. That Dago friend ... Krylenko ... is that
his name? He’s been asking for you, and Mary Watts ... Mary Conyngham
she is now, she’s been asking, too ... almost every day.”
He must have seen the sudden light come into Philip’s eye, for he said
suddenly, turning to the window, “There’s a good girl ... a brave one,
too.”
“Yes,” said Philip.
“She’s the kind of a wife a man ought to have. There aren’t many like
her.”
“No.”
There was a long silence and McTavish said, “They can’t win down there
... everything’s against ’em. It’ll be over in two months and a lot of
’em never be able to get work within ten miles of a mill ever again.”
Philip said nothing. He thrust his hands deep into the pockets of Jim
Baxter’s coat.
“They tried it too soon. They weren’t strong enough. They’ll win some
day, but the time isn’t yet.”
Philip looked at him sharply. “I’m on their side. I know what it’s like
down there. Nobody else knows, except Irene Shane and Mary Conyngham.”
“Does your Ma know it?” asked McTavish, with a grin.
“She must know it. She pretends not to.”
“And the Reverend Castor?”
“No ... I suppose he doesn’t.”
Philip thanked him abruptly, and went out of the door. When he had gone,
McTavish poked up the fire, and sat staring into it. “I’m a regular old
woman in some ways,” he thought, “trying to meddle in people’s affairs.
But it needs a whole army to cope with Em.”
Outside, the world of the Flats lay spread out before him no longer
alive with flame and clamor, but still now and cold and dead beneath the
softly falling snow. There was no glow of fire; no wheel turned. Only
the locomotives shrieked and puffed backward and forward over the
shining rails. The streets were alive with people: they stood in little
groups in the snow. On the bridge a little knot of them surrounded a
speaker unknown to him, who harangued them in three tongues, urging them
not to lose faith. At Hennessey’s corner the lights cast a glow over the
fallen snow—it was really white now that there was no longer any
soot—and the tinny piano sent forth its showers of brassy notes into
air that was no longer filled with the pounding of gigantic hammers. And
the saloon was filled to the doors. Now and then a drunken Pole or Croat
fell through the doors into the street. He saw what McTavish meant. They
weren’t strong enough yet. They were so weak that Hennessey alone could
defeat them: his banging cash register could swallow up their strength.
He was a better friend of the Mill owners than all the men brought in to
break the strike.
As he followed the path that lay among the garbage heaps by the side of
the oily brook, it occurred to him that it was odd how strong he felt on
this first sally from the house. He was strong, and suddenly so content
that he forgot even the scene from which he had fled, running like a
madman. It was as if he gained strength from treading the very soil of
the Flats, as if it came to him from the contact of all these human
creatures battling for existence. And among them he was lost, alone as
he had been on those rare happy hours at Megambo when he had gone off
into the jungle at the peril of his life. The snow fell all about him,
silently, into the oil-muffled brook.
Crossing a vacant lot where the rubbish lay hidden beneath a carpet of
snow, he came at last to the familiar doorway which he had not seen
since the night six months before when he stood hidden in its shadow
listening to the voice of Mary Conyngham. Feeling his way along the dark
passageway, smelling of coal-gas and cabbage, he came at last to
Krylenko’s door. He knocked and the familiar voice called out something
in Russian.
Pushing open the door, he saw Krylenko sitting on the edge of his iron
bed with his head in his hands. There was no light in the room, but only
the reflection of a rubbish fire some one had built in the yard outside
the house. For a moment Philip stood leaning against the door, and when
Krylenko did not raise his head, he said, “It’s me ... Philip Downes.”
When he saw Krylenko’s face, he knew that the strike was lost. Even in
the reflected firelight, he seemed years older. He was thin, with deep
lines on either side of his mouth.
“Oh, it’s you, Feeleep.... I thought it was the old woman.”
He rose and put a match to the gas and then peered closely into Philip’s
face, with the look of a man waking from a deep sleep.
“It’s you.... Sit down.”
Philip knew the room well. It was small and square, with no furniture
save a bed, two pine chairs and a washstand. Above the bed there was a
shelf made by Krylenko himself to hold the dangerous books that Irene
Shane and her mother had given him ... John Stuart Mill and Karl Marx
and a single volume of Nietzsche.
“And how do you feel ... huh?” asked Krylenko, seating himself once more
on the bed.
“All right. Look at me.”
“Kind-a skinny.”
“You, too.”
“Yeah! Look at me!” Krylenko said bitterly. “Look at me.... A bum! A
failure! No job! Nothing.”
“It’s not as bad as that.”
“It will be.” He looked up. “Did yuh pass Hennessey’s place?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you see what it is ... trying to make a lot of pigs fight. All
they want is to quit work and get drunk. That’s all it means to them.”
“It’s not over yet.”
“It will be ... I’m gonna fight it to the end. They’re startin’ to
operate the B chain to-night ... a lot of niggers from the South that
ain’t organized.” He got up and went over to the window, standing with
his back to Philip. “We can make trouble for another month or two and
then I’m finished, and me ... I’m out of a job for good ... down ... on
the blacklist. You know what that means.”
It was an eloquent back, big, brawny and squared with defiance, despite
all the tone of despair in his voice. The rumpled, yellow hair fairly
bristled with vitality and battle. Philip thought, “He’s not done yet.
He’s going on. He’s got something to believe in ... to fight for. For
him it’s only begun. He’s got a giant to fight ... and I’m fighting only
two women.”
Suddenly Krylenko turned. “Look,” he said. “Look,” pointing out of the
window. “That’s what they’re up to now. They’ve bought up all the loose
houses and they’re turning the strikers out in the snow ... on a night
like this, God damn ’em. Look!”
Philip looked. Across the street in the falling snow lay a pitiful heap
of odds and ends of some Slovak household ... pots, kettles, battered
chairs, blankets, a mattress or two. A woman and four small children,
none of them more than six, stood drearily watching.
“And it’s a hell of a thing to do.... A free country, hell! It belongs
to a lot of crooked rich men.” Suddenly, he thrust his big fist through
the pane of glass and the tinkling fragments fell into the snow in the
yard. “We’re finished this time ... but we’ve only begun!” He laughed.
“The windows don’t matter. They bought this house, too. A lot of
niggers are movin’ in to-morrow.”
The blood was running from his cut knuckles and he bound them round
silently with a red cotton handkerchief. Presently, he said, “You’re
looking for your paints and pictures.... They ain’t here.... Mrs.
Conyngham took ’em away.”
“Mrs. Conyngham!”
“Yeah.... She came and got ’em herself. She’s fixed up a place for you
up at Shane’s Castle ... in the stable. I was to tell you and I forgot.
She did it when she heard about the Mills buyin’ up this row of houses.
It’s in the stable and you’re to go up there whenever you want. There’s
a stove and everything.”
He spoke in agitation, as though the paints, the pictures, were nothing
compared to his own troubles. A little thing, of no use! Suddenly he
turned, “And you, what are you goin’ to do?”
“When?”
“Now you’re finished, too. They’ve done with you, too. You’re one of
’em. Don’t forget that.”
Yes, that was a thing he hadn’t thought of. There must be people in the
Town who hated him the way they hated the Shanes, and perhaps Mary
Conyngham ... as renegades, traitors. And while he waited there in the
squalid room, watching Krylenko sitting with his head buried in his
hands, there came to him for the first time a curious, intoxicating
sense of satisfaction in being one of that odd little band—Krylenko,
the saintly Irene, the dying old woman in Shane’s Castle, and Mary
Conyngham. The wind had begun to rise, and with it little gusts of snow
swirled in through the broken window. He thought suddenly, “We are the
leaven in the lump.” He was not quite certain what he meant by that; he
only knew that the lump was concerned vaguely with that mass of
materialism and religion which made the character of the Town ... a
religion tamed and shopworn and subdued to commercial needs, a faith
worn down to the level of convenience. Groping, it seemed to him that he
was beginning to emerge at last, to be born as a soul, an individual.
“I mean to paint,” he said suddenly.
“That won’t feed you ... and your children.”
“No ... I’ll manage somehow.” Nothing seemed impossible ... nothing in
the world ... if he could only shake himself free. He thought, without
any reason, “Krylenko is no more one of the mill workers than I am. If
he were really one of them, he would be drunk now in Hennessey’s place.
There is something which sets him apart.... He isn’t one of them either.
He’s as unhappy as I am.”
Looking up, he asked suddenly, “And what about Giulia? Are you going to
marry her?”
Without raising his hand, Krylenko answered, “No ... that’s finished
now. If we’d won, it would have been all right. But now ... it’s no good
... I’ll be nothing but a tramp and bum.”
He spoke in a strange, dead voice, as if he were saying, “It’s a snowy
night,” as if something had died in him.
“No ...” he repeated. “That’s all finished. But you ... you’ve got
everything before you ... and that girl ... Mrs. Conyngham....” He
looked up suddenly, “She has faith in you ... that’s something.” He
looked at the great, nickeled watch he carried. “I’ve gotta go now.
I’ve got to see about putting up tents for all of ’em who’ve been thrown
out of their houses. It’s a hell of a night to live in a tent.” Rising,
he took up his black felt hat. “What are you going to do?”
Philip wakened suddenly out of a haze of thought. “Me! I want to stay
here to-night.”
“Here in this room?”
“Yes.”
“All right.... Turn in there.” He pointed to the rickety iron bed. “I’ll
be out most of the night, gettin’ coal and blankets. See you later.”
When he had gone, Philip felt suddenly ill again, and hopelessly weary.
He lay down on the bed wrapped in Jim Baxter’s overcoat, and in a moment
fell asleep.
At two, when Krylenko finally returned, there was a little drift of snow
by the broken window. Going over to the bed, he stood for a time looking
down at Philip, and then, with a great gentleness, he lifted him, and,
drawing out the blanket, laid it over him, carefully tucking in the edge
to keep out the cold. When he had finished, he lay down, keeping well
over to the edge in order not to disturb Philip. It was all done with
the tenderness of a strong man fostering the weak, of a great, clumsy
father protecting a little boy.
In the morning Philip awakened to find Krylenko already gone. It was
still snowing as he went out into the empty street and made his way
toward the shed where there was always hot coffee for the strikers and
their families. He stood there among them, drinking his coffee and
feeling the old sense of satisfaction of being in a world stripped bare
to those things which lay at the foundations of life. This was solid,
with a rawness that bit into the soul. He took out a pencil and on a bit
of newspaper began to sketch fragments of the scene about him—a Croat
woman who was feeding coffee to her three small children out of a clumsy
teacup, a gigantic, bearded Slovak and his wizened, tubercular wife, a
baby wrapped in the ragged remains of a pair of overalls, a thin, white,
shivering girl, with the face of a Madonna. They were simply sketches,
reduced to the very skeletons of drawing, yet they were in a way
eloquent and moving. He felt intoxicatingly sure of his hand, and he saw
all at once that they were the best things he had ever done. Set down on
the face of columns of printing, they caught the cold misery and the
dumb bravery of these puzzled, wretched people, suffering silently in
the midst of a hostile, foreign country. Looking at the sketches, he saw
that by some ironic chance he had chosen to draw directly upon an
editorial condemning them. He began to read. The fragment was torn, and
so had no beginning. “ ...sacred rights of property must be protected
against the attacks of men little better than brutes who have come,
infected with poison of socialism and anarchy, to undermine the
institutions of a great, free and glorious nation favored by God. These
wretches must be treated as they deserve, without consideration, as
beasts bent upon tearing down our most sacred institutions and
destroying our God-given prosperity.”
It was signed in bold black type with the name MOSES SLADE. He was
quite safe in his attack, thought Philip: foreign-born mill workers had
no votes.
A hand touched Philip’s shoulder and a voice said, “Give me that.” It
was Krylenko. “I can use it,” he said. “I know just where it belongs.”
He gave it to Krylenko without a word.
From the steaming coffee-shed he made his way through a street filled
with people and bordered with pitiful little heaps of shabby household
goods like that which he had seen from Krylenko’s window the night
before. He passed Hennessey’s place and, crossing the railroad tracks,
came within the area of the Mills. It was silent here. Even the trolleys
had ceased to run since one car had had its windows shattered. Beyond
this he came to the great iron fence that shut in the park of Shane’s
Castle. At the gates he turned in, following the drive that ran between
rows of dead and dying Norway spruce up to the house that crowned the
hill. It was silent in the park and the falling snow half veiled the
distant gables and odd Gothic windows of the big house. Among the dead
trees it occurred to him that there was a peace here which did not exist
elsewhere in the whole Town. It was an enchanted place where a battered
old woman, whom he had seen but once or twice, lay dying.
Following the drive, he passed the wrought-iron portico and the little
cast-iron Eros who held a ring in his outstretched hand and served as a
hitching-post. The towering cedars that gave the place a name—Cypress
Hill—which all the world had long ago forgotten, loomed black and
melancholy against the sky. And, turning the corner, he came suddenly
within sight of the stables.
Before the door an old negro swept away the falling snow with a worn and
stubby broom. He did not hear the approach of Philip, for he was deaf
and the snow muffled the sound of footsteps. It was only when Philip
said “Good-morning” that he turned his head and, grinning, said, “You
must be Mr. Downes.”
“Yes.”
“The room’s all ready for you.”
The old man, muttering to himself, led the way. At the top of the
stairs, he said, “If I’d knowed you was a-comin’ I’d a-had a fire.”
The place was all swept and in order and in one corner stood all the
things which Mary Conyngham had carried there from Krylenko’s room. The
sight of them touched him with emotion, as if something of Mary herself
clung to them. He wanted to see her more than he wanted anything in the
world. He stood looking out of the window while the old nigger waited,
watching him. He was sure that in some way she could wipe out the
sickening memory of that awful scene. The window gave out over the
Mills, which lay spread out, cold and desolate and silent, save for the
distant K section, where smoke had begun to drift from the chimneys. He
would paint the scene from this window, in all its dreary bleakness—in
grays and whites and cold blues, with the faintest tinge of pink. It was
like a hell in which the fires had suddenly burned to cold ashes. No, he
must see Mary. He had to see her. He couldn’t go on like this. It wasn’t
possible for any human creature to be thirsty for so long—thirsty for
peace and honesty and understanding.
He began to see himself in the mawkish light of one who suffered and was
put upon, and what had been impossible before began in the light of
self-pity to seem possible.
He had (he knew) to go back to the slate-colored house. Turning, he said
to the old nigger, “I’m coming back,” and then halting, he asked, “How’s
Mrs. Shane?”
“She ain’t no better, sir. She’s dying, and nothin’ kin save her.”
Suddenly the black face lighted up. “But Miss Lily’s come back. She came
back last night.”
“Yes?”
“You don’t know Miss Lily, mebbe.”
“No.... I’ve seen her years ago riding through the Town.”
“Then you don’t know what she’s like.... The old Missie can die now that
Miss Lily’s come home. She jus’ couldn’t die without seein’ Miss Lily.”
Philip scarcely heard him. He was thinking about his own troubles, and
Lily Shane was a creature who belonged to another world whose borders
would never touch his own. Even as a boy, looking after her as she rode
in the mulberry victoria up Park Avenue, it never occurred to him that
he would ever come nearer to her. There was something magnificent about
her that set her apart from all the others in the Town. And there was
always the wicked glamour that enveloped one who, it was whispered, had
had a child out of wedlock and then declined to marry its father.
How could Lily Shane ever touch the world of Uncle Elmer and Naomi and
Emma and Mabelle? No, she did not exist for him. She was like one of the
actresses he had followed furtively along Main Street as a boy, because
a mysterious, worldly glamour clung to those ladies who appeared in
town one night and disappeared the next into the great world. No
creature could have been more remote than these coryphées from the
slate-colored house and the prayer-meetings of the Reverend Castor.
It was the Reverend Castor himself who greeted Philip on the doorstep
when he reached home at last. Philip would have avoided him, but the
clergyman was coming down the path as he turned into it and so there was
no escape.
He greeted Philip with a smile, saying, “Well, it’s good to see you
about again, my boy. We had a bad time over you ... thought you weren’t
going to make the grade.”
Philip grinned. “I’m not so easy to be rid of.” He felt a sudden
refreshing sense of superiority over the preacher, strange in all his
experience. It was simply that he had no longer any awe of him as a man
of God.
The Reverend Castor coughed and answered, “Oh! My dear boy. We didn’t
want to be rid of you. That’s the last thing....” He protested nervously
and added, “I just dropped in for a moment to see how your wife was
doing ... and the twins. You ought to be proud, my boy, of two such fine
babies ... two. Most people are thankful for one.”
“I would have been, too.”
“You don’t mean you aren’t delighted with what God has sent you?”
“No ... of course not ... I was only making a joke.” It hardly seemed
honest, Philip thought, to give God the credit for the twins.
“I suppose we’ll be having Mrs. Downes back with us in the choir
soon.... Since Mrs. Timpkins has moved to Indianapolis I’ve asked your
wife to be the leader and the librarian of the music.”
“Yes ... she ought to be back soon. She seems strong again.”
There was an awkward silence, and the Reverend Castor’s kindly blue eyes
turned suddenly aside. He started to speak and then halted abruptly and
seized Philip’s hand a second time. “Well, good-by. I must be off.”
He was gone quickly, and for a moment Philip stood looking after him,
puzzled by his strange, nervous manner. He was sorry for this poor man,
whom he had always disliked. It was a sorrow he could not explain, save
that his life must be a hell with a wife like his, and all the women of
the parish on his neck. He did his duty, the Reverend Castor. He never
shirked. It was good of him to call on Naomi. She would like such
attention from the head of her church. It would bring back to her,
Philip thought, some of the old glory and importance that had waned
steadily since the night they had got down from the train, shivering,
and fearful of what lay before them.
And she would be pleased at being asked to lead the choir and take care
of the music. It was odd what little things brought happiness to her.
She had need of the little things, for he meant to hurt her. He was
certain now that it was the only way out. It would be easier for her to
face the truth.
He found her sitting in the parlor where the Reverend Castor had left
her. She was dressed for the first time since the twins were born, and
she had been crying. As he entered, she came over to him and, putting
her arms about his neck, pressed her head against Jim Baxter’s overcoat,
and said, “I’m ashamed, Philip ... I want to die. I couldn’t help it
yesterday. It’s the way I feel! I feel so tired.”
The whole action disturbed him horribly. She had never done such a thing
before; she had never done more than kiss him chastely. He freed himself
and, still holding her hands, said, “I understand. It’s all over now and
I understand.”
She began to cry again helplessly, pitifully. “You’ll forgive me? You’ll
forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I understand it.” He pushed her gently into
a chair, and sat down beside her, silently, wondering how he could bring
himself to say what he had to say.
“It’s because I’m so unhappy, Philip.... I’ve been unhappy ever since we
left Megambo ... ever since that Englishwoman stopped there. I wish to
God we’d never seen her.”
“Let’s not think about her. She had nothing to do with it.”
“And it’s so awful in this dreary house. I’m nothing here, Philip....
I’m less than a hired girl. Your Ma hates me....” He tried to speak, but
she cried out passionately, “I can’t go on living here ... I can’t ... I
can’t.”
As he sat there, all his horror of scenes, of that wretched scene in the
same room the evening before, swept over him. It was like a physical
sickness rising into his throat and choking him. He was confused, too,
with a sense of impotent rage.
“And after you ran away she told Mabelle she was never to enter the
house again.... Now I haven’t any one.”
No, she hadn’t any one, but she didn’t know yet how alone she really
was.
“Naomi,” he said quietly. “Naomi ... listen to me ... try to control
yourself.”
“Yes.... Yes.... I’m trying to.” Her pale, homely face was even paler
with weeping. Her eyes were swollen beneath the transparent lashes and
her nose was red.
“Naomi ... would you like to have a house of your own?”
“Oh, Philip ... yes.”
“I don’t mean a whole house, but a place to live ... two or three rooms
where you’d be away from my mother.”
“Yes ... yes. I’d do better. I’d take care of things ... if I had a
chance in my own place. Oh, Philip—if you’d only be kind to me.”
He stroked her hand suddenly, but it was only because he pitied her. “I
try to be kind, Naomi.”
“You’ve been so hard to me ... just like a stone—ever since we left
Megambo. Oh, I knew it ... I knew even when....” She broke off suddenly,
without finishing. Philip looked away, sick with misery. He pitied her,
but he could not love her. She went on and on. “Out there I had
something to live for ... I had my work. I loved it. It was the only
life I’d ever known. It was everything. And here ... there’s nothing. I
don’t know how to live here.”
“There are the children,” he said in a quiet voice.
“Yes ... but that’s not what I mean. It’s my soul I’m thinking of. It’s
rotting away here....”
“Mine was rotting at Megambo.” She did not answer him, and he said,
“There’s church work to do, and now Reverend Castor wants you to lead
the choir.”
“But it’s not the same, and they’re all jealous of me ... all those
women ... jealous because I’m more important because I’ve been a
missionary, and jealous because Reverend Castor shows me favors. Oh, I
know. I don’t belong here, and they don’t want me here. Oh, I don’t know
what’s to become of me!”
There was a long silence, in which they sat there, dumbly trying to find
some way out of the hopeless muddle, trying to patch together something
which was now in tatters, if it had ever existed at all. Philip’s thin
jaw was set in that hard, stubborn line that made even his mother
afraid.
“Naomi,” he said presently, “I’ll get you a place to live. It won’t be
much, for I haven’t much money, but you’ll be free ... to do what you
please. Only ... only, Naomi ... I ... I....” Suddenly, his head fell
forward, and he buried his face in his hands. In a voice that was hardly
audible he said, “I don’t want to live with you any longer. It’s ...
it’s all over.”
For a long time there was no sound in the room, save the ticking of the
great onyx clock beneath the picture of Jason Downes. Naomi didn’t even
sob; but presently she said, in a voice like the voice of a deaf person,
“Philip, you mean you’re going to leave me?”
“No,” he said slowly. “No ... it’s not that exactly. I shan’t leave you.
I’ll come and see you every day and the children—only I won’t sleep in
the house. I’m going to sleep where I work.”
In the same dead voice she asked, “You’re not going back to the Mills?”
“No, I’m not going back to the Mills ... they wouldn’t have me now. I’m
going to paint....”
“Pictures?”
“Yes ... pictures. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do and now ... now,
nothing can stop me.” There was in his voice a sudden cold rasp, as of
steel, which must have terrified her. He thought, “I’ve got to do it, if
I’m to live. I’ve got to do it.”
She said, “But you could have a good congregation. You could preach.”
“No, that’s the last thing I could do. I’m through with all that.”
“Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”
He raised his head, and saw that she was biting her handkerchief.
“Naomi,” he said. “Naomi,” and the sound of her name seemed to
precipitate a sudden climax. She fell on her knees and beat them with
her fists.
“You won’t do that, Philip. You can’t ... you can’t leave me for
everybody to mock at. Say that you won’t ... I was wrong in the
beginning, but now I’ll do anything. I’ll lie down and let you walk over
my body!”
“Naomi,” he said. “Please! For God’s sake!”
“Oh, don’t you see! It’s different now ... I love you. Don’t you see
that makes it different?”
“It can’t make it different, Naomi. I can’t pretend what isn’t true ...
it’s a thing a man can’t do.”
Suddenly she stopped sobbing and looked up at him, her face all white
and contorted. “You can’t say that! You can’t mean it! It isn’t true!”
“It’s true, Naomi. I can’t help myself. I wish to God I could!”
“And you didn’t love me ... even ... even then?”
He made a heroic effort. “No ... not even then.”
She flung herself on the floor, pressing her face against the carpet,
moaning and moaning. Kneeling down, he picked her up bodily and laid her
on the sofa. Bending over her—
“Naomi ... listen to me. It’s not my fault. It’s not yours. It’s all a
muddle. Nobody’s to blame.”
Then she sat up suddenly. “Yes, there is. It’s your mother who’s to
blame. She made me marry you. It all began with that. I didn’t want to
... I didn’t want to marry any one, but I wanted to have a mission of my
own. She did it. She’s to blame, and now she hates me. She thinks I’ve
stolen you from her.”
She buried her face in the cushions and lay sobbing. After a time,
Philip said, “Naomi ... listen to me. You didn’t steal me from her.”
“Who did then?” said Naomi’s muffled voice.
“I don’t know. It just happened. I suppose it’s one of the things that
happen in life. I’ve grown up now. I’ve grown up since we went to
Megambo. That’s all. I know my own mind now.”
“Oh, you’re hard, Philip ... harder than flint.” She sat up slowly.
“I’ll do anything for you. You can wipe your feet on me. I can’t let you
go now ... I can’t ... I can’t!” She began suddenly to laugh. “I’ll do
anything! I’ll prove to you I can keep house as well as your mother.
I’ll show you how I can care for the children. They’re your children,
too. I’ll learn to cook ... I’ll do anything!”
He did not answer her. He simply sat staring out of the window like an
image carven of stone. And he was saying to himself all the while, “I
can’t yield. I daren’t do it. I can’t—not now.” And all the while he
felt a kind of disgust for the nakedness of this love of Naomi’s. It was
a shameful thing. And during all their life together he had thought her
incapable of such love.
She kept moaning and saying, over and over again, “I’ve got nothing now.
I’m all alone ... I’ve got nothing now.”
He rose, and laid a hand on her shoulder. “I’m going now, Naomi. I’m not
going to the restaurant. I’ll come back this afternoon. It’ll be all
right. We’ll work it out somehow.”
She looked up at him. “You’ve changed your mind?”
“No, I don’t mean that. No, it’s better this way.”
“I’ll show you, Philip, what a good wife I can be.”
He picked up his hat, Jim Baxter’s hat, and suddenly he thought, “The
old Philip is dead—as dead as Jim Baxter. I’ve dared to do it.”
Aloud he said, “Let’s not talk any more now. I’ll be back in an hour or
two when you feel better.”
Then he went away, and outside the house, among the lilacs, he was
suddenly sick.
He found a tiny flat of three rooms over a drugstore halfway up the hill
from the railway station. It had been occupied by the family of a
salesman who traveled for a house which manufactured false teeth. He
had been promoted to a western territory where, with the great boom in
the silver mines, the market for gold teeth had risen enormously.
He was a little fat man, with enormous black mustaches, all aglow with
his promotion. “It’s the best gold tooth territory in America,” he told
Philip.
The apartment rented for thirty dollars a month. The bubbling salesman
would leave the furniture behind for two hundred and fifty dollars.
Philip could move in the day after to-morrow.
He left the place, his whole body warmed by the satisfaction of having
acted, of having done something definite. But the thing was not settled
yet, because his mother still remained to be told.
He found her in the kitchen of the restaurant, superintending the
preparation of mince-meat according to a recipe of her own which
eliminated all intoxicating liquors. Standing over the negress who did
the work, she was the essence of vigor and authority, her face crimsoned
by the heat of the place, her hair all in disorder.
“Ma,” he said to her. “I have something I want to discuss with you.”
After bidding the negress wait until she returned, she followed him
quickly, surprised and troubled by the look in his eye and the set of
his jaw. The talk took place at the table behind the screen where Moses
Slade came every day to eat.
“It’s about Naomi, Ma ... I’ve taken some rooms for her to live in. She
won’t trouble you any longer. We’ll move out on Tuesday.”
She looked at him for a moment in astonishment. “But, Philip,” she
said, “you ought to have consulted me. You mustn’t do that. We can’t
even think of it.”
“The rent is paid. I’ve bought furniture.”
“Where did you get the money?”
“I used what Grandpa left me.”
“I thought you’d pledged the interest on that to the mission.”
“I’ve taken it back. I took it back before I was sick.”
She didn’t say anything for a long while. She saw suddenly that he was
changed, more hardened even than she had feared. He didn’t even come to
her any longer for advice. He had shut her out altogether. At last she
said, “But, Philip, what will people think—when I’ve a house big enough
for you all?”
“I don’t care any longer what people think. I can’t go through any more
scenes like yesterday. Besides, a man has a right to his own house.”
“But, Philip ... my house is your house. I’ve worked all these years and
sacrificed.... Oh, you don’t know what it’s meant sometimes. I wouldn’t
even let Uncle Elmer help me—so that you’d have the house for your own.
It wasn’t for myself.... I could have got along somehow.”
He looked away from her at the mustard-pot in the center of the table.
“You know that you can’t get on with Naomi—and she hates living in your
house.”
“I can try ... we can both try. If only she’d take a little interest and
not make the place into a pigstye.”
“You know she won’t change.”
“Philip, I’ll do anything.... I’ll put up with Naomi ... I won’t say a
word, only don’t leave me now after all the years when I’m an old
woman.”
She saw the stubborn jaw set in a hard line. The sight of it stirred a
sudden, turbulent emotion: it was his father’s jaw over again,
terrifying in its identity. What had she done to deserve such treatment
from these two men to whom she had given up all her life without once a
thought of herself? She had worked for them, sacrificed....
Philip was saying, “It won’t make any difference. Even if you and Naomi
never spoke to each other. You’d be hating each other all the time.
Don’t you see? That’s what I can’t stand.”
She reached over and touched his hand. “Philip ... once you used to come
to me with everything, and now ... now you treat me like a stranger ...
me, your own mother. Why don’t you come to me? I want to share your
life, to be a part of it. It’s all I live for. You’re all I’ve got.”
He felt her trying to capture him once more. What she said was true ...
you couldn’t deny it. She had given her whole life to him. Every word
she spoke hurt him.
“I don’t know, Ma. Nothing has happened except maybe that I’m grown up
now. I’m a man. I’ve got to decide things for myself.”
It was that hard, brutal jaw which she couldn’t overcome. It had
thwarted her always. With Jason, when his jaw was set thus, it was as if
his heart had turned to stone.
“Where did you go last night?”
He told her, and the answer frightened her. In the Flats, in a Dago’s
boarding-house, her son had passed a night.
“Where did that coat come from?”
“It belonged to Jim Baxter, who was killed at the grade-crossing last
week. I borrowed it from McTavish.”
“So you’ve been seeing him.”
“Yes, he told you I wouldn’t come home, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” she said, with a sudden flash of anger. “Yes ... he told me. I
wish you wouldn’t see so much of him, Philip. He’s a wicked man.”
He made no response to this sudden, feeble sally of the old authority.
He had, she discovered with awe, that old trick of his father’s—of not
answering in an argument unless he had something to say. It was an
unfair method, because it always kept the argument upon the level of
reason, excluding all the force of the emotions.
“And I’m not coming home any more to sleep, Ma. That’s all finished.”
He must have seen the look of fear in her eyes. It was that look he had
seen there whenever, for a moment, she seemed to lose control of that
solid world she had built up.
“But, Philip ... it’s your house ... your own home. You’ve never had any
other.” He said nothing, and she asked, “Where are you going to sleep?”
Slowly, and then carefully, so that it would hurt her as little as
possible, he told her about the stable at Shane’s Castle, and his plan
of painting. She listened, half believing that she could not be in her
right mind, that what she heard was only part of a nightmare. She kept
interrupting him, saying, “But, Philip, you never told me ... I didn’t
know,” and when he had finished, she said abruptly, “That wasn’t the
plan I had for you, Philip; I’ve been talking with Reverend Castor and
he thinks we could arrange to get you a good congregation.”
“No ... that’s all finished. It’s no use even talking of it.”
She went on, ignoring him. “And if that didn’t please you, I thought ...
well, you could take the restaurant because, well ...” she looked away
from him, “you see, I’m thinking of getting married.”
She saw his face grow red with anger. “Not to that humbug, Moses Slade!”
“Yes, Philip. But it’s wrong of you to call him a humbug. He’s a
distinguished man, a good man, who stands for the best in the
community.”
“He’s a hypocrite and a humbug!”
An uncontrollable rage took possession of him. It was impossible that he
was to have Moses Slade, the humbug who had written that editorial about
the strike, for a stepfather. No, it was outlandish, too impossible,
that a good woman like his mother should be taken in by that lecherous
old rip.
“Philip,” she was saying. “You don’t understand. I’ve been alone always
... except for you—ever since your father died. It would be a good
marriage, a distinguished marriage, and I wouldn’t be alone in my old
age.”
“You couldn’t marry him. You couldn’t marry a fat old man like that.”
He fancied that he saw her wince. “It isn’t a question of love, Philip,
at our age. It’s companionship. I’m very fond of him, and he’s been
thoughtful—so thoughtful all the time you were sick.”
“It’s disgusting!”
It was odd, what had happened—that he found himself for the first time
in his life taking a high hand with his mother. It was an intoxicating
sensation.
“If I give him up, I’ll be giving up a great opportunity for good. As a
Congressman’s wife, there’s no end to the things I could accomplish....”
She began to cry. “But I’ll give him up ... I’ll give him up if you
won’t turn your back on your poor mother. I’d do anything for you,
Philip. You’re all I’ve got, and I hoped for so much—to see you one of
the great men of the church, a Christian leader, fighting on the side of
God.”
“It’s no good, Ma. I won’t go back to that.”
One of the waitresses appeared suddenly from behind the screen. “Mrs.
Downes ...” she began.
“Go away! Go away! I’ll talk to you later.”
The girl disappeared.
“And that isn’t all, Ma. I’m not going to live with Naomi any more. I’m
through with that. I meant what I said when I was sick.”
“Philip—listen to me, Philip!”
“No ... I’ll come to see her and the children. But I’m through.”
“What will people think? What will they say?”
“You can tell them I’ve got a night job.... Nobody’ll know, except Aunt
Mabelle, where Naomi is going to live. Nobody will see me come or go.
It’s in Front Street.”
“Front Street! Why, that’s on the edge of the Flats! You can’t do
that!”
He looked at her for a long time in despairing silence. “My God, Ma!
Can’t you see? Can’t you understand? From now on, I’m going to stand on
my own. I’m going to work things out. I’ve got to get out of this
mess.... I’ve got to.”
He rose abruptly, and put on his hat.
“Philip,” she asked, drying her eyes, “where are you going now?”
“I’m going to buy blankets for myself.”
“Philip, listen to me. For God’s sake, listen! Don’t ruin everything.
I’ve a right to something. I’m your mother. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
He turned for a moment hesitating, and then quickly said, “Ma, don’t
talk like that, it isn’t fair.”
Without another word, he put on his hat and hurried out of the
restaurant.
Once outside, the cold air cleared his head, and he was thankful that he
had been hard as a stone. Again he was sorry for Emma in a vague,
inexplicable fashion; she could never understand what it was that made
him hard. She couldn’t see why he had to behave thus.
“I wish to God,” he thought bitterly, “that I’d had a mother who wasn’t
a fine woman. Life would have been so much easier. And I can’t hurt her
... I can’t. I love her.”
And suddenly he saw that in all their talk together nothing had really
been settled. Nothing had been changed or decided.
He went that night to sleep in the room above the stable, and on the
following Tuesday Naomi and the twins moved into the three rooms above
the drugstore in Front Street. Emma stayed home from the restaurant all
day, going and coming to and from the newly established household. She
did and thought of everything, so that Naomi in the end gave up, and,
sitting on the imitation-tapestry davenport, simply watched her
mother-in-law arrange the new household. Mabelle was there, too, with
little Jimmy, in the way most of the time, or making suggestions which
Emma ignored. She was a creature whose feelings were not easily hurt and
all Emma’s bitter remarks seemed to have left no trace. When they had
left Naomi with the three rooms in order, she even walked home with
Emma, dragging the tired and whining Jimmy behind her.
As she hurried through the darkness after Emma’s tall, robust form, she
panted, “Well, things might go better now. I always think young people
ought to start out in a house of their own.”
“Yes,” said Emma, certain from the remark that Naomi hadn’t told Mabelle
the whole truth.
“It’s funny what a change has come over Philip. He’s much nicer than he
used to be.”
“What on earth do you mean by that, Mabelle?”
Here Jimmy set up a yell—“I don’t wanna walk! I wanna be carried!”
“All right, dear, only you mustn’t cry. Little men don’t cry.”
“Well, I do. I’m tired. I don’t wanna walk!”
“All right, dear.” She bent down and picked up the child. He continued
to whine, but at least their progress was not retarded.
“If he were my child, Mabelle,” said Emma, “I’d just leave him sitting
on the curb till he got good and ready to walk. I never had any trouble
with Philip. He’s always been obedient and respectful.”
“But Jimmy’s delicate, and I’d rather carry him than have him whine.”
“He’s whining in any case,” said Emma, acidly.
Mabelle was puffing now beneath her burden and the long steps of Emma.
But she managed to say, “What I mean about Philip is ... that he’s more
masterful now. He’s a man. He’s the kind of a man that women have a
right to be afraid of.”
Emma snorted. “Don’t talk such rot, Mabelle. If you’d read less trash.”
“It’s funny about him taking up with the Shanes.”
Naomi had told her, then, about the stable. And Mabelle was a sieve:
whatever you told her poured right on through. “He hasn’t taken up with
the Shanes. He’s simply using their stable to work in. That’s not the
same thing. Why, he barely knows them—except that half-crazy old maid,
Irene. And he doesn’t know the others at all.”
“Then it must be that Mary Conyngham. She’s friends with them.”
“Mary Conyngham!” repeated Emma. “Mary Conyngham! Why, he hasn’t seen
her in years!” But the shock of the name turned her suddenly thoughtful,
so that she walked at a slower pace, mercifully for Mabelle.
“Well, he might have seen her,” persisted Mabelle. “She’s mixed up
with Irene Shane’s school for the Dagoes and Hunkies. They all belong to
the same crowd ... all thinking they can make something out of a lot of
bums.” For a moment she was so completely winded that she could not
speak. When she recovered her breath, she said, “I remembered the other
night that they’d been sweet on each other once.”
Still Emma walked furiously in silence, and presently Mabelle said, “Of
course, I didn’t say anything about her to Naomi. She might be upset
just now.”
“No,” said Emma, “and don’t say anything to her about it or to any one
else. It’s nonsense.”
“Well, I didn’t know. I was just interested in Philip, and Naomi, and in
his queer behavior, and I always find that when a man goes off his head
like that, there’s a woman about somewhere.”
“I forbid you, Mabelle, to speak of it to any one.” She halted and took
Mabelle by the shoulder. “You understand? That’s the way silly talk gets
started.”
Mabelle was silent as they resumed their way, but presently she said,
“That Lily Shane ... she’s come home to see the old woman die.”
“They’re a bad lot, all of ’em,” said Emma, “and I guess she’s the
Jezebel of the lot.”
“I hate to see a good boy like Philip getting mixed up with people like
that.”
“He’s not getting mixed up, I tell you.”
“What am I to tell people about him, Em, if they ask me?”
“Tell them that he’s going to be an artist. You might say, too, that he
has a fine talent, and later he’s going to New York to study.”
She had thought it all out. There was only one method—“to take the bull
by the horns.” If Philip wasn’t one day to be a bishop, he might be a
great artist and paint great religious pictures like the man who did
the Sistine Madonna or the Flight into Egypt.
The voice of Jimmy interrupted her thoughts. “Aren’t we nearly home? I’m
hungry!”
“Yes, dearie. That’s your house right there.... See the one with the red
light in the window?”
“I don’t like Aunt Em. I wish she’d go away.”
“Shh! Jimmy! Shh! He’s tired, Em, that’s all—the poor little thing.”
They reached the house with the red light in the window, and bade each
other good-night.
“Remember what I said,” was Emma’s final word.
After she left the gate, only one thought occupied the mind of Emma, the
thought that it was Mary Conyngham who had stolen Philip from them
both—from herself and Naomi. “Mary Conyngham, of course,” she told
herself. “What a fool I’ve been not to think of her before! It would
be like her and her superior ways. The Watts always thought nobody good
enough for ’em but the Shanes—that bawdy old woman and her two
daughters—one a lunatic and the other a harlot. Yes, Mary Conyngham
could carry on to her heart’s content there in the Flats, and no one
would know of it. The Shanes would only help her. Shane’s Castle had
been like a bawdy-house in the days when old John Shane was still
living.”
She was in a savage humor, born partly of her irritation at Naomi’s
helplessness, and partly of disgust at Mabelle’s feeble-minded chatter;
and now she had found an object on which to pin it. It was Mary
Conyngham who lay at the root of everything: it explained why Mary had
stopped her that day to ask about Philip.
“Mabelle,” she thought, “is a dangerous woman, going about and saying
things like that when she knows nothing.”
Mabelle was a constructive gossip. Having nothing to keep her occupied,
she sat about all day thinking up things, putting two and two together,
pinning odd pieces of stories together to construct a whole, but she
did have (thought Emma) an uncanny way of scenting out scandal; her
only fault was that she sometimes told the story before in fact it had
happened. She came upon a scrap, the merest suspicion of some dubious
story, and presently after days of morbid brooding it reappeared,
trimmed and garnished to perfection, with such an air of reality about
it that if it wasn’t true, it might easily have been.
It was the uncanny faculty of Mabelle’s that really troubled Emma. Her
suspicion of Mary Conyngham frightened her even while it gave her
satisfaction. It occurred to her that Philip was now quite beyond
control, as his father had sometimes been. Anything might happen. She
dared not think of it. For a moment she felt the quick shadow of
foreboding, of some tragedy that lay ahead, beyond the power of anything
to prevent.
She shook it off quickly, thinking, “That is nonsense. I can still bring
Philip to his senses.”
Inside the house, she prepared her own supper, and spent an hour in
clearing up her own house, putting from sight every trace of Naomi.
At nine o’clock Moses Slade came to call. He was in a furious temper. He
brought with him a labor periodical, called The Beacon.
“It was marked,” he said, “and sent to me through the mail.”
Opening it, he showed her the desecration of his most admired editorial.
It was a fragment of the local newspaper, stained and torn, which read,
“ ...sacred rights of property must be protected against the attacks of
men little better than brutes, etc., etc.,” and signed in large black
letters MOSES SLADE. On the face of the printing some irreverent hand
had made a series of drawings in pencil—a Croat woman feeding her three
small children with coffee out of a clumsy tin cup, a gigantic, bearded
Slovak and his wizened, tubercular wife, a baby wrapped in the remains
of a ragged pair of overalls, a thin, shivering girl with the face of a
Madonna. The whole had been photographed and reproduced.
Underneath them was a line which read, “These are the brutes of the
Honorable Moses Slade who have endangered our most sacred institutions
and destroyed our God-given prosperity.” And beside it was a caricature
of Slade himself, gross, overdressed, with flowing locks and a leering
expression, beneath which was written: “Puzzle—find the beast on these
two pages.”
He banged the table with his hamlike fist. “By God, I’ll find out who
did it, and make him pay for his impudence! I’m not a force in this Town
for nothing!”
Emma turned faintly pale, but she only said, “It’s shameful, I think,
Moses, but what can you expect from such people? They have no respect
for our institutions ... our excellent Congressmen.”
But she knew well enough who had made the drawing.
In the flat in Front Street, Philip put the last chair in place, washed
his face and hands at the sink in the kitchen, and went in to look at
the sleeping twins. They lay side by side, fat, rosy, healthy children,
such as women like Naomi or Mabelle were certain to bear. He was alone
in the room, and, after a time, he bent down and touched the fine, soft
dark hair that covered their small, round heads. They were like him, and
so, he supposed, like his father, with eyes that one day would be the
same clear blue. It struck him suddenly that there was something
ruthless in the operation of Nature which took no account of all the
structure of habits and laws of man. It took no account of the fact that
he had never loved Naomi, or that neither of them had really wanted
these children. Nature had wanted children, and it did not matter how
they were created, so long as the act of creation occurred. All man’s
ideas of love, of lawful wedlock, of sentimentality, had nothing to do
with it. And it was impossible to imagine stronger, healthier children.
He fell to stroking the soft head of the little girl, and, slowly, in
her sleep, she stirred and, groping with a fat, pink hand, found one of
his fingers, and clutched it tightly. Something in the touch of the
soft, plump hand melted him suddenly. She was so soft, so helpless,
reaching out trustfully. And for the first time he felt a sudden quick
pride and delight. These were his children; he knew that he loved
them, despite everything, Naomi and his mother and all the trouble he
had been through. They were his to care for and protect and set on
their way in life. That was a wonderful thing. When he thought of it, he
was frightened; and yet (he reflected) he would perhaps understand far
better than most fathers how to help them. He had learned, he thought,
bitterly, by his own blundering.
The little girl still clung tightly to his finger, and presently he
found himself smiling, without knowing it. He was, oddly enough,
suddenly happy, and conscious that no matter what fate befell him, it
was good to be alive. He wasn’t sorry any longer that he had helped to
bring into existence these two fat, funny little morsels of life. He
almost laughed, and then, bending down, he kissed first one and then the
other on the tops of their round, dark little heads. They were his: he
was a father. And it had happened without his wanting it, almost without
his understanding how it had happened.
He was still bending over them when the door opened and, with a sense of
falling spirits, he heard Naomi come in. Ever since that horrible day in
his mother’s parlor, she had made an effort to dress completely and
neatly, but somehow it was impossible for her to accomplish it entirely.
Little wisps of sandy hair fell down over the back of her high tight
collar. Her white petticoat, showing itself an inch or two below her
skirts, dragged on the floor. There was a smudge of the dust left behind
by the dental salesman’s wife on one side of her face. She might set
herself in order a dozen times a day, but always, in some mysterious
way, she was in disarray. At Megambo, it hadn’t made any difference: in
a place like that such things were lost in the whole cataclysm of
disorder. But here in a civilized place, it was different. It was as if
Naomi could not cope with the problems of decent living.
At the sound of the opening door, Philip straightened up quickly, as if
ashamed to be found thus, caressing his children. But Naomi had seen
him, and smiled—an odd, twisted, pitiful smile, which was like a knife
turned in his flesh, for behind it lay a whole regiment of ghosts, of
implications. It was as if he saw suddenly what happiness there might be
in life, if he himself had been different, if Naomi had been a different
woman, if he had only been able to love her. He couldn’t change: he saw
again how ruthless a thing Nature could be. Some one had meddled with
her plans, and so the misery resulted. It was not that he thought these
things: the whole impression happened far more quickly than any process
of thought. It was a sudden, pitiful flash of illumination. What hurt
him most was the faint hint of bitterness in her smile, a hint almost of
mockery, a shadow which had crossed her pale, freckled face without her
knowing it. But until now, he hadn’t thought her capable of suffering in
that way.
It frightened him by making him feel weak and yielding.
Perhaps if she had been a more clever woman, she could in that moment
have changed the whole course of his life. Long afterward when he
thought of the scene (and it always remained one of his clearest
memories of her) he saw that it could have been done. But then he saw
that if she had been a more clever woman he might have loved her in the
beginning.
She came over and stood by his side. “What are we to call them, Philip?
We’ve never even spoken of it.” She said it in a flat voice, as if they
had been puppies or kittens, and not children—his children—at all.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve been thinking about the girl. Your mother would like to call her
Emma, but I’d like it if you’d call her Naomi.”
He knew before she had finished what she had meant to say, and he knew,
too, that he hated both names. To go on for the rest of his life, even
as an old man, calling his child “Emma” or “Naomi”....
“She’s your child, too, Naomi. You have a choice in the matter.”
“I wanted you to be pleased.” There was a humbleness in her voice which
made him feel ill.
“And the boy—have you thought of him?”
“I want to call him Philip, of course.”
(No, he couldn’t do that: it was like wishing them bad luck.)
“No, I hate the name of Philip. You can call the girl Naomi. You bore
her, and you’ve more of a right to name her than Ma has. But—no, we
won’t call the boy Philip. We’ll think of something else.”
“I’d like to have her called Naomi ... and then you’d think of me
sometimes, Philip.”
He looked at her sharply. “But I do think of you. Why should you say
that?”
“Oh, I don’t know ... just in case anything happened to me. That’s why
I’d like to call him Philip.”
“No ... no ... any other name.”
He took up his hat. “What are you going to do with the twins on Sundays
and choir practice nights?”
“I don’t know. I’d thought of asking Mabelle to stay with them ... but
she lives such a long way off. Maybe I’d just better give it up.”
“No, you mustn’t do that. I’ll come and stay with them. I’d like to.”
“You don’t mind my leading the choir, Philip?”
“No, of course not.”
“Because I want you to be pleased. I want it to be a new start now, here
in this new house.”
He didn’t answer, and after an awkward pause, she said, “I wouldn’t go
at all, but I think Reverend Castor needs me. He’s got so many worries.
Yesterday when I was talking to him, he began all at once to cry ... not
out loud, but the tears just came into his eyes. His wife’s an awful
woman. He’s been telling me about her. And now that Mrs. Timpkins has
moved away, there’s no one to take the choir who knows anything about
music.”
“Of course, go by all means.”
He was glad for two reasons, because he knew she liked the importance of
leading the choir, and because he would have these evenings alone with
the children—his children—who had been born in reality as he stood
looking down at them a moment before.
“Good-night, Naomi,” he said abruptly.
“Philip....”
“Yes.”
“Philip, you won’t stay?”
“No, Naomi.... It wouldn’t look right.”
There was a pause.
“Sometimes you’re like your mother, Philip.”
He went out and in his agitation found himself halfway down the flimsy
pine stairway before he remembered his overcoat. When he returned and
opened the door of the little flat, he heard the sound of sobbing, a
horrible choked sound, coming from the bedroom. She had not made a
scene. She had not wept until he was gone, for she was trying to please
him.
It was a clear night, and very cold, when the moonlight painted the snow
and the black houses of the Flats with a luminous blue light. As he
walked, the hard-packed snow creaked and whined beneath his heels. The
stars, for all their brilliance, seemed infinitely remote. As he walked,
a little cloud of frozen breath trailed behind him.
By the railroad-tracks and in the narrow streets that bordered them, the
Flats were empty. The houses stood silent and black. The fires, the
little piles of household goods, were gone now, and with them the
miserable, shivering women and children. At Hennessey’s corner there was
the usual blaze of light, the jagged clamor of the mechanical piano, and
the sound of drunken voices behind the swinging-doors. The lights, the
sounds, hurt him in an inexplicable fashion, filling him with an acute
and painful sense of loneliness.
It was an emotion which changed, as he entered the park, to one of vague
fear. Inside the rusted gates the park lay frozen and solitary in the
brilliant moonlight. The deep shadows were blue along the drive, black
where the outline of a dead tree fell across the snow. The bits of
statuary—the Venus of Cnidos, the Apollo Belvedere, the cast-iron
Cupid—all had little caps and collars of frozen snow. The windows of
the big house lay shuttered and dark, save for a room in the corner
where little bars of yellow light filtered out. It was perhaps the room
where Lily Shane sat waiting for her mother to die.
As he turned the corner on the stable side, there came to him all at
once a feeling that he was not alone in the park. There were other
creatures there, too, not human perhaps, but the ghosts of all the men
and women who had been there in the gaudy days of the Castle when the
trees were still alive, and the garden neatly kept, and the stable
filled with horses. There had always been a mystery about the place, and
for him, who had never seen the place while it was alive, it was a
mystery enveloped in a romantic glamour. He understood suddenly how
people are able to invest a place with the character of their own
existence. It was the wicked old John Shane, dead so long that he had
become a legend, and his dying widow, who owned this silent frozen park
filled with dead trees.... It would still be theirs and theirs alone
long after they had turned to dust, until at last the house was pulled
down and the park buried beneath clamorous steel sheds and roaring
furnaces. And even then ... as long as there remained alive one person
who remembered them, the place would be known as Shane’s Hill, where
once the Castle stood. It was an odd sort of immortality....
He saw, too, that the slate-colored house was like his mother: she had
stamped it forever as her own, and that the huts at Megambo were oddly
like Naomi, who had been so happy in them. And he saw suddenly why he
had hated both places and how in a way they explained both his mother
and Naomi, and the power they both possessed of making him wretched.
This cold park and the silent house, peopled by creatures that were
dead, seemed a dark and sinister place, yet it had, too, a sense of
splendor, of barren grandeur, that for more than half a century had
dominated the Town. It existed still in the very midst of the clamorous
Mills.
The stable was silent, save for the sound of the fat horses tramping in
their stalls, and in his room overhead the stove still burned, filling
the room with warmth. It was a plain enough room, empty save for the
iron cot where he slept, a table, two chairs and his painting materials.
Yet for him a pleasant place. He had for the first time in all his life
a sense of coming home. It was his; and it suited him with its barren
emptiness. It was like the cell of a monk, bare and cold, and free of
everything which might distract from a contemplation of the great
mystery.
He did not trouble to light the kerosene lamp. The cold moonlight
flooded in through the window, casting in black filigrees on the bare
floor the shadow of the drooping vines that fell across the panes.
Against the walls and ceiling the flames in the belly of the stove cast
another pattern, different, outlined of warm and glowing light.
For a long time he stood there, his hands clasped behind him, looking
out of the window, seized once more by the enchantment of the beauty
with which the night invested all the expanse of the Flats. Far off,
under the shadow of one of the seven hills, the flames of the furnaces
in the Jupiter plant raised an arc of glowing light. He saw in his
imagination all the spectacle that existed there—the bodies of the
black men, the dancing shadows cast by the glaring lights, the angry
hiss and bubble of boiling white-hot metal. He could smell the curious,
pungent odor of burning coke. He saw the movement, the unearthly
splendor, the immense energy that filled the whole scene.
Just beneath the hill, the sheds and furnaces lay in black shadows.
There were fires there, built by the Mill guards, that burned like the
red eyes of giants asleep in the velvety darkness. There was the sudden
wild screech of an express locomotive, and a long serpent-like monster,
lighted from within like a firefly, rushed through the darkness.
He was glad suddenly to be alone, for the solitude brought him a strange
peace like the peace that had come to him at times when he went alone at
dawn along the borders of the lake at Megambo. It was the peace of
complete aloofness, of detachment from all that troubled him—a
mysterious exaltation like death perhaps, in which no one could share.
No, not even Mary Conyngham.... Mary Conyngham.... He found himself
repeating the name idly in his brain. Now, in this moment of solitude,
even Mary Conyngham did not trouble him. It was as if he were free
suddenly of his body and existed only as a spirit.
Presently, he put his hand across his eyes, pressing them with a kind of
anguish. He knew that he believed again; he knew that he had always
believed. He had never lost his faith. It was only that until now he had
followed a bogus God. It was only that he didn’t believe in that harsh,
commonplace, ugly God of Naomi and Emma and the Reverend Castor. It was
a different sort of God—One who was concerned with a kind of beauty and
splendor which they did not know ... the beauty of all that scene
outspread below him, of that savage energy which cast a distant glow
against the sky; it was the beauty of those two children, his children,
called into existence because He willed it, the sinister beauty of the
park and of people like old John Shane and his widow who lived on even
after they were dead and dying, the beauty even of that coffee-shed
filled with shivering women and children, and the fires in the street.
He was the God, too, of those black women pouring the water of the
burning lake over the belly of an obscene idol—a God concerned with the
whole glowing tragic spectacle of living.
Presently his hands dropped to his side once more, and, looking out of
the window, he saw that the park was no longer empty. There was some one
there—a woman—walking up and down in the moonlight. She was wrapped in
furs and she was no ghost, for in the cold air, the moonlight and the
frost of her breath made a little halo about her uncovered head. She was
walking round and round the ruined dead English garden, which must have
had its own ghosts of larkspurs and foxgloves and lavender and mint and
primulas—all the ghosts of flowers long dead, killed by the soot of the
Mills.
And then all at once, he divined who the woman must be. She was Lily
Shane, walking in the moonlight.
She turned at last, and, going carelessly through the deep snow,
returned to the big, darkened house.
Philip lay down on the iron cot, and toward morning he fell asleep. But
in the long hours while he lay there, watching the pattern of warm light
on the ceiling, he became aware slowly of a whole new world born of a
strange, mystical understanding, that had come to him as he stood by the
window in the brilliant moonlight ... a world which belonged to him
alone, which none could intrude upon or destroy. He fell asleep in
peace, aware vaguely that for a time he had escaped from Naomi and Uncle
Elmer, from Mabelle—even from his own mother.
It was at noon on the following day that old Julia Shane fell into a
sleep from which she did not awaken. The old nigger, standing in the
snow by the stable door, told him the news. The old man wept like a
little child. “It’s the end of something, Mr. Downes,” he said. “It’s
all over now, and I expect I ain’t got much longer on this earth,
myself. It ain’t the same no longer.”
All that day Philip stayed in the room above the stable, struggling
passionately, with his stubborn jaw set like a steel trap, over paints
and canvas, trying to capture, while the mood was still on him, the
strange things he had seen in the dead park and the desert of silent
Mills beyond. But in the end, when it grew too dark to work any longer,
there was only a mass of blacks and grays, blues and whites, upon the
canvas.
At eight o’clock, he went to the Flats to sit with the twins while Naomi
went to choir practice.
The choir met in the room of the church which was given over on the
Sabbath to “the infant class” of the Sunday School for children under
six. It was a large, barren room, with large chromos of Biblical scenes
decorating the walls—the soldiers of Moses returning from the Promised
Land, Moses smiting the Rock, the same as an Infant being discovered in
the Bulrushes by a Princess dressed in garments as gaudy and inaccurate
as those of a music-hall Cleopatra, Noah and his family receiving the
Dove and Olive Branch. In the center of the room two dozen lilliputian
chairs sat ranged in a circle, save on the occasions of choir practice,
when a dozen adult chairs were brought in from the main Sunday School
room to accommodate members of the choir.
Naomi arrived early, and, admitting herself with the private key that
was her badge of office, turned on the gas and seated herself at the
upright piano. There was no piano in the flat by the railroads, and she
fell at once to playing, in order to recover her old careless facility.
She had no sense of music; yet music was to her only what wine is to
some temperaments: it served to unlock the doors of the restraining
prison which forever shut her in. She played relentlessly in showers of
loud, banging notes, heedless of discord and strange harmonies; and the
longer she played, the more shameless and abandoned became the character
of her playing. To-night she played from a none too sure memory The
Ninety and Nine and Throw Out the Life Line (her favorites) and then
I’m a Pilgrim, I’m a Stranger, which always made her want to cry, and
then with a strong arm and a loud pedal she swept into Ancient of
Days, which filled her with the strangest, emotional grandeur. There
was a splendor in it which made her feel noble and heroic: it filled her
with a sense of beauty and power. She saw herself vaguely as a barbarian
queen, like Sheba, riding on an elephant, surrounded by guards and
servitors. The image in her mind bore a strange resemblance to her
memory of a highly painted artificial blonde, clad principally in
sequins and crimson satin, whom she had once seen riding an elephant in
the circus parade—a lady advertised as “the ten-thousand-dollar
beauty.” But always when she had finished Ancient of Days, and the
last note had died away, she was left with a melancholy feeling of
depression and a sense of wickedness. The world about her became after
one of these musical debauches a sad and unbearable place.
To-night, alone in the bare, unattractive room, she poured into the
music all the pent-up emotions of days ... all her hatred of Emma, her
fear of the new life on which she had embarked, but, most of all, that
curious passionate half-wicked feeling she had for Philip. Beneath the
spell of Ancient of Days this emotion for him seemed to become
purified and free of all restraint. She poured into the banging,
careless chords all the things which she could never bring herself to
tell him—how the sight of him standing by the crib had made her feel
suddenly ill with warm voluptuous feeling, how there were times when she
wanted to lie down before him and beat her head on the floor to show him
how she felt, how she wakened out of a sound sleep in the midst of the
night with her hands aching to touch his face and his dark hair. In the
splendor of the hymn it was as if all those things were realized. For a
time she was that fantastic, barbaric queen of her imagination and
Philip was her lover, dressed like one of the soldiers in the chromo of
the return from the Promised Land, and sometimes in an overwhelming wave
of wickedness she saw him as she had seen him on the night of the drums,
standing half naked by the light of the dying fire.
It was thus that she saw him to-night, and, as if she meant to preserve
the wild romantic feeling, she played and sang the whole hymn over again
in her loud, flat voice. She was wildly happy, for in the end it seemed
that Philip really belonged to her, and that they were alone once more
by the lake at Megambo. They weren’t even missionaries and Swanson
wasn’t there. And he loved her.
When she had finished, the spell clung to her until the last chord, held
deliberately by the use of the loud pedal, died away, leaving her weak
and exhausted, and prey suddenly to the horrible, sickening depression.
She let her head fall forward on the piano. She wanted to cry, but she
couldn’t cry, because people would be coming in at any moment. And
suddenly she felt the touch of a hand on her shoulder and a voice
saying, “That was splendid, Mrs. Downes! That’s the sort of music that
will bring them to the Lord!”
It was the Reverend Castor. He had come in quietly, without a sound, and
had been sitting there all the while listening to her while she
desecrated the sanctity of a hymn with all her fleshly emotions. She
tried to gain control of herself, and, without looking up, mopped her
eyes and nose with her handkerchief. But it was no good: when she looked
up he saw that she had been crying. She was blushing with shame, and the
color made her seem almost pretty.
“Why, you’ve been crying!” he said.
She choked, recovered herself, and answered, “Yes ... I ... I can’t help
it.... It always makes me cry—that hymn.”
He laid a big, bony, masculine hand on her shoulder. “But you mustn’t
cry ... Mrs. Downes. You mustn’t cry.... It’s something to be joyful
over.”
She looked (he thought) so young and pitiful and unhappy. If it were
only possible to comfort her, to take her on his knee as if she were a
little child. It was no more than that, this feeling toward her. He
wanted to comfort her. But you couldn’t do that, of course, especially
if you were a preacher.
“I watched your face while you were singing,” he said. “It was a
beautiful sight ... so filled with joy and hope and exaltation ... like
the face of one who has seen a vision. It was an inspiration—even to
me, a man of God.”
She thought, “Oh, I am wicked. I am wicked!” And aloud, suddenly,
without knowing why, she said, “Oh, I’m so unhappy!”
“But why, Naomi?”
He had called her by her name, without thinking, and suddenly he was
frightened. He always thought of her thus, as if she had been his own
child, and now the thought had slipped into words. He saw that she had
noticed it, for she was blushing and avoided his eyes. She did not
answer his question, and suddenly he said, “You mustn’t mind that ...
that ... Mrs. Downes.... It only means ... that ... well, I always think
of you as Naomi because I think of your mother-in-law as the Mrs.
Downes.”
Still looking away, she answered, “I know ... I know.... It’s all right.
You may call me that if you want, only ... only not in front of the
others. I didn’t.... I think it would make me feel less alone.”
And then the door creaked, and Mrs. Wilbert Phipps came in. The Reverend
Castor began fingering the piles of music, and Naomi began again to
pound the piano with an hysterical violence.
“Good-evening, Mrs. Phipps.”
“Good-evening, Reverend Castor.”
“I’ve been looking over the anthems for next Sunday.”
“We haven’t sung O the Golden, Glowing Morning for a long while.”
“No ... but that’s an Easter hymn!”
“But we have sung it before on other occasions ... it’s so moving.”
“What do you think, Mrs. Downes?”
Naomi stopped in the midst of her playing. “I think it would be fine.
It’s so full of joy.”
One by one the others arrived. Each had his favorite, some song which he
or she found moving. Naomi, troubled and unhappy, yielded to their
choice. She was not, it was plain to be seen, to be a leader save in
name alone. The eleven singers took their seats. There was a rustling of
music and Naomi plunged noisily into:
“O the Golden, Glowing Morning!
Stars above and Stars adorning!”
The voices rang out loud and clear, filling the infants’ classroom with
a wild joy that seemed almost improper in so bare and chaste a place.
They went on through a whole program of anthems and hymns, singing more
and more loudly. At last, as the clock banged out eleven, the orgy of
music came to an end, leaving them tired but happy, and filled with a
strange excitement. At the piano, Naomi turned away to collect the
sheets of music. There was a bustle of farewells and small talk and, one
by one, or in pairs, the singers drifted out. It had been a happy
evening: the happiness of these evenings in the infants’ classroom held
the choir together. In all the dreary Town of slate-colored houses, the
weekly orgy of singing provided a half-mystical joy that elsewhere did
not exist. It was, for all the pious words that were chanted, a sort of
pagan festival in which men and women found a wild, emotional abandon.
It was from choir practice that Mrs. Swithers had run off with the
county auditor, leaving behind a husband, an aged mother and three small
children.
The music was kept in a cabinet in the Reverend Castor’s study, and
before the others had all gone, Naomi hurried off to place it there. The
depression had begun to settle over her once more, leaving her a prey to
uneasiness. The drawer of the cabinet was jammed, and while she pulled
and tugged at it, she heard the singers in little groups passing the
door. She heard the dry Mrs. Wilbert Phipps say in a curious, excited
voice, “No, Hanna, you mustn’t say that here. Wait until we get out,”
and then the banging of the door. She pulled and tugged desperately at
the drawer. The door banged again, and again. Without thinking, she
counted the number of times it had closed ... ten times! They must all
have gone, and she was left alone. She knew suddenly that she must
escape before the Reverend Castor appeared. She could not stay alone
with him there in the study. She could not. She could not.... Suddenly,
in a wave of terror, she let the music slip to the floor, and turned to
escape, but at the same moment the Reverend Castor came in. He stood
for a second, looking at her with a queer, fixed expression in his
kindly gray eyes, and then he said, gently, “What is it, Naomi? Did I
frighten you?”
In her struggle with the drawer, her hat had slipped to the back of her
head and her hair had fallen into disarray. Her pale face was flushed
once more.
“No,” she said. “I just couldn’t get that awful drawer open.”
“I’ll do it for you.”
She couldn’t escape now. She couldn’t run past him out of the door. It
would be too ridiculous. Besides, she had a strange, wicked desire not
to escape. She sat down on one of the shabby leather chairs and put her
hat straight. The Reverend Castor stooped without a word and gathered up
the music, and then, with one hand, he opened the drawer easily. She saw
it happen with a chill of horror. It was as if the drawer had betrayed
her.
She rose quickly and said, “It really wouldn’t open for me. It
really wouldn’t.... I tried and tried.” (He would think she had
planned it all.)
But when he turned toward her, he said gently, “Yes, I know. It’s a
funny drawer. It sticks sometimes like that.” He was so calm and so ...
usual, she had suddenly, without knowing why, a queer certainty that he
understood what was happening there deep inside her, and was trying to
still her uneasiness. The knowledge made her want to cry. If only for a
second Philip would treat her thus....
He was rubbing his hands together. “Well, that was what I call a real
choir practice. We’ve always needed some one like you, Naomi, to put
spirit into them. It’s the way you make the piano talk. Why, it was
like a new choir to-night.”
She looked away from him. “I tried my best. I hope they liked it.”
“It was wonderful, my child.”
There was a sudden, awkward silence, and Naomi said nervously, “Well, I
ought to be going.”
She moved toward the door, and the Reverend Castor took up his hat and
coat. “I’ll walk with you, Naomi. I want some air.”
Despite herself, she cried out in a sudden hysteria, “No, no. You
mustn’t do that.”
“But it isn’t safe down there by the railroads.”
“Oh, I’m not afraid.” She kept moving slowly toward the door.
“But I don’t mind the walk, Naomi. It’s no walk for a strong man like
me.”
“Oh, it isn’t that....” She hesitated for a moment. “I don’t mean
that.... I don’t know how to explain, only ... only you never walked
home with Mrs. Timpkins when she was leading the choir ... and ... you
see, if any one saw us....”
He looked suddenly at the floor, and a great sigh escaped him—a
heart-breaking sigh, filled with the ghosts of disillusionment, of
misery and disappointment.
“Yes ... I know,” he said gently. “I understand.”
The door closed behind her, and she was outside in the snow. She kept
hearing the sigh. It haunted her as she hurried, confused and out of
breath, down the long hill. She felt so sorry for him ... a kind, good
man like that. And all at once she began to cry silently. There was no
sound, but only tears and a lump in her throat.
The suspicion of Mary Conyngham, planted by Mabelle in the mind of Emma,
lay there for days, flourishing upon fertile soil until at last it took
on the sturdy form of reality and truth. In her pain at Philip’s
coldness toward her and in her anger at the spectacle of an existence
which had become as disorderly and unmanageable as her own house during
Naomi’s presence in it, the thought of Mary Conyngham seldom left her.
It burned her mind as she sat behind the cash-register, while she lay in
bed at night alone in the house she had meant always to be Philip’s
house. It gave her no peace. What right, she asked herself, had Mary
Conyngham to steal her boy? Bit by bit, she built up the story from that
one shred of gossip dropped by Mabelle.
She saw now that the name of Mary Conyngham explained everything. Mary
had never gone to church, and perhaps hadn’t any faith in God, and so
she had aggravated Philip’s strange behavior. It was probably Mary or
the thought of her, that put into Philip’s head that fantastic idea of
going to work in the Mills, in a place which had nearly cost him his
life. She must have seen him almost every day. Why, she was even
friendly with the Polacks and Dagoes. Who could say what things she
hadn’t been guilty of down there in the Flats, where no decent person
ever went? There was probably truth in the story that Irene Shane slept
with that big Russian—what was his name—who had had the boldness to
come to the very door when Philip was ill. No, all sorts of orgies
might go on in the Flats and no one would ever know. It was awful,
degrading of Philip, to have mixed himself up with such people.
And presently she began to suspect that Mary lay at the source of
Philip’s behavior toward Naomi. A man didn’t give up living with his
wife so easily unless there was another woman. A man didn’t do such
things. Men were different from women. “Why,” she thought, “I’ve lived
all these years without a man, and never once dreamed of re-marrying. I
gave up my life to my son.”
It was Jason’s fault too (she thought). It was Jason’s bad blood in
Philip. The boy wouldn’t have behaved like that if it hadn’t been for
his father before him. That was where the weakness lay.
And now Mary probably came to see him at that room over the stables at
night, and even in the daytime, because there was nothing to stop her
coming and going. No one in the Flats would care, especially now, in the
midst of the strike, and the Shanes wouldn’t even take notice of such a
thing. Shane’s Castle had always been a sort of bawdy-house, and with
the old woman dead the last trace of respectability had vanished....
She remembered, too, that Mary hadn’t been happy with her husband. Being
married to a man like that who ran after women like Mamie Rhodes did
something to a woman. Why, she herself could remember times when Jason’s
behavior made her, out of revenge, want to be unfaithful to him; and if
it could happen to her (Emma) why, what would be the effect on a godless
woman like Mary Conyngham?
For a time she considered boldly the plan of going to Philip himself and
forcing him to give up Mary Conyngham. Surely she could discuss a thing
like that with her own son, to whom she had been both father and mother.
There must be, no matter how deeply it lay buried, still a foundation of
that sound and moral character which she had labored so long to create.
“If only,” she thought, “I could make him feel again as he once felt. If
only I could get through to the real Philip, my Philip, my little
boy.” But he was hard, as hard as flint.
Twice she planned to go alone to the stable of Shane’s Castle, and once
she got as far as the bridge before she lost courage and turned back.
Always a shadow rose up between her and her resolution—the shadow of
that day when, hidden by a screen in the corner of the restaurant, she
had pled with him passionately, only to find herself beating her head
against a wall of flint, to hear him saying, “You mustn’t talk like
that. It’s not fair”; to see the thin jaw set in a hard line. No, she
saw that it was impossible to talk to him. He was so strange and unruly
that he might turn his back on her forever. The thought of it filled her
with terror, and for two nights she lay awake, weeping in a debauch of
self-pity.
But one thing was changed. In all the trouble with Philip, her doubts
over marrying Moses Slade seemed to have faded away. At times when she
felt tired and worn she knelt in her cold bedroom and thanked God for
sending him to her. They could be married in two more months, and then
... then she would have some one to comfort her. She couldn’t go to him
with her troubles now, lest the weight of them should frighten him. No,
she saw that she must bear all her suffering alone until God saw fit to
lift the cross from her shoulders.
One afternoon when Moses Slade had left, still breathing fire and
thunder against Krylenko, she sat for a long time alone behind the
screen, in the restaurant, looking out of the window. Her eyes saw
nothing that passed, for she was seeing far beyond such things as
shop-fronts and trolley-cars. She was thinking, “What has come over me
lately? I haven’t any character any more. I’m not like Moses, who goes
on fighting like an old war horse. I’ve let things slide. I haven’t
faced things as I should. I’ve humored Philip, and see what’s come of
it. When I kept hold on the reins everything went well, and now Philip’s
ruining himself and going straight to the Devil. I should never have
allowed Naomi to leave the house. She’s wax in his hands, with all her
softness—she can never manage him and he needs to be managed just as
his father did. If I’d treated his father the way Naomi treats Philip
... God knows what would have happened.”
She began automatically to stack the dishes on the table before her, as
if she had gone back to the days when the restaurant had been only a
lunch-room and she had herself waited on her customers.
“I must take hold,” she told herself. “There’s only one thing to do ...
only one thing.... I must go and see Mary Conyngham. I must talk to her
face to face and have it out. He’s my son. I bore him. I gave him life,
and I have a right to save him.”
A kind of feverish energy took possession of her. It seemed that she
could no longer sit there seeing the whole structure of her life going
to ruin. She would save Philip. She would die knowing that he was a
bishop. She would marry Moses Slade and go to Washington and work there
to save the country from chaos, from drink, from strikes. She would rise
in the end, triumphant as she had always been. She had been weak: she
had rested at the time when she should have worked. She needed to act.
She would act, no matter what it cost her. She would save Philip and
herself.
In a kind of frenzy she seized her hat and coat and left the restaurant.
It was a warm day when the snow had begun to melt and the pavement was
deep with slush. She hurried, wet to the knees, fairly running all the
way, so that by the time she reached Mary Conyngham’s house her face was
scarlet and wet with sweat.
Mary was in, but she was upstairs with the children, and the hired girl
bade her wait in the parlor. There she seated herself on a rosewood
chair, upholstered in horsehair, to mop her face and set her hat
straight. And slowly the room began to have a strange effect upon her.
Though the room itself was warm, it was as if she had come into a cool
place. The rosewood furniture was dark and cool, and the great marble
slab of the heavy mahogany commode. The wax flowers and the glass dome
that protected them were cool, and the crystal chandelier and the great
silver-bordered mirror. The whole room (queer and old-fashioned, Emma
thought indignantly) was a pool of quiet ... a genteel room, a little
thread-bare, but nevertheless possessed of an elegance all its own.
It exerted the queerest effect on Emma, dampening her spirits and
extinguishing the indignation that a little while before had roared in
her bosom like the flames in the belly of one of the furnaces. She
began suddenly to feel tired again and filled with despair.
“It’s like her to keep an older woman waiting,” she thought. “Probably
she knows well enough why I’ve come.”
She began to tap the carpet with the toe of her shoe and at last she
rose and began to walk about, as if she felt that only by activity could
she throw off from her the softening effect of that quiet room. She
halted presently before the oval portrait, framed in gilt, of Mary’s
mother, a very pretty woman, with dark hair and a spirited eye ... a
woman such as Mary might have been if she hadn’t married that John
Conyngham and had her spirit subdued. Well (thought Emma) she seemed
nevertheless to have too much spirit for her own good or the good of any
one else.
She was standing thus when Mary came in, dressed in a mauve frock, and
looking pale and a little nervous. Emma thought, “She knows why I’ve
come. It’s on her conscience. She’s afraid of me already.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Downes,” said Mary, “but my sister-in-law has gone out,
and I couldn’t come down until both children were asleep.”
It was odd, but her voice had upon Emma the same effect as the room. It
seemed to sap the foundations of her assurance and strength by its very
gentleness. It was strange how subdued and quiet Mary seemed, almost as
if (Emma thought suspiciously) she had forgotten her early troubles and
was now shamelessly and completely happy. Feeling that if she did not
begin at once, she would not accomplish her plan, Emma plunged.
“It’s about Philip I’ve come to see you,” she said. “I knew that you
were interested in him.”
Mary admitted the interest shamelessly.
“I don’t know what’s happened to him. He’s so changed ... not at all the
boy he used to be.”
“Yes, he’s very different.... I think maybe he’s happier now.”
“Oh, he’s not happy. No one could be happy in his state of mind. Why,
he’s even abandoned God.... Something, some one has gotten hold of him.”
The shadow of a frown crossed Mary’s smooth brow. She had the air of
waiting ... waiting.... She said, “Perhaps I’ve chosen the wrong word. I
mean that he seems on a more solid foundation.”
“Do you call what he’s doing solid?”
“If it’s what he wants to do.”
“He doesn’t know his own mind.”
“I mean he’s more like the real Philip. I think he is the real Philip
now.”
Emma’s fingers began to strum the arm of her chair nervously. “I don’t
know what you’re talking about, but if you mean that the old Philip
wasn’t real, why, I think you’re saying a crazy thing. It’s this new one
who’s queer. Do you mean to insinuate that I, his own mother ... the one
who bore him ... who gave him life, doesn’t know who the real Philip
is?”
It was clear that she was “working herself up.” Mary did not answer her
at once, but when she raised her head, it was to say, with a curious,
tense quietness, “No ... if you want the truth, Mrs. Downes, I don’t
think you know Philip at all. I think that’s really what’s the matter.
You’ve never known him.”
Emma found herself suddenly choked and speechless. “Do you know what
you’re saying? I’ve never had any one say such a thing to me before ...
me, his own mother! Why, do you know what we’ve been to each other ...
Philip and me?” She plunged into a long recital of their intimacy, of
the beautiful relationship that had always existed between them, of the
sacrifices she had made. It went on and on, and Mary, listening,
thought, “That’s how she talks to him. That’s why he can’t get free of
her.” Suddenly she hated Emma. And then she heard Emma saying, in a cold
voice, “Of course, I suppose in one way you do know him better than I
do—in one way.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“You know what I mean. You ought to know ... you ... you ... who have
stolen him away from me and from his own wife.”
Mary’s fingers dug suddenly into the horsehair of her chair. She felt a
sudden primitive desire to fling herself upon Emma, to pull her hair, to
choke her. The old tomboyish spirit, dead for so long, seemed suddenly
to breathe and stir with life. She thought quickly, “I mustn’t. I
mustn’t. It’s what she’d like me to do—to put myself on a level with
herself. And I mustn’t, for Philip’s sake. It’s all bad enough as it
is.” She grew suddenly rigid with the effort of controlling herself. She
managed to say in a quiet voice, “I think you’re talking nonsense. I
think you’re a little crazy.”
“Crazy, am I? That’s a nice thing to say!”
“I have talked to Philip just once since he came home, and that was on
the day I met you in the street. I didn’t try to find him. He came to
me.”
“Do you expect me to believe that?”
“It’s the truth. Beyond that I don’t care what you believe.”
“I want you to leave him alone.”
Suddenly Mary stood up. “I was leaving him alone. I meant never to see
him, but I won’t leave him alone any longer. He would have been mine
except for you. He’s belonged to me always and he needs me to protect
him. No, I won’t leave him alone any longer.”
All at once she began to cry, and turning, she ran from the room and up
the stairs. Emma, left behind on the horsehair sofa, felt suddenly
foolish and outwitted. She was certain that Mary meant not to come back,
but she remained in the cool, quiet room for a long time, as if her
dignity demanded such an action. And at last, baffled and filled with a
sense of flatness, she rose and walked out of the house.
The whole visit had been a failure, for it hadn’t come properly to a
climax. It was ended before it began. But she had (she felt) done her
best, all that a mother could do to save her only son. She had laid
herself open to insult.... A block from Mary’s house she discovered that
in her agitation she had forgotten her gloves. She halted abruptly, and
then resumed her way. They didn’t matter. They were old gloves, anyway.
She couldn’t bring herself to go back and enter that depressing house
again.
Upstairs in the room where the two children were asleep in their cribs,
Mary lay on the bed and wept. Until this moment her love had seemed a
far-off, distant thing, to be cherished sadly and romantically as
hopeless, but now, all at once, it had become unbearably real. She saw
Philip in a new way, as some one whom she might touch and care for with
all the tenderness that had been wasted upon John Conyngham. She saw him
as a lonely man who wanted one thing above all else from a woman, and
that was understanding; and it was tenderness that she wanted to give
him more than all else on earth. In the midst of her grief and fury, she
meant to have him for her own. It seemed to her suddenly that it was
only possible to free him from that terrible woman by sacrificing
herself. If she gave herself—soul and body and heart—to Philip, she
could save him. “He is mine,” she kept sobbing, half-aloud. “He is mine
... my own dear Philip.” Why (she asked herself) should she care at all
for gossip, for the sacrifice of her own pride, for all the tangle that
was certain to follow? He needed her, though she doubted whether the
fact had ever occurred to him, and she needed him, and it had been so
ever since they were children, and would be so when they were old. All
at once she felt a sudden terror of growing old. She seemed to feel the
years rushing by her. She knew that she could not go on thus until she
died.
And after a little while, when her sobbing had quieted a little, she
began to see the thing more coldly. She saw even that Philip was
fantastic and hopeless, trying to escape as much from himself as from
his mother and from Naomi. She saw even that he was impossible. She
doubted whether there was in him the chance of happiness. Yet none of it
made any difference, for those were the very reasons perhaps why she
loved him. They were the reasons too, perhaps, why at least three
women—his mother, his wife and herself—had found themselves in a
hopeless tangle over him. It was simply that without knowing it he made
demands upon them from which they could not escape. He had even touched
Irene Shane in whose cold life men played no part. Mary loved him, she
saw now, without reason, without restraint, and she knew that because
she loved him she must save him from his own weakness and lead him out
of his hopeless muddle into the light.
Because she was a sensible woman, the sudden resolution brought her a
certain peace. She coldly took account of all the things that might
follow her decision, and knew that she was decided to face them. She
had to help him. It was the only thing that mattered.
As she stirred and sat up on the edge of the bed, the youngest child
moved and opened its eyes, and Mary, in a sudden burst of joy, went over
and kissed it. Bending down, she said, “Your mother, Connie, is a wicked
woman.” The child laughed, and she laughed too, for there was a sudden
peace and delight in her heart.
Philip had spent the morning of that same day among the tents where the
strikers lived in the melting snow. He had made sketches, a fragment
here, a fragment there—tiny glimpses that were in their own way more
eloquent than the lifting of the whole curtain. They were a weekly
affair now, done regularly on a fragment of some denunciating speech or
editorial. They appeared weekly in the Labor Journal. Now he chose an
editorial in which the Chairman of the Board of Mill Directors made a
speech filled with references to Christ and appeals to end the strike
and return to an era of Peace on Earth; now it was an address from the
Governor of the State—a timid man, a bit of a fool, and destined one
day to be President of the Nation. Moses Slade suffered twice more, for
his pompous bombastic speeches made irresistible subjects for burlesque.
But, as the weeks passed, Philip found himself less and less interested
in making propaganda for the workers, and more and more concerned with
the purity of his line. The room above the stable came to be papered in
sketches made on bits of newsprint or fragments of butchers’ brown
paper. A frenzy of work took possession of him, and for whole days at a
time he never left the place, even to see his children. There were even
times when he forgot the very existence of Mary Conyngham. But he did go
faithfully twice a week to stay with the twins so that Naomi might go to
choir practice. It was, he knew, the only pleasure which lay in his
power to give her.
The importance of the thing appeared to make her happy, and to diminish
the aching sense of strain that was never absent when they were
together. She began, little by little, to grow used to a husband whose
only activities were those of a nursemaid, but she still tried
pathetically to please him. She made a heroic effort to dress neatly and
keep the house in order (although there were times when he spent his
whole visit to the twins in putting closets in order and gathering the
soiled clothing into piles), and she never spoke any more of his coming
back to her. The only fault seemed to be a jealousy which she could not
conquer.
She kept asking him questions, disguised in a pitiful air of casualness,
about what the Shanes’ house was like, and whether he thought Lily Shane
as beautiful a woman as she was supposed to be. Once she even asked
about Mary Conyngham. He always answered her in the same fashion—that
he had never been inside the Shanes’ house, and did not know Lily Shane,
and had spoken to Mary Conyngham but once since he had come home.
Sometimes he fancied that it was more than mere jealousy that prompted
her questions: he thought, too, there was something in them of wistful
curiosity about a world filled with people she would never know. She
still had the power of rousing a pity which weakened him like an
illness.
He did tell her at last that he had seen Lily Shane three or four
times walking in the park, once in the moonlight, and that he thought
she was a beautiful woman; but he never told her how the figure of Lily
Shane was inextricably a part of that strange illuminating vision that
came to him as he stood by the vine-clad window. It was, he believed,
the sort of thing no one would understand, not even Mary. Naomi would
only think him crazy and go at once to tell his mother. They would begin
all over again humoring him as a madman or a child. No, he did not know
Lily Shane, and yet he did know her, in a strange, unearthly, mystical
fashion, as if she stood as a symbol of all that strange, sensuous world
of which he had had a single illuminating intuition as he stood by the
window. It was a world in which all life was lived on a different plane,
in which tragedies occurred and people were happy and unhappy, but it
was a world in which success and happiness and tragedy and sorrow were
touched by grandeur. There was in it nothing sordid or petty, for there
were in it no people like Uncle Elmer and Naomi and Mabelle. One could
enter it if one knew how to live. That, he saw, was a thing he must
learn—how to live, to free himself of all that nastiness and
intolerance and pettiness of which he had suddenly become aware. He had
to escape from all those things which the old Philip, the one who was
dead, had accepted, in the blindness of a faith in a nasty God, as the
ultimate in living.
This new Philip, prey to a sickening awareness, had been working all the
morning in the Flats and ate with Krylenko at the tent where the
homeless strikers were fed soup and coffee and bread, and, on returning
to the stable, he lay down on the iron bed and fell asleep. He did not
know how long he lay there, but he was awakened presently by a curious
feeling, half a dream, that some one had come into the room with him.
Lying quietly, still half-lost in a mist of sleep, he became slowly
aware that some one was walking softly about beyond the screen. Rising,
he pushed it aside and, stepping out, saw who it was. Standing in the
shadow near the window, peering at the drawings, was Lily Shane,
hatless, with her honey-colored hair done in a knot at the back of her
neck, her furs thrown back over her shoulders. At the sound of his step,
she turned slowly and said, “Oh! I thought there was no one here. I
thought I was alone.”
It was a soft voice, gentle and musical, exactly the right voice for
such a figure and face. At the sound of it, he was aware suddenly that
he must appear ridiculous—coatless, with his hair all rumpled. It was
the first time he had ever spoken to such a woman, and something in her
manner—the complete calm and assurance, the quiet, almost insolent lack
of any apology, made him feel a gawky little boy.
“I ... I was asleep,” he said, desperately patting down his hair.
She smiled. “I didn’t look behind the screen. Hennery told me you hadn’t
come in.” But there was a contradiction behind the smile, a ghost of a
voice which said, “I did look behind the screen. I knew you were
there.”
And suddenly, for the first time, Philip was stricken by an awful
speculation as to how he looked when asleep. He knew that he was
blushing. He said, “It doesn’t matter. It’s your stable, after all.”
“I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ve stayed longer than I meant to ...
but—you see ...”—she made a gesture toward the drawings—“I found all
these more fascinating than I expected. I knew about you. My sister told
me ... but I didn’t find what I expected. They’re so much better.... You
see, it’s always the same. I couldn’t believe it of the Town. Can any
good thing come out of Nazareth?”
He began to tremble a little. He’d never shown them to any one save
Krylenko, who only wanted pictures for propaganda and liked everything,
good and bad. And now some one who lived in a great world such as he
could scarcely imagine, thought they were good. Suddenly all the
worries, the troubles, slipping from him, left him shy and childlike.
“I don’t know whether they’re good or bad,” he said, “only ... only I’ve
got to do them.”
She was standing before the painting of the Flats seen from the window,
over which he had struggled for days. She smiled again, looking at him.
“It’s a bit messy ... but it’s got something in it of truth. I’ve seen
it like that. It was like that one moonlight night not so long ago. I
was walking in the garden ... late ... after midnight. I noticed it.”
She sat down in one of the chairs by the stove. “May I stay and talk a
moment?”
“Of course.”
“Sit down too,” she said.
Then he remembered that he was still without a coat, and, seizing it
quickly, he put it on and sat down. His mind was all on fire, like a
pile of tinder caught by a spark. He had never seen anything like this
woman before. She wasn’t what a woman who had led such a life should
have been. She wasn’t hard, or vulgar, or coarse, as he had been taught
to believe. She must have been nearly forty years old, and yet she was
fresh as the morning. And in her beauty, her voice, her manner, there
was an odd quality of excitement which changed the very surface of
everything about her. Her very presence seemed to make possible anything
in the world.
She was saying, “What do you mean to do about it?”
“About what?”
She made a gesture to include the drawings. “All this.”
It seemed to him for the first time that he had never thought of what he
meant to do about it. He had just worked, passionately, because he had
to work. He hadn’t thought of the future at all.
“I don’t know ... I want to work until I can find what I know is here
... I mean in the Mills and in the Flats. And then ... some day ... I
... I want to go back to Africa.... I’ve been to Africa, you know. I was
a missionary once.” He thought that from the summit of her worldliness
she might laugh at him for being a missionary; but she didn’t laugh.
She clasped her hands about her knee, and he saw suddenly that they were
very beautiful hands, white and ringless, against the soft, golden
sables. He wanted to seize a pencil and draw them.
She didn’t laugh at him. She only said, “Tell me about that ... about
Africa ... I mean.”
And slowly he found himself telling the whole story, passionately, as he
had never told it before, even to Mary Conyngham. He seemed to find in
it things which he hadn’t seen before, strange lights and shadows. He
told it from beginning to end, and when he had finished, she said,
looking into the fire, without smiling, “Yes, I understand all that.
I’ve never been religious or mystical, but I’ve always had my sister
Irene. I’ve seen it with her. You see I’m what they call a bad lot.
You’ve probably heard of me. I’m only thankful I’m alive and I try to
enjoy myself in the only world I’m sure of.”
He went on, “You see, when I’ve learned more, I want to go back and
paint that country. It had a fascination for me. I guess I’m like that
Englishwoman ... Lady Millicent ... the one I told you about. She said
there were some people who couldn’t resist it.”
When he finished, he saw that all his awe of her had vanished. He knew
her better than any one in the world, for she had a miraculous way of
understanding him, even those things which he did not say. The desire
for the jungle and the hot lake swept over him in a turbulent wave. He
wanted to go at once, without waiting. He was thirsty for a sight of the
reedy marshes. The procession of black women moved somehow across the
back of the room beyond Lily Shane. He was hot all at once, and thirsty
for the water they carried up the slope to the parched ground.
She understood what he was trying to tell her ... she had caught a
magnificence, a splendor, that was not to be put into words. He wasn’t
afraid any more, or shy. It was as if she existed in an aura of
contagious lawlessness.
She took out a cigarette from a lacquered box. “Do you mind if I smoke?”
“No.”
“I didn’t know....”
He watched her curiously. There lay in the soft curve of her body, in
the long slim leg crossed over the other, in the curve of the fur thrown
back across her shoulders, in the poise of her arm, all the perfection
of some composition designed and executed by a great artist. It was a
kind of perfection he had never dreamed of, something which had arisen
mysteriously during years out of the curious charm of her own
personality. It was, too, a completeness born of the fearlessness which
he had sensed for a moment by the window. Suddenly he thought, “Some day
I shall be of that world. I shall succeed and become great. And Mary,
too, will share it.”
He had almost forgotten Mary, but it was only, he told himself
shamefully, because she had been there with him all the while. It was
almost as if she were a part of himself: whatever happened to him must
happen also to her. It was not that he had fallen in love with this
stranger, or even that he desired her: the emotion was something far
beyond all that, a sort of dazzled bewilderment shot through with
streaks of hope and glamour which brought near to him that world in
which people were really alive.
Suddenly he summoned all his courage. He said, blushing under his dark
skin, “I want to draw you. I want to make a picture of you.”
She moved a little and smiled.
“No,” he said, quickly. “Like that. Don’t move.”
He wanted to capture the grace and elegance of the pose, so that he
might have it always, as a little fragment, caught and held, of this
thing which he knew to exist, beyond his reach. She sat quietly. “Yes,
of course ... only it’s almost dark now....”
He seized a pencil and a bit of paper, working swiftly, as he had done
at the soup-kitchen. He must hurry (he thought) or she would be gone
again back to Paris. She appeared presently to have forgotten him, and
sat, with the remnant of the cigarette hanging from her long white
fingers, while she stared into the fire. There was a curious sense of
repose in the whole body, and a queer sadness too. She might have been
quite alone. He had the feeling that she had forgotten his existence.
He worked nervously, with long, sure strokes, and with each one he knew
that he was succeeding. In the end he would fix her thus forever on a
fragment of paper. And then suddenly he heard some one enter the stable
below, and, fumbling with the door, open it and hurry up the steps. He
went on, pressed by the fear that if he were disturbed now the thing
would never be finished. He had to have it. It would be a kind of
fetish to keep off despair.
It was Lily Shane who moved first, stirred perhaps by a sense of being
watched. As she moved, Philip turned too, and there, half-way up the
stairs where she had halted at sight of them, stood Naomi, staring.
She was breathless, and beneath a carelessly pinned hat, from which
wisps of hair escaped, her face showed red and shining as a midsummer
day. For one dreadful moment the three remained silent, staring at each
other. Lily Shane stared with a kind of bored indifference, but there
was in Naomi’s eyes a hurt look of bewilderment. Suddenly she turned
back, as if she meant to go away again without speaking to either of
them. Philip knew the expression at once. She had looked thus on the day
that Lady Millicent appeared out of the forest with the Arab marching
before her. It was the look of one who was shut out from something she
could not understand, which frightened her by its strangeness.
It was Lily Shane who moved first. The burnt cigarette dropped from her
fingers; and she stamped on it. The action appeared to stir Naomi into
life.
“Philip,” she said. “I came to tell you that your Pa has come home.”
It was Emma herself who saw him first. Returning flustered and upset
from the call upon Mary Conyngham, she entered the slate-colored house
closing the door stormily behind her. She would have passed the darkened
parlor (where since Naomi’s departure the shades were always kept drawn
to protect the carpet), but, as she explained it afterward, she “felt”
that there was some one in the room. Peering into the darkness, she
heard a faint sound of snoring, and, as her eyes grew accustomed to the
darkness, she discerned the figure of a man lying on her best sofa, with
his feet resting on the arm. He was sleeping with his mouth open a
little way beneath a black mustache, waxed and curled with the care of a
dandy.
As she stood there in the midst of the room, the figure in the shadows
took form slowly, and suddenly she knew it ... the dapper, small body,
dressed so dudishly, the yellow waistcoat with its enormous gold
watch-chain, and cluster of seals. She knew, with a sudden pang, even
the small, well-shaped hand, uncalloused by any toil, that lay
peacefully at rest on the Brussels carpet. For a second she thought,
“I’ve gone suddenly crazy from all the trouble I’ve had. What I’m seeing
can’t be true.”
It took a great deal of courage for her to move toward the sofa, for it
meant moving in an instant, not simply across the Brussels carpet, but
across the desert of twenty-six years. It meant giving up Moses Slade
and all that resplendent future which had been taking form in her mind
only a moment before. It was like waking the dead from the shadows of
the tomblike parlor.
She did not lack courage, Emma; or perhaps it was not courage, but the
headlong thrust of an immense vitality which now possessed her. She went
over to the sofa and said, “Jason! Jason Downes!” He did not stir, and
suddenly the strange thought came to her that he might be dead. The
wicked idea threw her into an immense confusion, for she did not know
whether she preferred the unstable companionship of the fascinating
Jason to the bright future that would be hers as the wife of Moses.
Then, all at once, she saw that the gaudy watch-chain was moving up and
down slowly as he breathed, and she was smitten abruptly by memories
twenty-six years old of morning after morning when she had wakened,
full of energy, to find Jason lying beside her sleeping in the same
profound, conscienceless slumber.
“Jason!” she said again. “Jason Downes!” And this time there was a
curious tenderness in her voice that was almost a sob.
He did not stir, and she touched his shoulder. He moved slowly, and
then, opening his eyes, sat up and put his feet on the floor. He
awakened lazily, and for a moment he simply sat staring at her, looking
as neat and dapper as if he had just finished an elaborate toilet. Again
memory smote Emma. He had always been like this: he had always wakened
in the mornings, looking fresh and neat, with every hair in place. It
was that hair-oil he persisted in using. Now that he’d come home, she
would have to get antimacassars to protect the furniture against Jason’s
oily head.
Suddenly he grinned and said, “Why! Hello! It’s you, Em.” It wasn’t a
sheepish grin, but a smile of cocky assurance, such as was frozen
forever upon the face of the enlarged portrait.
“Jason ... Jason! Oh, my God! Jason!” She collapsed suddenly and fell
into the mahogany-veneer rocker. It was a strange Emma, less strange
perhaps to Jason Downes than she would have been to the world outside,
for suddenly she had become all soft and collapsed and feminine. All
those twenty-six years had rolled away, leaving her helpless.
As if he had left the house only that morning, he sat on the arm of the
chair and kissed her. He patted her hands and said, “You mustn’t cry
like that, Em. I can’t bear to hear you. It breaks me all up.”
“If you knew how long I’d waited!” she sobbed. “Why didn’t you even
write? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
He seemed a little proud of himself. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
He led her to the sofa and sat there, patting her hand and smiling, and
comforting her while she wept and wept. “A surprise,” she echoed. “A
surprise ... after twenty-six years....” After a time she grew more
calm, and suddenly she began to laugh. She kept saying at little
intervals, “If you knew how I’ve waited!”
“I’m rich now, Emma,” he said with the shadow of a swagger. “I’ve done
well out there.”
“Out where ... Jason?”
“Out in Australia ... where I went.”
“You were in Australia?” He wasn’t in China at all, then. The story was
so old that she had come to believe it, and with a sudden shock of
horror she saw that they would now have to face the ancient lie. He
hadn’t been in China, and he hadn’t been killed by bandits. Here he was
back again, and you couldn’t keep a man like Jason shut up forever in
the house. The Town would see him. She began once more to cry.
“There, there, Em!” he said, patting her hand again, almost amorously.
“Don’t take it so hard. You’re glad I did come back, ain’t you?”
“I don’t know ... I don’t know. You don’t deserve anything ... even
tears ... after treating a wife the way you’ve treated me. Don’t think
I’m crying because I’m glad you’re back. It’s not that. I ought to turn
you out. I’d do it, too, if I was an ordinary woman.”
She saw then that she still had to manage everything, including Jason.
She saw that he was as useless as he had always been. She would have to
“take hold.” The feminine softness melted away, and, sitting up, she
blew her nose and said, “It’s like this, Jason. When you went away, I
said you’d gone to China on business. And when you didn’t come back, I
said I hadn’t had any letters from you and something must be wrong. You
see I pretended I heard from you regularly because ... I wanted to
protect you and because I was ashamed. I didn’t want people to think
you’d deserted me after everybody had warned me against you. And so
Elmer....”
“And how’s he?” said Jason. “Cold boiled mutton, I call ’im.”
“Wait till I finish my story, Jason. Try to keep your mind on what I’m
saying. And so Elmer set the Government to investigating....”
“They were looking for me? The United States Government itself?” There
was in his voice and manner a sudden note of gratification at his
importance.
“Yes ... they hunted all over China.”
Jason was grinning now. “It’s lucky they was looking in China, because I
was in Australia all the time.”
“And they said you must have been killed by bandits ... so I put on
black and set out to support myself and Philip.”
“Why didn’t old pious Elmer help you out? I wouldn’t have gone away,
except that I knew ’e was rich enough to look out for you.”
“Elmer’s tight, and besides I didn’t want him to be pitying me and
saying, ‘I told you so’ every time I asked him for a cent.”
“And Philip? You haven’t told me about him yet.”
“We’ll come to him. We’ve got to settle this other thing first. You see,
Jason, we’ve got to do something about that lie I told ... it wasn’t
really a lie because I told it for your sake and Philip’s—to protect
you both.”
“Yes, it is kind-a awkward.” He sat for a moment, trying to bring his
volatile mind into profitable operation. At last he said, “You oughtn’t
to have told that lie, Em.”
“I told you why I told it. God will understand me if no one else will.”
“Now, Em, don’t begin on that line.... It was always the line I couldn’t
stand.... You ain’t no bleedin’ martyr.”
She looked at him with a sudden suspicion. “Jason, where did you pick up
this queer talk ... all the queer words you’ve been using?”
“Australia, I guess ... living out among the cockneys out there.” He
rose suddenly. “Em, I can’t sit any more in this dark. I can’t think in
a tomb.” He went over and drew up the window-shades. As the fading
winter light filled the room, he looked around him. “Why, it ain’t
changed at all! Just the same ... wedding parlor suite and everything.”
His glance fell on the wall above the fireplace. “And you still got my
picture, Em. That was good of you.”
She showed signs of sobbing again. “It’s all I had....”
He was looking at the picture with a hypnotic fascination. “It’s funny,
I ain’t changed much. You’d never think that picture was taken
twenty-six years ago.” He took out a pocket mirror and began comparing
his features with those in the enlarged photograph. What he said was
true enough. Time had left no marks on the smooth, good-looking face,
nor even on a mind that was like a shining, darting minnow. He was as
slim and dapper as ever. The hair was much thinner, but it was still
dark, and with the aid of grease and shrewd manipulation you couldn’t
tell that he was really bald. Emma, watching him, had an awful suspicion
that it was dyed as well; and the elegant mustaches too. She would be
certain to discover, now that he had come back to share the same room
and bed. She had a sudden, awful fear that she must look much older than
he.
“I’m a little bald,” he said ruefully, “but nothing very much.”
“Jason,” she said sternly. “Jason ... we’ve got to settle this thing ...
now ... before we do anything else. Did any one see you?”
“No, I don’t think so.” He replaced the pocket mirror with a mild, comic
air of alarm at the old note of authority in her voice.
“You must think of something ... you’re better at such things than I
am.” He had, she remembered, the proper kind of an imagination. She knew
from experience how it had worked long ago when he had given her excuses
for his behavior.
He looked at her with an absurd air of helplessness. “What can we say? I
suppose you could say I lost my memory ... that I got hit on the head.”
Suddenly a great light burst upon the empty face. “I did get a fall on
the steamer going out. I fell down a stairway and for three days I
didn’t know a thing. A fall like that might easily make you lose your
memory.... A thing like that might happen.” As if the possibilities
of such a tale had suddenly dawned upon him, his face became illumined
with that look which must come at times into the faces of great creative
artists. He said, “Yes, I might have lost my memory, not knowing who I
was, or where I came from, and then, after twenty-six years, I got
another fall ... how?... well out of the mow on my ranch in Australia,
and when I came to, I remembered everything—that I had a wife in
America. It’s true—it might happen. I’ve read of such things.”
Listening to him, Emma felt the story seemed too preposterous, and yet
she knew that only heroic measures could save the situation. The bolder
the tale, the better. It was, as he said, a story that might be true.
Such things had happened. She could trust him, too, to make the tale a
convincing one: the only danger lay in the possibility of his doing it
too well. It occurred to her in the midst of her desperate planning
that it was strange what wild, incredible things had happened in her
life ... a life devoted always to hard work and Christian living.
Jason’s glittering mind had been working rapidly. He was saying, “You
see, there’s the scar and everything.” He bent down, exposing the bald
spot that was the only sign of his decay. “You see, there it is—the
scar.”
She looked at him scornfully, for the crisis of her emotion had passed
now, and she was beginning to feel herself once more. “Now, Jason,” she
said, “I haven’t forgotten where that scar came from. You’ve always had
it. You got it in Hennessey’s saloon.”
For a second the dash went out of him. “Now, Em, you’re not going to
begin on that, the minute I get home.” And then quickly his imagination
set to work again, and with an air of brightness, as if the solution he
had thought of vindicated him completely, he said, “Besides I wasn’t
bald in those days and nobody ever saw the scar. And the funny thing is
that it was on that exact spot that I fell on the boat. It enlarged the
scar.” He looked at her in the way he had always done when he meant to
turn her mind into more amiable channels. “Now, isn’t that queer? It
enlarged the scar.”
It was clear that she meant not to be diverted from the business at
hand. “I suppose that’s as good a story as any. We’ve got to have a
story of some kind. But you must stick to it, Jason, and don’t make it
too good. That’s what you always do ... make it too good.” (Hadn’t she,
years ago, trapped him time after time in a lie, because he could not
resist a too elaborate pattern of embroidery?)
She said, “But there’s one thing I’ve got to do right away, and that is
send word to Naomi to tell Philip.”
“Who’s Naomi?”
“She’s Philip’s wife.”
“He’s married?”
“He’s been married for five years.”
He made a clucking sound. “We’re getting on, Em.”
“And there’s more than that. You’re a grandfather.”
The smooth face wrinkled into a rueful expression. “It’s hard to think
of myself as a grandfather. How old is the child, or the children?”
“They’re twins.”
He chuckled. “He did a good job, Philip.”
“Now, Jason....”
“All right, but how old are they?”
“Four months ... nearly five.”
“I must say that Philip took ’is time about it. Married five years....
Well, we didn’t waste any time, did we, Em.”
“Jason!”
She hated him when he was vulgar. She decided not to go into the reasons
why Philip and Naomi had been married four years without children,
because it was a thing which Jason wouldn’t understand—sacrificing the
chance of children to devote yourself to God. There was nothing
spiritual about Jason. It was one of his countless faults.
“But who did ’e marry, Em? You haven’t told me.”
“Her name was Naomi Potts. You wouldn’t know who she was. Her people
were missionaries, and she was a missionary too.”
“Oh, my God!”
“I won’t have you blaspheming.”
“And what’s Philip like?”
“He was a missionary too.... He was three years in Africa ... until his
health broke.”
“Oh, my God!” He grew suddenly thoughtful, moved perhaps by the
suspicion that she had succeeded in doing to his son what she had failed
to do to him.
She was at the door now. “I won’t listen to you talking like that any
longer.” She turned in the doorway. “Don’t go out till I come back. You
mustn’t be seen till we’ve worked this thing out. I’ve got to send word
to them all.”
When she had gone, he picked up his hat, took a cigar from his vest
pocket and lighted it. In the hallway, he shouted at her, “Are we still
using the same room, Em? I’ll just move in my things and wash up a bit.”
In the sitting-room Emma sat down and wrote three notes—one to Naomi,
one to Mabelle, and the third to Moses Slade. With a trembling hand she
wrote to him, “God has sent Jason, my husband, back to me. He came
to-day. It is His will that we are not to marry. Your heartbroken Emma.”
She summoned the slattern Essie, and, giving her instructions of a
violence calculated to impress Essie’s feeble mind, she bade her deliver
the three notes, Mr. Slade’s first of all. But once outside the sight of
Emma, the hired girl had her own ideas of the order in which she meant
to deliver them, and so the note to Moses Slade arrived last. But it
made no difference, as the Honorable Mr. Slade, bearing a copy of the
Labor Journal, was at the same moment on his way to Emma’s to break
off the engagement, for he had discovered the author of the libelous
drawings. The latest one was signed boldly with the name, “Philip
Downes.” He never arrived at Emma’s house, for on his way he heard in
Smollett’s Cigar Store that Jason Downes had returned, and so he saved
himself the trouble of an unpleasant interview. For Essie, in the moment
after the returned prodigal had made known to her his identity, had put
on a cast-off hat of Emma’s and set out at once to spread the exciting
news through the Town.
When she returned at last from delivering the three notes, Emma was
“getting Jason settled” in the bedroom he had left twenty-six years
before. Essie, tempted, fell, and, listening outside the door, heard
him recounting to his wife a wonderful story of having lost his memory
for a quarter of a century. But one thing tormented the brain of the
slattern Essie. She could not understand how Emma seemed to know the
whole story and to put in a word now and then correcting him.
At the sound of Emma’s footsteps approaching the door, Essie turned and,
fleeing, hid in the hall closet, from which she risked her whole future
by opening the door a little way to have a look at the fascinating Mr.
Downes. Her heart thumped wildly under her cotton blouse at the
proximity of so romantic a figure.
It seemed that something in the spirit of the irrepressible Jason Downes
took possession of the house, for Emma turned almost gay, and at times
betrayed signs of an ancient coquetry (almost buried beneath so many
hardening years) in an actual tendency to bridle. For the first time
since Jason had slipped quietly out of the back door, the sallow
dining-room was enlivened by the odors, the sounds, the air of
banqueting: a dinner was held that very night to celebrate the
prodigal’s return. Elmer came, goaded by an overpowering curiosity, and
Mabelle, separated for once from Jimmy, her round, blue eyes dilated
with excitement and colored by that faintly bawdy look which so
disturbed Emma. And Philip was there, of course, and Naomi, paler than
usual, dressed in a badly fitting new foulard dress, which she and
Mabelle had “run up at home” in the hope of pleasing Philip. The dress
had been saved for an “occasion.” They had worked over it for ten days
in profound secrecy, keeping it to dazzle Philip. It was thick about
the waist, and did not hang properly in the back, and it made her look
all lumpy in the wrong places. In case Philip did not notice it, Mabelle
was to say to him, “You haven’t spoken about Naomi’s pretty new dress.
She made it all herself—with her own hands.” They had carefully
rehearsed the little plot born of Mabelle’s romantic brain.
But when Naomi arrived at the slate-colored house, she took Mabelle
quickly into a corner and said, “Don’t speak of the dress to him.” And
when Mabelle asked, “Why not?” she only answered, “You can do it later,
but not to-night. I can’t explain why just now.”
She couldn’t explain to Mabelle that she was ashamed of the dress, nor
why she was ashamed of it. She couldn’t say that as she stood on the
stairs of the stable and saw a handsome woman, in a plain black dress,
with her knees crossed, and furs thrown back over her fine shoulders,
that the pride of the poor little foulard dress had turned to ashes. She
couldn’t explain how she had become suddenly sick at the understanding
that she must seem dowdy and ridiculous, standing there, all red and hot
and disheveled, staring at them, and wanting all the time to turn and
run, anywhere, on and on, without stopping. She couldn’t explain how the
sight of the other woman had made the foulard dress seem poor and
frowzy, even when she put on the coral beads left her by her mother, and
pinned on the little gold fleur-de-lys watch her father had given her.
When she first arrived, she kept on her coat, pretending that the house
was cold, but Emma said, “It’s nonsense, Naomi. The house is warm
enough,” and the irrepressible Mabelle echoed, “That’s what I say,
Emma. She ought to take it off and show her pretty new dress.”
Naomi had looked quickly about her, but Philip hadn’t been listening. He
was standing with Uncle Elmer beside his father, who was in high
spirits, talking and talking. He wouldn’t notice the dress if only she
could keep people from speaking of it.
She hadn’t spoken of Lily Shane to Philip. All the way back to the flat
by the railroad they had talked of nothing but his father and the poor
bits of information she had been able to wring from the excited Essie;
and when they arrived it was to find Mabelle waiting breathlessly to
discuss it with them. She had been already to the slate-colored house
and seen him with her own eyes. She didn’t stay long (she said) because
she felt as if she were intruding on honeymooners. Did they know that he
had lost his memory by a fall on the boat going out to China, and that
it had only come back to him when he had a fall six months ago out of
the mow on his ranch in Australia? Yes, it was Australia he had been to
all this time....
She went on and on. “Think of it,” she said. “The excitement of
welcoming home a husband you hadn’t seen in twenty-six years ... like a
return from the dead. I don’t wonder your Ma is beside herself.”
Naomi heard it all, dimly, as if all Mabelle’s chatter came to her from
a great distance. She should have been excited, but she couldn’t be,
with something that was like a dull pain in her body. She could only
keep seeing Lily Shane, who made her feel tiny and miserable and
ridiculous—Lily Shane, whom Philip said he didn’t even know, and had
never spoken to. Yet he knew her well enough to be making a picture of
her. He never thought of making a picture of his own wife.
She felt sick, for it was the first time she had ever seen herself. She
seemed to see at a great distance a pale, thin, freckled woman, with
sandy hair, dressed in funny clothes.
And then she would hear Mabelle saying through a fog, “Your Ma wants you
to come right up to supper. You can get Mrs. Stimson—the druggist’s
wife—to sit with the twins.”
Mabelle hurried off presently, and Mrs. Stimson came in duly to sit with
the twins. She gave up the evening at her euchre club because the
excitement of sitting up with the grandchildren of a man who had
returned after being thought dead for twenty-six years was not to be
overlooked. She would hear all the story at first hand when Philip and
Naomi returned, before any one else in the Town had heard it. She could
say, “I sat with the twins so that Philip and Naomi could go to supper
with Mr. Downes himself. I heard the whole thing from them.”
As they went up the hill to the slate-colored house, Naomi said nothing,
and so they walked in silence. She had begun to understand a little
Philip’s queer moods, and she knew now that he was nervous and
irritable. She had watched him so closely of late that she had become
aware of a queer sense of strain which once she had passed over
unnoticed. She had learned not to speak when Philip was like that. And
as they climbed the hill, the silence, the strain, seemed to become
unbearable. It was Philip who broke it by crying out suddenly, “I know
what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I lied to you about Lily Shane.
Well, I didn’t. Before God, I never spoke to her until to-day, and I
wouldn’t have, even then, but she came to my room without my asking
her.”
For a moment, she wanted to lie down in the snow and, burying her face
in it, cry and cry. She managed to say, “I wasn’t even thinking of her.
Honestly I wasn’t, Philip. And I believe you.”
“If that’s so, why do you sulk and not say anything?”
“I wasn’t sulking. I only thought you didn’t want to talk just now.”
“I hate it when you act like a martyr.” This time she was silent, and he
added, “I suppose all women do it ... or most women ... it’s what Ma
does when she wants to get her way. I hate it.”
She thought, “He said ‘most women’ because he meant all women but Lily
Shane.” But she was silent. They did not speak again until they reached
the slate-colored house.
It wasn’t really Naomi who lay at the bottom of his irritation, but the
thought of his father. The return troubled him. Why should he have come
now after twenty-six years? It was, he thought, almost indecent and
unfair, in a way, to his mother. He tried, when he was not talking to
Naomi, to imagine what he must be like—a man who Emma said had gone out
to China to make money for his wife and child, a man who adored her and
worshipped his son. He was troubled, because the moral image created by
his mother seemed not to fit the enlarged, physical portrait in the
parlor. In these last years he had come to learn a lot about the world
and about people, and one of the things he had learned was that people
are like their faces. His mother was like her large, rather coarse and
energetic face; Naomi was like her pale, weak one; and Lily Shane and
Mary and Uncle Elmer and even Krylenko and McTavish were like theirs. It
was impossible to escape your own face. His father, he thought, couldn’t
escape that face that hung in the parlor.
When the door opened and he stepped into the parlor, he saw that his
father hadn’t escaped his face. He felt, with a sudden sensation of
sickness, that his father was even worse than his face. It was the same,
only a little older, and the outlines had grown somehow dim and vague
from weakness and self-indulgence. Why, he thought again, did he ever
come back?
But his mother was happy again. Any one could see that.
And then his father turned and looked at him. For a moment he stared,
astonished by something in the face of his son, something which he
himself could not perhaps define, but something which, with all the
sharp instincts of a sensual nature he recognized as strange, which had
little to do with either himself or Emma. And then, perhaps because the
astonishment had upset him, the meeting fell flat. The exuberance flowed
out of Jason Downes. It was almost as if he were afraid of his son—this
son who, unlike either himself or Emma, was capable of tragedy and
suffering. His eyes turned aside from the burning eyes of his son.
“Well, Philip,” he said, with a wild effort at hilarity, “here’s your Pa
... back again.”
Philip shook hands with him, and then a silence fell between them.
But it was Jason Downes who dominated the family gathering. Philip,
silent, watched his father’s spirits mounting. It seemed to him that
Jason had set himself deliberately to triumph over his dour, forbidding
brother-in-law, and to impress his own son. It was as if he felt that
his son had a poor opinion of him, and meant to prove that he was wrong
in his judgment.
He told the whole story of the voyage out, of his fall down a
companionway, and the strange darkness that followed. Once more he bowed
his head and exhibited the scar.
“But,” said the skeptical Elmer sourly, “you always had that scar,
Jason. You got it falling on the ice at the front gate.”
“Oh, no. The one before was only a small one. The funny thing was that I
struck my head in exactly the same place. Wasn’t that queer? And then
when I fell out of the mow I hit it a third time. That’s what the
doctors in Sydney said made it so serious.” For a moment, conscious that
the embroidering had begun, Emma looked troubled and uneasy.
And Mabelle, with a look of profound speculation, asked, “And what if
you hit it a fourth time? Would that make you lose your memory about
Australia?”
Jason coughed and looked at her sharply, and then said, “Well, no one
could say about that. If it happened again, it would probably kill me.”
“Well,” said Mabelle, “I must say I never heard a more interesting story
... I never read as interesting a one in any of the magazines ... not
even in the Ladies’ Home Journal.”
For a moment Philip wanted to laugh at Mabelle’s question, but it wasn’t
a natural desire to laugh: it sprang from a blend of anger and
hysterics. He loathed the whole party, with Mabelle and her half-witted
questions, his mother with all her character gone in the silly blind
admiration for her husband, Uncle Elmer and his nasty, mean questions,
and Naomi, silent, and looking as if she were going to cry. (If only she
wouldn’t sulk and play the martyr!) And Mabelle’s half-witted questions
were worse than Uncle Elmer’s cynical remarks, for they made him see
suddenly that his father was lying. He was creating a whole story that
wasn’t true, and he was enjoying himself immensely. If it was a lie,
if he had deliberately deserted his wife and child, why had he come back
now?
Jason went on and on, talking, talking, talking. He told of his ranch of
eighteen hundred acres and of the thousands of sheep he owned and of the
sixty herders employed to take care of them. He described the long
drouths that sometimes afflicted them, and told a great deal about
Melbourne and Sydney.
“Your Pa,” he said, addressing Philip, “is an important man out there.”
And the implication was, “You don’t think much of him, but you ought to
see him in Australia.”
But Philip was silent, and thought, “He’s probably lying about that,
too,” and, as the conversation went on, he thought, “He’s never said
anything about women out there. He’s never spoken about that side of his
life, and he’s not the kind to leave women alone.”
“And I suppose you’ll be wanting to take Emma back to Australia,” said
Uncle Elmer, regarding Jason over his steel-rimmed spectacles.
“No ... I won’t be doing that. After all, her life is here, ain’t it? I
shall have to go back from time to time to look after my affairs,
but....”
“Don’t speak of that now,” Emma interrupted, “when you’ve only just
arrived.”
“But we have to face these things,” said Jason.
Suddenly Emma turned away from the table to the doorway where Essie, in
terror of interrupting the party, yet fascinated still by the spell of
Jason’s narrative, stood waiting. She was standing, as she always stood,
on the sides of her shoes.
“What is it, Essie? What are you standing there for?”
“There’s a man come to see Mr. Downes.”
“What does he want?”
“He’s from the newspaper.”
“Tell him to come back to-morrow.”
But Jason had overheard. He rose with the napkin still tucked into the
fawn-colored vest. “No, Essie.... Tell him I’ll speak to him now.”
“But, Jason....”
“Yes, Em.... I might as well get it over.”
There was no holding him now; but Emma succeeded in thrusting forward a
word of advice.
“Remember, Jason, what the newspapers are like. Don’t tell them too
much.”
A shadow crossed her face, and Philip thought suddenly, “Ma knows he’s
lying too, and she’s afraid he’ll overdo it.” And then a more fantastic
thought occurred to him—that she knew for a good reason that he was
lying, that perhaps she had planned the lie to cover up an earlier one.
“I must say it’s all very remarkable ... how Jason’s affairs have turned
out,” said Elmer. “I never would have thought it.”
“You never believed in him,” said Emma, with an air of triumph, “and now
you see.”
To Philip the whole room, the table, the people about it, the figure of
the slattern Essie standing in the doorway, all their petty boasting and
piety and lying, became suddenly vulgar and loathsome. And then, almost
at once, he became ashamed of himself for being ashamed, for they were
his people. He had no others. It was a subtle, sickening sort of
torture.
Emma was herself forced to go in at last and send away the newspaper
man, for Jason would have kept him there the rest of the night, telling
a story which became more and more embroidered with each rash
recounting. And when, at last, the reporter had gone, the others came in
and sat about while Jason continued his talk. But the evening died
slowly, perhaps because of Elmer’s suspicions, or Naomi’s curious
depression, or Philip’s own disgust and low spirits. Jason found himself
talking presently against a curious, foreboding silence, of which he
took no notice. Only Emma and Mabelle were still listening.
It was Elmer who at last broke up the party, pushing the rotund and
breathless Mabelle before him. In the door Mabelle turned, and, shaking
her head a little coquettishly, said, “Well, good-night, Jason.
Good-night, Emma. I feel like I was saying ‘good-night’ to a honeymoon
couple.” And the bawdy look came into her eyes. “There’ll never be any
second honeymoon for Elmer and me. We’ve got our family now and that’s
all done.”
Still tittering, she was dragged off by her husband. When she had gone,
Jason said, “Mabelle is a cute one, ain’t she, and a funny one too, to
be married to a mausoleum like Elmer.”
“Now, Jason, it’s all patched up between you and Elmer. There’s no use
beginning all over again.”
Naomi and Philip had put on their wraps, and were standing by the door,
when Jason suddenly slapped his son on the back. “We’ve got to get
better acquainted, son. You’ll like your Pa when you know him better.
Nobody can resist him.” He winked at Emma, who turned crimson. “Ain’t it
so, Em. Least of all, the ladies.” And then to Philip again, “I’ll come
and see you in the morning.”
Philip turned quickly. “No, I’ll come and fetch you myself. You wouldn’t
find the way.”
“I want to see the twins the first thing.”
“I’ll come for you.”
He had resolved that his father was not to come to the stable. He saw
that Emma hadn’t even told his father that he wasn’t living with his
wife. The stable had suddenly become to him a kind of temple, a place
dedicated to that part of him which had escaped. There were things there
which his father wouldn’t understand, and could only defile. The stable
belonged to him alone. It was apart from all the others—his father, his
mother, Naomi, Uncle Elmer and Aunt Mabelle.
Emma was standing before Naomi, holding her coat open, so that she might
examine the dress underneath. She was saying, “You must come up some
afternoon, Naomi, and I’ll help you make the dress right. It hangs all
wrong at the back, and it’s all bunchy around the armholes. You could
make it all right, but, as it is, it’s ... it’s sort of funny-looking.”
All the way back to the Flats neither of them spoke at all: Philip,
because there was a black anger and rebellion burning in him, and Naomi,
because if she had tried to speak, she would have wept. She felt as
though she were dead, as if in a world made up of Philip and his father
and Emma she no longer had any existence. She was only a burden who
annoyed them all. And the dress ... it was only sort of “funny-looking.”
He left Naomi at the door of the flat with an abrupt “good-night.” It
was after midnight, and the moon was rising behind the hill crowned by
Shane’s Castle, throwing a blue light on the mist that hung above the
Flats. In the far distance the mist was all rosy with the light from
four new furnaces that had begun once more to work. The strike was
slipping slowly into defeat, and he understood that it meant nothing to
him any longer. He had almost forgotten Krylenko.
As he passed through the rusted gates of the park, there drifted toward
him from among the trunks of the dead trees, a faint, pungent odor that
was hauntingly familiar and, as he climbed the drive between the dead
trees, it grew stronger and stronger, until at last he recognized, in a
sudden flash of memory which brought back all the hot panorama of the
lake and the forest at Megambo, that it was the smell of gunpowder, the
smell that clung to his rifle when he had stood there by the barricade
beside Lady Millicent killing those poor niggers. It was a faint,
ghostly smell that sometimes died away altogether and sometimes came in
strong waves on a warm breeze filled with the dampness of the melting
snow.
At the top of the hill, the big house lay dead and blind, without a sign
of life, and, as he turned the corner, he saw that near the stable lay
the remnants of a fire which had burnt to a heap of embers. His foot
touched something that was wet and slippery. He looked down to discover
a great stain of black on the snow. For a moment he stared at the stain,
fascinated, and suddenly he knew what it was. It was a great stain of
blood.
In the distance, among the trees, he discerned a light, and after a
moment he discovered a little group of men ... three or four ...
carrying a lantern, which they held high from time to time, as if
searching for something. And then, all at once, as he moved forward
again, he almost stepped upon a woman who lay in the snow at the
entrance to the rotting arbor covered with the vines of the dying
wistaria. She lay face down with one arm above her head in a posture
that filled him for a moment with a sense of having lived through this
same experience before, of having seen this same woman lying face down
... dead ... for she was unmistakably dead. He knelt beside her, and,
turning the body on its side, he remembered suddenly. She lay like the
black virgin they had found dead across the path in the tall grass at
Megambo ... the one they had left to the leopards.
Trembling, he peered at the white face in the moonlight. The woman was
young, and across one side of the face there was a little trickle of
blood that came from a hole in the temple. She was dressed in rags, and
her feet were wrapped in rolls of sacking. She was the wife or daughter
of some striker. It occurred to him suddenly that there was something
pitifully lonely in the sight of the body left there, forgotten, by the
embers in the dead park; it had the strangest effect upon him. He rose
and tried to call to the little group of searchers, but no sound came
from his throat, and he began suddenly to cry. Leaning against one of
the pillars of the arbor, he waited until his body had ceased to
tremble. It was a strange, confused feeling, as if the whole spectacle
of humanity were suddenly revealed in all its pathos, its meanness, its
grandeur, and its cruelty. It was a brilliant flash of understanding,
but it passed almost at once, leaving him weak and sick. And then, after
a moment, he found his voice again, and shouted. The little party
halted, and looked about, and he shouted a second time. Then they came
toward him, and he saw that two of them carried shotguns and that one of
them was McTavish.
The woman was dead. They picked her up and laid her carefully on one of
the blackened marble benches of the garden, and McTavish told him what
had happened. In the Town they had forbidden the strikers to hold
meetings, hoping thus to break the strike, but the Shanes, Irene and
Lily (for the old woman was dead), had sent word to Krylenko that they
might meet in the dead park. And so the remnant of those who had held
out in the face of cold and starvation had come here to listen to
Krylenko harangue them from a barrel by the light of a great fire before
the stables. There had been shouting and disorder, and then some one
inside the Mill barrier—one of the hooligans (they hadn’t yet
discovered who did it) turned a machinegun on the mob around the fire.
It had only lasted an instant—the sharp, vicious, staccato sound, but
it had taken its toll.
“It’s a dirty business,” concluded McTavish in disgust. He wasn’t jolly
to-night. All the old, cynical good-humor had gone out of him, as if
he, too, had seen what Philip saw in that sudden flash as he leaned
against the decaying arbor.
They took a shutter from the windows of the stable and, placing the body
of the girl upon it, set off down the hill between the dead walls of the
pine-trees. For a long time Philip stood in the soiled, trampled snow,
looking after them, until a turn in the drive hid the lantern from view
behind the pine-trees.
The room above the stable was in darkness, but as he came up out of the
staircase he saw that there was a woman sitting by the window,
silhouetted against the moonlight beyond. He thought, “It must be Lily
Shane, but why is she here at this hour of the night?” And then a low,
familiar voice came out of the darkness, “It’s only me, Philip ...
Mary.” She spoke as if he must have known she was there, waiting for
him.
He struck a match quickly and lighted the kerosene lamp, at which she
rose and came over to him. By the flickering, yellow light he saw that
she had been crying.
“It’s been horrible, Philip. I saw it all from the window while I was
waiting for you.”
“I know ... we just found a dead woman in the snow.”
He was possessed by a curious feeling of numbness, in which Mary seemed
to share, as if the horror of what had taken place outside wiped out all
the strangeness of their meeting thus. Death, it seemed, had brushed by
them so closely that it had swept away all but those things which lay
at the foundation of existence—the fact that they loved each other,
that they were together now, and that nothing else was of any
importance. They were, too, like people stunned by horror. They sat by
the stove, Philip in silence, while Mary told him what she had seen. For
a long time it did not even appear strange to him that she should be
there in his room at two o’clock in the morning.
He heard her saying, “Who was the woman they killed?”
“I don’t know. She looked Italian.”
There was a long silence and at last it was Mary, the practical Mary,
who spoke. “You must wonder why I came here, Philip ... after ... after
not seeing you at all for all this time.”
He looked at her slowly, as if half-asleep. “I don’t know. I hadn’t even
thought of it, Mary ... anything seems possible to-night, anything seems
possible in this queer park.” And then, stirring himself, he reached
across the table and touched her hand. She did not draw it away, and the
touch gave him the strangest sense of a fathomless intimacy which went
back and back into their childhood, into the days when they had played
together in the tree-house. She had belonged to him always, only he had
been stupid never to have understood it. He could have spoken out once
long ago. If only he, the real Philip, had been born a little sooner,
they would both have been saved.
And then, suddenly, he knew why she had come, and he was frightened.
He said, “You heard about my father?”
She started a little, and said, “No.”
“He came back to-night. It was awful, Mary. If he’d only stayed away!
If he’d never have come back....”
So he told her the whole story, even to his suspicion that his father
was a liar, and had deserted him and his mother twenty-six years before.
He told her of the long agony of the reunion, describing his father in
detail. And at the end, he said, “You see why I wish he’d never come
back. You do see, don’t you, Mary ... if he’d stayed away, I’d never
have thought of him at all, or at least only as my mother thought of
him. But he isn’t like that at all. I don’t see how she can take him
back ... how she can bear to have him about.”
She wanted to cry out, “Don’t you see, Philip? Don’t you see the kind of
woman she is? If you don’t see, nothing can save you. She’s worse than
he is, because he’s harmless.” But she only said quietly, “Perhaps she’s
in love with him. If that’s true, it explains anything.”
“Maybe it’s that. She must be in love with him.”
Mary thought, “Oh, Philip! If you’d only forget all the things that
don’t matter and just live, you’d be so much happier!” She wanted him to
be happy more than anything in the world. She would, she knew, do
anything at all to make him happy.
Presently she said, “She came to see me this afternoon, Philip ... your
mother. That’s why I’m here now. She said horrible things ... that
weren’t true at all. She said ... she said ... that I’d been living with
you all along, and she’d just found out about it. She said that I came
here to meet you in the stable. She’s hated me always ... just because
I’ve always been fond of you. She said I’d tried to steal you from her.”
For a moment he simply sat very still, staring at her. She felt his hand
grow cold and relax its grasp. At last he whispered, “She said that? She
said such things to you?”
“Yes ... I ran away from her in the end. It was the only thing I could
do.”
Then all at once he fell on his knees and laid his head in her lap. She
heard him saying, “There’s nothing I can say, Mary. I didn’t think she’d
do a thing like that ... and now I know, I know what kind of a woman she
is. Oh, I’m so tired, Mary ... you don’t know how tired I am!”
She began to stroke his dark hair, and the sudden thought came to her
with horror that in her desire for vengeance upon Emma Downes, it was
not Emma she had hurt, but Philip.
He said, “You don’t know what it is, Mary,—for months now ... for years
even, I’ve been finding out bit by bit ... to have something gone that
you’ve always believed in, to have some one you loved destroyed bit by
bit, in spite of anything you can do. I tried and tried, but it was no
good. And now ... I can’t hold out any more. I can’t do it ... I hate
her ... but I can never let her know it. I can never hurt her ...
because she really loves me, and it’s true what she says ... that she
did everything for me. She fed and clothed me herself with her own
hands.”
Again Mary wanted to cry out, “She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t love
any one but herself!” and again she kept silent.
“And now it’s true ... what she said ... you’ve stolen me away from her,
Mary. She’s made it so. I’m through now ... I can’t go on trying any
more.”
Still stroking his head, she thought, “He’s like a little boy. He’s
never grown up at all.” And she said, “I was so angry, Philip, that I
came here. I didn’t care what happened; I only thought, ‘If she thinks
that’s the truth, it might as well be, because she’ll tell about it as
the truth.’ I didn’t care any longer for anything but myself and you.”
His head stirred, and he looked up at her, seizing her hands. “Is that
true, Mary?” He kissed her hand suddenly.
“It’s true ... or why else should I be here, at this hour?” He was
hopeless, she thought: he didn’t live for a moment in reality.
He hadn’t even thought it queer of her to be sitting there in his room
long after midnight with his head on her knees. And suddenly she thought
again, “If I’m his mistress, I can save him from her altogether. Nothing
else can break it off forever.”
He was kissing her hands, and the kisses seemed to burn her. He was
saying, “Mary, I’ve loved you always, always ... since the first time I
saw you, but I only knew it when it was too late.”
“It isn’t too late, Philip. It isn’t too late.”
He was silent for a time, but she knew what he was thinking. He wasn’t
strong enough to take life into his own hands and bend it to his own
will, or perhaps it wasn’t a lack of strength, but only a colossal
confusion that kept him caught and lost in an immense and hopeless
tangle. Until to-night she hadn’t herself been strong enough to act, but
now a kind of intoxicating recklessness had seized her—the sober,
sensible Mary Conyngham. She meant to-night to take him and comfort him,
to make them both, for a little time, happy. To-morrow didn’t matter. It
would have been better if there were no to-morrow, if they could never
wake at all.
It was Philip who spoke first. After a long silence, he said in a
whisper, “I can’t do it, Mary ... I can’t. It isn’t only myself that
matters. It’s you and Naomi too. It isn’t her fault any more than mine.”
For a moment she wished wickedly that he had been a little more like
John Conyngham, and then almost at once she saw that it was his decency,
the very agony of his struggle, that made her love him so profoundly.
And she was afraid that he would think her wicked and brazen and
fleshly. It was a thing she couldn’t explain to him.
There were no words rich enough, strong enough, to make him understand
what it was that had brought her here. She had thought it all out,
sitting for hours there by the window, in the light of the rising moon.
She had felt life rushing past her. She was growing old with the passing
of each second. She had seen a man killed, and afterwards Philip had
himself come upon the body of a dead woman lying in the snow. Nothing
mattered, save that they come together. What happened to her was of no
consequence. Some terrible force, stronger than either of them, had
meant them for each other since the beginning, and to resist it, to
fight against it unnaturally as Philip was doing, seemed to her all at
once a black and wicked sin.
He freed himself suddenly and stood up. “I can’t do it, Mary. I’ll go
away.... You can spend the night here and leave in the morning. No one
in the Town will know you haven’t spent the night at Shane’s Castle.”
“Where will you go?”
“I’ll go to the tents. I’ll be all right.”
She suddenly put her hand over her eyes, and, in a low voice, asked,
“And ... what’s to come after, Philip?”
“I don’t know ... I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“We can’t go on ... I can’t....”
“No ... I’d rather be dead.”
Suddenly, with a sob, she fell forward on the table, burying her face in
her hands. “You belong to your mother still, Philip ... you can’t shake
off the hard, wicked things she’s taught you. Oh, God! If she’d only
died ... we’d have been married to each other!”
She began to cry softly, and, at the sound, he stopped the mechanical
business of buttoning his coat, and then, almost as if he were speaking
to himself, he said, “Damn them all! We’ve a right to our happiness.
They can’t take it from us. They can’t....”
He raised her face from the table and kissed it again and again with a
kind of wild, rude passion that astonished her, until she lost herself
completely in its power. Suddenly he ceased, and, looking at her, said,
“It doesn’t matter if to-morrow never comes. I love you, Mary ... I love
you. That’s all that matters.”
They were happy then, for in love and in death all things are wiped out.
There, in the midst of the dead and frozen park, she set him free for a
little time.
The morning came quickly in a cold gray haze, for the furnaces, starting
to work one by one as the strike collapsed, had begun again to cover the
Flats with a canopy of smoke. It was Mary who went first, going by the
back drive, which led past the railway-station. And with her departure
the whole world turned dark. While she had been there with him, he was
happy with the sense of security that is born of companionship in
adventure, but as her figure faded presently into the smoke and mist
that veiled the deserted houses of the Flats, the enchantment of the
night gave way to a cold, painful sense of actuality. The whole night
had been, as some nights are in the course of lives that move
passionately, unreal and charged with strange, intangible currents of
fire and ice. During that brief hour or two when he had slept, years
seemed to have passed. The figure of his father had become so remote
that he no longer seemed cheap and revolting, but only shallow and
pitiful. Even the memory of McTavish and the two men with the lantern
standing over the dead woman in the snow was dim now and unreal.
It was only the sight of the trampled, dirty snow, the black spot where
the fire had been and the pool of blood at the turn of the drive that
made him know how near had been all these things which had happened
during the night. And the park was no longer beautiful and haunted in
the moonlight, but only a dreary expanse of land filled with dead trees
and decaying arbors. The old doubts began slowly to torment him once
more—the feeling of terror lest Naomi should ever discover what had
happened, and the knowledge that he had betrayed her. There was, too, an
odd new fear that he might become such a man as his father. It was born
in that cold, gray light, of a sudden knowledge that deep inside him lay
sleeping all the weaknesses, all the sensuality, of such a man. After
what had happened in the night, he saw suddenly that he might come like
his father to live in a shallow world that shut out all else. He was
afraid suddenly, and ashamed, for he had been guilty of a sin which his
father must have committed a hundred times.
Yet he had, too, an odd new sense of peace, a soothing, physical, animal
sort of peace, that seemed to have had its beginnings months ago, in the
moments of delirium when he had wanted to live only because he could not
die without knowing such an experience as had come to him in the night.
It was, he supposed, Nature herself who had demanded this of him. And
now she had rewarded him with this sense of completeness. Nature, he
thought, had meant his children to be Mary’s children, too; and now that
couldn’t be ... unless ... unless Naomi died.
It was a wicked thought that kept stealing back upon him. It lay in
hiding at the back of his mind, even in the last precious moments before
Mary had left, when she stood beside the stove making the coffee. He had
thought again and again, “If only Naomi died ... we could be like this
forever.” Watching her, he had thought, despite all his will to the
contrary, of what love had been with Naomi and what with Mary. And he
had told himself that it wasn’t fair to think such things, because he
had never loved Naomi: at such moments he had almost hated her. Yet she
had loved him, and was ashamed of her love, so that she made all their
life together a sordid misery. And Mary, who had been without shame, had
surrounded her love with a proud and reckless glory. Yet, in the end, it
was Mary who hid, who stole away through the black houses of the Flats
as if she had done a shameful thing, and it was Naomi who bore his
children. For a moment he almost hated the two helpless little creatures
he had come so lately to love, because a part of them was also a part of
Naomi.
As he stood by the window, all wretched and tormented, he saw coming
across the trampled snow the battered figure of Hennery. He was coming
from the house, and his bent old figure seemed more feeble and ancient
than it had ever been before. He entered the stable, and Philip heard
him coming painfully up the stairs. At the sight of Philip, he started
suddenly, and said, “You scared me, Mr. Downes ... my nerves is all
gone. I ain’t the same since last night.” He took off his hat and began
fumbling in his pockets. “I got a letter for you ... that strike feller
left it for you ... that ... I doan’ know his name, but the feller that
made all the trouble.”
He brought forth a piece of pale mauve paper that must have belonged to
Lily Shane, but was soiled now from contact with Hennery’s pocket.
“He was in the house all night,” said Hennery, “a-hiding there, I guess,
from the police, and he’s gone now.”
Then he was silent while Philip opened the note and read in the
powerful, sprawling hand of Krylenko:
“I’ve had to clear out. If they caught me now, they’d frame
something and send me up. And I’m not through fighting yet. The
strike’s bust, and there’s no good in staying. But I’m coming back.
I’ll write you from where I go.
“Krylenko.”
He read it again and then he heard Hennery saying, “It was a turrible
night, Mr. Downes ... I guess it was one of those nights when all kinds
of slimy things are out walkin’. They’re up and gone too ... both of
them ... the girls, Miss Lily and Miss Irene. And they ain’t comin’
back, so Miss Lily says. She went away, before it was light, on the New
York flier. Oh, it was a turrible night, Mr. Downes ... I’ve seen things
happenin’ here for forty years, but nothin’ like last night ... nothin’
ever.”
He began to moan and call on the Lord, and Philip remembered suddenly
that the half-finished drawing of Lily Shane had disappeared. She had
carried it off then, without a word. And slowly she again began to take
possession of his imagination. For a moment he tried to picture her
house in Paris where his drawing of her would be hung. She had gone away
without giving him another thought.
Hennery was saying over and over again, “It was a turrible night ...
something must-a happened in the house too. The Devil sure was on the
rampage.”
He stood there, staring out of the window, suffering from a curious,
sick feeling of having been deserted. “By what? By whom?” he asked
himself. “Not by Lily Shane, surely, on whom I had no claims ... whom I
barely knew.” Yet it was Lily Shane who had deserted him. It was as if
she had closed a door behind her, shutting him back into the world of
Elmer and his mother and Jason Downes. The thing he had glimpsed for a
moment was only an illusion....
When Hennery had gone off muttering to himself, Philip put on his coat
and went out, for the room had become suddenly unendurable to him. He
did not know why, but all at once he hated it, this room where he had
been happy for the first time since he was a child. It turned suddenly
cold and desolate and hauntingly empty. Running down the stairs, he
hurried across the soiled snow, avoiding the dark stain by the decaying
arbor. He went by that same instinct which always drove him when he was
unhappy towards the furnaces and the engines, and at Hennessey’s corner
he turned toward the district where the tents stood. They presented an
odd, bedraggled appearance now, still housing the remnant of workers who
had fought to the end, all that little army which had met the night
before in the park of Shane’s Castle. Here and there a deserted tent had
collapsed in the dirty snow. Piles of rubbish and filth cluttered the
muddy field on every side. Men, women and children stood in little
groups, frightened and helpless and bedraggled, all the spirit gone out
of them. There was no more work for them now. Wherever they went, no
mill would take them in. They had no homes, no money, no food....
Lost among them, he came presently to feel less lonely, for it was here
that he belonged—in this army of outcasts—a sort of pariah in the
world that should have been his own.
At the door of one of the tents, he recognized Sokoleff. The Ukranian
had let his beard grow and he held a child of two in his arms—a child
with great hollow eyes and blue lips. Sokoleff, who was always drunk and
laughing, was sober now, with a look of misery in his eyes. Philip shook
his free hand in silence, and then said, “You heard about Krylenko?”
“No, I ain’t heard nothin’. I’ve been waitin’ for him. I gotta tell him
a piece of bad news.”
“He’s gone away.”
“Where’s he gone?”
Philip told him, and, after a silence, Sokoleff said, “I suppose he had
to beat it. I suppose he had to ... but what are we gonna do ... the
ones that’s left. He’s the only one with a brain. The rest of us ain’t
good for nothin’. We ain’t even got money to get drunk on.”
“He won’t forget you.”
“Oh, it’s all right for him. He ain’t got nobody ... no children or a
wife. He ain’t even got a girl ... now.”
For a moment the single word “now,” added carelessly after a pause,
meant nothing to Philip, and then suddenly a terrible suspicion took
possession of him. He looked at Sokoleff. “What d’you mean ... now?”
“Ain’t you heard it?”
“What?”
“It was his girl, Giulia ... that was killed last night.”
Philip felt sick. In a low voice he asked, “And he didn’t know it?”
“I was to tell him, but nobody’s seen him. I’m damned glad he’s went
away now. I won’t have the goddamned dirty job. He’ll be crazy ... crazy
as hell.”
And then Philip saw her again as he had seen her the night before, lying
face down in the snow ... Krylenko’s Giulia.
“She oughtn’t to have went up there,” Sokoleff was saying. “But she was
nuts on him ... she thought that he was the best guy on earth, and she
wanted to hear his speech....” The bearded Slovak spat into the snow. “I
guess that was the last thing she ever heard. She musta died happy....
That’s better than livin’ like this.”
And Krylenko had been hiding in Shane’s Castle all night while Giulia
lay dead in the snow outside.
The sick baby began to cry, and Sokoleff stroked its bare head with a
calloused paw covered by black hair.
All at once Philip was happy again; even in the midst of all the misery
about him, he was gloriously, selfishly happy, because he knew that,
whatever happened, he had known what Krylenko had lost now forever. He
thought suddenly, “The jungle at Megambo was less cruel and savage than
this world about me.”
To Jason Downes the tragedy in the park of Shane’s Castle had only one
significance—that it tarnished all the glory of his astonishing return.
When the papers appeared in the morning, the first pages were filled
with the news of “the riot precipitated by strikers last night.” It
recounted the death of a Pole and of Giulia Rizzo, and announced
triumphantly that the strike was broken at last. And far back, among the
advertisements of Peruna and Lydia Pinkham’s Compound, there appeared a
brief paragraph or two announcing the return of Jason Downes, and
touching upon the remarkable story of his accident and consequent loss
of memory. There were, doubtless, people who never saw it at all.
But he made the most of his return, walking the round of all the
cigar-stores and poker-rooms which he had haunted in his youth. He even
went to Hennessey’s saloon, beginning to thrive again on the money of
the strike-breakers. But he found no great triumph, for he discovered
only one or two men who had ever known him and to the others he was only
Emma Downes’ husband, whom they barely noticed in the excitement of
discussing the riots of the night before. Even his dudishness had dated
during those long twenty-six years: he must have heard the titters that
went up from poolroom loafers at the sight of the faun-colored vest, the
waxed mustaches and the tan derby. He was pushed aside at bars and
thrust into the corner in the poolrooms.
Half in desperation, he went at last to find an audience in the group of
old men who sat all day about the stove of McTavish’s
undertaking-parlors. They were old: they would remember who he was. But
even there the clamor of the tragedy drowned his tale. He found the
place filled with Italians—the father and the seven orphaned brothers
and sisters of Giulia Rizzo. The father wept and wrung his hands. The
older children joined him, and the four youngest huddled dumbly in a
corner. It was Jason’s own son, Philip, who was trying to quiet them. He
nodded to his father, gave him a sudden glance of contempt, and then
disappeared with McTavish into the back room where the undertaker had
prepared Giulia for her last rest. For a moment Jason hung about
hopefully, and then, confused and depressed by the ungoverned emotions
of the Italians, he slipped out of the door, and up the street toward
the Peerless Restaurant. He was like a bedraggled bantam rooster which
had lost its proud tail-feathers, but as he approached the restaurant he
grew a bit more jaunty: there was always Em who thought him
wonderful....
Behind the partition of the undertaking-rooms, Philip and McTavish stood
looking down at Giulia. The blood had been washed away and her face was
white like marble against the dark coil of her hair. She was clothed in
a dress of black silk.
“It was her best dress,” said McTavish. “The old man brought it up here
this morning.”
Philip asked, “Are they going to bury her in the Potters Field? Old
Rizzo hasn’t got a cent, with all these children to feed.”
“No, I’ve arranged that. I fixed it up with the priest. She had to be
buried in consecrated ground ... and ... and I bought enough for her. I
ain’t got any family, so I might as well spend my money on something.”
Philip saw his father at the restaurant, but there was little
conversation between them, and Emma kept talking about the riot of the
night before, observing that, “now that the police had tried something
besides coddling a lot of dirty foreigners, the strike was over in a
hurry.”
At this remark, Philip rose quietly and went out without another word to
either of them. At home he found the druggist’s wife sitting with the
twins. Naomi, she said, was out. She had gone to see Mabelle. Mrs.
Stimson wanted more details of his father’s return, and also news of
what had happened at Shane’s Castle. After answering a dozen questions,
he went away quickly.
At four o’clock his father came and saw the twins, diddling them both on
his feet until they cried and Mrs. Stimson said, with the air of a
snapping-turtle, “I’m going to leave them with you. Naomi ought to have
been home two hours ago, and I’ve got a household of my own to look
after.” (Even for her poor Jason appeared to have lost his fascination.)
At seven when Philip came in to sit with the twins while Naomi went to
choir practice, he found little Naomi crying and his father asleep in
the Morris-chair by the gas stove. Jason had removed his collar and
wrapped himself in a blanket. With him, sleeping was simply a way of
filling in time between the high spots in existence: he slept when he
was bored, and he slept when he was forced to wait.
Holding the baby against him, and patting its back softly, Philip
approached his father and touched him with the toe of his shoe. “Pa!” he
said. “Pa! Wake up!”
Jason awakened with all the catlike reluctance of a sensual nature,
stretching himself and yawning and closing his eyes. He would have
fallen asleep a second time but for the insistence of Philip’s toe, the
desperate crying of the child, and Philip’s voice saying, “Wake up! Wake
up!” There was something in the very prodding of the toe which indicated
a contempt or at least a lack of respect. Jason noticed it and scowled.
“I just fell asleep for a minute,” he said. “It couldn’t have been
long.” But all the cocksureness had turned into an air of groveling
apology.
“Where’s Naomi?”
“She went off to Mabelle’s.” He took a pair of cigars from the yellow
waistcoat and asked, “Have a cigar?”
“No. Not now.” Philip continued to pat the baby’s fat back. Suddenly he
felt desperate, suffocated and helpless. The cry of the child hurt him.
He said, “She’s been at Mabelle’s all day.”
“I do believe she said she’d be back after choir practice.” He lighted
the cigar and regarded the end of it thoughtfully. Philip began to walk
up and down, and presently his father said, without looking at him, “You
ain’t living with Naomi, are you? I mean here in this house? You ain’t
sleeping with her?”
“No ... I’m not.”
“I thought so. Your Ma was trying to make me believe you was.” He cocked
his head on one side. “But I smelled a rat ... I smelled a rat. I knew
something was wrong.”
Philip continued his promenade in silence.
“How’d you ever come to hook up with Naomi?”
“Because I wanted to ... I suppose.”
Jason considered the answer thoughtfully. “No, I don’t believe you did.
I ain’t very bright, but I know some things. No man in his right mind
would hook up to anything as pious as Naomi....” He saw that Philip’s
head tossed back and his jaw hardened, as if he were going to speak.
“Now, don’t get mad at your Pa ... your poor old Pa ... I know you don’t
think much of ’im, but he’s kind-a proud of you, just the same. And he
don’t blame you for not living with Naomi. Why, the thought of it makes
me kind-a seasick.”
Again a silence filled by little Naomi’s heartbroken crying.
“Why, she ought to be home now looking after her children instead of
gadding about with preachers and such. Your Ma was always pious, too,
but she was a good housekeeper. She never allowed religion to interfere
with her bein’ practical.”
Philip, distracted, unhappy, conscience-stricken, and a little
frightened at Naomi’s queer avoidance of him, was aware, too, that his
father was saying one by one things he’d thought himself a hundred
times. It occurred to him that Jason wasn’t perhaps as empty and cheap
as he seemed. It was almost as if an affection were being born out of
Jason’s hopeless efforts toward an understanding. If only little Naomi
would stop squalling....
His father was saying, “No, I’m proud of you, my boy. D’you know why?”
“No.”
“Because of the way you stand up to your Ma. It takes a strong man to do
that, unless you learn the trick. I’ve learned the trick. I just let her
slide off now like water off a duck’s back. I just say, ‘Yes, yes,’ to
her and then do as I damned please. Oh, I learned a lot since I last
saw her ... a hell of a lot. There’s a lotta women like her ...
especially American women—that don’t know their place.”
The baby stopped screaming, sobbed for a moment, and then began again.
“It wasn’t her piousness that drove me away. I could have managed that.
It was her way of meddlin’.”
Philip stopped short and turned, looking at his father. “Then you were
running away from us when you fell and hit your head?”
“I wasn’t runnin’ away from you.”
Philip stood in front of the chair. “And you didn’t lose your memory at
all, did you?”
Jason looked up at him with an expression of astonishment. “No ... of
course not. D’you mean to say she never told you the truth ... even you
... my own son?”
“No ... I guess she was trying to protect you ... and made me believe my
father wasn’t the kind to run away.” (The cries of the baby had begun to
beat upon his brain like the steel hammers of the Mill.)
“Protect me, hell! It was to protect herself. She didn’t want the Town
to think that any man would desert her. Oh, I know your Ma, my boy. And
it would have took a hero or a nincompoop to have stuck with her in
those days.” He knocked the ash from his cigar, and shook his head
sadly. “But I oughtn’t to have run away on your account. If I’d ’a’
stuck it out, you wouldn’t have got mixed up in the missionary business
or with Naomi either. You wouldn’t be walkin’ up and down with that
squallin’ brat—at any rate, it wouldn’t be Naomi’s brat. I guess the
missionary business was her way of gettin’ even with me through you.”
He shook his head again. “Your Ma’s a queer woman. She’s got as much
energy as a steam engine, but she never knows where she’s goin’, and she
always thinks she’s the only one with any sense. And my, ain’t she hard
... and unforgivin’ ... hard as a cocoanut!”
“She forgave you and took you back.”
“But she’s been aching to do that for years. That’s the kind of thing
she likes.” His chest swelled under the yellow vest. “Besides, I always
had a kind of an idea that she preferred me to any other man she’s ever
seen. Your Ma’s a passionate woman, Philip. She’s kind of ashamed of it,
but deep down she’s a passionate woman. If she’d had me about all these
years she wouldn’t have been so obnoxious, I guess.”
The baby had ceased crying now, and, thrusting its soft head against the
curve of Philip’s throat, was lying very still. The touch of the downy
little ball against his skin filled him with pity and a sudden, warm
happiness. The poor little thing was trusting him, reaching out in its
helpless way. He didn’t even mind the things that his father was saying
of his mother. He scarcely heard them....
“I thought,” said Jason, “that we’d cooked up that story about my memory
for the Town and for old pie-faced Elmer. I thought she’d tell you the
truth, but I guess she don’t care much for the truth if it ain’t
pleasant.”
Philip continued to pat little Naomi, more and more gently, as she began
to fall asleep. In a low voice he asked, “You’re going to stay now that
you’ve come back, aren’t you?”
“No, I gotta go back to Australia.”
Philip looked at his father sharply. “You aren’t going back to stay, are
you?”
“I gotta look after my property, haven’t I?”
“Why did you ever come back at all?”
Jason considered the question. “I suppose it was curiosity ... I wanted
to see my own son, and well ... I wanted to see what had happened to
your Ma after all these years, and then it is sort of fun to be a
returned prodigal. Nothing has happened to your Ma. She’s just the same.
She accused me of bein’ drunk this morning when I’d only had a glass.
She carried on something awful.”
“Have you told her you’re going back to stay?”
“No ... I’ve just told her I’m going back.” He looked at Philip
suddenly. “I suppose you think I’m lyin’ about all that property in
Australia. Well, I ain’t. I’ll send you pictures of it when I get back
... I ought to have brought them. I can’t guess why I didn’t.”
He rose and put on his coat. “I’d better be movin’ on now, or she’ll be
sayin’ I’ve been hangin’ around bars. Have you eaten yet?”
“Yes ... at the railroad lunch counter.”
“That’s a hell of a life for a married man.”
He stood for a moment looking at little Naomi, who lay asleep on
Philip’s shoulder. Then, shyly, he put out his finger and touched the
downy head gently. “They’re fine babies,” he said. “I wouldn’t have
thought a poor creature like Naomi could have had ’em.”
Philip laid the child gently beside her brother and stood looking down
at them.
“Philip,” his father began. Philip turned, and, as if the burning gaze
of his son’s eyes extinguished his desire to speak, Jason looked away
quickly, and said, “Well, good-night.” He turned shyly, and Philip,
aware that he was trying to pierce through the wall that separated them,
felt suddenly sorry for him, and said, “Yes, Pa. What was it you meant
to say?”
Jason coughed and then with an effort said, “Don’t be too unhappy ...
and if there’s somebody else ... I mean another girl ... why, don’t
torture yourself too much about it. Your Ma has made you like that....
But she’s got queer ideas. We ain’t alive very long, you know, and there
ain’t any reason why we should make our brief spell miserable.”
Philip didn’t answer him. He was looking down again at the children,
silent, with the old, queer, pinched look about the eyes, as if he were
ill again. He saw suddenly that his father wasn’t such a fool, after
all, and he was human. He was standing there with his hat in his two
hands, looking childish and subdued and very shy.
Philip heard him saying, with another nervous cough, “Well, good-night,
Philip.”
“Good-night.”
The door closed and Philip sank down wearily into a chair, resting his
head on the edge of the crib. Presently he fell asleep thus.
On that night the singing at choir practice reached a peak of frenzy.
While Philip sat sleeping beside the crib, Naomi was pounding her heart
out on the stained celluloid keys of the tinny piano in the Infants’
Classroom. She played wildly, with a kind of shameless abandon, as if
she wanted to pour out her whole story of justification; and the others,
taking fire from her spirit, sang as they had never sung before.
During the afternoon, the old Naomi—the stubborn, sure Naomi of
Megambo—had come to life again in some mysterious fashion. She even put
on the new foulard dress in a gesture of defiance to show them—Philip
and his mother—that, however “funny-looking” it might be, she was proud
of it. And then neither of them had seen her wearing it, Philip because
she was avoiding him, and Emma because chance had not brought them
together. She had gone up to Mabelle’s bent upon telling her that she
had come to the end of her endurance. She had meant to ask Mabelle’s
advice, because Mabelle was very shrewd about such matters.
And then when she found herself seated opposite Mabelle she discovered
that she couldn’t bring herself to say what she meant to say. She
couldn’t humble her pride sufficiently to tell even Mabelle how Philip
treated her. She had finally gone home and then returned a second time,
but it was no use. She couldn’t speak of it: she was too proud. And she
knew, too, that whatever happened she must protect Philip. It wasn’t,
she told herself, as if he were himself, as he had been at Megambo. He
was sick. He really wasn’t responsible. She cried when she thought how
she loved him now; if he would only notice her, she would let him
trample her body in the dust. Mabelle’s near-sighted blue eyes noted
nothing. She went on rocking and rocking, talking incessantly of clothes
and food and a soothing syrup that would make little Naomi sleep better
at night.
During the day she had formed a dozen wild projects. She would go back
to Megambo. She would return to her father, who was seventy now, and
would welcome her help. She would run off to a cousin who lived in
Tennessee. She would join another cousin who was an Evangelist in Texas:
she could play the piano and lead the singing for him. In any of these
places she would find again the glory she had known as Naomi Potts,
“youngest missionary of God”; she wouldn’t any longer be a nobody,
unwanted, always pushed aside and treated as of no consequence.
But always there were the twins to be considered. How could she run off
and forget them? And if she did run away, Emma and perhaps even Philip
would use it as a chance to rid themselves of her forever. She fancied
that she saw now how Emma had used her, willing all the while to cast
her off when she was no longer of any service. She told herself again
and again, as if she could not bring herself to believe it, that she
loved the twins—that she loved them despite her aching back and the
hours she was kept awake by their crying. But she remembered that she
had never been tired at Megambo: no amount of work had tired her. She
hadn’t wanted the twins: she’d only gone to Philip because Mabelle and
Emma told her that she must and because Mabelle said that men liked
children, and that going to Philip would give her a hold over him. And
now ... see what had come of it! Philip scarcely noticed her. Before she
lived with him, it hadn’t mattered to her, but now—now she always
carried a weight about inside her. Her heart leaped if he took the least
notice of her.
No, she saw it all clearly. She must run away. She couldn’t go on,
chained down like a slave. But if she ran away, she’d lose Philip for
ever, and if she stayed, he might come back to her. The children
belonged to both of them. They were a bond you could never break, the
proof that once, for a little time, he belonged to her. She saw that he,
too, was chained after a fashion. He belonged to her in a way he
belonged to no other woman. In the sight of the Lord any other woman
would always be a strumpet and a whore.
At last, as it was growing dark, she found herself sitting on a bench in
the park before the new monument to General Sherman. It was raining and
her coat was soaked and her shoes wet through. The rain ran in little
trickles from her worn black hat. It was as if she had wakened suddenly
from a dream. She wasn’t certain how she came to be sitting on the wet
bench with the heavy rain melting the snow all about her. She thought,
“I must have been crazy for a time. I can’t go on like this. I’ve got to
talk to some one. I’ve got to ... I’ve got to!” She began to cry, and
then she thought, “I’ll speak to the Reverend Castor to-night after
choir practice. He’ll help me and he’s a good man. He’ll never tell any
one. He’s always been so kind. It was silly of me to think things about
him. I was silly to be afraid of him. I’ll talk to him. I’ve got to talk
to some one. He’ll understand.”
When the practice was finished, the Reverend Castor came out of the
study to bid the members good-night. In the dim light of the hallway, as
Naomi passed him, he looked at her and smiled. She saw that his hands
were trembling in a way that had come over him lately, and the smile
warmed her, but at the same time weakened her. There was a comfort and a
kindliness in it that made her want to cry.
Once inside the study, she found that the drawer of the cabinet was
jammed again, as it had been on that first night. While she tugged at
it, she heard him outside the door saying good-night one by one to the
choir. Putting down the music, she began again to struggle with the
drawer, and then suddenly, as if the effort was the last she could make,
she collapsed on the floor and began to weep.
She heard the door open and she heard the Reverend Castor’s deep, warm
voice saying, “Why, Naomi, what’s the matter?”
She answered him, without looking up. “It’s the drawer,” she said. “It’s
stuck again ... and I’m ... I’m so tired.”
He went over to the cabinet and this time he was forced to struggle with
it.
“It’s really too heavy for you, my dear girl ... I’ll fix it myself in
the morning.” He replaced the music and when he attempted to close the
drawer again it stuck fast. “Now it won’t close at all. But I can fix
it. I’m handy about such things.”
His hands were trembling, and he looked white and tired. He talked with
the air of a man desperately hiding pits of silence. When he turned,
Naomi still sat on the floor, her body bent forward. Her worn,
rain-soaked hat had fallen forward a little, and she was sobbing. He sat
down in the great stuffed leather chair. It was very low, so that he was
almost on a level with her.
“My poor child,” he asked, “what is it? Is it something I can help?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to talk to some one. I can’t go on. I can’t ...
I can’t.”
He laid his big hand on her shoulder with a gentleness that seemed
scarcely real, and, at the touch, she looked up at him, dabbing her eyes
with a handkerchief that had been soaked with tears hours earlier. As
she looked at him, some old instinct, born of long experience with
unhappy women, took possession of him. He said, “Why, you’ve got a new
dress on, Naomi. It’s very pretty. Did you make it yourself?”
For a second a look almost of happiness came into her face. “Why, yes,”
she said. “Mabelle helped me ... but I made most of it myself.”
His other hand touched her shoulder. “Here,” he said, “lean back against
my knee and tell me everything that’s making you unhappy....” When she
hesitated, he said, “Try to think of me as your father, my child. I’m
old enough to be your father ... and I don’t want to see you unhappy.”
She leaned against his knee with a sudden feeling of weak collapse. It
was the first time any one had been kind to her for so long, and,
strangely enough, she wasn’t afraid of him any longer. The old
uneasiness seemed to have died away.
“Tell me, my child.”
The damp handkerchief lay crushed into a tiny ball in her red, chapped
hand. For a long time she didn’t speak, and he waited patiently until
she found words. At last she said, “I don’t know how to begin. I don’t
know myself what’s happened to me ... I don’t know. Sometimes I think I
must be black with sin or going crazy ... sometimes I can’t think any
more, and I don’t know what I’m doing.... It was like that to-day ...
all day.... I’ve been going about like a crazy woman.”
And then, slowly, she began, in a confused, incoherent fashion, to tell
him the whole story of her misery from the very beginning at Megambo
when the Englishwoman had suddenly appeared out of the forest. It all
seemed to begin then, she said, and it had gone on and on ever since,
growing worse and worse. She hadn’t any friends—at least none save
Mabelle; and the others didn’t want her to see Mabelle. Besides, Mabelle
didn’t seem to help: whatever she advised only made matters worse.
The Reverend Castor interrupted her. “But I’m your friend, Naomi....
I’ve always been your friend. You could have come to me long ago.”
“But you’re a preacher,” she said. “And that’s not the same thing.”
“But I’m a man, too, Naomi ... a human being.”
And then she even told him about Emma while he interrupted her from time
to time by saying, “Can it be?” and, “It hardly seems possible—a woman
like Emma Downes, who has always been one of the pillars, the
foundation-stones, of our church! How much goes on of which we poor
blind creatures know nothing.”
And Naomi said, “I know. No one will ever believe me. They’ll all
believe that I’m nothing and that she’s a good, brave woman. I can’t
fight her, Reverend Castor. I can’t ... and sometimes I think she tries
to poison him against me.”
The trembling hand came to rest once more on her shoulder. There was a
long silence, and presently he said, in a low voice, “I know, my child
... I know. I’ve suffered, too ... for fifteen years.”
She had begun to sob again. “And now there are other women ... more than
one, I’m sure. I pray to God for his soul. I pray and pray to God to
return him to me ... my Philip, who was a good man and believed in God.
He’s changed now. I don’t know him any more. To-night I don’t think I
love him. I’ve come to the end of everything.”
He began to pat her shoulder, gently, as if he were comforting a child,
and for a long time, they stayed thus in silence. At last he said, “I’ve
suffered, too, Naomi ... for years and years.... It began almost as soon
as I was married, and it’s never stopped for an hour, for a moment
since. It gets worse and worse with each year.” Suddenly he covered his
face with his hands and groaned. “I pray to God for strength to go on
living. I have need of God’s help to go on at all. I, too, need some one
to talk to.” His hands dropped from his face, and he placed one arm
about her thin, narrow shoulders. She did not draw away. Still sobbing,
she let her whole weight rest against him. She was so tired, and she
felt so ill. A strange, gusty and terrifying happiness took possession
of the tired, nerve-racked man. Just to touch a woman thus, to have a
woman kind to him, to have a woman who would trust him, was a pleasure
almost too keen to be borne. For fifteen acid years he had hungered for
a moment, a single moment, like this. He did not speak, conscious, it
seemed, that to breathe might suddenly shatter this fragile, pathetic
sense of peace.
Naomi had closed her eyes, as if she had fallen asleep from her long
exhaustion; but she wasn’t sleeping, for presently her pale lips moved a
little, and she said in a whisper, “There’s nothing for me to do but run
away or kill myself ... and then I’ll be out of the way.”
He did not tell her at once, without hesitation, that she was
contemplating a great sin. He merely kept silent, and, after a time, he
murmured, “My poor, poor child ... my tired child,” and then fell once
more into silence. They must have remained thus for nearly an hour.
Naomi even appeared to fall asleep, and then, starting suddenly, she
cried out. His arm ached, but he did not move. He was, it seemed, past
such a small discomfort as an aching arm. And he was struggling,
struggling passionately, with a terrible temptation, conscious all the
while that each minute added to the bitterness of the reproaches that
awaited him on opening the parsonage door. It was long after eleven
o’clock, and he should have returned ages ago. He thought, “I can’t go
home now. I can never go home again. I can never open that door again. I
would rather die here now. One more time might drive me mad ... I
mightn’t know what I was doing ... I might....”
The free hand again closed over his eyes, as if to shut out the horrible
thing that had occurred to him. Naomi had opened her eyes and was
looking up at him. For a second he thought, “Has she seen what was in
them?”
Her lips moved again. “I don’t care what happens to me any longer.”
Suddenly, without knowing what he was doing, he bent down and took her
in his arms, “Naomi ... Naomi ... do you mean that? Answer me, do you
mean that?”
She closed her eyes wearily. “I don’t care what happens to me.”
He held her more tightly, the odd, gusty pleasure sweeping over him in
terrifying waves. “Naomi ... will you ... will you go away ... now ...
at once, and with me?”
“You can do with me what you want, if you’ll only be kind to me.”
“We’ve a right to be happy. We’ve suffered enough.” She did not answer
him, and he said, “God will understand. He’s merciful. We’ve had our
hell here on earth, Naomi ... Naomi ... listen to me! Will you go now
... at once?” A curious, half-mad excitement colored his voice. “I’ve
got money. I’ve been putting it aside for a long time, because I’ve
thought for a long time I might want to go away.... I’ve been saving it,
a dime and a quarter here and there where I could squeeze it. I’ve got
more than two hundred dollars. I thought that sometime I’d have to run
away. But I meant to go away alone ... I never knew ... I never knew.”
He began abruptly to cry, the tears pouring down the lined, tired face.
“We’ll go somewhere far away ... to South America, or the South Sea
Islands, where nobody will know us. And we’ll be free there, and happy.
We’ve a right to a little happiness. Oh, Naomi, we’ll be happy.”
She appeared not to have heard him. She lay in a kind of stupor, until,
raising her body gently, he stood up and lifted her easily into the big
leather chair, where she lay watching him, her eyes half-closed, her
mouth set in a straight, hard line, touched with bitterness.
The Reverend Castor moved quickly, with a strange vigor and decision.
The trembling had gone suddenly from his hands. His whole body grew taut
and less weary, as if he had become suddenly young. He had the air of a
man possessed, as if every fiber, every muscle, every cell, were crying
out, “It’s not too late! It’s not too late! There is still time to
live!” He approached the desk, and, unlocking the drawer, began taking
out money—a thin roll of bills, and then an endless number of coins
that tinkled and clattered as they slid into his pockets. There must
have been pounds of metal in dimes and nickels and quarters. He filled
his vest pocket with cheap cigars from a box on the desk, and then,
turning, went over to Naomi, and, raising her from the chair, smoothed
her hair and put her hat straight, with his own hands. Then he kissed
her chastely on the brow, and she, leaning against him, murmured, “Take
me wherever you like. I’m so tired.”
For a moment they stood thus, and presently he began to repeat in his
low, rich, moving voice, The Song of Songs.
“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers
appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the
voice of the turtle is heard in our land....”
The words had upon her a strange effect of exaltation, the same that had
come over her when she sat by the piano, carried away by her emotions.
She wasn’t Naomi any longer. Naomi seemed to have died. She was a gaudy
Queen, and Solomon in all his glory was her lover. She seemed enveloped
by light out of which the rich, vibrant voice was saying, “Until the
day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou
like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.”
A little while after, as the clock on the firehouse struck midnight, the
door of the study closed, and two figures hurried away into the pouring
rain. They were a tired, middle-aged preacher and a bedraggled woman, in
a queer, homemade dress of figured foulard, and a soaked coat and hat;
but there was a light in their eyes which seemed to illumine the
darkness and turn aside the rain.
Philip wakened slowly, conscious of being stiff and sore from having
slept in a cramped position, and thinking, “It must be late. Naomi will
be home soon.” And then, looking up at the clock, he saw that it was
after one. He rose and went over to it, listening for the tick to make
certain that it was working properly. He looked at his own watch. It,
too, showed five minutes past one. He listened for a moment to the sound
of the rain beating upon the tin roof and then he went into the other
two rooms. They were empty, and, suddenly, he was frightened.
Giving a final look at the twins, he seized his hat, and, hurrying down
the steps, roused the long-suffering Mrs. Stimson and told her that
Naomi hadn’t yet come home. He begged her to leave her door open, so
that she might hear the twins if they began to scream, and without
waiting to hear her complaints he rushed out into the rain.
It fell in ropes, melting the snow and running off down the hill in
torrents. To-morrow, he knew dimly, there would be a flood in the Flats.
The water would rise and fill the stinking cellars of the houses. Those
few families who lived in tents must already be soaked with the cold
downpour. The streets were deserted, and the shops and houses black and
dark. Once he caught the distant glint of light on the wet black slicker
of a policeman. Save for this, he seemed to be alone in a town of the
dead.
From a long way off he saw the light in the church study, and the sight
of it warmed him with quick certainty that Naomi must still be there.
Some urgent thing, he told himself, had arisen at choir practice. He ran
down the street and through the churchyard, and at the door of the study
he knocked violently. No one answered. The place was empty. He opened
the door. A drawer of the cabinet stood half-open with a pile of music
thrust into it carelessly. A drawer of the desk was open and empty. The
gas still flickered in the corner. Passing through the study, he went
into the church itself. It was dark, save for a dim flare that made the
outlines of the windows silhouettes of gray set in black. The empty
church frightened him. He shouted, “Naomi! Naomi!” and, waiting, heard
only an echo that grew fainter and fainter ... “Naomi!... Naomi!...
Naomi!...” until it died away into cold stillness. Again he shouted, and
again the mocking, receding echo answered him.... “Naomi!... Naomi!...
Naomi!...” His own voice, trembling with terror, came back to him out of
the darkness: “Naomi!... Naomi!... Naomi!”
He thought, “She’s not here, but she might be at the parsonage. In any
case, Reverend Castor will know something.” And then, “But why did he
go away leaving the gas lighted and the study unlocked?” He turned back
and, running, went through the dark church and the lighted study out
into the rain.
There was a light still burning in the parsonage, and as he turned into
the path he saw that a figure, framed against the light, stood in the
upper window. At first he thought, “It’s Reverend Castor,” and then
almost at once, “No ... it’s his wife. She’s waiting for him to come
home.”
He knocked loudly at the door with a kind of desperate haste, for a
terrible suspicion had begun to take form. Whatever had happened to
Naomi, every moment was precious: it might save her from some terrible
act that would wreck all her life and the Reverend Castor’s as well. He
knocked again, and then tried the door. It was locked, and he heard an
acid voice calling out, “I’m coming. I’m coming. For Heaven’s sake,
don’t break down the door!”
The key turned, and he found himself facing a figure in a gray flannel
dressing-gown, dimly outlined by the slight flicker of gas. He could
barely distinguish the features—thin, white and pinched ... the
features of a woman, the Reverend Castor’s wife.
“Who are you ... coming at this hour of the night to bang on people’s
doors?” It was a thin, grating voice. As his eyes grew accustomed to the
light, he saw a face of incredible repulsion. It was a mean face, like
that of a malicious witch.
“I’m Philip Downes. I’m trying to find my wife. She didn’t come home
from choir practice.”
A look of evil satisfaction suddenly shadowed the woman’s face. “She
wasn’t the only one that didn’t come back. Like as not they’re still
there, carrying on in the church. I guess it wouldn’t be the first
time.”
He didn’t care what she was saying, though the sound of her voice and
the look in her cold blue eyes made him want to strangle her.
“They aren’t there. I’ve just come from the church.”
He fancied that he heard her chuckle wickedly, but he couldn’t be
certain. He heard her saying, “Then he’s done it. I always knew it would
happen.”
He seized her by the shoulders. “Done what? What do you mean?”
“Let go of me, young man! Why, he’s run off with your wife, you fool! I
always knew he’d do it some day. Oh, I knew him ... Samuel Castor ... I
haven’t been married to him for fifteen years for nothing!”
He wanted to shake her again, to make her talk. “If you knew, why didn’t
you tell me?”
“Because it might have been any woman. It wasn’t just your wife. I
wasn’t sure who it would be.” She began to laugh again, a high, cackling
laugh. “I told him he’d do it. I told him so every night. I knew it was
going to happen.” She seemed to find delight in her horrible triumph.
“Where have they gone?”
“How do I know where they’ve gone? He’s gone to hell for sure now, where
he can’t torment me any more. He’s left me—a poor invalid ... without a
cent or any one to look after me. God knows what’ll become of me now.
But he’s done it. I always told him he would. He’s a fine man of God!
He’s left a poor invalid wife ... penniless and sick.”
There was a kind of wild delight in her voice and manner, as if she had
been trying all these years to destroy him and had at last succeeded.
She seemed to receive this last calamity as the final crown of her
martyrdom. She was happy. To Philip it seemed suddenly that by wishing
it, by thinking of nothing else for fifteen years, she had made the
thing happen—just as it was Emma who had made happen the thing she
wanted to believe—that Mary had stolen him from her.
He waited no longer. He ran past the malicious figure in the greasy
dressing-gown, out again into the rain. He heard her saying, “He didn’t
even think of my hot-water bottle ... the scoundrel ...” and then the
horrible voice was drowned by the sound of the downpour.
Without quite knowing how he got there, he found himself, soaked and
shivering, inside the baggage-room at the railway station. Everything
else was closed, but in the shadows among the gaudy, battered trunks of
some theatrical company, the baggageman dozed quietly. He was shaken
into consciousness to find a madman standing before him, white and
trembling, and dripping with water.
“Tell me,” Philip asked, “did any one leave the Town on the one
o’clock?”
The man looked at him sleepily, and growled something about being
wakened so roughly.
“Tell me. I’ve got to know!”
He scratched his head. “Why, yes. I do mind somebody gettin’ on the one
o’clock. Come to think of it, it was what’s-his-name, the preacher.”
“Reverend Castor?”
“Yes ... that’s the one ... the big fellow.”
“Was he alone?”
“I dunno.... He was alone for all I know. I didn’t see no one else.”
Philip left him, and, outside, stood for a moment in the shelter of the
platform shed, peering into the distance where the gleaming wet rails
disappeared into the dimness of fog and jewel-like signal lights. And
all at once he hated the Flats, the Mills, the whole Town, and then he
laughed savagely: even his beloved locomotives had betrayed him by
carrying Naomi off into the darkness.
There was nothing to do now. What was done was done. He was glad he
hadn’t gone to the police to find her. If they didn’t know, it would
keep the thing out of the papers for a little time, and the two of them
might come back. There was only that crazy old woman in the parsonage
who need be feared; it was impossible to imagine what she might do. He
hadn’t really thought of her until now, and, as he walked through the
rain, up the hill again, to his mother’s house, her horrid image kept
returning to him as she stood in her greasy dressing-gown screaming at
him in triumph, “I knew it would happen some day. I always told him he’d
do it!”
He thought, “I never knew it was as bad as that. No one knew.” It seemed
to him that God would forgive a man any sin who must have suffered as
the Reverend Castor.
He was no longer conscious of the downpour, for he was already as wet as
if he had jumped into the brook, and as he walked, all the deadly
sickness of reaction began to sweep over him. He was tired suddenly, so
tired that he could have lain down in the streaming gutter in peace; the
whole thing seemed suddenly to lose all its quality of the
extraordinary. In his weariness it seemed quite a usual experience that
a man should be searching the Town for a wife who had run away with the
preacher. It was as if the thing hadn’t happened to himself, but as if
he saw it from a great distance, or had heard it told him as a story.
To-morrow (he thought), or the next day, they would be telling it
everywhere in the Town, in every cigar-store and poolroom, about the
stove at McTavish’s undertaking parlors. They would hear of it even in
Hennessey’s saloon. All at once a sudden flash of memory returned to
him—of Hennessey standing above him, saying, “Run along home to your Ma
like a good little boy. Tell her not to let her little tin Jesus come
back to Hennessey’s place, if she don’t want him messed up too much to
be a good missionary ... I don’t want to be mixed up with that
hell-cat.”
In that queer mood of slackness, he was certain now of only one
thing—that he could stay no longer in the same Town where Naomi and the
Reverend Castor had lived, where Giulia Rizzo had been killed, where
that pathetic uprising of workmen asking justice had been beaten down.
He couldn’t stay any longer in the same place with his own father. He
wanted to go away, to the other side of the earth. Any place, even the
savage, naked jungle at Megambo was less cruel than this black and
monstrous Town.
At the slate-colored house he hammered on the door for twenty minutes
without getting any answer, and at last he went to the side of the house
and tossed stones against the window behind which his mother and father
were passing what Mabelle called “a second honeymoon.” After a moment a
head appeared at the window, and his mother’s voice asked, “Who’s there?
For God’s sake, what’s the matter?”
“It’s Philip ... let me in!”
She opened the door to him in her outing-flannel gown and a flowered
wrapper which he had never seen her wear before. It was, he supposed, a
best wrapper which she had kept against the homecoming she had awaited
for years. Her head was covered coquettishly by a pink boudoir cap
trimmed with lace. As he closed the door behind him, she said, “For
God’s sake, Philip. What’s the matter? Have you gone crazy?”
He smiled at her, but it was a horrible smile, twisted and bitter, and
born of old memories come alive, and of a disgust at the sight of the
flowered wrapper and the coquettish lace cap. “No, I’m not crazy this
time—though I’ve a right to be. It’s about Naomi ... she’s run
away....”
“What do you mean?”
“And she hasn’t gone alone. She’s run away with the Reverend Castor.”
“Philip! You are crazy. It’s not true!”
“I’m telling you the truth. I know.”
She sat down suddenly on the stairs, holding to the rail for support.
“Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What have I done to deserve such a thing? When
will God bring me to the end of my trials?”
He made no move to comfort her. He simply stood watching, until
presently she asked, “How do you know? There must be a mistake ... it’s
not true.”
Then he told her bit by bit the whole story, coldly and with an odd,
cruel satisfaction, so that no doubt remained; and for the first time
in his memory he saw her wilt and collapse.
“You see, Ma, there can’t be any doubt. They’ve gone off together.”
Suddenly she seemed to make a great effort. She sat up again and said
bitterly, “I always thought something like this would happen. She was
always flighty ... I discovered that when she lived here. She wasn’t any
good as a wife or as a mother. She wouldn’t nurse her own children. No
... I think, maybe, you’re well rid of her ... the brazen little slut.”
“Don’t say that, Ma. Whatever has happened is our fault. We drove her to
it.” His words were gentle enough; it was his voice that was hard as
flint.
“What do you mean? How can you accuse me?”
“We treated her like dirt ... and it wasn’t her fault. In some ways
she’s better than either of us.”
She looked at him suddenly. “You’re not planning to take her back if she
comes running home with her tail between her legs?”
“I don’t know ... I have a feeling that she’ll never come back.”
“Leaving her children without a thought!”
“I don’t suppose she left them without a thought ... but sometimes a
person can be so unhappy that he only wants to die. I know ... I’ve been
like that. Besides, she never wanted the children any more than I wanted
them.”
“How can you say such a wicked thing!”
His face looked thin and pinched and white. The water, all unnoticed,
had formed a pool about his feet on the immaculate carpet of Emma’s
hall. He was shaking with chill. He was like a dead man come up out of
the sea. And deep inside him a small voice was born, which kept saying
to him, “It’s that ridiculous woman in a flowered wrapper and pink cap
who lies at the bottom of all this misery.” It was a tiny voice, but,
like the voice that the Reverend Castor had tried to still by repeating
Psalms, it would not die. It kept returning.
“It’s not wicked. It’s only the truth ... and it’s only the truth I care
about to-night. I don’t give a damn for anything else in the world ...
not for what people think, or about what they say. They can all go to
hell for all I care.” His face was white and expressionless, like the
face of a man already dead. It was the voice that was terrible.
“You needn’t swear, Philip.” She showed signs of weeping. “And I never
thought my boy would turn against his own mother—not for any woman in
the world.”
“Now don’t begin that. I’m not your boy any longer. I’ve got to grow up
sometime. I’m not turning against you. I’m just sick to death of the
whole mess. I’m through with the whole thing.”
She wiped her eyes with a corner of the ridiculous flowered wrapper, and
the sight made him want to laugh. The tiny voice grew more clamorous.
She was saying, “I won’t wake your Pa and tell him. He’s no good at a
time like this.” (Philip thought, “I don’t know. He might do better than
any of us.”) “And I’ll dress and come down to the twins. And you ought
to get on some dry clothes.” She rose, turned all at once into a woman
of action. “I’ll take care of the twins.”
“No,” he said abruptly. “I can do that.”
“You don’t know about their bottles.”
“I do know ... I’ve done them on the nights Naomi went to choir
practice. I don’t want you to come ... I want to be alone with them.”
“Philip ... I’m your mother.... It’s my place....”
“I want to be alone with them....”
He looked so wild that she seized his shoulders and said, “You’re not
thinking anything foolish, are you?”
“I don’t know what I’m thinking. I can’t bear to think of her running
off like that. I can’t bear to think of how we treated her.... If you
mean that I’m thinking of killing myself, I’m not ... I can’t do that.
I’ve got to think of little Philip and Naomi. If it wasn’t for them ...
I might do anything.”
Suddenly in a wild hysteria, she put her arms about him, crying out,
“Philip! Philip! My boy! Don’t say such things—it’s not you who’s
talking. It’s some one else ... it’s a stranger ... somebody I never
knew ... somebody I didn’t bear out of my own body.” She shook him
passionately. “Philip! Philip! Wake up! Be your old self ... my son. Do
you hear me, darling? You do love me still. Tell me what’s in your
heart ... what the voice of your real self is saying.”
In the violence of her action, the pink lace cap slipped back on her
head, exposing a neat row of curl-papers, festoons and garlands (thought
Philip in disgust) of their second honeymoon. He didn’t resist her. He
simply remained cold and frozen, one cold, thin hand thrust into his
pocket for warmth. Then suddenly the hand touched something which roused
a sudden train of memory, and when at last she freed him, he drew out a
pair of worn gloves.
“I think I’ll go home now,” he said in the same frozen voice. “Before I
go, I must give you these. Mary Conyngham sent them to you. I think you
left them at her house when you went to call.” It was as if he said to
her, “It’s true ... what you thought about Mary and me. It’s true ...
now.”
She took the gloves with a queer, mechanical gesture, and without
another word he turned and went out, closing the door. When he had gone,
she sat down on the steps again and began to weep, crying out, “Oh, God!
Oh, God! What have I done to deserve such trouble! Oh, God! Have pity on
me! Bring my son back to me!”
Suddenly, in a kind of frenzy, she began to tear the gloves to bits, as
if they were the very body of Mary Conyngham. In the midst of her wild
sobbing, a voice came out of the dark at the top of the stairs, “For
Heaven’s sake, Em, what are you carrying on about now?”
It was Jason standing in his nightshirt, his bare legs exposed to the
knees. “Come on back to bed. It’s cold as Jehu up here.”
By the time Philip reached the Flats, the rain had begun to abate a
little, and the sky beyond the Mills and Shane’s Castle to turn a pale,
cold gray with the beginning of dawn. The twins were awake and crying
loudly. Poking up the fire in the kitchen range, he prepared the bottles
and so quieted them before taking off his soaked clothing. The old
feeling of being soiled had come over him again, more strongly even than
on the day in Hennessey’s saloon, and when he had undressed and rubbed
warmth back into his body, he drew hot water from the kitchen range,
and, standing in a washtub by the side of the cribs where he could
restore the bottles when they fell from the feeble grasp of the twins,
he scrubbed himself vigorously from head to foot, as if thus he might
drive away that sordid feeling of uncleanness.
At last he got into the bed beside the cribs—the bed which he had never
shared with Naomi, and to which it was not likely that she would ever
return. He had barely slept at all in more than two days, but it was
impossible to sleep now. His mind was alive, seething, burning with
activity like those cauldrons of white-hot metal in the Mills; yet he
experienced a kind of troubled peace, for he had come to the end of one
trouble. He knew that with his mother it was all finished. In the moment
he had given her the gloves, he knew that he didn’t love her any more,
that he no longer felt grateful to her for all that she had done for
him. There was only a deadness where these emotions should have been. It
was all over and finished: it would be better now if he never saw her
again.
And the twins ... they must never go to her; whatever happened, she must
never do to them what she had done to him. He would protect them from
her, somehow, even if he died.
The day that followed was one of waiting for some sign, some hint, some
bit of knowledge as to the whereabouts of Naomi and the Reverend Castor.
Like the day after a sudden death in a household, it had no relation to
ordinary days. It was rather like a day suspended without reality in
time and space. Philip went about like a dead man. His father came and
sat with him for a time, silent and subdued, and strangely unlike his
old exuberant self.
It was Emma alone who seemed to rise above the calamity. “It is,” she
said, “a time for activity. We must face things. We mustn’t give in.”
She went herself to call upon the editors of the two newspapers and by
some force of threats and tears she induced them to keep silence
regarding the affair until some fact was definitely known. It was a
triumph for her, since neither editor had any affection for her, and one
at least hated her. From the newspaper offices she went at once to call
upon the invalid in the parsonage. She found the miserable woman
“prostrated,” and in the care of Miss Simpkins, head of the Missionary
Society. Before five minutes had passed, she understood that she had
arrived too late. Miss Simpkins had been told the whole story, and in
turn had communicated it, beyond all doubt, to a whole circle of hungry
women. The invalid was still in the same state of triumph. It seemed to
Emma that she saw no disgrace in the affair, but only a sort of glory
and justification. It was as if she said, “People will notice my misery
at last. They’ll pay some attention to me. They’ll give up pitying him
and pity me for a time.” It was impossible to argue with her. When Emma
left, she said to herself savagely, “The old devil has got what was
coming to her. She deserved it.”
Once a trickle of the scandal had leaked out, there was no stopping it:
the news swept the Town as the swollen waters of the brook flooded the
pestilential Flats. It reached Mary Conyngham late in the afternoon. For
a time she was both stunned and frightened, as if the thing were a
retribution visited with horrible speed upon herself and Philip. And
then, quickly, she thought, “I must not lose my head. I’ve got to think
of Philip. I’ve got to help him.” She fancied him haunted by remorse and
self-reproaches, creating in his fantastic way all manner of
self-tortures. One of them at least must keep his head, and she was
certain that the one wouldn’t be Philip. And she was seized with a
sudden terror that the calamity might shut him off from her forever: it
was not impossible with a man like Philip who was always tormenting
himself about troubles which did not exist. She found to her
astonishment that she herself felt neither any pangs of conscience nor
any remorse. What she had done, she had done willingly, and with a clear
head: if there had ever been any doubts they were over and done with
before she had gone to the stable.
She dared not, she knew, go and see him, and thus deliver herself into
the hands of his mother; for she knew well enough that Emma would be
waiting, watching for just such a chance. She would want to say to
Philip, “You see, it’s the judgment of God upon you for your behavior
with Mary Conyngham.” For a second there came to Mary a faint wish that
she had never turned Emma’s accusation into truth, but it died quickly.
She knew that nothing could ever destroy the memory of what had happened
on the night of the slaughter in the dead park.
She decided at last to write to him, and late that night, after she had
torn up a dozen attempts (because writing to a man like Philip under
such circumstances was a dangerous business) she finished a note and
sent it off to him. She wrote: “My Darling ... I can’t come to you now.
You know why it is impossible. And I want to be with you. It is killing
me to sit here alone. If you want to meet me anywhere, send word. I’d go
to hell itself to help you. You mustn’t torment yourself. You mustn’t
imagine things. At a time like this, you must keep your head. For God’s
sake, remember what we are to each other, and that nothing else in the
world makes any difference. I love you, my boy. I love you ... Mary.”
Then she addressed the note, and, as a safeguard against Emma, printed
“Personal” in large letters on the outside of the envelope. It was too
late to find any one to deliver the note and the post-office was closed.
At last she put on a hat and coat and went herself to leave it under the
door of the drugstore, where the druggist would be certain to deliver it
in the morning. When she came home again, she lay down in the solitude
of the old Victorian parlor, and before long fell asleep. It was two
o’clock when she wakened, frightened, and shivering with cold.
Mr. Stimson, the druggist, found the letter in the morning, and laid it
aside until he had swept out the store. Then he had breakfast and when a
Pole with a cut on the side of his head came in to have it bandaged, he
quite forgot the letter. It was only after ten o’clock when a boy came
bringing a telegram for Philip that he remembered it suddenly. The note
and the telegram were delivered together.
The telegram was brief. A man and woman believed to be Samuel Castor and
Mrs. Philip Downes were found dead by suicide in a Pittsburgh
boarding-house. Would Mr. Downes wire instructions, or come himself. It
was signed, “H. G. Miller, Coroner.”
The rooming-house stood in one of the side streets in the dubious
quarter that lay between the river wharfs and the business district—a
region of Pittsburgh once inhabited by middle-class families, and now
fallen a little over the edge of respectability. It was one of a row of
houses all exactly alike, built of brick, with limestone stoops, and all
blackened long ago by the soot of mills and furnaces. Number Twenty-nine
was distinguished from the others only by the fact that the stoop seemed
to have been scrubbed not too long ago, and that beside the sign “Rooms
to Let to Respectable Parties,” there was another card emblazoned with a
gilt cross and bearing an inscription that was not legible from the
sidewalk. Philip and McTavish, peering at the house, noticed it, and,
turning in at the little path, were able to make out the words. The card
was stained and yellow with age, and beneath the cross they read, “JESUS
SAID, ‘COME UNTO ME.’”
For a moment, McTavish gave Philip an oblique, searching look, and then
pressed the bell. There was a long wait, followed by the sound of
closing doors, and then a tired little woman, with her hair in a screw
at the back of her head, stood before them, drying her hands on a soiled
apron.
Philip only stared at her, lost in the odd, dazed silence that had
settled over him from the moment the telegram had come. He seemed
incapable of speech, like a little child in the care of McTavish. It was
the fat undertaker who lifted his hat and said, “This is Mr. Downes, and
I’m the undertaker.” He coughed suddenly, “The Coroner told us that ...
they had left some things in the room.”
The little woman asked them in, and then began suddenly to cry. “I’ve
never had such a thing happen to me before ... and now I’m ruined!”
McTavish bade her be quiet, but she went on and on hysterically. In all
the tragedy, she could, it seemed, see only her own misfortune.
“You can tell me about it when we’re upstairs,” said McTavish, patting
her arm with the air of a bachelor unused to the sight of a woman’s
tears, and upset by them. “Mr. Downes will wait down here.”
Then Philip spoke suddenly for the first time. “No ... I’m going with
you. I want to hear the whole thing. I’ve ... I’ve got to know.”
There was a smell of cabbage and onions in the hallway. As McTavish
closed the door, the whole place was lost in gloomy shadows. The tired
woman, still sobbing, and blowing her nose on the soiled apron, said,
“It’s upstairs.”
They followed her up two flights of stairs to a room at the back. It was
in complete darkness, as if the two bodies were still there, and as she
raised the window-shade there came into view a whole vista of dreary
backyards littered with rubbish and filled with lines of newly washed
clothing. The gray light revealed a small room, scarcely a dozen feet
square, with a cheap pine table, a wash-bowl, pitcher and slop-jar, two
chairs and a narrow iron bed. On the walls hung a bad print of the
Sermon on the Mount and a cheaply illuminated text, “Come unto Me, all
ye that labor and are heavy laden.” The bed was untouched, save for two
small depressions at the side away from the wall.
Near the door there were little rolls of torn newspaper—the paper
(Philip thought, with a sudden feeling of sickness) with which they had
stuffed the cracks of the door to imprison the smell of gas. A newspaper
and a Bible lay on the table beside the wash-bowl.
“I left everything just as it was,” said the woman; “just as the Coroner
ordered.”
Those two depressions on the side of the bed suddenly took on a terrible
fascination for Philip. It was as if they were filled by the forms of
two kneeling figures who were praying.
“Here’s the bag they brought,” said the woman. She bent down and opened
it. “You see it was empty. If I’d known that ... but how was I to know?”
It was a cheap bag made of paper and painted to imitate leather. It
stood in a corner, mute, reproachful, empty.
Philip was staring at it in silence, and McTavish said again, “Maybe
you’d better go downstairs and wait.”
For a moment there was no answer, and then Philip replied, “No, I mean
to stay. I’ve got to hear it.”
The woman began to tell her story. They had come to the rooming-house
about nine o’clock in the evening. “I remember the hour because
Hazel—that’s the girl that helps me with the house—had finished the
dishes and was going to meet a friend.” She had one room empty, and she
was only too glad to rent it, especially to a clergyman. Oh, he had told
her who he was. He told her he was the Reverend Castor and that the
woman with him was his wife. They were, he said, on their way east, and
came to the rooming-house because he had heard Mr. Elmer Niman speak of
it once as a cheap, clean, respectable place to stay at when you came to
Pittsburgh. “You see,” she explained, “I’m very careful who I take in.
Usually Methodists and Baptists. They recommend each other, and that way
I do a pretty good business, and it’s always sure to be respectable.”
She sighed and said, “It wasn’t my fault this time. I never thought a
preacher would do such a thing, and being recommended, too, by Mr. Elmer
Niman.”
They went, she said, right up to their room, and, about half-past ten,
when Hazel came back, she heard voices singing hymns. “They weren’t
singing very loud ... sort of low and soft, so as not to disturb the
other roomers. So I thought it was a kind of evening worship they went
through every night, and I didn’t say anything. But one of my other
roomers came to me and complained. I was pretty near undressed, but I
put on a wrapper and went up to tell them they’d have to be quiet, as
other people wanted to sleep. They were singing, Ancient of Days, and
they stopped right away. They didn’t even say anything.”
The woman blew her nose again on her apron, sighed, and went on. “So I
went to sleep, and about one o’clock my husband came in. He’s so
crippled with rheumatism he can’t work much and he’d been to a meeting
of the Odd Fellows. It must have been about one o’clock when he waked me
up, and after he’d gotten into bed and turned out the light, I told him
that I’d rented the empty room. And he said, ‘Who to?’ and I told him a
Reverend Castor and his wife. He sat up in bed, and said, ‘His wife!’
as if he didn’t believe me, and I said, ‘Yes, his wife!’ And then Henry
got out of bed and lit the gas, and went over to his coat and took out a
newspaper. I thought it was kind-a funny. He opened it, and looked at
it, and said, ‘That ain’t his wife at all. It’s a woman who sings in his
choir. The scoundrel, to come to a respectable house like this!’ And
then he showed me the newspaper, and there it all was about a preacher
in Milford who’d run away with a choir singer. And there was his name
and everything. You’d have thought he’d have had the sense to take some
other name if he was going to do a thing like that.”
McTavish looked at her quietly. “I don’t think he’d ever think of a
thing like that. He was a good man. He was innocent.”
The woman sniffed. “I don’t know about that. But it seems to me a good
man wouldn’t be trapsin’ around with another man’s wife.”
The look in McTavish’s eyes turned a little harder. When he spoke, his
voice was stern. “I know what I mean. He was a good man. He had a
hellion for a wife. She deserved what she got and worse.”
Something in the quality of his voice seemed to irritate the woman, for
she began to whine. “Well, you needn’t insult me. I was brought up a
good Christian Methodist, and I’m a regular churchgoer, and I know good
from bad.”
McTavish turned away in disgust. “All right! All right! Go on with your
story.”
“Well,” said the woman, “Henry—that’s my husband—said, ‘You must turn
them out right away. We can’t have the house defiled by adulterers!’”
Her small green eyes turned a glare of defiance at McTavish. “That’s
what they were—adulterers.”
“Yes,” said McTavish wearily. “There’s no denying that. But go on.”
“So I got up, and went to their room and knocked. I smelled gas in the
hall and thought it was funny. And then I knocked again and nobody
answered. And then I got scared and called Henry. He was for sending for
somebody to help break down the door, and then I turned the knob and it
was open. They hadn’t even locked it. It just pushed open, easy-like.
The room was full of gas, and you couldn’t go in or strike a match and
you couldn’t see anything. But we left the door open, and Henry went to
get the police. And after a time I went to open the window, and when I
pulled up the window-shade and the light from the furnaces came in, I
saw ’em both a-lyin’ there. He was sort of slumped down beside the bed
and she was half on the bed a-lyin’ on her face. They’d both died
a-prayin’.”
The thin, dreary voice died away into silence. McTavish looked at
Philip. He was sitting on one of the stiff pine chairs, his head sunk on
his chest, his fingers unrolling mechanically bit by bit the pieces of
newspaper with which the door had been stuffed. Automatically he
unrolled them, examined them and smoothed them out, putting them in neat
piles at his feet. They were stained with tears that had fallen silently
while he listened. And then, suddenly, he found what he had been looking
for. He handed it to McTavish without a word, without even raising his
head.
It was a scrap torn hastily to stuff the door, but in the midst of it
appeared in glaring headlines:
“PREACHER ELOPES
WITH MISSIONARY
Romance begins at choir
practice. Woman a
former Evangelist”
The editors had kept their word to Emma, but the story had leaked out
into the cities nearby.
McTavish read it in silence, and turned to the woman. Philip did not
even hear what they were saying. He was thinking of poor Naomi lying
dead, fallen forward on the bed where she had been praying. It was poor
Naomi who had made that ghastly depression in the gray-white
counterpane. He saw what had happened. He saw them coming in, tired and
frightened, to this sordid room, terrified by what they had done in a
moment of insanity. He saw them sitting there in silence, Naomi crying
because she always cried when she was frightened. And perhaps he had
taken the newspaper out of his pocket and laid it on the table and as it
fell open, there was the headline staring at them. They must have seen,
then, that they were trapped, that they could neither go on nor turn
back. In their world of preachers and Evangelists and prayer there was
no place for them. And presently they must have noticed the print of the
Sermon on the Mount, and at last the framed text—“Come unto Me, all ye
that labor and are heavy laden....” They must have seen the text written
in letters of fire, inviting them, commanding them—“Come unto Me, all
ye that labor and are heavy laden....” It must have seemed the only way
out. And then they had sung hymns until the harpy had knocked at the
door and bade them be silent.
The depression in the bed kept tormenting him. The two figures kneeling
there, praying, praying for forgiveness, until one of them slumped down,
unconscious, and the other was left alone, still praying.... Which one
of them had gone first? He hoped it was Naomi, for she would be so
frightened at being left alone. For the one who was left alone, those
last moments must have seemed hours. And Naomi must have been
frightened. She was destroying herself—a sin which once she had told
him was the unforgivable.
He saw then that the faith which had given her strength in that far-off
unreal world at Megambo must have been failing her for a long time. It
must have died before ever she set out on the mad journey that ended in
this wretched room. Or she must have been mad. And then, all at once,
the memory of her figure kneeling in the dust of the Mission enclosure
rose up and smote him. He saw her again, her face all illumined with a
queer, unearthly light. She had been ready then to die by the bullets of
the painted niggers. She should have died then, happy in the knowledge
of her sacrifice. He had saved her life—he and that queer
Englishwoman—only that she might die thus, praying alone, lost,
forgotten....
She should have died at Megambo—a martyr.
Suddenly he heard the voice of the tired little woman, “And here is her
hand-bag.” She held it out to McTavish, a poor morsel of leather, all
hardened and discolored by the rain. “That’s how we found her address.
It was written on a card.”
McTavish opened it mechanically, and turned it upside-down. A few coins
rattled out. He counted them ... eighty-five cents. The woman opened a
drawer of the table. “And here is his.” The worn wallet contained a
great amount of silver and ninety odd dollars in bills. They had meant
to start life again with ninety odd dollars.
“They must have been mad,” said McTavish. He touched Philip’s shoulder.
“Come ... we’d better go.”
Philip rose in silence, and McTavish turned toward the Bible that lay
open on the table. “Was that theirs?” he asked.
“No, that’s mine. I keep Bibles in all my rooms.”
McTavish turned toward the door, and she said, “The bag ... ain’t you
going to take the bag?”
McTavish turned toward Philip.
“No,” said Philip. “You may keep it.”
The woman frowned. “I don’t want it. I don’t want any of their things
left in my house. I’ve suffered enough. They ruined me. I don’t want my
house polluted.”
McTavish started to speak, and then thought better of it. He simply took
up the bag and followed Philip. They went down the two flights of
odorous stairs and out of the door. The policeman who had accompanied
them was waiting on the sidewalk. As the door closed, they heard the
woman sobbing and calling after them that she, an honest, God-fearing
woman, had been ruined.
In silence they turned their backs on the dingy house, with the sign,
“Rooms to Let to Respectable Parties,” and the emblazoned text, “JESUS
SAID, ‘COME UNTO ME....’”
Half-way down the block, McTavish said, “You mustn’t think about it,
Philip. You mustn’t brood. You had nothing to do with it.”
“How can I help thinking about it?” He could only see them kneeling
there by the bed praying until the end, innocent save that they had
tried to escape from a life which circumstance or fate had made too
cruel for them to bear. They had died without ever knowing the happiness
which had come to him and Mary. He saw bitterly that there was not even
any great dignity in their death, but only a pathos. They had not even
known a poor tattered remnant of human happiness. They had simply run
away, fleeing from something they could not understand toward something
that was unknown.
“How can I ever think of anything else?”
The Reverend Castor was buried from his own house, and Naomi from the
flat over the drugstore. Emma had proposed that the services should be
held in the slate-colored house, but Philip refused. It seemed wrong
that Naomi should enter it again, even in death. He would not even allow
any mourners save the family. His mother and father were there, Jason in
a curious state of depression, more than ever like a bedraggled bantam
rooster, and Mabelle bringing both Ethel and little Jimmy, who kept
asking in loud whispers where Cousin Naomi had gone, and why he wasn’t
supposed to speak of her. Mabelle herself repeated over and over again,
“I can’t believe it. She was so cheerful, though she did seem a bit
nervous and fidgety that last day. She came twice to see me. I suppose
she wanted to tell me something,” and, “What strikes me as funny is that
nobody ever suspected it. There wasn’t any talk about them at all. It
was like a flash out of the blue.” It was impossible to silence her
tongue. Even during the service she whispered to Jason, “Don’t she look
pure and sweet? You just can’t believe that things like this happen.
Life is a funny thing, I always say. It was just like a flash out of the
blue.”
And “pie-faced” Elmer was there too, all in dingy black. He read the
service, looking like the Jewish god of vengeance. He only spoke once or
twice in a ghoulish whisper, but his eyes were eloquent. They said, “You
see the wages of sin ...” and, “This is what comes of Philip abandoning
God.”
Once the service was interrupted when little Philip, wakened by the
singing of Crossing the Bar by the hired quartet, stirred in his crib
and began to cry.
Naomi was buried in the dress of figured foulard. Mabelle observed that
in the coffin it looked all right. Naomi, she said, looked so young and
so natural.
The Mills began once more to pound and roar. The flames of the furnaces
again filled all the night sky with a rosy glow. The last miserable
remnants of the strikers drifted away and the tent village disappeared,
leaving only a vacant lot, grassless and muddy with the turn of winter.
The strike and the slaughter in the park of Shane’s Castle, even the
tragedy of Naomi and the Reverend Castor, were at last worn to shreds
as subjects of conversation. Life moved on, as if all these things
counted for nothing, as if the Shanes, and Krylenko, poor Giulia Rizzo,
Naomi and the Reverend Castor, had never existed. In the church, Elmer
Niman read the services until a suitable preacher was found. The bereft
and invalid Mrs. Castor disappeared in the obscurity of some Indiana
village, where she went to live with a poverty-stricken cousin.
As for Philip, he stayed on in the flat, hiring an old negress, whom
McTavish knew, to care for the twins. A sort of enchantment seemed to
have taken possession of him, which robbed him even of his desire to go
away. Emma came nearly every day to question old Molly about the
children, to make suggestions and to run her finger across tables in
search of dust. She did not propose that he return to the slate-colored
house, for she seemed now to be afraid of him, with the fear one has of
drunkards or maniacs—a fear which had its origin in the moment he had
taken the worn gloves from his pocket and given them to her. There was,
too, a wisdom in the fear, a wisdom which had come to her from Jason on
that same night, after she had returned to the marital bed.
For Jason had said to her, when she had grown calm, “Em, you never learn
anything. If you lived to be a hundred, you’d still be making a mess of
things.”
And she had cried out, “How can you say such a thing to me ... after all
I’ve suffered ... after all I’ve done? It’s you who’ve made a mess of
your life.”
“My life ain’t such a mess as you might think,” he had replied darkly.
“But let me tell you, if you don’t want to lose that boy altogether,
you’ll let him alone. He ain’t no ordinary town boy, Em. He’s
different. I’ve found that out. I don’t know how we produced ’im. But if
you don’t want to lose him, you’ll let him alone.”
She didn’t want to lose him. There were times when she hardened her
heart toward him, thinking he was ungrateful and hard to allow a hussy
like Mary Conyngham to stand between him and his mother; and again she
would think of him as her little boy, her Philip, for whom she would
work her fingers to the bone. But she was hurt by the way he looked at
her, coldly, out of hard blue eyes, as if she were only a stranger to
him. She felt him slipping, slipping from her, and at times she grew
cold with fear. She “let him alone,” but she could not overlook her duty
toward him and his children. They were, after all, her grandchildren,
and a man like Philip wasn’t capable of bringing them up properly,
especially since he had lost his faith. And with a mother like theirs,
who had such bad blood, they would need special care and training ...
she resolved not to speak of it for the moment, but, later on, when they
were a little older....
But it was Mabelle who was the most regular visitor at the flat. She
came with a passion for always being in the center of things; she clung
to the tragedy, and came every day to break in upon Philip’s brooding
solitude, to chatter on and on, whether he listened or not. She brought
little Jimmy’s old toys for the twins, and she dandled them on her knee
as if they were her own. There were times when Philip suspected her of
being driven by a relentless curiosity to discover more of what had
happened on the terrible day, but he endured her; he even began to have
an affection for her, because she was so stupid and good-natured.
She was sitting there one morning, playing with little Philip and little
Naomi, when she said suddenly, “You know I often think that all that
trouble in the park at Shane’s Castle ... killing all those people ...
had something to do with Naomi’s being so upset. You see, when she heard
that morning about the people being killed there, she got worried about
you. She was nearly crazy for fear that something had happened to you,
and she went herself to the stable to find you, and when she didn’t find
you there she was sort of crazy afterward. She came up and talked to me
in a crazy way until she heard from your Pa that he’d seen you at
McTavish’s. When I think of it now, I see that she was sort of
unbalanced and queer, though I didn’t notice it at the time.”
Philip, barely listening to her, took little notice of what she was
saying, for he had come long ago to allow her to rattle on and on
without heeding her; it was only a little while afterward that it had
any significance for him. It was as if what she had said touched some
hidden part of his brain. When she had gone, and he began indifferently
to think of it, it seemed to him that he remembered every word exactly
as she had spoken it. The words were burned into his mind. “She was
nearly crazy for fear something had happened to you, and she went
herself to the stable to find you.”
When Mabelle had gone, he could think of nothing else.
Since the morning after the slaughter in the park, he had never returned
to the stable. The place which he had once thought of as belonging to
himself alone was spoiled now: it had been invaded by Lily Shane and
poor Naomi, and even by Mary ... even by Mary. There were times when he
resented her having come there, and times, too, when his remorse over
Naomi made him feel that Mary had come deliberately, to tempt him, that
what they had done was not a beautiful, but a wicked thing, which would
torment him until he died. The place was spoiled for him, since it had
come in a ghastly way to stand as a symbol of all those things which he
believed had driven Naomi into madness.
But he knew, too, that he must return one day to the stable. It was
filled with his belongings, the sketches pinned to the walls, the
unfinished canvas of the Flats at night on which the paint must long
since have caked and turned hard. (He knew now that it would never be
finished, for he could never bring himself to sit there again by the
window, alone, watching the mists stealing over the Mills.) After
Mabelle had gone, he kept thinking that Naomi was the last one to enter
the place. It was as if her spirit would be there awaiting him.
And then all at once there came to him a sudden terrifying memory: he
had gone away that morning leaving behind unwashed the dishes he and
Mary had used at breakfast. He had sent Mary away, promising to wash
them himself, and then, troubled by the remorse of the gray dawn, had
gone off, meaning to do it when he returned. They were still lying
there—the two plates, the two coffee-cups, the very loaf of bread,
turned hard and dry, and nibbled by the mice. And Naomi had gone there,
“crazy for fear something had happened” to him. She had seen the
remnants of that breakfast. In all the uproar and confusion he had
forgotten.... She had known then; she must have known before she ran
away....
For a moment he thought, “I must be careful, or I shall go crazy. It
must feel like this to lose one’s mind.” He thought, “It was I who did
it. I drove her away. I killed her myself. She thought that I was lying
to her all along. I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t lying. I was telling her the
truth.... It would have been the truth, even now, to the end, if Mary
hadn’t come then. She must have been crazy. Both of us must have been
crazy.”
And then, after a time, he thought, “I’ve got to be calm. I’ve got to
think this thing out.” There wasn’t, after all, any reason why there
shouldn’t have been two plates and two cups. Any one might have been
having breakfast with him ... any man, Krylenko, or even McTavish. Oh,
it was all right. There couldn’t have been anything wrong in that.
And then he thought bitterly, “But if it had been Krylenko, Naomi
wouldn’t have believed it. She’d be sure it was a woman. She’d think it
was Lily Shane ... Lily Shane, who wouldn’t have looked at me. She was
jealous of Lily Shane.”
None of it was any good—none of this self-deception. It wasn’t a man
who had had breakfast with him. It was a woman—Mary Conyngham, only
Naomi had believed it was Lily Shane. Thank God! It wasn’t the same as
if he and Mary together had driven her away to death in that horrible
rooming-house. He’d never have to think of that after he and Mary were
married. Naomi had believed the woman was Lily Shane.
Suddenly he pressed his hands to his eyes, so savagely that for a moment
he was blinded. “I’m a fool. It’s just the same, even if she did think
that it was some other woman.”
The stable began to acquire for him a horrid fascination, so powerful
that he could no longer stay away from it. He had to return, to see
the place with his eyes, to see the tell-tale cups and plates. Perhaps
(he thought) some miracle had happened. Old Hennery might have removed
them after he left, or perhaps he had himself washed them and put them
away in the harness-closet without remembering it. Such a thing could
happen.... In all the tragedy, all the confusion, the ecstasy of those
few hours, he might have done it, without knowing what he did. Or
afterwards, in all the stress of what had happened, he might have
forgotten. Such things had been known to occur, he told himself, such
lapses in the working of a brain. There were, after all, moments of late
when he was not certain of what was happening—whether he was alive or
dead, or whether Naomi had really killed herself, praying by the side of
that wretched bed....
But immediately he said, “I’m a fool. I’m like my father. I’m not
thinking of what did happen, but what I wish had happened. It’s like
his story of losing his memory.”
When the old negress Molly returned from marketing, he gave her the
twins and went off like a madman to the stable. He traversed the area of
the Mills, passed Hennessey’s place, and entered the dead park, but when
he came to the stable, it took all his courage to enter.
He climbed the creaking stairs with his eyes closed, groping his way
until he stood at the top. Then he opened them and looked about.
The place had a wrecked and desolate look. The dust and the soot of the
Mills, filtering in through the decaying windows, covered everything. At
some time during the storm the roof had begun to leak, and the water,
running down the walls, had ruined a dozen sketches and soaked the
blankets on the bed, and in the middle of the room on the table stood
the coffee-pot, the dried loaf of bread gnawed by the mice, the soiled
cups and plates, and a saucer with rancid butter on it.
There wasn’t any doubt of it—the things were there, just as they had
been left by him and Mary.
He sat down weakly in one of the chairs by the table, and lighted a
cigarette. Suddenly he leaned back with his eyes closed. He didn’t care
any longer. He was tired. He had come (he thought) to the end of things,
and nothing any longer made any difference—neither his mother, nor his
father, nor Naomi, nor even Mary. He wanted only to be alone forever, to
go off into some wilderness where there was no human creature to cause
him pain. He wanted to be a coward and run away. In solitude, he might
regain once more that stupid faith which had once given him security. It
wasn’t that he’d ever again be glad to be alive: it was only when you
believed you could make God responsible in a way for everything.
Whatever happened, it was the Will of God. He hadn’t been alive: it was
only when he had turned his back on God that he had begun to understand
what it meant to be alive. And now that, too, was past: he saw now that
he wasn’t strong enough to live by himself. He was, after all, a coward,
without the courage of a person like Mary. She had, he saw, no need of a
God to lean upon. No, he wasn’t even like his father, whom no tragedy
had the power to touch. He was like her—like his mother. He needed God
as an excuse. She was safe: nothing could touch her, nothing could ever
change her. She always had God to hold responsible....
The forgotten cigarette, burning low, scorched his fingers, and,
dropping it, he stepped on it mechanically, and, rising from the chair,
saw suddenly a woman’s handkerchief lying on the table among the dishes.
It lay there, folded neatly, beneath a covering of dust and soot. He
thought, “It must have been Naomi’s. She must have dropped it here.” The
thing exerted an evil fascination over him. He wanted to go away, but he
couldn’t go, until he knew whose handkerchief it was. It couldn’t have
been Lily Shane’s, for he or Mary would have noticed it. It couldn’t
have been Mary’s: for she wouldn’t have gone away from the table with it
lying there, neat and unused, in full sight on the table. It must have
belonged to Naomi. He wanted to go away without even looking, but he had
not the strength. It lay there tormenting him. He would never have any
peace if he went away in ignorance.
At last his hand, as if it moved of its own will, reached out and picked
it up. It left behind a small square free of dust on the surface of the
table. It was a tiny handkerchief, frail and feminine, and in the corner
it was marked with initials. They were ... M.C. There wasn’t the
slightest doubt.... M.C.... M.C.... Mary Conyngham.
He saw then what must have happened—that Mary had dropped it somewhere
in the room, and Naomi, searching for some clue, had found it and left
it lying behind on the table. It was Naomi’s hand that had placed it
there on the table, Naomi’s hand that had last touched it.
Naomi had known who the woman was. In the next moment he had, in some
unaccountable way, a curiously clear vision of an iron bed with a small
depression where some one had knelt to pray.
After a long time, he rose, and, leaving the handkerchief on the table,
went down the stairs once more. He never returned again to the room
above the stable.
While Philip sat in the dust and soot of the dead stable, his father
waited for him at the flat. He danced the twins for a time on his knee,
and set them crowing by giving a variety of imitations of birds and
animals which he had learned in Australia, but, after a time, the old
spirit flagged. He wasn’t the same gay, blithe creature that Emma found
awaiting her in the darkened drawing-room. Even the waxed mustaches
seemed to droop a little with weariness. For Jason was growing old in
body, and he knew it. “My sciatica,” he said, “will not let me alone.”
“For an active, nervous man like me,” he had told Emma only that
morning, “there ain’t much left when his body begins to get old.”
Even his return home had been in a way a failure. He began now to think
he ought never to have come back. Emma was the only one pleased by his
return. “You’d have thought,” he told himself, “that she’d have
forgotten me long ago and taken to thinking about other things.” It was
pretty fine to have a big, handsome woman like Emma give you all her
devotion. Yes, she was glad enough to see him, but there was his boy,
Philip, whom he hardly knew. He’d never get to know Philip: he couldn’t
understand a boy like that. And this Naomi business. It was too bad, and
of course it was a scandal, but still that didn’t make any difference in
the way you enjoyed living. The truth was that Philip ought to be kind-a
glad to be rid of her. It wasn’t a thing he could help, and he’d behaved
all right. If there was another woman, Philip had kept it all quiet.
There wasn’t any scandal. And now, if he wanted to marry her, he
could—if she wasn’t married too. No, he couldn’t understand Philip.
Emma had done something to him.
The return was a failure. He hadn’t even had any glory out of it, except
on that first night when he’d had his triumph over pie-faced Elmer; but
who wanted a triumph over a thing like Elmer? No, he’d been forgotten,
first in the excitement of the riot when they’d killed a couple of dirty
foreigners, and then by Naomi running off and killing herself with a
preacher. Em wouldn’t let him say that preachers were a bad lot but he
had his ideas, all the same. The Town had forgotten all about him—him,
a man who lost his memory, and who had been thought dead for twenty-six
years. Of course he hadn’t quite lost his memory, but he might have
lost it....
And then he was homesick. The Town wasn’t home to him any more. It was
no more his real home than Philip was his real son, or Emma his
real wife.
He was thinking all these things, mechanically rolling a ball back and
forth to the twins, when Philip came in. At first Jason didn’t notice
him, and when he did look up, the drawn, white look on the face of his
strange son frightened him. He tried to jest, in a wild effort to drive
away that sense of depression.
“Well, here I am,” he said brightly. “Back again like a bad penny.”
Philip didn’t answer him, and he said, “I just ran in to say I’m going
home day after to-morrow.”
“Home?” asked Philip, with a look of bewilderment.
“Yes ... home to Australy.”
“Oh.” Then the boy pulled himself together with an effort. “But I
thought this was your home.”
“No ... not really. You see, I’ve lived out there most of my life. And
this darned Town has changed so, it don’t seem the same any longer. It’s
all full of new people ... and foreigners. Most of ’em have never heard
of me.”
“What’ll Ma think?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t told her, but she knows I had to go back some
day. She’ll think I’m comin’ back. She’ll have that to look forward to.”
“You’re not coming back ... ever?”
“It ain’t likely. They say an animal wants to go home when he’s dying.
Well, that’s me. I want to go home.”
“But you’re not dying.”
“No, but I ain’t as young as I once was. I don’t want there to be no
mistake.” He appeared to grow even more dejected. “If I’m out there,
I’ll know where I am. It’s no place for a man like me here in this Town.
Why, there ain’t room to breathe any more.” He took a cigar out of his
yellow waistcoat pocket and offered it to Philip, who refused it
instinctively, and then accepted it, moved by the pathetic effort at
friendliness. The little man wanted to tell him something; he wanted to
treat him as a son, to create suddenly a bond that had never existed. He
held a match for the cigar and then lighted his own. “It’s like this,
Philip,” he said. “I’ve been thinking it over. You don’t want to stay in
this Town any more?”
“No.”
“It’s no place for a fella like you any more than it is for one like me.
We’ve got to have room to breathe and think. I often think that. It’s a
nasty place, this Town—no room for a fella to do as he wants ... always
somebody a-watchin’ of ’im.”
Philip scarcely heard what he was saying, but he did notice the return
of the haunting, half-comic accent. It was the first time that he had
ever seen his father grave, the first time a serious thought had ever
pierced the gay, shiny surface. And suddenly he felt a queer affection
for the little man. Jason was making so great an effort that his face
had turned red as a turkey-cock’s.
“It’s like this, Philip.... Why don’t you come away with me to
Australia? It’s a fine life, and I’m rich out there.” He waited for a
moment, and when Philip didn’t answer, he said, “You could begin all
over again—like a new person. I know you could, because I did it myself
... I started all over.” Again he waited. “There’s nothing to keep you,
is there? No woman?”
He always thought of women first—his father. Philip turned slowly. “Yes
... there is.”
“Does she count as much as that?”
“Yes.”
“You could marry her and take her along, couldn’t you? She ain’t a
married woman, is she?”
“No.”
“She’d be likely to go with you?”
“Yes, she’d go anywhere I chose, I guess.”
“She must be the right sort.”
There was a pause, and Jason struck suddenly at the thing that had been
hanging over both of them like a shadow. “Out there, you’d be where your
Ma couldn’t put her nose in.”
“Oh, I’m going away.... I’m not going to stay here.”
Jason suddenly brightened. “Then come along with me. I’d even wait till
you could get away. We ought to get better acquainted, Philip, and you’d
like it out there.” He laid a hand suddenly on Philip’s arm. “I’ll tell
you something, if you promise not to tell your Ma ... at least not till
I’m gone.”
He looked searchingly at Philip, who asked, “What is it?”
“You mustn’t tell. You’ve got to promise.”
“No, I won’t tell.”
“You’ve got brothers and sisters out in Australia!”
Jason looked at him with an air of expectancy, but Philip only looked
puzzled.
“What on earth do you mean by that, Pa?”
“You wouldn’t be alone out there. You see I’ve got a family there
too.... You’d have brothers and sisters there.”
“But you’re married to Ma.”
“That’s all right. I ain’t a bigamist. I’ve just never been married to
Dora—that’s my other wife. She knows about Em. I told her everything. I
guess she always liked me so much that not being married didn’t
matter.”
The little man put his head on one side. At the thought of Dora his
depression seemed to vanish. As for Philip, he simply stared, failing to
live up to such an announcement. It neither surprised nor shocked him,
for the whole thing seemed completely unreal, as if he were holding the
fantastic conversation in a dream. It was the other thing that was
real—the sight of the room in disarray with Mary’s handkerchief laid on
the table by the hand of Naomi ... the memory of the sordid bed with the
depression in the gray coverlet.
“You don’t seem surprised,” said his father.
“No.... No.... Nothing surprises me any more. I suppose if you wanted to
have a family out there, it was all right. You can’t expect a man to
stop living.” (He was right then: his father had had a woman out there.)
“But you see, Philip, they’re your brothers and sisters ... your
father’s children.”
Philip made an effort. “How many of them are there?”
Jason’s yellow waistcoat swelled with pride. “Three boys and two girls,”
he said. “Nobody can say I haven’t done my part in helping the world
along. All strapping big ones too. The youngest ... Emma ... is
thirteen.”
“Emma!”
“Yes. I called her after your Ma. I always liked the name, and I always
liked your Ma too, when she’s not having tantrums.”
Suddenly Philip wanted to laugh. The desire arose from a strange mixture
of pain and mirth. It was ridiculous.
“The others are Jason, Henry, Hector and Bernice. It was Dora who named
the others. Dora’s a wonderful woman ... like your Ma in a way, only
Dora understands me.”
There was a long, sudden silence, in which Philip thought, “If I’d only
done as he did, everything would have been all right. He’s happy and
he’s been free ... always. I was weak and cowardly. I didn’t do one
thing or the other, and now there’s no way out.”
“You see what I mean,” said Jason. “You’d have a home out there, and a
family too. You wouldn’t be going alone into a new country.” He looked
at his son wistfully. “You’d better come with me ... woman or no woman.”
“No, Pa ... I can’t. I’ve got to marry the woman, and I want to go to a
new country ... alone.” His face was gray and drawn suddenly. “I’ve got
to do it ... it’s the only thing.”
“You’d better think it over, Philip.”
“I’ve thought it over ... I’ve been doing nothing else.”
His father took up the tan derby. “And you won’t tell your Ma, will
you?”
“I won’t tell her ... ever. You needn’t worry.”
“You can tell her when I’m gone ... I don’t want to face her, that’s
all.”
Jason went out, all depressed once more. Philip wasn’t his boy at all.
Emma had done something to him.
When he had gone, Philip sat down and began to laugh. He felt sick
inside, and bruised. “Oh, my God! And I’ve got three brothers and two
sisters in Australia! And that’s where he got the accent. He got it from
Dora!”
That night he sat with Mary in the Victorian drawing-room, planning
their future. It was the first time he had ever entered the house, and
he found the quiet, feminine sense of order in the big room soothing and
pleasant, just as Emma had found it melancholy and depressing. But he
hadn’t come to her to be comforted and petted, as he had always done
before: he was a different Philip, pathetic, and yet hard, kindly, yet
cold in a way, and aloof. He did not speak of the stable, nor even of
Naomi, and Mary, watching him, thought, “Perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps
after all he’s been sensible and put all that behind him,” and then, in
the next moment, she saw him close his eyes suddenly. She knew what he
was seeing ... that room in the boarding-house where Naomi had died.
“They ought never to have let him go there,” she thought. “If any of
them had any common sense, they wouldn’t have let him do it.” But she
knew, too, that no one could have stopped him. He had gone because he
saw it as his duty, a kind of penance: he was the sort who would never
spare himself anything....
And, reaching over, she touched his hand, but there was no response.
After a time, he said, “It’s all right, Mary. It’s just a headache. I’ve
been having them lately.”
They couldn’t marry and stay there in the Town with every eye watching
them, waiting for some bit of scandal: but Philip seemed obsessed with
the idea that they must be married at once. At first she thought it
might be because he wanted her so much, and then she saw that it was
for some other reason, which she could not discover.
She asked him why they must hurry, and he said, “Don’t you want to be
married? Don’t you care any longer?”
“Of course I do, Philip. You ought to know that.”
“Besides, I can’t bear staying here any longer.”
But even that, she felt, wasn’t the real reason. She did not press him,
and together they planned what they were to do. The lease on Mary’s
house was finished in a month, and she could go away with her
sister-in-law, Rachel, and the two children, to Kentucky, where a sister
of her mother’s lived. And then, quietly, Philip could send the twins
there, and come himself. He would bring old Molly to help care for them.
“Rachel loves children,” said Mary, “and she’ll never be separated from
mine. She’d like two more in the household.” (Only she wished they
weren’t Naomi’s children ... they would always be reminding him of
Naomi. It seemed impossible to be rid of Naomi. The shadow of her was
always there, coming between them.)
After a long silence, she said suddenly, “You do want to marry me,
don’t you, Philip?”
As he answered, it seemed to him that he came back from a great
distance. “Marry you? Marry you? Why, of course I do. What have you been
thinking of? What have I just been saying?”
“I don’t want it to be because you think you have to ... because of that
night at the stable.”
“No ... no ... of course not. I want to marry you. I couldn’t think of
not doing it. Where did you get such an idea?”
“I don’t know ... only you’re so queer. It’s as if I didn’t make any
difference any more ... as if you could do without me.”
For a moment he turned cross. “That’s nonsense! And you know it. I can’t
help being like this ... I’ll be better later on.”
“I don’t know.”
But he did not try to convince her. He simply sat staring into the
shadows of the old room and at last he said, “And then when everything
is settled, I want to go back to Africa ... to Megambo.”
“You can’t do that, Philip ... you mustn’t. It would be like killing
yourself. You can’t go back where there’s fever.” She wanted to cry out
wildly, desperately, against the vague, dark force, which she felt
closing in about her.
“That’s all nonsense,” he said. “Doctors don’t know everything. I shan’t
get the fever. I’ve got to go back. I want to go back there to paint ...
I’ve got to go back.”
“You hated the place. You told me so.”
“And you said once that I really liked it. You told me that some day I’d
go back. Do you remember the day we were walking ... a few days after I
came home? You were right. I’ve got to go back. I’m like that queer
Englishwoman.”
“You won’t go ... leaving me alone.”
“It wouldn’t be for long ... a year, maybe.”
She did not answer him at once. “A year,” she thought. “A year! But
that’s long enough. Too long. Anything could happen in a year. He
might....” Looking at him as he lay back in the old horsehair sofa, he
became unbearably precious to her. She seemed to see him for the first
time—the thin, drawn, tormented face, the dark skin, the high
cheekbones, the thin lips, even the tired eyelids. He didn’t know she
was watching him. He wasn’t perhaps even thinking of her. He looked
young, like a boy ... the way he had been long ago at twenty, when he
was still hypnotized by Emma. She thought, “I can’t lose him now just
when we’ve a chance of being happy. I can’t. I can’t. He’s mine ... my
Philip.” He was free now of his mother, but he was still a captive.
She took his hand and pressed it against her cheek. “Philip, my Philip,”
she said. Opening his eyes, he looked at her for a moment lazily, and
then smiled. It was the old shy smile she had seen on that solitary walk
into the country. And then he said slowly what Naomi had once said—“I’m
tired, Mary dear, that’s all....” She drew his head to her shoulder and
began stroking it slowly. She thought, “It’s odd. My grandmother would
turn in her grave if she knew. Or maybe she’d understand. He’s been mine
always, since the beginning. I mean to keep him.”
And yet she knew that he was in that very moment escaping her. She knew
again the terrifying sensation of fighting some dark and shadowy thing
which she could neither see nor feel nor touch.
“Philip,” she said softly. “Philip.”
“Yes.”
“I’m going with you to Africa.”
A little pause, and then—“You’d hate it there. You’d be miserable.”
She saw suddenly that he had wanted to go alone, to hide himself away.
She was hurt and she thought, “I can’t let him do it. I’ve got to fight
to save us both.”
Aloud she said, “I wouldn’t mind anything, Philip, but I’ve got to go
with you. That’s all I care about.”
“There’s the children.”
“I’ve thought of that. I’ve thought of everything. We can leave them
with Rachel and old Molly.” She would make the trip a lark, a holiday.
She would care for him every moment, and even see that he took the
proper drugs. She would fight the fever herself. Nothing could touch him
if she were there to protect him. She could put her own body and soul
between him and death.
“You’re sure you want to go, Mary?”
“Of course I’m sure. It’s the only thing I want ... never to be
separated from you again. Nothing else makes any difference.”
But this time she did not ask him whether he really wanted her. He
smiled at her again. “A poor, weak fool like me doesn’t deserve such a
woman.”
She kissed him, thinking, “Yes, my dear, you’re poor and weak, and a bit
of a fool, but it doesn’t make any difference. Maybe that’s only why I
love you so much that it breaks my heart.”
For a moment, it seemed to her that he again belonged to her, body and
soul, as he had belonged to her on that terrible, beautiful night in the
stable. She knew now. She understood that strange, sad happiness that
always seemed to envelop the wicked Lily Shane.
When he told Emma the next day that he meant to marry Mary Conyngham,
she turned suddenly white about the lips, and for once she was silent
for a time before speaking. She must have seen that she had lost him
forever, that she had lost even her grandchildren; but she had never yet
surrendered weakly and she did not surrender now. She held her tongue,
moved perhaps by the memory of Jason’s, “You never learn anything, Em.
You’d better leave the boy alone, if you ever expect to see him again.”
She only said, “You might have waited a respectable time, so people
wouldn’t talk. Why, Naomi’s hardly cold in her grave. You certainly
don’t owe her much, but....”
“No one need know. We’re going away. We’ll keep it a secret if you
like.”
She softened a little. “Why couldn’t you wait a little time?” (Mary
might die or he might grow tired of her, if he would only wait.)
He looked at her steadily. “I’ve waited too long already, years too
long.”
“And now that your Pa’s going back to Australia for a time, I’ll be
alone ... I won’t have anybody. It’s hard when you’re beginning to be
old to find your life hasn’t come to anything ... all the struggle gone
for nothing.”
He saw that she was beginning to “work herself up” in the old fashion
that she always used as a last resort. He knew the signs, and he didn’t
care any longer. She couldn’t touch him that way. The trick had worn
itself out, and he saw her with a strange, cruel clarity. One thing,
however, did soften him ... “now that your Pa is going back to Australia
for a time....” She didn’t know that she would never see Jason again.
“I’ll come sometimes to visit you,” he said. “You won’t lose me.”
“But it’s not the same, Philip. When a girl marries, she still belongs
to her mother, but when a boy marries, he is lost forever.”
“But, Ma, I was married before.”
“But that didn’t count. Naomi didn’t make any difference. She was always
a sort of poor thing.”