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NOTE
Of the stories in this volume, “Witherle’s
Freedom” and “Serene’s Religious Experience”
were first published in The Century
Magazine; “A Consuming Fire,”
“Hardesty’s Cowardice” and “The Honor
of a Gentleman” in Harper’s Weekly;
“At the End of the World” in The Independent.
Thanks are due the publishers
of these periodicals for permission to reprint
the stories here.
His little world was blankly astonished
when Witherle dropped out of it. His disappearance
was as his life had been, neat,
methodical, well-arranged; but why did he
go at all?
He had lived through thirty-seven years
of a discreetly conducted existence with apparent
satisfaction; he had been in the ministry
for fifteen years; he had been married
nearly as long; he was in no sort of difficulty,
theological, financial, or marital; he
possessed the favor of his superiors in the
church, the confidence of his wife, and he
had recently come into a small fortune bequeathed
him by a great-aunt. Every one
regarded him as very “comfortably fixed”—for
a minister.
Of all the above-enumerated blessings he
had divested himself methodically, as a man
folds up and lays aside worn garments. He
resigned his charge, he transferred his property
to his wife, and wrote her a farewell
note in which he said, in a light-hearted way
which she mistook for incoherence, that she
would never see him again. These things
done, he dropped out of the sight of men as
completely as a stone fallen into a pond.
His friends speculated and investigated,
curiously, eagerly, fearfully, but to no purpose.
What was the motive? Where had
he gone? Had he committed suicide? Was
he insane? The elders of the church employed
a detective, and the friends of his
wife took up the search, but Witherle was
not found. He had left as little trace whereby
he could be followed as a meteor leaves
when it rushes across the sky.
Presently, of course, interest in the event
subsided; the church got a new minister;
Witherle’s wife went back to her own people;
the world appeared to forget. But
there was a man of Witherle’s congregation
named Lowndes who still meditated the unsolved
problem at odd moments. He was a
practical man of affairs, with the psychological
instinct, and he found the question
of why people do the things that they do
perennially interesting. Humanity from any
point of view is a touching spectacle; from
a business standpoint it is infinitely droll.
Personally Lowndes was one of the wholesome
natures for whom there are more certainties
than uncertainties in life, and he
felt for Witherle the protecting friendliness
that a strong man sometimes has for one less
strong. He advised him as to his investments
on week-days, and listened patiently
Sunday after Sunday, as the lesser man expounded
the mysteries of creation and the
ways of the Creator, sustained by the reflection
that Witherle was better than his sermons.
He did not consider him an interesting
man, but he believed him to be a
good one. When Witherle was no longer
at hand, Lowndes counselled and planned
for his wife, and otherwise made himself
as useful as the circumstances would permit.
He felt sorry for Witherle’s wife, a nervous
woman to whom had come as sharp
an upheaval of life as death itself could
have brought about, without the comfort
of the reflection that the Lord had taken
away.
Fate, who sometimes delivers the ball to
those who are ready to play, decreed that,
in May, about a year after Witherle’s disappearance,
Lowndes should be summoned
from the Pennsylvania village where he lived
to one of the cities of an adjoining State.
His business took him along the dingy river-front
of the town. Crossing a bridge one
evening toward sunset, he stopped idly to
note the shifting iridescent tints that converted
the river for the hour into a heavenly
water-way between the two purgatorial banks
lined with warehouses and elevators black
with the inexpressibly mussy and depressing
blackness of the soot of soft coal. His
glance fell upon a coal-barge being loaded
at the nearest wharf. He leaned over the
rail, wondering why the lines of the figure
of one of the workmen looked familiar to
him. The man seemed to be shovelling coal
with a peculiar zest. As this is a species of
toil not usually performed for the love of
it, his manner naturally attracted attention.
While Lowndes still stood there pondering
the problematical familiarity of his back, the
man turned. Lowndes clutched the rail.
“By Jove!” he said, excitedly, for he saw
that the features were the features of Witherle.
Their expression was exultant and
illuminated beyond anything ever vouch-safed
to that plodding gospeller. Moving
along the bridge to a point just above the
barge, he took out his watch and looked at
it. It was nearly six o’clock.
The next fifteen minutes were exciting
ones for Lowndes. His mind was in a tumult.
It is no light matter to make one’s
self the arbiter of another man’s destiny;
and he knew enough of Witherle to feel sure
that the man’s future was in his hands. He
looked down at him dubiously, his strong
hands still clutching the rail tensely. For a
minute he felt that he must move on without
making his presence known, but even as he
resolved, the clocks and whistles clamorously
announced the hour.
When the men quitted their work, the
man whom Lowndes’s eyes were following
came up the stairs that led to the bridge.
As he passed, Lowndes laid a hand lightly
on his shoulder.
“How are you, Witherle?” he said.
The man stared at him blankly a second,
recoiled, and his face turned livid as he
shook off the friendly hand. The other
men had passed on, and they were alone on
the bridge.
“I’m a free man,” said Witherle, loudly,
throwing back his shoulders. “Before
God, I’m a free man for the first
time in my life. What do you want with
me?”
“Don’t rave,” said Lowndes, sharply. “I
sha’n’t hurt you. You couldn’t expect me
to pass you without speaking, could you?”
“Then you weren’t looking for me?”
asked Witherle, abjectly.
“I have business on hand.” Lowndes
spoke impatiently, for he did not enjoy seeing
his old friend cower. “I am here for
the Diamond Oil Co. I was crossing the
bridge just now, when I saw a man down
there shovelling coal as if he liked it; and I
delayed to look, and saw it was you. So I
waited for you. That is all there is of it.
You needn’t stop if you don’t wish.”
Witherle drew a deep breath. “My
nerves aren’t what they were,” he said,
apologetically. “It played the mischief
with them to—” He left the sentence hanging
in the air.
“If you weren’t going to like the results,
you needn’t have gone,” observed Lowndes,
in an impartial tone. “Nobody has been
exactly able to see the reasons for your departure.
You left the folks at home a good
deal stirred up.”
“What do they say about me there?”
Lowndes hesitated. “Most of them say
you were crazy. Your wife has gone back
to her people.”
“Ah!”
Lowndes looked at the man with a sudden
impulse of pity. He was leaning against the
rail, breathing heavily. His face was white
beneath the soot, but in his eyes still flamed
that incomprehensible ecstasy. He was inebriate
with the subtle stimulus of some transcendent
thought. But what thought? And
what had brought him here? This creature,
with his sensitive mouth, his idealist’s eyes,
his scholar’s hands, black and hardened now
but still clearly recognizable, was at least
more out of place among the coal-heavers
than he had been in the pulpit. Lowndes
felt mightily upon him the desire to shepherd
this man back to some more sheltered fold.
The highways of existence were not for his
feet; not for his lips the “Song of the Open
Road.” He did not resist the desire to say,
meditatively:
“You have no children——”
“God in His mercy be praised for that
one blessing!” Witherle muttered. But
Lowndes went on as if he did not hear:
“But you might think of your wife.”
“I have thought of her—too much. I
thought about everything too much. I am
tired of thinking,” said Witherle. “I wonder
if you understand?”
“Not in the least.”
Witherle looked about him restlessly.
“Come where we can talk—down there on
that pile of boards. I think I’d like to talk.
It is very simple when once you understand
it.”
He led the way to the opposite end of
the bridge, and down an embankment to a
lumber-pile at the water’s edge. Up the
river the May sun had gone down in splendor,
leaving the water crimson-stained.
Witherle sat down where he could look along
the river-reaches.
“Hold on a minute, Witherle. Don’t
talk to me unless you are sure you want to.”
“That’s all right. There’s nothing much
to tell. I don’t seem to mind your understanding.”
Witherle was silent a minute.
“It is very simple,” he said again.
“This is the way I think about it. Either
you do the things you want to do in this
world or else you don’t. I had never done
what I wanted until I left home. I didn’t
mean to hurt anybody by coming away in
that style, and I don’t think that I did. I’d
rather not be selfish, but life got so dull. I
couldn’t stand it. I had to have a change.
I had to come. The things you have to do
you do. There was a Frenchman once who
committed suicide and left a note that said:
‘Tired of this eternal buttoning and unbuttoning.’
I know how he felt. I don’t
know how other men manage to live. Perhaps
their work means more to them than
mine had come to mean to me. It was just
dull, that was all, and I had to come.”
Lowndes stared. Truly it was delightfully
simple. “Why, man, you can’t chuck
your responsibilities overboard like that.
Your wife——”
“When I was twenty-one,” interrupted
Witherle, “I was in love. The girl married
somebody else. Before I met my wife
she had cared for a man who married another
woman. You see how it was. We
were going to save the pieces together. As
a business arrangement that sort of thing is
all right. I haven’t a word to say against
it. She is a good woman, and we got on as
well as most people, only life was not ecstasy
to either of us. Can’t you see us tied together,
snaking our way along through existence
as if it were some gray desert, and we
crawling on and on over the sand, always
with our faces bent to it, and nothing showing
itself in our way but the white bones of
the men and women who had travelled along
there before us—grinning skulls mostly?
Can’t you see it?”
Looking up, he caught an expression in
Lowndes’s eyes the meaning of which he
suspected. “Oh, you needn’t be afraid,” he
added, hastily, “that this is insanity. It’s
only imagination. That’s the way I felt.
And my work was only another long desert
to be toiled through—with the Sphinx at
the end. I wasn’t a successful preacher, and
you know it. I hadn’t any grip on men.
I hadn’t any grip on myself—or God. I
couldn’t see any use or any meaning or
any joy in it. The whole thing choked me.
I wanted a simpler, more elemental life. I
wanted to go up and down the earth and
try new forms of living, new ways of doing
things, new people. Life—that was what I
wanted; to feel the pulse of the world throb
under my touch, to be in the stir, to be doing
something. I was always haunted by
the conviction that life was tremendous if
only you once got at it. I couldn’t get at
it where I was. I was rotting away. So
when that money was left me it came like
a godsend. I knew my wife could live
on that, and I didn’t think she’d miss me
much, so I just came off.”
“And you like it?”
The man’s eyes flamed. “Like it? It’s
great! It’s the only thing there is. I’ve
been from Maine to California this year. I
wintered in a Michigan lumber-camp—that
was hell. I was a boat-hand on the Columbia
last summer—that was heaven. I
worked in a coal-mine two months—a scab
workman, you understand. And now I’m
at this. I tell you, it is fine to get rid of
cudgelling your brains for ideas that aren’t
there, and of pretending to teach people
something you don’t know, and take to
working with your hands nine hours a day
and sleeping like a log all night. I hadn’t
slept for months, you know. These people
tell me about themselves. I’m seeing what
life is like. I’m getting down to the foundations.
I’ve learned more about humanity
in the last six months than I ever knew in
all my life. I believe I’ve learned more
about religion. I’m getting hold of things.
It’s like getting out on the open sea after
that desert I was talking about—don’t you
see? And it all tastes so good to me!”
He dropped his head into his hands, exhausted
by the flood of words he had poured
rapidly out.
Lowndes hesitated long before he spoke.
He was reflecting that Witherle’s exaltation
was pathological—he was drunk with the air
of the open road.
“Poor little devil!” he thought. “One
might let alone a man who finds ecstasy
in being a coal-heaver; but it won’t
do.”
“Life is big,” he admitted, slowly; “it’s
tremendous, if you like; it’s all you say—but
it isn’t for you. Don’t you see it is too
late? We’re all of us under bonds to keep
the world’s peace and finish the contracts
we undertake. You’re out of bounds now.
You have got to come back.”
Witherle stared at him blankly. “You
say that? After what I’ve told you? Why,
there’s nothing to go back for. And here—there
is everything! What harm am I doing,
I’d like to know? Who is hurt? What
claims has that life on me? Confound you!”
his wrath rising fiercely, “how dare you
talk like that to me? Why isn’t life for me
as well as for you?”
This Witherle was a man he did not know.
Lowndes felt a little heart-sick, but only the
more convinced that he must make his point.
“If you didn’t feel that you were out of
bounds, why were you afraid of me when I
came along?”
The thrust told. Witherle was silent.
Lowndes went on: “Bread isn’t as interesting
as champagne, I know, but there is more
in it, in the long run. However, that’s
neither here nor there—if a man has a right
to his champagne. But you haven’t. You
are mistaken about your wife. She was all
broken up. I don’t pretend to say she was
desperately fond of you. I don’t know anything
about that. But, anyhow, she had
made for herself a kind of life of which you
were the centre, and it was all the life she
had. You had no right to break it to pieces
getting what you wanted. That’s a brutal
thing for a man to do. She looked very miserable,
when I saw her. You’ve got to go
back.”
Witherle turned his head from side to side
restlessly, as a sick man turns on the pillow.
“How can I go back?” he cried, keenly
protesting. “Don’t you see it’s impossible?
I’ve burned my ships.”
“That’s easy enough. You went off in a
fit of double consciousness, or temporary insanity,
or something like that, and I found
you down here. It will be easy enough to
reinstate you. I’ll see to that.”
“That would be a lie,” said Witherle,
resolutely.
Lowndes stared at him curiously, reflecting
upon the fastidiousness with which men pick
and choose their offenses against righteousness,
embracing one joyously and rejecting
another with scorn.
“Yes; so it would. But I have offered to
do the lying for you, and you are off your
head, you know.”
“How?” demanded Witherle, sharply.
“Any man is off his head who can’t take
life as it comes, the bad and the good, and
bear up under it. Suicide is insanity. You
tried to commit suicide in the cowardliest
way, by getting rid of your responsibilities
and saving your worthless breath. Old man,
it won’t do. You say you’ve learned something
about religion and humanity—come
back and tell us about it.”
Witherle listened to his sentence in silence.
His long lower lip trembled.
“Anything more?” he demanded.
“That’s all. It won’t do.”
The man dropped his head into his hands
and sat absolutely still. Lowndes watched
the river growing grayer and grayer, and
listened to the lapping of the water against
the lumber, remembering that one of the
poets had said it was a risky business tampering
with souls, and matter enough to save
one’s own. The reflection made him feel a
little faint. What if Witherle had a right to
that life in spite of everything—that life for
which he had given all?
Witherle lifted his head at last. “You
are sure my wife was broken up over it?”
he demanded, despairingly.
“Sure.”
Witherle cast one longing glance across
the darkening river to the black outlines of
the barge. There, ah, even there, the breath
of life was sweet upon his lips, and toil was
good, and existence was worth while.
“I thought no soul in the world had a
claim on me. Curse duty! The life of a
rat in a cage!” he cried. “Oh, Lord, I
haven’t the head nor the heart for it!”
The words were bitter, but his voice broke
with compliance. He rose to his feet and
stretched out his arms with a fierce gesture,
then dropped them heavily by his side.
“Come on,” he said.
Lowndes, watching him with that curious,
heart-sickening sympathy growing upon him,
was aware that he had seen the end of a
soul’s revolt. Rightly or wrongly, Witherle’s
freedom was over.
SERENE’S RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE; AN INLAND STORY
Serene and young Jessup, the school-teacher,
were leaning over the front gate
together in the warm summer dusk.
“See them sparkin’ out there?” inquired
Serene’s father, standing at the door with his
hands in his pockets, and peering out speculatively.
“Now, father, when you know that ain’t
Serene’s line.”
It was Mrs. Sayles who spoke. Perhaps
there was the echo of a faint regret in her
voice, for she wished to see her daughter
“respectit like the lave”; but “sparkin’”
had never been Serene’s line.
“Serene wouldn’t know how,” said her
big brother.
“There’s other things that’s a worse waste
o’ time,” observed Mr. Sayles, meditatively,
“and one on ’em’s ’Doniram Jessup’s ever-lastin’
talk-talk-talkin’ to no puppus. He’s
none so smart if he does teach school. He’d
do better on the farm with his father.”
“He’s more’n three hundred dollars
ahead, and goin’ to strike out for himself, he
says,” observed the big brother, admiringly.
“Huh! My son, I’ve seen smart young
men strike out for themselves ’fore ever you
was born, and I’ve seen their fathers swim
out after ’em—and sink,” said Mr. Sayles,
oracularly.
Outside the June twilight was deepening,
but Serene and the school-teacher still leaned
tranquilly over the picket-gate. The fragrance
of the lemon-lilies that grew along
the fence was in the air, and over Serene’s
left shoulder, if she had turned to look, she
would have seen the slight yellow crescent of
the new moon sliding down behind the trees.
They were talking eagerly, but it was only
about what he had written in regard to
“Theory and Practice” at the last county
examination.
“I think you carry out your ideas real
well,” Serene said, admiringly, when he had
finished his exposition. “’Tisn’t everybody
does that. I know I’ve learned a good deal
more this term than I ever thought to when
I started in.”
The teacher was visibly pleased. He was
a slight, wiry little fellow, with alert eyes, a
cynical smile, and an expression of self-confidence,
which was justifiable only on the
supposition that he had valuable information
as to his talents and capacity unknown to
the world at large.
“I think you have learned a good deal of
me,” he observed, condescendingly; “more
than any of the younger ones. I have
taken some pains with you. It’s a pleasure
to teach willing learners.”
At this morsel of praise, expressed in such
a strikingly original manner, Serene flushed
and looked prettier than ever. She was
always pretty, this slip of a girl, with olive
skin, pink cheeks, and big, dark eyes, and
she always looked a little too decorative, too
fanciful, for her environment in this substantial
brick farm-house, set in the midst of
fat, level acres of good Ohio land. It was as
if a Dresden china shepherdess had been put
upon their kitchen mantel-shelf.
Don Jessup stooped and picked a cluster
of the pink wild rosebuds, whose bushes
were scattered along the road outside the
fence, and handed them to her with an admiring
look. Why, he scarcely knew; it is
as involuntary and natural a thing for any
one to pay passing tribute to a pretty girl
as for the summer wind to kiss the clover.
Serene read the momentary impulse better
than he did himself, and took the buds with
deepening color and a beating heart.
“He gives them to me because he thinks
I look like that,” she thought with a quick,
happy thrill.
“Yes,” he went on, rather confusedly, his
mind being divided between what he was
saying and a curiosity to find out if she
would be as angry as she was the last time if
he should try to kiss the nearest pink cheek;
“I think it would be a good idea for you to
keep on with your algebra by yourself, and
you might read that history you began. I
don’t know who’s going to have the school
next fall. Now, if I were going to be here
this summer, I——”
“Why, Don,” Serene interrupted him,
using the name she had not often spoken since
Adoniram Jessup, after a couple of years in
the High School, had come back to live at
home, and to teach in their district—“why,
Don, I thought your mother said
you were going to help on the farm this
summer.”
Adoniram smiled, a thin-lipped, complacent
little smile.
“Father did talk that some, but I’ve decided
to go West—and I start to-morrow.”
To-morrow! And that great, hungry
West, which swallows up people so remorselessly!
Something ailed Serene’s heart;
she hoped he could not hear it beating, and
she waited a minute before saying, quietly:
“Isn’t this sort of sudden?”
“I don’t like to air my plans too much.
There’s many a slip, you know.”
“You’ll want to come to the house and
say good-by to the folks, and tell us all about
it?” As he nodded assent, she turned
and preceded him up the narrow path.
“When will you be back?” she asked
over her shoulder.
“Maybe never. If I have any luck, I’d
like the old people to come out to me. I’m
not leaving anything else here.”
“You needn’t have told me so,” said
Serene to herself.
“Father, boys, here’s Don come in to
say good-by. He’s going West to-morrow.”
“Well, ’Doniram Jessup! Why don’t
you give us a s’prise party and be done with
it?”
Don smiled cheerfully at this tribute to
his secretive powers, and sitting down on the
edge of the porch, began to explain.
Serene glanced around to see that all were
listening, and then slipped quietly out through
the kitchen to the high back porch, where
she found a seat behind the new patent
“creamery,” and leaning her head against
it, indulged in the luxury of a few dry sobs.
Tears she dared not shed, for tears leave
traces. Though “sparkin’” had not been
Serene’s line, love may come to any human
creature, and little Serene had learned more
that spring than the teacher had meant to
impart or she to acquire.
When the five minutes she had allotted to
her grief were past she went back to the
group at the front of the house as unnoticed
as she had left them. Her father was chaffing
Jessup good-naturedly on his need of
more room to grow in, and Don was responding
with placid ease. It was not chaff, indeed,
that could disturb his convictions as to his
personal importance to the development of
the great West. Presently he rose and shook
hands with them all, including herself—for
whom he had no special word—said a general
good-by, and left them.
“He’s thinking of himself,” thought
Serene a little bitterly, as she watched him
go down the yard; “he is so full of his
plans and his future he hardly knows I am
here. I don’t believe he ever knew it!”
To most people the loss of the possible
affection of Don Jessup would not have
seemed a heavy one, but the human heart is
an incomprehensible thing, and the next six
weeks were hard for Serene. For the first
time in her life she realized how much we
can want that which we may not have, and
she rebelled against the knowledge.
“Why?” she asked herself, and “why?”
Why should she have cared, since he, it
seemed, did not? Why couldn’t she stop
caring now? And, oh, why had he been
so dangerously kind when he did not care?
Poor little Serene! she did not know that
we involuntarily feel a tenderness almost as
exquisite as that of love itself toward whatever
feeds the fountain of our vanity.
Presently, tired of asking herself, she
turned to asking Heaven, which is easier.
For we cannot comfortably blame ourselves
for the inability to answer our own inconvenient
inquiries, but Heaven we can both
ask and blame. Serene had never troubled
Heaven much before, but now, in desperation,
she battered at its portals night and
day. She did not pray, you understand, to
be given the love which many small signs
had taught her to believe might be hers, the
love that, nevertheless, had not come near to
her. Though young, she was reasonable.
She instinctively recognized that when we
cannot be happy it is necessary for us to be
comfortable, if we are still to live. So, after
a week or two of rebellion, she asked for
peace, sure that if it existed for her anywhere
in the universe, God held it in His
keeping, for, now, no mortal did.
She prayed as she went about her work by
day; she prayed as she knelt by her window
at evening, looking out on the star-lit
world; she prayed when she woke late in
the night and found her room full of the
desolate white light of the waning moon,
and always the same prayer.
“Lord,” said Serene, “this is a little
thing that I am going through. Make me
feel that it is a little thing. Make me stop
caring. But if you can’t, then show me
that you care that I am not happy. If I
could feel you knew and cared, I think I
might be happier.”
But in her heart she felt no answer, and
peace did not come to fill the place of happiness.
In our most miserable hours fantastic
troubles and apprehensions of the impossible
often come to heap themselves upon our real
griefs, making up a load which is heavier
than we can bear. Serene began to wonder
if God heard—if He was there at all.
Her people noticed that she grew thin and
tired-looking, and attributed it to the fierce
hot weather. For it was the strange summer
long remembered in the inland country
where they lived as the season of the great
drought. There had been a heavy snowfall
late in April; from that time till late in
August no rain fell. The heat was terrible.
Dust was everywhere. The passage of time
from one scorching week to another was
measured by the thickening of its heavy
inches on the highway; it rose in clouds
about the feet of cattle in the burnt-up
clover-fields. The roadside grass turned to
tinder, and where a careless match had been
dropped, or the ashes shaken from a pipe,
there were long, black stretches of seared
ground to tell the tale. The resurrection of
the dead seemed no greater miracle than
these blackened fields should shortly turn to
living green again, under the quiet influence
of autumn rains.
And now, in the early days of August,
when the skies were brass, the sun a tongue
of flame, and the yellow dust pervaded the
air like an ever-thickening fog, a strange
story came creeping up from the country
south of them. “Down in Paulding,”
where much of the land still lay under the
primeval forest, and solitary sawmills were
the advance-guards of civilization; where
there were great marshes, deep woods, and
one impenetrable tamarack swamp, seemed
the proper place for such a thing to happen
if it were to happen at all. The story was
of a farmer who went out one Sunday morning
to look at his corn-field, forty good acres
of newly cleared land, ploughed this year
only for the second time. The stunted stalks
quivered in the hot air, panting for water;
the blades were drooping and wilted like the
leaves of a plant torn up from the ground.
He looked from his blasted crop to the pitiless
skies, and, lifting a menacing hand,
cursed Heaven because of it. Those who
told the story quoted the words he used,
with voices awkwardly lowered; but there
was nothing impressive in his vulgar, insensate
defiance. He was merely swearing a
shade more imaginatively than was his wont.
The impressive thing was that, as he stood
with upraised hand and cursing lips, he was
suddenly stricken with paralysis, and stood
rooted to the spot, holding up the threatening
arm, which was never to be lowered.
This was the first story. They heard stranger
things afterward: that his family were unable
to remove him from the spot; that he was
burning with an inward fire which did not
consume, and no man dared to lay hand on
him, or even approach him, because of the
heat of his body.
It was said that this was clearly a judgment,
and it was much talked of and wondered
over. Serene listened to these stories
with a singular exultation, and devoutly
trusted that they were true. She had needed
a visible miracle, and here was one to her
hand. Why should not such things happen
now as well as in Bible days? And if the
Lord descended in justice, why not in
mercy? The thing she hungered for was to
know that He kept in touch with each individual
human life, that He listened, that He
cared. If He heard the voice of blasphemy,
then surely He was not deaf to that of praise—or
agony. She said to herself, feverishly,
“I must know, I must see for myself, if it is
true.”
She said to her father: “Don’t you think
I might go down to Aunt Mari’s in Paulding
for a week? It does seem as if it might be
cooler down there in the woods,” and her
tired face attested her need of change and
rest. He looked at her with kindly eyes.
“Don’t s’pose it will do you no great
harm, if your mother’ll manage without you;
but your Aunt Mari’s house ain’t as cool as
this one, Serene.”
“It’s different, anyhow,” said the girl,
and went away to write a postal-card to
Aunt Mari and to pack her valise.
When she set out, in a day or two, it was
with as high a hope as ever French peasant
maid took on pilgrimage to Loretto. She
hoped to be cured of all her spiritual ills, but
how, she hardly knew. The trip was one
they often made with horses, but Serene,
going alone, took the new railroad that ran
southward into the heart of the forests and
the swamps. Her cousin Dan, with his colt
and road-cart, met her at the clearing, where
a shed beside a water-tank did duty for town
and station, and drove her home. Her Aunt
Mari was getting dinner, and, after removing
her hat, Serene went out to the kitchen, and
sat down on the settee. The day was stifling,
and the kitchen was over-heated, but Aunt
Mari was standing over the stove frying ham
with unimpaired serenity.
“Well, and so you thought it would be
cooler down here, Serene? I’m real glad to
see you, but I can’t promise much of nothin’
about the weather. We’ve suffered as
much as most down here.”
Serene saw her opportunity.
“We heard your corn was worse than it is
with us. What was there in that story,
Aunt Mari, about the man who was paralyzed
on a Sunday morning?”
“Par’lyzed, child? I don’t know as I
just know what you mean.”
“But he lived real near here,” persisted
Serene—“two miles south and three east
of the station, they said. That would be
just south of here. And we’ve heard a good
deal about it. You must know, Aunt
Mari.”
“Must be old man Burley’s sunstroke.
That’s the only thing that’s happened, and
there was some talk about that. He’s a
Dunkard, you know, and they are mightily
set on their church. Week ago Sunday was
their day for love-feast, and it was a hundred
an’ seven in the shade. He hadn’t
been feelin’ well, and his wife she just begged
him not to go out; but he said he guessed
the Lord couldn’t make any weather too
hot for him to go to church in. So he just
hitched up and started, but he got a sunstroke
before he was half-way there, and
they had to turn round and bring him home
again. He come to all right, but he ain’t
well yet. Some folks thinks what he said
’bout the weather was pretty presumpshus,
but I dunno. Seems if he might use some
freedom of speech with the Lord if anybody
could, for he’s been a profitable servant. A
good man has some rights. I don’t hold
with gossipin’ ’bout such things, and callin’
on ’em ‘visitations’ when they happen to
better folks than me—why, Serene! what’s
the matter?” in a shrill crescendo of alarm,
for the heat, the journey, and the disappointment
had been too much for the girl.
Her head swam as she grasped the gist of her
aunt’s story, and perceived that upon this
simple foundation must have been built the
lurid tale which had drawn her here, and
for the first time in her healthy, unemotional
life she quietly fainted away.
When she came to herself she was lying
on the bed in Aunt Mari’s spare room. The
spare room was under the western eaves, and
there were feathers on the bed. Up the
stairway from the kitchen floated the pervasive
odor of frying ham. A circle of anxious
people, whose presence made the stuffy
room still stuffier, were eagerly watching her.
Opening her languid eyes to these material
discomforts of her situation, she closed them
again. She felt very ill, and the only thing
in her mind was the conviction that had
overtaken her just as she fainted—“Then
God is no nearer in Paulding than at
home.”
As the result of closing her eyes seemed to
be the deluging of her face with water until
she choked, she decided to reopen them.
“Well,” said Aunt Mari, heartily, “that
looks more like. How do you feel, Serene?
Wasn’t it singular that you should go off so,
just when I was tellin’ you ’bout ’Lishe Burley’s
sunstroke? I declare, I was frightened
when I looked around and saw you. Your
uncle would bring you up here and put you
on the bed, though I told him ’twas cooler
in the settin’-room. But he seemed to think
this was the thing to do.”
“I wish he’d take me down again,” said
Serene, feebly and ungratefully, “and”
(after deliberation) “put me in the spring-house.”
“What you need is somethin’ to eat,” said
Aunt Mari with decision. “I’ll make you a
cup of hot tea, and” (not heeding the gesture
of dissent) “I don’t believe that ham’s
cold yet.”
Serene had come to stay a week, and a
week accordingly she stayed. The days
were very long and very hot; the nights on
the feather-bed under the eaves still longer
and hotter. She had very little to say for
herself, and thought still less. There is a
form of despair which amounts to coma.
“Serene’s never what you might call
sprightly,” observed Aunt Mari in confidence
to Uncle Dan’el, “but this time,
seems if—well, I s’pose it’s the weather.
Wonder if I’ll ever see any weather on this
earth to make me stop talkin’?” It was a
relief all around when the day came for her
departure.
“I’ll do better next time, Aunt Mari,”
said Serene as she stepped aboard the train;
but she did not greatly care that she had not
done well this time.
When the short journey was half over, the
train made a longer stop than usual at one of
the way stations. Then, after some talking,
the passengers gradually left the car. Serene
noticed these things vaguely, but paid no attention
to their meaning. Presently a friendly
brakeman approached and touched her on
the shoulder.
“Didn’t you hear ’em say, Miss, there
was a freight wreck ahead, and we can’t go
on till the track is clear?”
“How long will it be?” asked Serene,
slowly finding the way out of her reverie.
“Mebbe two hours now, and mebbe
longer. I’ll carry your bag into the depot,
if you like,” and he possessed himself of the
shiny black valise seamed with grayish cracks,
and led the way out of the car.
The station at Arkswheel is a small and
grimy structure set down on a cinder bank.
Across the street on one corner is a foundry,
and opposite that a stave-factory with a
lumber-yard about it. In the shadow of the
piled-up staves, like a lily among thorns,
stands a Gothic chapel, small, but architecturally
good. Serene, looking out of the dusty
window, saw it, and wondered that a church
should be planted in such a place. When,
presently, although it was a week-day, the
bell began to ring, she turned to a woman
sitting next to her for an explanation.
“That’s the church Mr. Bellington built.
He owns the foundry here. They have
meeting there ’most any time. ’Piscopal, it
is.”
“I don’t know much about that denomination,”
observed Serene, sedately.
“My husband’s sister-in-law that I visit
here goes there. She says her minister just
does take the cake. They think the world
an’ all of him.”
Serene no longer looked interested. The
woman rose, and walked about the room,
examining the maps and time-tables. By
and by she came back and stopped beside
Serene.
“If we’ve got to wait till nobody knows
when, we might just as well go over there and
see what’s goin’ on—to the church, I mean.
Mebbe ’twould pass the time.”
Inside the little church the light was so
subdued that it almost produced the grateful
effect of coolness. As they sat down behind
the small and scattered congregation, Serene
felt that it was a place to rest. The service,
which she had never heard before, affected
her like music that she did not understand.
The rector was a young man with a heavily
lined face. His eyes were dark and troubled,
his voice sweet and penetrating. When he
began his sermon she became suddenly aware
that she was hearing some one to whom what
he discerned of spiritual truth was the overwhelmingly
important thing in life, and she
listened eagerly. This was St. Bartholomew’s
day, it appeared. Serene did not remember
very clearly who he was, but she understood
this preacher when, dropping his notes and
leaning over his desk, he seemed to be scrutinizing
each individual face in the audience
before him to find one responsive to his
words.
He was not minded, he said, to talk to
them of any lesson to be drawn from
the life of St. Bartholomew, of whom so
little was known save that he lived in and
suffered for the faith. The one thought that
he had to give had occurred to him in connection
with that bloody night’s work in
France so long ago, of which this was the
anniversary, when thousands were put to
death because of their faith.
“Such things do not happen nowadays,”
he went on. “That form of persecution is
over. Instead of it, we have seen the dawning
of what may be a darker day, when those
who profess the faith of Christ have themselves
turned to persecute the faith which is in
their hearts. Faith—the word means to me
that trust in God’s plans for us which brings
confidence to the soul even when we stand
in horrible fear of life, and mental peace even
when we are facing that which we cannot
understand. We persecute our faith in many
ingenious ways, but perhaps those torture
themselves most whose religion is most emotional—those
who are only sure that God is
with them when they feel the peace of His
presence in their hearts. A great divine said
long ago that to love God thus is to love Him
for the spiritual loaves and fishes, which He
does not mean always to be our food. But
for those who think that He is not with
them when they are unaware of His presence
so, I have this word: When you cannot find
God in your hearts, then turn and look for
Him in your lives. When you are soul-sick,
discouraged, unhappy; when you feel neither
joy nor peace, nor even the comfort of a dull
satisfaction in earth; when life is nothing to
you, and you wish for death, then ask yourself,
What does God mean by this? For
there is surely some lesson for you in that
pain which you must learn before you leave
it. You are not so young as to believe that
you were meant for happiness. You know
that you were made for discipline. And the
discipline of life is the learning of the things
God wishes us to know, even in hardest
ways. But He is in the things we must learn,
and in the ways we learn them. There is a
marginal reading of the first chapter of the
revised version of the Gospel of St. John
which conveys my meaning: ‘That which
hath been made was life in Him, and the life
[or, as some commentators read, and I prefer
it, simply life] was the light of men.’ That
is, before Christ’s coming the light of men
was in the experience to be gained in the
lives He gave them. And it is still true. Not
His life only, then, but your life and mine,
which we know to the bitter-sweet depths,
and whose lessons grow clearer and clearer
before us, are to guide us. Life is the light
of men. I sometimes think that this, and
this only, is rejecting Christ—to refuse to
find Him in the life He gives us.”
Serene heard no more. What else was
said she did not know. She had seized
upon his words, and was applying them to her
own experiences with a fast-beating heart,
to see if haply she had learned anything by
them that “God wanted her to know.”
She had loved unselfishly. Was not that
something? She had learned that despair
and distrust are not the attitudes in which
loss may be safely met. She had become
conscious in a blind way that the world was
larger and nearer to her than it used to be,
and she was coming to feel a sense of community
in all human suffering. Were not all
these good things?
When the congregation knelt for the last
prayer, Serene knelt with them, but did not
rise again. She did not respond even when
her companion touched her on the shoulder
before turning to go. She could not lift her
face just then, full as it was of that strange
rapture which came of the sudden clear
realization that her life was the tool in the
hands of the Infinite by which her soul was
shaped. “Let me be chastened forever,” the
heart cries in such a moment, “so that I but
learn more of thy ways!”
Some one came slowly down the aisle at
last, and stopped, hesitating, beside the pew
where she still knelt. Serene looked up. It
was the rector. He saw a slender girl in
unbecoming dress, whose wild-rose face was
quivering with excitement. She saw a man,
not old, whose thin features nevertheless
wore the look of one who has faced life for
a long time dauntlessly—the face of a good
fighter.
“Oh, sir, is it true what you said?” she
demanded, breathlessly.
“It is what I live upon,” he answered,
“the belief that it is true.” And then, because
he saw that she had no further need of
him, he passed on, and left her in the little
church alone. When at length she recrossed
the street to the station, the train was ready,
and in another hour she was at home.
They were glad to see her at home, and
they had a great deal to tell that had happened
to them in the week. They wondered
a little that she did not relate more concerning
her journey, but they were used to
Serene’s silences, and her mother was satisfied
with the effect of the visit when she observed
that Serene seemed to take pleasure in
everything she did, even in the washing of
the supper-dishes.
There were threatening clouds in the sky
that evening, as there had often been before
that summer, but people were weary of saying
that it looked like a shower. Nevertheless,
when Serene woke in the night, not
only was there vivid lightning in the sky,
and the roll of distant but approaching
thunder, but there was also the unfamiliar
sound of rain blown sharply against the roof,
and a delicious coolness in the room. The
long drought was broken.
She sat up in her white bed to hear the
joyous sound more clearly. It was as though
the thunder said, “Lift up your heart!”
And the rapturous throbbing of the rain
seemed like the gracious downpouring of a
needed shower on her own parched and
thirsty life.
AN INSTANCE OF CHIVALRY
Applegate entered his door that night
with a delightful sense of the difference
between the sharp November air without and
the warmth and brightness within, but as he
stood in the little square hall taking off his
overcoat, this comfortable feeling gave way
to a heart-sick shrinking of which he was
unashamed. He was a man of peace, and
through the closed door of the sitting-room
came the sound of voluble and angry speech.
The voice was that of Mrs. Applegate.
Reluctantly he pushed open the door. It
was a pretty quarrel as it stood. At one end
of the little room, gay with light and color,
was Julie, leaning on the mantel. She wore
a crimson house-dress a trifle low at the
throat, which set off vividly her rich, dark
beauty. Undoubtedly she had beauty, and
a singular, gypsy-like piquancy as well. It
did not seem to matter that the gown was
slightly shabby. She was kicking the white
fur hearth-rug petulantly now and then to
punctuate her remarks.
Dora, with her book in her lap, sat in a
low chair by the lamp. Dora was a slender,
self-possessed girl of fifteen, in whose cold,
young eyes her step-mother had read from
the first a concentrated and silent disapproval
which was really very exasperating.
“It’s the first time that woman has set
foot in this house since I’ve been the mistress
of it,” Julie was saying, angrily. “Maybe
she thinks I ain’t fine enough for her to call
on. Lord! I’d like to tell her what I think
of her. It was her business to ask for me,
and it was your business to call me, whether
she did or not. Maybe you think I ain’t
enough of a lady to answer Mrs. Buel Parry’s
questions. I’d like to have you remember
I’m your father’s wife!”
Dora’s head dropped lower in an agony of
vicarious shame. How, her severe young
mind was asking itself, could any woman
bear to give herself away to such an appalling
extent? To reveal that one had
thwarted social ambitions; to admit that one
might not seem a lady—degradation could
go no farther in the young girl’s eyes.
“What’s the matter, Dora?” asked Applegate,
quietly, in the lull following Julie’s
last remark.
“Mrs. Parry came to the door to ask
what sort of a servant Mary Samphill had
been. Mamma was in the kitchen, teaching
the new girl how to mould bread, and I
answered Mrs. Parry’s questions. She did
not ask for any one.”
“I say it was Dora’s business to ask her in
and call me. Whose servant was Mary Samphill,
I’d like to know. Was she Dora’s?”
Applegate crossed the room to the open
fire and stretched his chilled fingers to the
flame.
“Aren’t you a little unreasonable, Julie?”
he inquired, gently. “If Mrs. Parry didn’t
ask for you, I don’t quite see what Dora
could do but answer her questions.”
“Me unreasonable? I like that! Mrs.
Buel Parry came to this house to see me, but
Dora was bound I shouldn’t see her. Dora
thinks”—she hesitated a moment, choking
with her resentment—“she thinks I ain’t
Mrs. Parry’s kind, and she was going to be
considerate and keep us apart. Oh, yes! She
thinks she knows what the upper crust wants.
If I’m not Mrs. Parry’s sort, I’d like to know
why. You thought I was your sort fast
enough, John Applegate!” and Julie threw
back her dark head with a gesture that was
very fine in its insolence. “I guess if Mrs.
Parry and Mrs. Otis and that set are company
for you, they’re company for me. Of
course you take Dora’s side. You always
do. I can tell you one thing. When I was
Frazer MacDonald’s wife I had some things
I don’t have now, for all you think you’re so
fine. MacDonald never would have stood
by and seen me put upon. If folks wasn’t
civil to his wife, he knew the reason why. I
might have done better than marry you—I
might——”
Julie stopped to take breath.
“Do you think I can make Mrs. Parry
call on you if she doesn’t want to, Julie?”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“What is the good of marrying a man
who can’t do anything for you?” she demanded.
“It isn’t any more than my due
she should call, and you know it. She was
thick enough with your first wife. And
me to be treated so after all I’ve done for
you and your children. I give you notice
I’m going to Pullman to-morrow, and I’m
going to stay till I get good and ready to
come back. Maybe you’ll find out who
makes this house comfortable for you, John
Applegate. Maybe you will.”
And with this Julie slipped across the
room—she could not be ungraceful even
when she was most violent—and left it, shutting
the door with emphasis.
There was deep silence between Applegate
and his daughter for a little while. Why
should either speak when there was really
nothing to say?
“Supper is on the table, father,” observed
Dora, at last. “There is no use in letting
it get any colder,” and still in silence they
went to their meal.
Julie MacDonald, born Dessaix, was the
daughter of a French market-gardener and of
a Spanish woman, the danseuse of a travelling
troupe, who, when the company was left
stranded in an Indiana town, married this
thrifty admirer. The latter part of Julie’s
childhood was passed in a convent school,
whence she emerged at fifteen a rabid little
Protestant with manners which the Sisters
had subdued slightly but had not been able
to make gentle. She learned the milliner’s
trade, which she practised until, at twenty-two,
she married Frazer MacDonald, a
gigantic, red-haired Scotch surveyor.
A few years after their marriage MacDonald
went West, intending to establish
himself and then send for Julie, whom he
left meanwhile with her sister, the wife of a
well-to-do mechanic living in Pullman. His
train was wrecked somewhere in Arizona
and the ruins took fire. MacDonald was
reported among those victims whose bodies
were too badly burned for complete identification,
and though Julie refused to believe
it at first, when the long days brought no
tidings she knew in her heart that it was true.
She established herself at her old trade
in one of the county towns of the Indiana
prairie country, where she worked and prospered
for three years before John Applegate
asked her to marry him.
At the convent they had tried to teach her
to worship God, but abstractions were not in
Julie’s line. Respectability was more tangible
than righteousness, and deference to the
opinion of the world an idea she could grasp.
The worship of appearances came to be
Julie’s religion. Nothing could be more
respectable than John Applegate, who was a
hardware dealer and one of Belleplaine’s
leading merchants, and she accepted him
with an almost religious enthusiasm.
The hardware business in a rich farming
country is a good one. And then, in her
own very unreasonable way, Julie was fond
of Applegate.
“A little mouse of a man, yes,” she said
to herself, “but such a good little mouse!
I’ll have my way with things. When MacDonald
was alive he had his way. Now—we’ll
see.”
As for Applegate, he was just an average,
unheroic, common-place man, such stuff as
the mass of people are made of. Having
decided to remarry for the sake of his children,
he committed the not-uncommon inconsistency
of choosing a woman who could
never be acceptable to them and who suited
himself entirely only in certain rare and unreckoning
moods which were as remote from
the whole trend of his existence as scarlet is
from slate-color. But he found this untamed
daughter of the people distinctly fascinating,
and, with the easy optimism of one whose
eyes are blinded by beauty, assured himself
that it would come out all right.
His little daughter kissed him dutifully
and promised to try to be a good girl when
he told her he was going to bring a new
mamma home, a pretty, jolly mamma, who
would be almost a play-mate for her and
Teddy, but secretly she felt a prescience that
this was not the kind of mamma she wanted.
A few weeks after his marriage her father
found her one day shaking in a passion of
childhood’s bitter, ineffectual tears. With
great difficulty he succeeded in getting an
explanation. It came in whispers, tremblingly.
“Papa, she—she says bad words! And
this morning Teddy said one too. Oh,
Papa”—the sobs broke out afresh—“how
can he grow up to be nice and how am I
going to get to be a lady—a lady like my
own mamma—if nobody shows us how?”
Applegate dropped his head on his chest
with a smothered groan. For himself he had
not minded the occasional touches of profanity—to
do her justice, they were rare—with
which Julie emphasized her speech, for
they had only seemed a part of the alien,
piquantly un-English element in her which
attracted him, but when Dora looked up at
him with his dead wife’s eyes he could not
but acknowledge the justice of her tragic
horror of “bad words.”
“What have I done?” he asked himself
as the child nestled closer, and then, “What
shall I do?” for he found himself face to
face with a future before whose problems he
shrank helplessly.
One does not decide upon the merits of
falcons according to the traditions of doves,
and it would be quite as unjust to judge
Julie Applegate from what came to be the
standpoint of her husband and his children.
There is no doubt that she made life hideous
to them, but this result was accidental rather
than intentional. There are those to whom
the unbridled speech of natures without discipline
is as much a matter of course as the
sunshine and the rain. If to Applegate and
Dora it was thunder-burst and cyclone, whose
was the blame?
And if one is considering the matter of
grievances, Julie certainly had hers. Most
acute of all, she had expected to acquire a
certain social prominence by her marriage,
but was accorded only a grudging toleration
by the circle to which the first Mrs. Applegate
had belonged. This was the more
grinding from the fact that in Belleplaine, as
in all small towns of the great Middle-West,
social distinctions are based upon personal
quality and not upon position.
Then, there was Dora. From Julie’s
point of view tempers were made to lose, but
Dora habitually retained hers with a dignity
which, while it endeared her to her father,
only exasperated his wife. Julie developed
an inordinate jealousy of the girl, and the
love of the father and daughter became a rod
to scourge them. With the most pacific intentions
in the world it was impossible to
divine what would or what would not offend
Julie.
On the occasion of the family quarrel recorded,
Julie departed for Pullman, according
to her threat, and for a few days thereafter
life was delightfully peaceful. Dora
exhibited all sorts of housewifely aptitudes
and solicitudes, the wheels of the household
machinery moved smoothly, and the domestic
amenities blossomed unchecked.
Julie had been gone a week, a week of
golden Indian summer weather, when one
day, as Applegate was leaving the house after
dinner, he was met by the telegraph boy
just coming in. He stopped at the gate and
tore the message open. It was from Julie’s
brother-in-law, Hopson, and condensed in
its irreverent ten words a stupefying amount
of information. Applegate stared at it, unable
to understand.
“MacDonald has come alive. Claims
Julie. High old times. Come.”
He crushed the yellow paper in his
hands, and turning back, sat down heavily
upon the steps of the veranda, staring
stupidly ahead of him. If this were true,
what did it mean to him? Out of the
hundred thoughts assailing him one only
was clear and distinct. It meant that he
was free!
He turned the telegram over in his fingers,
touching it with the look of one who sees
visions.
Free. His home—his pretty home—his
own again, with Dora, who grew daily more
like her mother, as his little housekeeper.
Free from that tempestuous presence which
repelled even while it attracted. Free from
the endless scenes, the tiresome bickerings,
the futile jealousies, the fierce reproaches and
the fierce caresses, both of which wearied him
equally now. He had scarcely known how
all these things which he bore in silence had
worn and weighed upon him, but he knew
at last. The measure of the relief was the
measure of the pressure also. The tears
trickled weakly down his cheeks, and he
buried his face in his hands as if to hide his
thankfulness even from himself. The prospect
overwhelmed him. No boy’s delight
nor man’s joy had ever been so sweet as
this. When he looked up, the pale November
sunlight seemed to hold for him a promise
more alluring than that of all the May-time
suns that ever shone—the promise of a
quiet life.
As he accustomed himself to this thought,
there came others less pleasant. The preeminently
distasteful features of the situation
began to raise their heads and hiss at him
like a coil of snakes. He shrank nervously
from the gossip and the publicity. This was
a hideous, repulsive thing to come into the
lives of upright people who had thought to
order their ways according to the laws of
God and man. It was only Julie’s due to
say she had intended that. But it had come
and must be met. Julie was MacDonald’s
wife, not his—not his. The only thing to
be done was to accept the situation quietly.
He knew that his own compensation was
ample—no price could be too great to pay
for this new joy of freedom—but he shivered
a little when he thought of Julie with her
incongruous devotion to the customary and
the respectable. It would hurt Julie cruelly,
but there was no one to blame and no help
for it. And MacDonald could take her
away into the far new West and make her
forget this miserable interlude. He knew
that for MacDonald, who was of a different
fibre from himself, Julie’s charm had been
sufficient and enduring. Whatever might
be the explanation of his long absence, Applegate
did not doubt that the charm still
endured. And, in the end, even they themselves
would forget this unhappy time which
was just ahead of them, and its memory
would cease to seem a shame and become
a regret, whose bitterness the passing years
would lessen tenderly.
Having thus adjusted the ultimate outcome
of the situation to suit the optimism of his
mood, Applegate drew out his watch and
looked at it. He had just time to make the
necessary arrangements and catch the afternoon
train for Chicago.
He telegraphed to Hopson, and as he left
the train that evening he found the man
awaiting him. The two shook hands awkwardly
and walked away together in silence.
It was only after they had gone a block or
two that Hopson said:
“Well, I’m glad you’ve got here. We’ve
been having a picnic up at the house.
Julie’s been having the hysterics and MacDonald—you
never knew MacDonald, did
you?”
Applegate listened politely. He had a
curious feeling that Julie and her hysterics
were already very far away and unimportant
to him, but he did not wish to be so brutal
as to show this.
“When did MacDonald return and where
has he been?” he asked, gravely.
“He got here yesterday. He says he had
a shock or something in that accident—anyhow,
he just couldn’t remember anything,
and when he come to he didn’t know who
he was, nor anything about himself, and all
his papers and clothes had been burnt, so
there was nothing to show anybody who he
was. He could work, and he was all right
most ways. Says he was that way till about
six months ago, when a Frisco doctor got hold
of him and did something to his head that
put him right. He has papers from the
doctor to show it’s true. His case attracted
lots of attention out there. Of course he
wrote to Julie when he came to himself, but
his letters went to our old address and she
never got them. So then he started East to
see about it. He says he’s got into a good
business and is going to do well.”
There was a long silence. Presently Hopson
began again, awkwardly:
“I don’t know how you feel about it, but
I think Julie’d ought to go back to him.”
Applegate’s heart began to beat in curious,
irregular throbs; he could feel the pulsing
of the arteries in his neck and there
was a singing in his ears.
“Of course Julie agrees with you?” he
said, thickly.
“Well, no; she don’t. That’s what she
wanted me to talk to you about. She can’t
see it but one way. She says he died, or if
he didn’t it was the same thing to her, and
she married you. She says nobody can
have two husbands, and it’s you who are
hers. I told her the law didn’t look at it
that way, and she says then she must get a
divorce from MacDonald and remarry you.
MacDonald says if she brings suit on the
ground of desertion he will fight it. He
says he can prove it ain’t been no wilful
desertion. But probably he could be brought
round if he saw she wouldn’t go back to him
anyhow. MacDonald wouldn’t be spiteful.
But he was pretty fond of Julie.”
Applegate had stopped suddenly in the
middle of Hopson’s speech. Now he went
forward rapidly, but he made no answer.
Hopson scrutinized his face a moment before
he continued:
“Julie says you won’t be spiteful either.
She says maybe she was a little hasty in what
she said just before she came up here. But
you know Julie’s way.”
“Yes,” said Applegate, “I know Julie’s
way.”
Hopson drew a breath of relief. He had
at least discharged himself of his intercessory
mission.
“I tell Julie she’d better put up with it
and go with MacDonald. The life would
be more the sort of thing she likes. But
her head’s set and she won’t hear to anything
Henriette or I say. You see, that’s
what Julie holds by, what she thinks is
respectable. And it’s about all she does
hold by.” He hesitated, groping blindly
about in his consciousness for words to
express his feeling that this passionate,
reckless nature was only anchored to the
better things of life by her fervent belief in
the righteousness of the established social
order.
“Julie thinks everything of being respectable,”
he concluded, lamely.
“Is it much farther to your house?”
asked Applegate, dully.
“Right here,” answered Hopson, pulling
his key from his pocket.
They entered a crude little parlor whose
carpet was too gaudy, and whose plush
furniture was too obviously purchased at a
bargain, but its air was none the less heavy
with tragedy. A single gas-jet flickered in
the centre of the room. On one side a great,
broad-shouldered fellow sat doggedly with
his elbows on his knees and his face buried
in his hands. There was resistance in every
line of his figure. On the sofa opposite was
Julie in her crimson dress. As she lifted her
face eagerly, Applegate noticed traces of
tears upon it. Mrs. Hopson, who had been
moving about the room aimlessly, a pale and
ineffective figure between these two vivid
personalities, came to a standstill and looked
at Applegate breathlessly. For a moment
no one spoke. Then Julie, baffled by the
eyes she could not read, sprang to her feet
and stretched out her hands with a vehement
gesture.
“John Applegate, you’ll put me right!
You will. I know you will. I can’t go
back to him! How can I?” Her hungry
eyes scrutinized his still, inexpressive
face.
“John, you aren’t going to turn me off?”
Her voice had a despairing passion in it.
“You won’t refuse to marry me if I get the
divorce? Good God! You can’t be such a
devil. John! oh, John!”
Applegate sat down and looked at her
apathetically. He was not used to being
called a devil. Somehow it seemed to him
the term was misapplied.
“Don’t take on so, Julie,” he said, quietly.
The room seemed to whirl around
him, and he added, with a palpable effort:
“I’ll think it over and try to do what is
best for both of us.”
At that MacDonald lifted his sullen face
from his hands for the first time and glanced
across at the other man with blood-shot eyes.
Then he rose slowly, his great bulk seeming
to fill the room, and walking over to Applegate’s
chair stood in front of it looking down
at him. His scrutiny was long. Once Applegate
looked up and met his eyes, but he
was too tired to bear their fierce light and
dropped his own lids wearily.
MacDonald turned from him contemptuously
and faced his wife, who averted her
head.
“Look at me, Julie!” he cried, appealingly.
“I am better worth it than he is.
Good Lord! I don’t see what you see in him.
He’s so tame! Let him go about his business.
He’s nobody. He don’t want you.
Come along with me and we’ll lead a life!
You shall cut a dash out there. I can make
money hand over fist. It’s the place for
you. Come on!”
For a moment Julie’s eyes glittered. The
words allured her, but her old gods prevailed.
She threw out her arms as if to ward off his
proposal.
“No, no,” she said, shrilly. “I cannot
make it seem right. You were dead to me,
and I married him. One does not go back
to the dead. If I am your wife, what am
I to him? It puts me in the wrong these
two years. I cannot have it so, I tell you.
I cannot have it so!”
Applegate felt faint and sick. Rising, he
groped for the door. “I must have air,” he
said to Hopson, confusedly. “I will come
back in a minute.”
Once outside, the cool November night
refreshed him. He dropped down upon the
doorstep and threw back his head, drinking
in long breaths as he looked up at the mocking
stars.
When he found at last the courage to ask
himself what he was going to do, the answer
was not ready. The decision lay entirely
in his hands. He might still be free
if he said the word; and as he thought of
this he trembled. He had always tried to be
what his neighbors called a straight man, and
he wanted to be straight in this also. But
where, in such a hideous tangle, was the real
morality to be found? Surely not in acceding
to Julie’s demands! What claim had she
upon the home whose simple traditions of
peace and happiness she had trampled rudely
under foot? Was it not a poor, cheap convention
of righteousness which demanded he
should take such a woman back to embitter
the rest of his days and warp his children’s
lives? He rebelled hotly at the thought.
That it was Julie’s view of the ethical requirement
of her position made it all the
more improbable that it was really right.
Surely his duty was to his children first, and
as for Julie, let her reap the reward of her
own temperament. The Lord God Himself
could not say that this was unjust, for it is
so that He deals with the souls of men.
It seemed to him that he had decided,
but as he rose and turned to the door
a new thought stabbed him so sharply
that he dropped his lifted hand with a
groan.
Where had been that sense of duty to his
children, just now so imperative, in the days
when he had yielded to Julie’s charm against
his better judgment? Had duty ever prevailed
against inclination with him? Was it
prevailing now?
High over all the turmoil and desperation
of his thoughts shone out a fresh perception
that mocked him as the winter stars had
mocked. For that hour at least, the crucial
one of his decision, he felt assured that in
the relation of man and woman to each other
lies the supreme ethical test of each, and in
that relation there is no room for selfishness.
It might be, indeed, that he owed Julie nothing,
but might it not also be that the consideration
he owed all womankind could only
be paid through this woman he had called
his wife? This was an ideal with which he
had never had to reckon.
He turned and sat him down again to fight
the fight with a chill suspicion in his heart
of what the end would be.
Being a plain man he had only plain words
in which to phrase his decision when at last
he came to it.
“I chose her and I’ll bear the consequences
of my choice,” he said, “but I’ll
bear them by myself. His aunt will be glad
to take Teddy, and Dora is old enough to
go away to school.” Then he opened the
door.
Hopson and his wife had left the little parlor.
Julie on the sofa had fallen into the
deep sleep of exhaustion. MacDonald still
sat there, with his head in his hands, and to
him Applegate turned. At the sound of his
step the man lifted his massive head and
shook it impatiently.
“Well?” he demanded.
“The fact is, Mr. MacDonald, Julie and
I don’t get along very well together, but I
don’t know as that is any reason why I should
force her to do anything that don’t seem
right to her. She thinks it would be more”—he
hesitated for a word—“more nearly right
to get a divorce from you and remarry me.
As I see it now, it’s for her to say what she
wants, and for you and me to do it.”
MacDonald looked at him piercingly.
“You know you’d be glad of the chance
to get rid of her!” he exclaimed, excitedly.
“In Heaven’s name, then, why don’t you
make her come to me? You know I suit her
best. You know she’s my sort, not yours.
She’s as uncomfortable with you as you with
her, and she’d soon get over the feeling she
has against me. Man! There’s no use in
it! Why can’t you give my own to me?”
“I can’t say I don’t agree with you,” said
Applegate, and the words seem to ooze painfully
from his white lips, “but she thinks
she’d rather not, and—it’s for her to say.”
A CONSUMING FIRE
He is a man who has failed in this life,
and says he has no chance of success in another;
but out of the fragments of his failures
he has pieced together for himself a
fabric of existence more satisfying than most
of us make of our successes. It is a kind of
triumph to look as he does, to have his manner,
and to preserve his attitude toward advancing
years—those dreaded years which he
faces with pale but smiling lips.
If you would see my friend Hayden, commonly
called by his friends the connoisseur,
figure to yourself a tall gentleman of sixty-five,
very erect still and graceful, gray-headed
and gray-bearded, with fine gray
eyes that have the storm-tossed look of
clouds on a windy March day, and a bearing
that somehow impresses you with an
idea of the gracious and pathetic dignity of
his lonely age.
I myself am a quiet young man, with but
one gift—I am a finished and artistic listener.
It is this talent of mine which wins for me a
degree of Hayden’s esteem and a place at his
table when he has a new story to tell. His
connoisseurship extends to everything of
human interest, and his stories are often of
the best.
The last time that I had the honor of dining
with him, there was present, besides the
host and myself, only his close friend, that
vigorous and successful man, Dr. Richard
Langworthy, the eminent alienist and specialist
in nervous diseases. The connoisseur
evidently had something to relate, but he refused
to give it to us until the pretty dinner
was over. Hayden’s dinners are always
pretty, and he has ideals in the matter of
china, glass, and napery which it would require
a woman to appreciate. It is one of
his accomplishments that he manages to live
like a gentleman and entertain his friends on
an income which most people find quite inadequate
for the purpose.
After dinner we took coffee and cigars in
the library.
On the table, full in the mellow light of
the great lamp (Hayden has a distaste for
gas), was a bit of white plush on which two
large opals were lying. One was an intensely
brilliant globe of broken gleaming
lights, in which the red flame burned strongest
and most steadily; the other was as
large, but paler. You would have said that
the prisoned heart of fire within it had
ceased to throb against the outer rim of ice.
Langworthy, who is wise in gems, bent over
them with an exclamation of delight.
“Fine stones,” he said; “where did you
pick them up, Hayden?”
Hayden, standing with one hand on Langworthy’s
shoulder, smiled down on the opals
with a singular expression. It was as if he
looked into beloved eyes for an answering
smile.
“They came into my possession in a singular
way, very singular. It interested me
immensely, and I want to tell you about it,
and ask your advice on something connected
with it. I am afraid you people will
hardly care for the story as much as I do.
It’s—it’s a little too rococo and sublimated
to please you, Langworthy. But here it is:
“When I was in the West last summer, I
spent some time in a city on the Pacific
slope which has more pawnbrokers’ shops
and that sort of thing in full sight on the
prominent streets than any other town of the
same size and respectability that I have ever
seen. One day, when I had been looking
in the bazaars for something a little out of
the regular line in Chinese curios and didn’t
find it, it occurred to me that in such a cosmopolitan
town there might possibly be some
interesting things in the pawn-shops, so I
went into one to look. It was a common,
dingy place, kept by a common, dingy man
with shrewd eyes and a coarse mouth. Talking
to him across the counter was a man of
another type. Distinction in good clothes,
you know, one is never sure of. It may be
only that a man’s tailor is distinguished.
But distinction in indifferent garments is distinction
indeed, and there before me I saw
it. A young, slight, carelessly dressed man,
his bearing was attractive and noteworthy
beyond anything I can express. His appearance
was perhaps a little too unusual, for the
contrast between his soft, straw-colored hair
and wine-brown eyes was such a striking
one that it attracted attention from the real
beauty of his face. The delicacy of a cameo
is rough,” added the connoisseur, parenthetically,
“compared to the delicacy of outline
and feature in a face that thought, and perhaps
suffering, have worn away, but this is
one of the distinctive attractions of the old.
You do not look for it in young faces such
as this.
“On the desk between the two men lay a
fine opal—this one,” said Hayden, touching
the more brilliant of the two stones. “The
younger man was talking eagerly, fingering
the gem lightly as he spoke. I inferred that
he was offering to sell or pawn it.
“The proprietor, seeing that I waited,
apparently cut the young man short. He
started, and caught up the stone. ‘I’ll give
you—’ I heard the other say, but the young
man shook his head, and departed abruptly.
I found nothing that I wanted in the place,
and soon passed out.
“In front of a shop-window a little farther
down the street stood the other man, looking
in listlessly with eyes that evidently saw
nothing. As I came by he turned and looked
into my face. His eyes fixed me as the
Ancient Mariner’s did the Wedding Guest.
It was an appealing yet commanding look,
and I—I felt constrained to stop. I couldn’t
help it, you know. Even at my age one is
not beyond feeling the force of an imperious
attraction, and when you are past sixty you
ought to be thankful on your knees for any
emotion that is imperative in its nature. So
I stopped beside him. I said: ‘It is a fine
stone you were showing that man. I have a
great fondness for opals. May I ask if you
were offering it for sale?’
“He continued to look at me, inspecting
me calmly, with a fastidious expression.
Upon my word, I felt singularly honored
when, at the end of a minute or two, he
said: ‘I should like to show it to you. If
you will come to my room with me, you may
see that, and another;’ and he turned and
led the way, I following quite humbly and
gladly, though surprised at myself.
“The room, somewhat to my astonishment,
proved to be a large apartment—a front
room high up in one of the best hotels.
There were a good many things lying about
which obviously were not hotel furnishings,
and the walls, the bed, and even the floor
were covered with a litter of water-color
sketches. Those that I could see were admirable,
being chiefly impressions of delicate
and fleeting atmospheric effects.
“I took the chair he offered. He stood,
still looking at me, apparently not in haste to
show me the opals. I looked about the room.
“‘You are an artist?’ I said.
“‘Oh, I used to be, when I was alive,’ he
answered, drearily. ‘I am nothing now.’
And then turning away he fetched a little
leather case, and placed the two opals on the
table before me.
“‘This is the one I have always worn,’
he said, indicating the more brilliant. ‘That
chillier one I gave once to the woman whom
I loved. It was more vivid then. They
are strange stones—strange stones.’
“He said nothing more, and I sat in perfect
silence, only dreading that he should
not speak again. I am not making you understand
how he impressed me. In the
delicate, hopeless patience of his face, in the
refined, uninsistent accents of his voice, there
was somehow struck a note of self-abnegation,
of aloofness from the world, pathetic
in any one so young.
“I am old. There is little in life that I
care for. My interests are largely affected.
Wine does not warm me now, and beauty
seems no longer beautiful; but I thank
Heaven I am not beyond the reach of a
penetrating human personality. I have at
least the ordinary instincts for convention in
social matters, but I assure you it seemed
not in the least strange to me that I should
be sitting in the private apartment of a man
whom I had met only half an hour before,
and then in a pawnbroker’s shop, listening
eagerly for his account of matters wholly
personal to himself. It struck me as the
most natural and charming thing in the
world. It was just such chance passing intercourse
as I expect to hold with wandering
spirits on the green hills of paradise.
“It was some time before he spoke again.
“‘I saw her first,’ he said, looking at the
paler opal, as if it was of that he spoke, ‘on
the street in Florence. It was a day in April,
and the air was liquid gold. She was looking
at the Campanile, as if she were akin to
it. It was the friendly grace of one lily
looking at another. Later, I met her as one
meets other people, and was presented to
her. And after that the days went fast. I
think she was the sweetest woman God ever
made. I sometimes wonder how He came to
think of her. Whatever you may have
missed in life,’ he said, lifting calm eyes to
mine, and smiling a little, ‘you whose aspect
is so sweet, decorous, and depressing, whose
griefs, if you have griefs, are the subtle sorrows
of the old and unimpassioned’—I remember
his phrases literally. I thought them
striking and descriptive,” confessed Hayden—“‘I
hope you have not missed that last
touch of exaltation which I knew then.
It is the most exquisite thing in life. The
Fates must hate those from whose lips they
keep that cup.’ He mused awhile and
added, ‘There is only one real want in life,
and that is comradeship—comradeship with
the divine, and that we call religion; with
the human, and that we call love.’
“‘Your definitions are literature,’ I ventured
to suggest, ‘but they are not fact. Believe
me, neither love nor religion is exactly
what you call it. And there are other things
almost as good in life, as surely you must
know. There is art, and there is work which
is work only, and yet is good.’
“‘You speak from your own experience?’
he said, simply.
“It was a home thrust. I did not, and I
knew I did not. I am sixty-five years old,
and I have never known just that complete
satisfaction which I believe arises from the
perfect performance of distasteful work. I
said so. He smiled.
“‘I knew it when I set my eyes upon you,
and I knew you would listen to me and my
vaporing. Your sympathy with me is what
you feel toward all forms of weakness, and in
the last analysis it is self-sympathy. You
are beautiful, not strong,’ he added, with an
air of finality, ‘and I—I am like you. If I
had been a strong man.... Christ!’
“I enjoyed this singular analysis of myself,
but I wanted something else.
“‘You were telling me of the opals,’ I
suggested.
“‘The opals, yes. Opals always made
me happy, you know. While I wore one, I
felt a friend was near. My father found
these in Hungary, and sent them to me—two
perfect jewels. He said they were the twin
halves of a single stone. I believe it to be
true. Their mutual relation is an odd one.
One has paled as the other brightened. You
see them now. When they were both mine,
they were of almost equal brilliancy. This,’
touching the paler, ‘is the one I gave to her.
You see the difference in them now. Hers
began to pale before she had worn it a month.
I do not try to explain it, not even on the
ground of the old superstition. It was not
her fault that they made her send it back to
me. But the fact remains; her opal is fading
slowly; mine is burning to a deeper red.
Some day hers will be frozen quite, while
mine—mine—’ his voice wavered and fell
on silence, as the flame of a candle fighting
against the wind flickers and goes out.
“I waited many minutes for him to speak
again, but the silence was unbroken. At last
I rose. ‘Surely you did not mean to part
with either stone?’ I said.
“He looked up as if from a dream. ‘Part
with them? Why should I sell my soul? I
would not part with them if I were starving.
I had a minute’s temptation, but that is past
now.’ Then, with a change of manner, ‘You
are going?’ He rose with a gesture that
I felt then and still feel as a benediction.
‘Good-by. I wish for your own sake that
you had not been so like my poor self that I
knew you for a friend.’
“We had exchanged cards, but I did not
see or hear of him again. Last week these
stones came to me, sent by some one here in
New York of his own name—his executor.
He is dead, and left me these.
“It is here that I want your counsel.
These stones do not belong to me, you know.
It is true that we are like, as like as blue and
violet. But there is that woman somewhere—I
don’t know where; and I know no more of
their story than he told me. I have not
cared to be curious regarding it or him. But
they loved once, and these belong to her.
Do you suppose they would be a comfort or
a curse to her? If—if—” the connoisseur
evidently found difficulty in stating his position.
“Of course I do not mean to say that
I believe one of the stones waned while the
other grew more brilliant. I simply say nothing
of it; but I know that he believed it, and
I, even I, feel a superstition about it. I do
not want the light in that stone to go out;
or if it should, or could, I do not want to
see it. And, besides, if I were a woman, and
that man had loved me so, I should wish
those opals.” Here Hayden looked up and
caught Langworthy’s amused, tolerant smile.
He stopped, and there was almost a flush
upon his cheek.
“You think I am maudlin—doting—I see,”
he said. “Langworthy, I do hope the Lord
will kindly let you die in the harness. You
haven’t any taste for these innocent, green
pastures where we old fellows must disport
ourselves, if we disport at all. Now, I want
to know if it would be—er—indelicate to
attempt to find out who she is, and to restore
the stones to her?”
Langworthy, who had preserved throughout
his usual air of strict scientific attention,
jumped up and began to pace the room.
“His name?” he said.
Hayden gave it.
“I know the man,” said Langworthy, almost
reluctantly. “Did any one who ever
saw him forget him? He was on the verge
of melancholia, but what a mind he had!”
“How did you know him, Langworthy?”
asked Hayden, with pathetic eagerness.
“As a patient. It’s a sad story. You
won’t like it. You had better keep your
fancies without the addition of any of the
facts.”
“Go on,” said Hayden, briefly.
“They live here, you know. He was the
only son. He unconsciously acquired the
morphine habit from taking quantities of the
stuff for neuralgic symptoms during a severe
protracted illness. After he got better, and
found what had happened to him, he came
to me. I had to tell him he would die if he
didn’t break it off, and would probably die
if he did. ‘Oh, no matter,’ he said. ‘What
disgusts me is the idea that it has taken such
hold of me.’ He did break it off directly
and absolutely. I never knew but one other
man who did that thing. But between the
pain and the shock from the sudden cessation
of the drug, his mind was unbalanced for
awhile. Of course the girl’s parents broke
off the engagement. I knew they were
travelling with him last summer. It was a
trying case, and the way he accepted his
own weakness touched me. At his own request
he carried no money with him. It
was a temptation when he wanted the drug,
you see. It must have been at some such
moment, when he contemplated giving up
the struggle, that you met him in the pawn-shop.”
“I am glad I knew enough to respect
him even there,” murmured Hayden, in his
beard.
“Oh, you may respect him, and love him
if you like. He died a moral hero, if a mental
and physical wreck. That is as good a
way as any, or ought to be, to enter another
life—if there is another life.”
“And the woman?” asked the connoisseur.
“Keep the opals, Hayden; they and he
are more to you than to her. She—in fact it
is very soon—is to marry another man.”
“Who is—”
“A gilded cad. That’s all.”
Langworthy took out his watch and looked
at it. I turned to the table. What had
happened to the dreaming stones? Did a
light flash across from one to the other, or
did my eyes deceive me? I looked down,
not trusting what I saw. One opal lay as
pale, as pure, as lifeless, as a moon-stone is.
The other glowed with a yet fierier spark;
instead of coming from within, the color
seemed to play over its surface in unrestricted
flame.
“See here!” I said.
Langworthy looked, then turned his head
away sharply. The distaste of the scientific
man for the inexplicable and irrational was
very strong within him.
But the old man bent forward, the lamp-light
shining on his white hair, and with a
womanish gesture caught the gleaming opal
to his lips.
“A human soul!” he said. “A human
soul!”
AN UNEARNED REWARD
It is the very last corner of the world in
which you would expect to find a sermon.
Overhead hang the Colorado skies, curtains
of deepest, dullest cobalt, against which the
unthreatening white clouds stand out with
a certain solidity, a tangible look seen nowhere
else save in that clear air. All around
are the great upland swells of the mountains,
rising endlessly, ridge beyond ridge, like the
waves of the sea. In a hollow beside the
glittering track is the one sign of human existence
in sight—the sun-scorched, brown
railway station. It is an insignificant structure
planted on a high platform. There is a
red tool-chest standing against the wall; a
tin advertisement of somebody’s yeast-cakes
is nailed to the clap-boards; three buffalo
hides, with horns still on them, hang over
a beam by the coal-shed, and across the side
of the platform, visible only to those approaching
from the west, is written, in great,
black letters:
THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH.
This legend had no place there on the
September afternoon, some years ago, when
Carroll Forbes stepped off the west-bound
express as it halted a minute at the desolate
spot. Because it looked to him like the
loneliest place in all the world the notion
seized him suddenly, as the train drew up
beside the high platform, to catch up his
valise and leave the car. He was looking
for a lonely place, and looking helplessly.
He snatched at the idea that here might be
what he sought, as a drowning man at the
proverbial straw.
When the train had gone on and left him
there, already repenting tremulously of what
might prove his disastrous folly, a man, who
was possibly the station agent—if this were
indeed a station—came limping toward him
with an inquiring look.
Forbes was a handsome man himself, and
thoroughly aware of the value of beauty
as an endowment. He was conscious of
a half-envious pang as he faced the blonde
giant halting across the platform. This
was, or had been, a singularly perfect specimen
of the physical man. Over six feet in
height, muscular, finely proportioned, fair-haired
and fair-skinned, with a curling,
blonde beard, and big, expressionless blue
eyes, he looked as one might who had been
made when the world was young, and there
was more room for mighty men than now.
The slight, olive-skinned young man who
faced him was conscious of the sudden feeling
of physical disadvantage that comes
upon one in the presence of imposing natural
objects, for the man was as august in his
way as the cliffs and canyons.
“I am a—an artist,” said Carroll Forbes.
“Is there any place hereabouts where I can
get my meals and sometimes a bed, while I
am sketching in the mountains?”
The man stared at him.
“Would it have been better if I had
said I was a surveyor?” asked Forbes of
his confused inner consciousness.
“We feed folks here sometimes—that is,
my wife does. Mebbe you could have a
shake-down in the loft. Or there’s Connor’s
ranch off north a ways. But they don’t
care about taking in folks up there.”
“Then, if you would ask your wife?”
ventured Forbes, politely. “I shall not
trouble you long,” he added.
“Ellen!”
A woman appeared at the door, then moving
slowly forward, stood at her husband’s
side, and the admiration Forbes had felt at
the sight of the man flamed into sudden enthusiasm
as he watched the wife. She was
tall, with heavy, black hair, great eyes like
unpolished jet, one of the thick white,
smooth, perfectly colorless skins, which
neither the sun nor the wind affect, and
clear-cut, perfect features. Standing so,
side by side, the two were singularly well
worth looking at.
“What a regal pair!” was Forbes’s internal
comment; and while they conferred together
he watched them idly, wondering
what their history was, for of course they
had one. It is safe to affirm that every human
creature cast in the mould of the beautiful
has, or is to have, one.
“She says you c’n stay,” announced the
man. “Just put those traps of yours inside,
will you?” and, turning, he limped off the
length of the platform at a call from somebody
who had ridden up with jingling spurs.
Forbes, left to his own devices, picked
up his valise, then set it down again and
looked around him helplessly, wondering
if there was a night train by which he
could get away from this heaven-forsaken
spot.
“If you want to see where you can
sleep,” said a voice at his side, “I will show
you.” It was the woman. She bent as she
spoke to pick up some of his impedimenta,
but he hastily forestalled her with a murmur
of deprecation.
She turned and looked at him, and as he
met her eyes it occurred to him that the indifference
of her face was the indifference of
the desert—arid and hopeless. The look
she gave him was searching and impersonal;
he saw no reason for it, nor for the slow,
dark color that spread over her face, and
there was less than no excuse for the way she
set her lips and stretched a peremptory hand,
saying, “Give me those,” in tones that
could not be disobeyed. To his own astonishment
he surrendered them, and followed
her meekly up a ladder-like flight of steps to
the rough loft over the station. It was unfinished,
but partitioned into two rooms.
She opened the door of one of these apartments,
silently set his luggage inside, and
vanished down the stairs.
Forbes sat down on the edge of a broken
chair and looked about him.
“Now, in heaven’s name,” he demanded
of the barren walls, “what have I let myself
in for, and why did I do it?”
To this question there seemed no sufficient
answer, and for awhile he sat there fretting
with the futile anxiety of a man who knows
that his fate pursues him, who hopes that
this turning or that may help him to evade
it, yet always feels the benumbing certainty
that the path he has taken is the shortest
road to that he would avoid. When at last—recognizing
that his meditations were unprofitable—he
rose and went down the
stairs, it was supper-time.
The woman was uncommunicative, but he
could feel that her eyes were on him. The
man—it occurred to Forbes that he had
probably been drinking—was talkative.
After the meal was over they went outside.
Forbes, by way of supporting his pretence
of being an artist, took out a pocket
sketch-book and made notes of the values of
the clouds and the outlines of the hills
against the sky in a sort of artistic short-hand.
The man Wilson sat down on a
bench and began to talk. Between the exciting
effects of the whiskey he had taken,
the soothing influence of the cigar Forbes
proffered him, and a natural talent for communicativeness,
he presently went on to tell
his own story. Forbes listened attentively.
It seemed a part of the melodrama of the
whole situation and was as unreal to him as
the flaming miracle of the western skies or
his own presence here.
“So the upshot of it all was that we just
skipped out. She ran away with me.”
It was a curious story. As Forbes listened
he became aware that it was one with which
he had occasionally met in the newspapers,
but never in real life before. It was, apparently,
the story of a girl belonging to a
family of wealth and possibly of high social
traditions—naturally he did not know what
importance to attach to Wilson’s boast that
his wife belonged “to the top of the heap”—who
had eloped with the man who drove
her father’s carriage.
The reasons for this revolt against the
natural order of her life was obscure; there
was, perhaps, too high a temper on her side
and too strict a restraint on the part of her
guardians. There was necessarily a total
absence of knowledge of life; there was also
the fact that the coachman was undoubtedly
a fine creature to look at; there might have
been a momentary yielding on the part of a
naturally dramatic temperament to the impulse
for the spectacular in her life.
But whatever the reasons, the result was
the same. She had married this man and
gone away with him, and they had drifted
westward. And when they had gone so far
west that coachmen of his stamp were no
longer in demand, he took to railroading,
and from brakeman became engineer; and
finally, being maimed in an accident in
which he had stood by his engine while the
fireman jumped—breaking his neck thereby—he
had picked up enough knowledge of
telegraphy to qualify him for this post among
the mountains. He and his handsome wife
lived here and shared the everlasting solitude
of the spot together, and occasionally
fed stray travellers like this one who had
dropped down on them to-day.
“He drinks over-freely and he swears
profusely,” mused Forbes, scrutinizing him,
“but he is too big to be cruel, and he still
worships her beauty as she, perhaps, once
worshipped his; and he still feels an uncouth
pride in all that she gave up for his
sake.”
It had never occurred to him before to
wonder what the after-life of a girl who
eloped with her father’s servant might be
like. He speculated upon it now. By just
what process does a woman so utterly déclassée
adjust herself to her altered position?
Would she make it a point to forget, or
would every reminder of lives, such as her
own had been, be a turning of the knife in
her wound? Would not a saving recollection
of the little refinements of life cling
longer to a weak nature than to a strong
one under such circumstances?
This woman apparently gave tongue to no
vain regrets, for her husband was exulting
in the “grit” with which she had taken the
fortunes of their life. “No whine about
her,” was his way of expressing his conviction
that the courage of the thoroughbred
was in her.
“No, sir; there’s no whine about her.
Un she’s never been sorry, un, s’help me,
she sha’n’t never be,” concluded Wilson.
There were maudlin tears in his eyes.
“Few men can say that of their wives,”
said Forbes’s smooth, sympathetic voice.
“You are indeed fortunate.”
While her husband was repeating the oft-told
tale of their conjugal happiness, Ellen
Wilson had done her after-supper work, and,
slipping out of the door, climbed the short,
rocky spur to the north of the station. Beyond
the summit, completely out of sight
and hearing, there was a little hollow that
knew her well, but never had it seen her as
it saw her now, when, throwing herself down,
her face to the earth, she shed the most
scalding tears of all her wretched years.
They were such little things this stranger
had done—things so slight, so involuntary,
so unconscious that they did not deserve the
name of courtesies, but they were enough
to open the flood-gates of an embittered
heart. There was a world where all the men
were deferential and all the women’s lives
were wrapped about with the fine, small
courtesies of life—formal, but not meaningless.
It had been her world once and now
was so no longer.
Good or bad, she knew little and cared
less, this man had come from that lost world
of hers, as she was made aware by a thousand
small signs, whose very existence she had forgotten;
and silently, fiercely she claimed
him as an equal.
“I—I too was—” Slow tears drowned
the rest.
She could have told him how a déclassée
grows used to it. She knew how the mind
can adjust itself to any phase of experience,
and had learned that what woman has undergone,
woman can undergo—yes, and be
strong about it. She knew how, under the
impulse of necessity, the once impossible
grows to be the accepted life, and the food
that could not be swallowed becomes the
daily bread.
When the struggle for existence becomes
a hand-to-hand fight, traditions of one’s
ancestry do not matter, except, possibly,
that some traditions bind you to strength
and silence, while others leave you free to
scream. She knew what it was to forget
the past and ignore the future, and survey
the present with the single-hearted purpose
of securing three meals a day, if possible;
two, if it were not.
She had forgotten with what facility she
might the faces and scenes that once were
dear to her. She had nothing to do with
them any longer, as she knew. She might,
perhaps, have heard their names without
emotion. But, even in this day and generation
and among this democratic people, in
the soul of a woman bred as she had been
the feeling for her caste is the last feeling
that dies. And to her anguish she found
that in her it was not yet dead.
The color died from the sky, and the
stars came swiftly out.
She rose at last. It was time that she
should be going. She stretched out the
tired arms upon which she had been lying,
looked at the patient hands which had long
lost the beauty her face still kept, and lifted
her eyes to the solemn sky.
“I shall die some day,” she said, passionately.
“No one can take that away from
me. Thank Heaven, it is not one of the
privileges a woman forfeits by marrying
out of her station.”
Forbes stayed three days longer; restless,
wretched days whenever he thought of himself
and his position; sunlit and serene
whenever his facile temperament permitted
him to forget them. He felt that he should
be moving on, yet, having stopped, was at
a loss how to proceed. Staying or going
seemed equally difficult and dangerous.
He had no precedents to guide his action.
Nothing in his previous life and training had
ever fitted him to be a fugitive. He was,
as he often reminded himself, not a fugitive
from justice, but from injustice; which is
quite another matter, but after all hardly
more comfortable. He began to suspect
that he might have been a fool to come
away, but was too dazed to decide intelligently
whether he should go forward or
back. He was still in this undecided frame
of mind on the morning of the third day.
Wilson and his wife performed by turns
the duties of telegraph operator, with the
difference that whereas she received by
sound, he took the messages on paper. On
the evening of the second day of Forbes’s
stay, Wilson, sitting alone in the office, received
a message from Pueblo that startled
him.
“Great Scott!” he said, and looked
around to see if his wife was in sight. She
was not, and on reflection he felt thankful.
It would be better not to have her know.
There were some things women, even plucky
ones, made a fuss about. They were not
fond of seeing criminals taken, for instance.
So he answered the message, and having
made the requisite copy locked that in the
office safe. The long strip of paper, with
its lines of dots and dashes, he crumpled
carelessly and dropped into the waste-basket.
The next afternoon Mrs. Wilson, in the
process of sweeping out the room, upset the
waste-basket, and the crumpled piece of
paper fell out and rolled appealingly to her
feet. There were a dozen messages on the
strip, but the last one riveted her eyes. She
read it, then read it again; returned it to
the waste-basket and sat down to think with
folded hands in lap, her white face as inscrutable
as the Sphinx. What should she
do? Should she do anything?
The man might be a criminal or he might
not. The fact that he was followed by detectives
with papers for his arrest, who might
be expected to arrive on the afternoon train,
proved nothing to her mind. At the same
time, criminal or none, if she interfered it
might prove a dangerous experiment for her,
and was sure to be a troublesome one. Why,
then, should she interfere?
There was only one reason, but it was a
reason rooted in the dumb depths of her
being—the depths that this man’s bearing
had so disturbed. He was of her people; on
her side—though it was the side that had cast
her off. The faint, sweet memories of her
earliest years pleaded for him; the enduring
bitterness of that later life which she had
lived sometimes forgetfully, sometimes—but
this was rare—prayerfully, sometimes with
long-drawn sighs, seldom with tears, always
in silence, fought for him; the inextinguishable
class-spirit fought for him—and fought
successfully.
She looked at the clock. It lacked an
hour of train-time. What she did must be
done quickly.
She went out to her husband, loafing on
the platform.
“I’ve got to go to Connor’s, Jim. There’s
no butter and no eggs.”
Wilson looked up carelessly. “All right,”
he said.
She went into the back room which served
as kitchen and store-room and provided herself
with a basket, into which she put meat
and bread. As she left the station, Wilson
came around to the side and called to her:
“You’ll be back by supper-time, Ellen?”
The woman nodded, not looking back,
and plunged on up the rocky spur.
When she found him, an hour later, Forbes
was lying on a sunny slope indulging in the
luxury of a day-dream. He was stretched
out at full length, his arms under his head,
the sketch-book that he had not used lying
by his side unopened. For the life of him
he could not feel that his position was serious,
and the mountain-air and the sunshine
intoxicated him.
“Once I get clear of this thing,” he was
saying to himself, “I’ll come back here
and buy me a ranch. Why should anybody
who can live here want to live anywhere
else?”
To him in this pastoral mood appeared the
woman. There was that in her face which
made him spring to his feet in vague alarm
before she opened her lips.
“They’re after you,” she said. “You
must be moving. Do you know what you
want to do? What was your idea in stopping
here? Have you any plans?”
He shook his head helplessly. “I thought
perhaps—Mexico?”
“Mexico! But what you want just now is
a place to hide in till they have given you
up and gone along. After that you can
think about Mexico. Come! I’ve heard the
whistle. The train is in. You’re all right
if they don’t start to look for you before
supper-time, and I hardly think they will,
for they’ll expect you to come in. But if
anybody should stroll out to look over the
country, this place is in sight from the knoll
beside the station. Come!”
Stumbling, he ran along beside her.
“I swear to you,” he said between his
labored breaths, “I did not do it. I am not
unworthy of your help. But the evidence
was damning and my friends told me to clear
out. I may have been a fool to come—but
it is done.”
Her calm face did not change.
“You must not waste your breath,” she
warned. “We have two miles to go, and
then I must walk to Connor’s and get back
by six o’clock, or there’ll be trouble.”
They were working their way back toward
the station, but going farther to the east.
She explained briefly that their objective
point was the nearest canyon. She knew a
place there where any one would be invisible
both from above and below. It was fairly
accessible—“if you are sure-footed,” she
warned. Here he might hide himself in
safety for a day or two. She had brought
him food. It would not be comfortable, but
it was hardly a question of his comfort.
“You are very good,” said Forbes, simply.
“I don’t want to give myself up now.
You are very good,” he repeated, wondering
a little why she should take the pains.
She made no answer, only hastened on.
To Forbes the way seemed long. His feet
grew heavy and his head bewildered. Was
this really he, this man who was in flight from
justice and dependent on the chance kindness
of a stranger for shelter from the clutches of
the law?
They reached the canyon and began to
make their way slowly down and along its
side. The woman led fearlessly over the
twistings of a trail imperceptible to him. He
followed dizzily. Suddenly she turned.
“It is just around this rock that juts out
in front. Is your head steady? It falls off
sheer below and the path is narrow.”
“Go on,” he said, and set his teeth.
The path was steep as well as narrow, and
the descent below was sheer and far. Mid-way
around the rocks a mist came over his
eyes. He put up his hand, stumbled, fell
forward and out, was dimly aware that he had
fallen against his guide.
A crash and cry awoke the echoes of the
canyon. Then silence settled over it again—dead
silence—and the night came down.
Their bodies were not found until three
days later. When the Eastern detectives had
identified their man they proposed his burial,
but Wilson turned from the place with the
muscles of his throat working with impotent
emotion, and a grim look about his mouth
that lifted his lips like those of a snarling
beast.
“Carrion! Let it lie,” he said, with so
dark a face that the men followed him silently,
saying nothing more, and the two
were left lying upon the ground which had
drunk with impartial thirst the current that
oozed from their jagged wounds.
The suspicions of primitive men are of a
primitive nature. Those three days in which
nothing had been seen or heard of his wife
or Forbes had been a long agony to Wilson.
And now that the end had come it seemed to
him that his basest suspicions were confirmed.
To his restricted apprehension there was but
one passion in the world that could have sent
his wife to this stranger’s side, to guard and
save him at her cost. So thinking, it seemed
to him that swift justice had been done.
And that he might not forget, nor let his
fierce thoughts of her grow more tender, the
next day when the train had gone eastward
and he was left alone to his desolation he
took his brush and laboriously wrote across
the end of the high platform, in great letters
for all men to see and wonder at, the phrase
he thought her fitting epitaph:
THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH.
And there it still stands, remaining in its
stupid, brutal accusation the sole monument
on earth of a woman’s ended life.
HARDESTY’S COWARDICE — I — II
Straight on before them stretched the
street, a wide and unobstructed way at first,
but narrowing a little farther on, where there
were, besides, buildings going up, and great
piles of lumber standing far out in the road,
and heaps of sand, and mortar-beds. Could
he possibly get the horses under control before
they reached those cruel lumber piles,
where to be thrown meant death or worse?
They were running wildly, and it was down
hill all the way. She did not believe that
human strength could do it, not even Neil’s,
and he was as strong as he was tender. She
looked down at his hands and noticed how
white the knuckles were, and how the veins
stood out, and then she bent her head that
she might not see those fatal obstructions in
their way, and clasped her hands as tightly
as her lips. She found herself senselessly repeating,
over and over, as if it were a charm,
“Broad is the way ... that leadeth to destruction.”
It was a June morning, cool and sweet.
If ever, life is dear in June. Her eyes fell
on the great bunch of white roses in her
lap. He had put them in her hands just as
they were starting, and then had bent suddenly
and left a quick kiss on the hands.
It was only the other day he had told her
that he had never, from the very first hour
they met, seen her hands without longing
to fill them with flowers. Would she be
pleased to take notice, now that he possessed
the right, he meant to exercise it?
Poor roses! Must they be crushed and
mangled, too? She did not like the
thought of scarlet stains upon their whiteness,
and with some wild thought of saving
them—for were they not his roses?—she
flung them with a sudden gesture into the
street.
“Oh, Christ!” she cried, voicelessly,
“spare both of us—or neither!”
It was just then that the horses swerved
and reared, the carriage struck something in
the road and tilted sharply to the right.
She clutched the side involuntarily and kept
her seat. When, a second later, the carriage
had righted itself, and the horses, more
terrified still and now wholly uncontrolled,
were dashing forward again, the place beside
her was vacant, and the reins were dragging
on the ground.
She shut her eyes and waited. It was not
long to wait. There came a crash, a whirl,
and then unconsciousness.
The evening papers contained an account
of the fortunate escape from serious disaster
of Mr. Neil Hardesty and Miss Mildred
Fabian, who were on their way to a field
meeting of the Hambeth Historical Society
when the young blooded horses Mr. Hardesty
was driving took fright at a bonfire
at the corner of State and Market Streets,
and started to run. Owing to the sharp
down-grade at this point, their driver was
unable to control them. After keeping
their course in a mad gallop down State
Street for a quarter of a mile, the carriage
struck an obstruction, tipped, and Mr. Hardesty
was thrown out, being severely bruised,
but sustaining no serious injuries. The
horses continued running wildly for two
blocks more, when one of them ran against a
lamp-post and was knocked down, upsetting
the carriage and throwing Miss Fabian out.
She was picked up unconscious, but beyond
a cut on the head was also fortunately
uninjured. Mr. Hardesty and Miss Fabian
were to be congratulated upon the results
of the runaway, as such an accident could
hardly occur once in a hundred times without
more serious, and probably fatal, consequences.
It was some two weeks later that the
family physician, consulting with Mrs.
Fabian in the hall, shook his head and said
he did not understand it; there was no
apparent reason why Miss Mildred should
not have rallied immediately from the accident.
The shock to her nervous system
had doubtless been greater than he had at
first supposed. Still, she had been in sound
health, and there seemed no sufficient cause
for her marked weakness and depression.
He would prepare a tonic and send it up.
Meeting Neil Hardesty, himself an unfledged
medical student, entering the house,
the doctor stopped to observe:
“You must try to rouse your fiancée a
little. Can’t you cheer her up, Hardesty?
She seems very much depressed nervously.
Perhaps it is only natural after such a close
shave as you had. I did not care to look
death in the face at that age. It sometimes
startles young people and happy ones.”
Neil shook his head with an anxious
look.
“It is not that,” he said, “for she is
half an angel already. But I will do my
best,” and he passed on through the broad,
airy, darkened hall to the high veranda at
the back of the house, where he knew he
should find her at that hour.
The veranda overlooked the garden,
blazing just then with the flowers of early
July. She was lying languidly in her sea-chair;
there were books around her, but she
had not been reading; and work, but she
had not been sewing. One hand was lifted
shading her face. The lines around her
mouth were fixed as if she were in pain.
He came forward quickly and knelt beside
the chair. He was carrying some brilliant
clusters of scarlet lilies, and he caught
the small and rather chilly hand, and held
it over them as if to warm it in their splendid
flame.
“Do you know that you look cold?” he
demanded. “I want you to look at these
and hold them till you are warmed through
and through. What an absurd child it is to
look so chilly in July!”
She raised her eyes and let them rest on
him with a sudden radiant expression of
satisfaction.
“It is because you are so unkind as to go
away—occasionally,” she remarked. “Do
I ever look cold or unhappy or dissatisfied
while you are here?”
“Once or twice in the last two weeks you
have been all of that. Sweetheart, I must
know what it means. Don’t you see you
must tell me? How can one do anything
for you when one doesn’t know what is the
matter? And I am under orders to see that
you get well forthwith. The doctor has
given you up—to me!”
He was startled when, instead of the laughing
answer for which he looked, she caught
her breath with half a sob.
“Must I tell you?” she said. “Neil,
I do not dare! When you are here I know
it is not so. It is only when you are away
from me that the hideous thought comes.
And I fight it so! It is only because I am
tired with fighting it that I do not get
strong.”
“Dear, what can you mean?”
She shook her head.
“It is too horrible, and you would never
forgive me, though I know it cannot be
true. Oh, Neil, Neil, Neil!”
“Mildred, this is folly. I insist that you
tell me at once.” His tone had lost its
tender playfulness and was peremptory now.
“Don’t you see that you are torturing
me?” he said.
She looked at him helplessly.
“That day,” she said, reluctantly, “when
the carriage tipped and you went out, I
thought—I thought you jumped. Neil,
don’t look so; I knew you could not have
done it, and yet I can’t get rid of the
thought, and it tortures me that I can think
it—of you. Oh, I have hurt you!”
He was no longer kneeling beside her, but
had risen and was leaning against one of the
pillars of the veranda, looking down at her
with an expression she had never dreamed of
seeing in his eyes when they rested on her
face. He was white to the lips.
“You thought that? You have thought
it these two weeks?”
“I tell you it is torture. Neil, say you
did not, and let me be at rest.”
“And you ask me to deny it? You?”
His voice was very bitter. “I wonder if
you know what you are saying?”
“Neil, Neil, say you did not!”
He set his teeth.
“Never!”
He broke the silence which followed by
asking, wearily, at last:
“What was your idea in telling me this,
Mildred? Of course you knew it was the
sort of thing that is irrevocable.”
“I knew nothing except that I must get
rid of the thought.”
“Can’t you imagine what it is to a man
to be charged with cowardice?”
“I charge nothing. But if you would
only deny it!”
“Oh, this is hopeless!” he said, with an
impatient groan. “It is irremediable. If
I denied it, you would still doubt; but even
if you did not, I could never forget that you
had once thought me a coward. There are
some things one may not forgive.”
Silence again.
“And my—my wife must never have
doubted me.”
She raised her eyes at last.
“If you are going, pray go at once,” she
said. “I am too weak for this.”
She said it, but she did not mean it. After
all, it was the one impossible thing on earth
that anything should come between them.
Surely she could not alter the course of two
lives by five minutes of unguarded hysterical
speech or a week or two of unfounded fretting.
But he took up his hat, and turned it in
his hands.
“As you wish,” he said, coldly, and then
“Good-morning,” and was gone.
“I think that is all,” said the hurried,
jaded doctor to the Northern nurse. “The
child is convalescent—you understand about
the nourishment?—and you know what to
do for Mrs. Leroy? I shall bring some one
who will stay with her husband within the
hour.”
Outside was the glare of sun upon white
sand—a pitiless sun, whose rising and setting
seemed the only things done in due order in
all the hushed and fever-smitten city. Within
was a shaded green gloom and the anguished
moaning of a sick woman.
Mildred Fabian, alone with her patients
and the one servant who had not deserted
the house, faced her work and felt her heart
rise with exultation—a singular, sustaining
joy that never yet had failed her in the hour
of need. The certainty of hard work, the
consciousness of danger, the proximity of
death—these acted always upon her like
some subtle stimulant. If she had tried to
explain this, which she did not, she would
perhaps have said that at no other time did
she have such an overwhelming conviction
of the soul’s supremacy as in the hours
of human extremity. And this conviction,
strongest in the teeth of all that would seem
most vehemently to deny it, was to her
nothing less than intoxicating.
She was not one of the women to whom
there still seems much left in life when love
is gone. To be sure, she had the consolations
of religion and a certain sweet reasonableness
of temperament which prompted
her to pick up the pieces after a crash, and
make the most of what might be left. But
she was obliged to do this in her own way.
She was sorry, but she could not do it in
her mother’s way.
When she told her family that her engagement
was at an end, that she did not care to
explain how the break came, and that if
they meant to be kind they would please
not bother her about it, she knew that
her mother would have been pleased to have
her take up her old life with a little more
apparent enthusiasm for it than she had
ever shown before. To be a little gayer,
a little more occupied, a little prettier if
possible, and certainly a little more fascinating—that
was her mother’s idea of saving
the pieces. But Mildred’s way was different,
and after dutifully endeavoring to carry
out her mother’s conception of the conduct
proper to the circumstances with a dismal
lack of success, she took her own path, which
led her through a training school for nurses
first, and so, ultimately, to Jacksonville.
The long day wore slowly into night.
The doctor had returned very shortly with a
man, whether physician or nurse she did not
know, whom he left with Mr. Leroy. The
little maid, who had been dozing in the
upper hall, received some orders concerning
the preparation of food which she proceeded
to execute. The convalescent child rested
well. The sick woman passed from the first
to the second stage of the disease and was
more quiet. The doctor came again after
nightfall. He looked at her charges wearily,
and told Mildred that the master of the
house would not rally.
“He is my friend, and I can do no more
for him,” he said, almost with apathy.
The night passed as even nights in sick-rooms
will, and at last it began to grow toward
day. The nurse became suddenly
conscious of deadly weariness and need of
rest. She called the servant and left her in
charge, with a few directions and the injunction
to call her at need, and then stole down
the stairs to snatch, before she rested, the
breath of morning air she craved.
As she stood at the veranda’s edge in the
twilight coolness and twilight hush watching
the whitening sky, there came steps behind
her, and turning, she came face to face
with Neil Hardesty. She stared at him with
unbelieving eyes.
“Yes, it is I,” he said.
“You were with Mr. Leroy?” she asked.
“Are you going?”
“My work is over here,” he answered,
quietly. “I am going to send—some one
else.”
She bent her head a second’s space with
the swift passing courtesy paid death by
those to whom it has become a more familiar
friend than life itself, then lifted it, and for
a minute they surveyed each other gravely.
“This is like meeting you on the other
side of the grave,” she said. “How came
you here? I thought you were in California.”
“I thought you were in Europe.”
“I was for awhile, but there was nothing
there I wanted. Then I came back and
entered the training school. After this is
over I have arranged to join the sisterhood
of St. Margaret. I think I can do better
work so.”
“Let me advise you not to mistake your
destiny. You were surely meant for the
life of home and society, and can do a
thousand-fold more good that way.”
“You do not know,” she answered, simply.
“I am very happy in my life. It
suits me utterly. I have never been so perfectly
at peace.”
“But it will wear you out,” he murmured.
She looked at him out of her great eyes,
surprisedly. It was a look he knew of old.
“Why, I expect it to,” she answered.
There was a little silence before she went
on, apparently without effort:
“I am glad to come across you again, for
there is one thing I have wanted to say to
you almost ever since we parted, and it has
grieved me to think I might never be able
to say it. It is this. While I do not regret
anything else, and while I am sure now that
it was best for both of us—or else it would
not have happened—I have always been
sorry that the break between us came in the
way it did. I regret that. It hurts me still
when I remember of what I accused you. I
am sure I was unjust. No wonder you were
bitter against me. I have often prayed that
that bitterness might pass out of your soul,
and that I might know it. So—I ask your
forgiveness for my suspicion. It will make
me happier to know you have quite forgiven
me.”
He did not answer. She waited patiently.
“Surely”—she spoke with pained surprise—“surely
you can forgive me now?”
“Oh, God!”
She looked at his set face uncomprehending.
Why should it be with such a mighty
effort that he unclosed his lips at last? His
voice came forced and hard.
“I—I did it, Mildred. I was the coward
that you thought me. I don’t know what
insensate fear came over me and took possession
of me utterly, but it was nothing to
the fear I felt afterwards—for those two
weeks—that you might suspect me of it.
And when I knew you did I was mad with
grief and anger at myself, and yet—it seems
to me below contempt—I tried to save my
miserable pride. But I have always meant
that you should know at last.”
She looked at him with blank uncomprehension.
“I did it,” he repeated, doggedly, and
waited for the change he thought to see
upon her face. It came, but with a difference.
“You—you did it?” for the idea made
its way but slowly to her mind. “Then”—with
a rush of feeling that she hardly understood,
and an impetuous, tender gesture—“then
let me comfort you.”
It was the voice of the woman who had
loved him, and not of any Sister of Charity,
however gracious, that he heard again, but
he turned sharply away.
“God forbid,” he said, and she shrank
from the misery in his voice; “God forbid
that even you should take away my punishment.
Don’t you see? It is all the comfort
I dare have, to go where there is danger
and to face death when I can, till the day
comes when I am not afraid, for I am a
coward yet.”
She stretched her hands out toward him
blindly. I am afraid that she forgot just
then all the boasted sweetness of her present
life, her years of training, and her coming
postulancy at St. Margaret’s, as well as the
heinousness of his offence. She forgot everything,
save that this was Neil, and that he
suffered.
But all that she, being a woman and merciful,
forgot, he, being a man and something
more than just, remembered.
“Good-by, and God be with you,” he
said.
“Neil!” she cried. “Neil!”
But his face was set steadfastly toward the
heart of the stricken city, and he neither
answered nor looked back.
The future sister of St. Margaret’s watched
him with a heart that ached as she had
thought it could never ache again. All the
hard-won peace of her patient years, which
she thought so secure a possession, had gone
at once and was as though it had not been;
for he, with all his weaknesses upon him,
was still the man she loved.
“Lord, give him back to me!” she cried,
yet felt the cry was futile.
Slowly she climbed the stairs again, wondering
where was the courage and quiet confidence
that had sustained her so short a time
ago.
Was it true, then, that heaven was only
excellent when earth could not be had?
She was the coward now. In her mind
there were but two thoughts—the desire to
see him again, and a new, appalling fear of
death.
She re-entered the sick-room where the
girl was watching her patients with awed
eyes.
“You need not stay here,” she said,
softly. “I cannot sleep now. I will call
you when I can.”
“THE HONOR OF A GENTLEMAN” — I — II — III
Because there was so little else left him to
be proud of, he clung the more tenaciously
to his pride in his gentle blood and the spotless
fame of his forefathers. There was no
longer wealth nor state nor position to give
splendor to the name, but this was the less
sad in that he himself was the sole survivor
of that distinguished line. He was glad that
he had no sisters—a girl should not be
brought up in sordid, ignoble surroundings,
such as he had sometimes had to know; as
for brothers, if there had been two of them
to make the fight against the world shoulder
to shoulder, life might have seemed a cheerier
thing; but thus far he had gotten on
alone. And the world was not such an unkindly
place, after all. Though he was a
thousand miles away from the old home, in
this busy Northwestern city where he and
his were unknown, he was not without
friends; he knew a few nice people. He had
money enough to finish his legal studies;
if there had not been enough, he supposed
he could have earned it somehow; he was
young and brave enough to believe that he
could do anything his self-respect demanded
of him. If it sometimes asked what might
seem to a practical world fantastic sacrifices
at his hands, was he not ready to give them?
At least, had he not always been ready before
he met Virginia Fenley?
She reminded him of his mother, did
Virginia, though no two women in the
world were ever fundamentally more different.
Nevertheless, there was a likeness between
the little pearl-set miniature which
he cherished, showing Honora Le Garde in
the prime of her beauty, and this girl who
looked up at him with eyes of the self-same
brown. Surely, Virginia should not be held
responsible for the fact that a slender, graceful
creature with yellow hair and dark-lashed
hazel eyes, with faint pink flushes coming
and going in her cheeks, and the air of looking
out at the world with indifference from
a safe and sheltered distance, was Roderick
Le Garde’s ideal of womanhood, and that he
regarded her, the representative of the type,
as the embodiment of everything sweetest
and highest in human nature. Virginia’s
physique, like Roderick’s preconceptions of
life and love and honor, was an inheritance,
but a less significant one; it required an
effort to live up to it, and Virginia was not
fond of effort.
His feeling for her was worship. Virginia
had not been looking on at the pageant
(Roderick would have called it a pageant) of
society very long, but she was a beautiful
girl and a rich one; therefore she had seen
what called itself love before.
As an example of what a suitor’s attitude
should be, she preferred Roderick’s expression
of devotion to that of any man she
knew. He made her few compliments, and
those in set and guarded phrase; except on
abstract topics, his speech with her was restrained
to the point of chilliness; even the
admiration of his eyes was controlled as they
met hers. But on rare occasions the veil
dropped from them, and then—Virginia did
not know what there was about these occasions
that she should find them so fascinating;
that she should watch for them and
wait for them, and even try to provoke them,
as she did.
Worship is not exactly the form of sentiment
of which hopelessness can be predicated,
but Roderick was human enough to
wish that the niche in which his angel was
enshrined might be in his own home. He
let her see this one day in the simplicity of
his devotion.
“Not that I ask for anything, you understand,”
he added, hastily. “I could not do
that. It is only that I would give you the
knowledge that I love you, as—as I might
give you a rose to wear. It honors the
flower, you see,” he said, rather wistfully.
She lifted her eyes to his, and he wondered
why there should flash across his mind a
recollection of the flowers she had worn yesterday,
a cluster of Maréchal Niels that she
had raised to her lips once or twice, kissing
the golden petals. She made absolutely no
answer to his speech, unless the faintest,
most evanescent of all her faint smiles could
be called an answer. But she was not
angry, and she gave him her hand at parting.
In spite of her silence she thought of his
words. The little that she had to say upon
the subject she said to her father as they were
sitting before the library fire that evening.
John Fenley was a prosperous lumberman,
possessed of an affluent good nature which
accorded well with his other surroundings in
life. Virginia was his only child, and motherless.
She could not remember that her
father ever refused her anything in his life;
and certainly he had never done so while
smoking his after-dinner cigar.
“Papa,” she began, in her pretty, deliberate
way—“papa, Roderick Le Garde is in
love with me.”
Her father looked up at her keenly. She
was not blushing, and she was not confused.
He watched a smoke-ring dissolve, then answered,
comfortably,
“Well, there is nothing remarkable about
that.”
“That is true,” assented Virginia. “The
remarkable thing is that I like him—a little.”
Her eyes were fixed upon the fire.
There was a pause before she went on. “I
have never liked any of them at all before,
as you know very well. I never expect to—very
much. Papa, you afford me everything
I want; can you afford me Roderick Le
Garde?”
“Do you know what you are asking, Virginia,
or why?” he said, gravely.
“I have thought it over, of course.
Couldn’t you put him in charge at one of
the mills or somewhere on a comfortable
number of thousands a year? Of course I
can’t starve, you know, and frocks cost something.”
“My daughter is not likely to want for
frocks,” said John Fenley, frowning involuntarily.
“You did not take my meaning.
I wish your mother were here, child.”
“I am sufficiently interested, if that is
what you mean,” said Virginia, still tranquilly.
“He is different, papa; and I am
tired of the jeunesse dorée. Perhaps it is
because I am so much dorée myself that they
bore me. Roderick has enthusiasms and
ideals; I am one of them; I like it. You,
papa, love me for what I am. It is much
more exciting to be loved for what one is
not.”
Her father knit his brows and smoked in
silence for a few minutes. Virginia played
with the ribbons of her pug.
“Marylander, isn’t he?”
“Something of the sort; I forget just
what.”
“H’m!”
“Le Garde isn’t a business man,” John
Fenley said, at length.
“Isn’t he?” asked Virginia, politely
smothering a yawn.
“Is he? You know enough about it to
know how important it is that any man who
is to work into my affairs, and ultimately
to take my place, should know business and
mean business, Virgie. It is a long way
from poverty to wealth, but a short one from
wealth to poverty.”
“Yes,” said Virginia, “I know; but I
also know enough about it to be sure that I
could manage the business if it became necessary.
You and I are both business men,
dear. Let us import a new element into
the family.”
Fenley laughed proudly. “By Jove! I
believe you could do it!” A little further
silence; then, “So your heart is set on this,
daughter?”
“Have I a heart?” asked Virginia, sedately,
rising and leaning an elbow on the
mantel as she held up one small, daintily
slippered foot to the blaze.
Long afterward he used to wonder how it
had ever come to pass—that first false step
of his, the surrender of his profession, and
so of his liberty. Before middle life a man
sometimes forgets the imperious secret of the
springs that moved his youthful actions. In
reality, the mechanism of his decision was
very simple.
“How can I give up my profession?” he
asked Virginia.
She smiled up into his eyes, her own expressing
a divine confidence. “But how
can you give up me?”
Though his doubts were not thereby laid
to rest, the matter was practically settled,
and it was understood between them that he
was to accept her father’s unnecessarily liberal
offer, and take his place in John Fenley’s
business as his own son might have done.
This may have been unwise, but it was not
unnatural, and if there was any unwisdom in
the proceeding, it was apparent to no eyes
but Roderick’s own. Other people said
what other people always say under such circumstances—that
young Le Garde was in
luck; that he would have a “soft snap” of
it as John Fenley’s son-in-law; that he had
shown more sagacity in feathering his own
nest than could have been expected of such
an impractical young fellow. They did not
understand his chill reserve when congratulated
on this brilliant bit of success in life.
If they had spoken of his good fortune in
being loved by Virginia, that was something
a man could understand. The gods might
envy Virginia’s lover, but that he, Roderick
Le Garde, should be congratulated on
becoming John Fenley’s son-in-law was intolerable.
He by no means pretended to scorn
money, however, and he felt as strongly as did
Fenley that Virginia must have it. Luxury
was her natural atmosphere—any woman’s
perhaps, but surely hers. Other men sacrificed
other things for the women that they
loved. He gave up his proud independence
and his proper work, and was sublimely sure
that Virginia understood what the sacrifice
cost him.
But it was true that he was not a business
man by nature, and his first few years in
John Fenley’s service were not the exacting
drill which would have given him what he
lacked. Although he conscientiously endeavored
to carry his share of the burden
and do well what fell to him to do, the fact
was that John Fenley was a great deal too
energetic and too fond of managing his own
affairs to give up any duties to another which
he could possibly perform for himself. Thus
Roderick’s various positions were always
more or less of sinecures as far as responsibility
was concerned, and he had a large margin
of leisure as well as a sufficient amount
of money to devote to good books and good
horses, pursuits which met the approval of
his father-in-law as being the “tastes of a
gentleman.”
John Fenley did not show his usual foresight,
certainly, in encouraging Roderick
to be in the business and not of it; but
then he confidently expected to live to settle
up all his own affairs, and turn his large
fortune into a shape in which it would
be more easily managed than in its primitive
form of timber lands and sawmills.
No one could have anticipated his death,
which occurred in the prime of his active
life, some five years after his daughter’s marriage.
Even then his son-in-law hardly took the
position expected of him. His long habit
of standing aside was not easily overcome,
and Mrs. Le Garde, who had a taste for
affairs, and Mr. Rogers, her father’s private
secretary, had actually more to do with certain
important transactions than the nominal
head of the business.
One of these transactions was as follows:
“Mrs. Le Garde,” said Mr. Rogers,
being shown into the library one chilly afternoon
in early October, “Macomb has cabled
from Vienna to his agent here to close with
us for that tract of Michigan timber, paying
the price agreed upon for cash. I have had
the papers ready for some time, and they
only want signing. If you can come down
town at once——”
Virginia looked down at her tea-gown, and
then at the cheerful little fire on the hearth,
and her novel lying face downward on the
easiest chair.
“Won’t to-morrow morning do as well?”
she asked, languidly.
“If you will permit me to say so, by no
means, Mrs. Le Garde,” said Mr. Rogers,
suavely.
Something in his manner attracted her attention.
“Why not?” she demanded.
Mr. Rogers looked at the fire for a moment
before replying. “You wish to realize upon
the land, you see,” he observed, vaguely.
“The cablegram was received this morning.
Macomb’s agent has no choice but to act on
it now. By to-morrow, or next day at the
farthest, there may be reasons apparent which
would justify him in declaring the deal off.
It is worth your while, and it should be made
worth mine,” said Mr. Rogers, leaning upon
the words, “to see that the matter is
settled this afternoon. I have private advices
that forest fires have started in northern
Michigan—ah—somewhat in this
vicinity, and their spread is greatly to be
feared. I have not mentioned this to Mr.
Le Garde.”
Mrs. Le Garde hesitated a moment. It
would be charitable to suppose that she did
not understand the situation so lightly
sketched in, but I am afraid she did. Mr.
Rogers did not raise his eyes.
“Oh, well,” she said, carelessly, “to-day
or to-morrow, it doesn’t signify. If you will
have a notary and Macomb’s agent at Mr.
Le Garde’s office in half an hour, Mr. Rogers,
I will be there.”
So it was that the papers were executed
and payment made that afternoon. The next
day but one, “Forest Fires. Danger to Lumber
Interests in Michigan,” was a prominent
head-line in the morning papers.
When Macomb came home from Vienna
to look after his own affairs a month later
he found himself the owner of a diminished
bank account and some hundreds of acres
of smoking pine-stumps.
He made a trip to northern Michigan to
survey these latter possessions, and while there
succeeded in securing some interesting statements
which it pleased him to call “facts.”
Armed with these, he went to Roderick Le
Garde, and laid his case before him.
“First of all, I want to say that I have
always thought you an honest man, Le
Garde,” he observed, “and I wish to say
that I am bringing no personal accusations,
though the case looks black for you. But I
know your man Rogers is a d——d scoundrel,
though I fail to see how the sale could
profit him, apart from its advantages to you.
But you will see I have proof that he was
well-informed on the day the transfer took
place that that tract of timber was already on
fire in a dozen places, and nothing on earth
could save it from destruction. I call that
obtaining money under false pretences, and I
warn you if you don’t desire to repurchase the
entire tract at the price I paid for it, that I
propose to see at once what the courts will
call it.”
“Much obliged for your good opinion of
me,” said Le Garde, dryly. “I have perfect
confidence in Rogers”—this was not strictly
true, but Roderick was angry—“and none
at all in your so-called ‘proofs.’ I shall do
a little investigating for myself. If I find, as
I believe, that Rogers had no other information
in the matter than I myself possessed,
and that you have met with your losses only
in the ordinary course of events, you may
bring as many suits as you like, and rest assured
that the Fenley estate will fight them
to the last dollar. If it is otherwise—but
nothing else is possible! Good-morning,
sir.”
“Virginia! Do you mean that Rogers
actually approached you in the matter?”
Mrs. Le Garde moved uneasily under the
scorching light in her husband’s eyes. It
was a new experience to see anything but
tenderness in his face, but she respected him
for the look she resented.
“He had to consult some one, of course.
You have given no attention to things of
late.” Her voice was irritatingly even.
“Papa always said you had no head for
business.”
“Your father was an honest man, Virginia,”
cried her husband, desperately.
“He would have been the last person in
the world to attempt to increase his gains
dishonestly.”
“I see nothing dishonest about it,” said
Virginia, coldly. “I really think, Roderick,
under all the circumstances, it would have
been more appropriate if you had learned
something about money in the last seven
years—besides how to spend it.”
Nothing dishonest!
“Don’t you understand,” demanded
Le Garde, in a terrible voice, “that the
‘commission’ you paid Rogers was blackmail,
the price of his ‘news’ and his silence?”
Mrs. Le Garde shrugged her shoulders.
Roderick rose dumbly. He knew all that
he need. The room whirled round him.
How he made his way out of the house he
did not know. Had he served seven years—for
this? The fair house of his life, built
up on the insubstantial foundations of a
woman’s silence and her sweet looks, was
tumbling about his ears. She whom he
had made his wife, who wore the name he
honored though it was his own, whom he
had worshipped as woman never yet was worshipped,
had failed in common honesty, and
taunted him with the life he had led for her
sake. She had betrayed him into a shameful
position. That restitution was an easy matter
and might be a secret one did not make
the case less hard. He could have defended
her had she been disgraced in the world’s
eyes, but how might he defend her from himself?
It was a raw November night. As he
went swiftly on, he felt the river-mists sweep
soft against his face. He wrung his helpless
hands. “Oh, God! It is dishonor! What
shall I do? What shall I do?”
No help in the murky sky above him;
none in the home whose lights lay behind;
none in the river that rushed along beneath
the bluff—that was the refuge of a coward
and a shirk. Had he not already shirked
too much in life?
What must he do? He tried to think collectedly,
but in his pain he could not.
There were visions before his eyes. He
saw Virginia as she had seemed to him
seven years ago—five years—yesterday—to-night.
Was it true that he had never really
seen her till to-night?
Oh, that brave, lost youth of his! His
strong, light-hearted youth, with its poverty,
its pride, and its blessed, blessed freedom!
If he could but go back to it, and feel himself
his own man once more, with his life
before him to be lived as he had planned it.
How was it that he had become entangled
with a soul so alien to his own? And what
did a man do when he reached a point from
which he could not go back, yet loathed to
go forward?
He tramped on and on through the drizzling
November darkness. Gradually the
tumult in his heart was stilled. He became
aware that the air was cold, that he was
splashed with mud and rain, that he had no
hat, and wore only thin evening clothes. He
turned at last, his teeth chattering in his
head, and plodded back.
Two things grew clear before his mind—he
must settle with Macomb to-morrow, and
he must henceforth assume the control of
John Fenley’s affairs which he had hitherto
nominally possessed. Thank Heaven for the
gift of work!
And Virginia?
Who was it who said that for our sins
there was all forgiveness, but our mistakes
even infinite mercy could not pardon? Virginia
was a mistake of his; that was all. It
was safer to blame himself, not her—not her.
That way lay madness.
Perhaps she, too, had found herself mistaken.
Was that the secret he sometimes
fancied he saw stirring behind the curtain
of her placid eyes? If so, God pity them;
and God help him to play the part he had to
play.
He had reached his own threshold, and
his latch-key faltered in the door. As he
stepped into the wide hall, a curious figure
in the disarray of his fastidious attire, he
caught the odor of roses—they were Maréchal
Niels—floating out of the drawing-room.
The rooms were warm and bright
and sweet, but their cheer seemed to him
oppressive, and he sickened at the faint perfume
of the roses.
His wife came and put the portière aside,
standing with one white, lifted arm outlined
against its heavy folds. Virginia always
wore simple evening dress at home for her
husband. She had been heard to say that
it was one of the amenities that made domestic
life endurable.
“How long you have been out!” she
said, in just her usual sweet, unhurried voice,
ignoring his dishevelled aspect. “I am afraid
you are quite chilled through.”
He looked at her an instant curiously—this
exquisite piece of flesh and blood that
was his second self for time and eternity—realizing
that he did not understand her, had
never understood her, could never hope nor
desire to do so again. Then he gathered himself
together to make the first speech in the
part he had appointed hereafter to play—that
rôle of devoted husband, whose cues he
knew by heart. As he spoke he was shivering
slightly, but surely that was because of
the raw outer air.
“What a charming pose!” he said.
“Did I ever tell you that throughout Homer
‘white-armed’ is used as a synonyme
for beautiful?”
RIVALS
“I didn’t presume to suppose that you
could care for me yet,” said Rollinson,
humbly.
“I am not at all sure that I cannot,” said
the girl, meditatively, “but, then, neither
am I at all sure that I can.” She looked
at him with clear, untroubled eyes as she
spoke, eyes in which he read her interest,
her detachment, and her exquisite sincerity.
She had not grown fluttered or self-conscious
over his avowal. She was a modern woman,
and she was young. Nothing had yet happened
in her life to disturb her conviction
that this was a subject upon which one could
reason as upon other subjects. She was not
emotional, and she suspected that the poets
were not unerring guides in matters of the
heart. She liked Rollinson very much, and
she was willing to listen to his arguments.
It seemed to her a little strange that he
did not proceed with those arguments at
once, when suddenly she perceived that the
adoration in his eyes was intended as the
chief of them, and this discovery was so disconcerting
that she blushed.
“I am twenty years older than you,”
murmured Rollinson. As this was the fact
he most wished to forget, he felt it his duty
to remind her of it.
“Nineteen only,” she answered, calmly,
“and, besides, I do not see what that has to
do with it. It is not the years but the man
one marries.”
“It is very good of you to think so,” he
answered, still humbly, “and since there is
no one else you care for, perhaps in time—”
He left the sentence hanging in the air, as
if afraid to finish it, and neither this modesty
nor the yearning tenderness of his accent
was lost upon the girl.
“As you say, there is no one else.”
“But—but there might be,” suggested
Rollinson, who was strongly possessed by the
insane delusion of the lover that all men must
needs worship his lady. “Bertha! If you
are going to learn to love me, make haste to
be kind. I am horribly unreasonable. I
see a rival in every man you speak to, dance
with, smile at. Until my probation is over
I should like to depopulate the world you
move in. I want, at least, to be rejected on
my own demerits, not because of the merits
of another man!”
Bertha regarded him attentively, still with
that serious, candid air.
“Indeed, I will try,” she murmured, and
for the moment he wisely said no more.
Rollinson had been a thoughtful youth,
who early conceived of old age—which he
thought began between forty and forty-five—as
one of the most desirable periods of life.
“Patience! Afterwards,” he had said to
himself during the storm and stress, the confusion
and uncertainty of youth—“afterwards,
when I am old, when all this fermentation
has ceased, when I know what I think,
what I feel, what I want and can do, how
glorious life will be!”
And in accordance with this conception,
as he advanced in years, he looked confidently
for the subsidence of the swelling tide of
his prejudices, passions, partialities, and for
the emergence of reason undefiled as the
second Ararat upon which the long-tossed
and buffeted ark of his mind might rest.
To say the least, he was taken aback when,
in the midst of those ripe years, whose fruitage
he had hoped to gather in great peace,
he came again upon tempestuous days. In
brief, when past forty, it befell him to love
as he had never loved before, and with an
unrest far exceeding that of youth, for he
could not fail to see that the chances were
by rights against him.
“Good Lord!” said Rollinson, when he
faced his emotional condition, “for the
heart there is no afterwards!”
But, happily, Bertha did not think so ill of
his chances for happiness as did he himself,
and he ventured to hope, although he was
terrified by her calmness and her ability to
see from all sides the subject he could only
see from one.
Bertha respected his learning and revered
his wisdom—which is learning hitched to
life—and envied his experiences, and exulted
in his grasp of people and things, and in his
breadth of vision. She thought such a grip
upon life as he possessed could only come
with years. And compared to these things
the disadvantages which also come with years
seemed trifling. Obesity, baldness, and a
touch of ancestral gout were the penalties he
had to pay for being what he was. On the
whole, the price did not seem too high. She
felt quite sure that she would ultimately accept
him, and that they would marry and
live happily ever after.
This impression was still strong in her
mind when, some days after the conversation
recorded, she went with her aunt to a little
lunch-party which he gave in his bachelor
apartments.
Although he modestly spoke of them as
being very simple, Rollinson’s rooms were
really a liberal education. He had been
about the world a great deal and had carried
with him fastidious taste and a purse only
moderately filled. As he said once, he had
never had so much money that he could
afford to buy trash. The result was very
happy. Pictures, rugs, draperies, brasses,
ceramics, all were satisfactory.
“Your things are so delightfully intelligent!”
said Bertha, with a gratified sigh.
He found himself by her side as she was inspecting
a bit of antique silver on a cabinet
with obvious approval. “It makes me feel
as I have never felt before, what a wonderful
thing is taste!”
He smiled. “I am more than repaid if
they have pleased you,” he said. “Will you
step this way an instant? I want to show
you the thing I am vain enough to value
most of all.”
In the corner which he indicated, hung a
picture she had not noticed, the portrait of a
young man about twenty-five. The girl
stared at it with fascinated eyes. “You!
Can it be you?” she questioned, with an
accent that was almost a reproach. Ah, how
splendid he was, the painted youth in his
hunter’s costume who stood there fixed forever
in all the beautiful insolence of his
young manhood! What a mass of dark hair
tossed back from his fine forehead, and what
soldierly erectness in his bearing! How the
eyes flashed—those eyes that only twinkled
now! He was radiant, courageous, strong.
What a hold he had on life—one read it in
the lines of his mouth, in his eyes, his brow.
What zest, what eagerness of spirit! He
was more than all that she most admired in
her lover, and he was young—young!
The girl gave a strange look at Rollinson
and then turned back to the picture again.
All fulfilment is pitiful compared with its
prophecy, and in that moment she realized
this.
“It was painted by my friend Van Anden,
who died too early to achieve the fame he
should have had,” said Rollinson. “All
that toggery I am wearing, which paints so
effectively, was part of my outfit when I went
to Africa with my cousin.”
“It is very fine,” said Bertha, with constraint,
and then, with an unmistakably final
movement, she turned away from it. Rollinson
felt a sudden, wretched pang. If
she cared at all for him, would not she also
exult in this fair presentment of his young
years?
After the luncheon had been served and
before his guests had moved to go, he saw
with a hopeful thrill that she had gone back
to the picture and was standing before it
again, intent and questioning.
He went up to her.
“Bertha! Dearest!” he said, beneath his
breath. “After all, you like it, then?”
She turned upon him sharply. “It is
wonderful—wonderful! But you should not
have shown it to me! I do not understand.
I—I thought I could have married you. Now
I know that I never can. I—I never dreamed
there was youth like that in the world. Oh,
why did you let me find it out?”
Rollinson stood dumfounded.
“But it is I,” he found voice to plead at
last. “Bertha, have the added years of worthy
life made me less deserving of your love?
Am I to be punished for becoming what he
only promised to be?”
The girl passed her hand over her eyes in
a bewildered way.
“It seems to me that one can love promise
better than achievement,” she said, faintly.
“To care for what is not, is, I fancy,
the very essence of love.”
“I love you as he never could have done,”
urged Rollinson. “As he never dreamed
of caring for any one. His loves were superficial
and selfish, Bertha. I have gained
much, and I have lost nothing that—that is
essential.”
“You have lost comprehension—he would
have understood what I mean,” answered
the girl, quickly.
“But—Bertha! This is unreasonable.
How can you expect me to comprehend?”
“I have been too reasonable!” she cried,
with sudden passion. “That is my discovery.
Love is not reasonable, youth is not—and
they belong together. Oh, don’t, don’t
make me say any more!”
For an instant there was a heavy silence
between them; then Rollinson found voice
to say:
“It shall be as you please. Your aunt
seems to be looking for you. Shall we go
over to her?”
When his guests were gone at last, Rollinson
came back to the picture. He took it
down and placed it upon a chair where the
light fell full upon it. Truly, he did not look
like that to-day.
Although it was himself, he hated it, for
it had cost him something dearer than the
young strength which it portrayed. Of all
the irrational humiliations of the long, wayward
years of life this seemed to him the
most hideous.
He took his knife from his pocket, opened
it and put the point against the canvas. It
would be easy to satisfy the brute anger in
his soul by two sharp cross-cuts which should
effectually destroy that remote, insolent
beauty which had once been his own and
now was his no longer.
He hesitated a moment, then dropped the
knife and shook his head. He could not
possibly do such a melodramatic, tawdry
thing as that.
He knew that the day might yet come
when he should not remember the bitterness
of this hour; he might even grow to be glad
again that he had once walked the earth in
the likeness of this picture, but just now—just
now he must forget it for awhile.
With one short sigh, Rollinson lifted the
portrait of his rival and set it down, the face
against the wall.
AT THE END OF THE WORLD — Transcriber’s Notes
“And so, as kinsmen met a night,
We talked between the rooms,
Until the moss had reached our lips,
And covered up our names.”
She was sitting quietly in the sleeper,
writing a letter to a friend. She had got
as far as “I feel it my duty to tell you,”
when the pencil flew out of her fingers. She
had an instantaneous impression, grotesque
in its horror, that all the natural laws were
being unsettled with a terrible, grinding
noise; for the pencil was falling toward the
ceiling instead of the floor, and the man in
front of her was following it, and even she
herself. Then something struck her head
and she lost consciousness.
When she came to herself she was lying
on a cot in one corner of a large, unfamiliar
room. As her gaze wandered slowly from
object to object on the whitewashed walls,
she concluded, from the combination of
railway maps, time-cards, dusty windows
filled with geraniums in pots, and a large,
rusty Bible chained to a wall-pocket, that
she was in a country railroad station; but
when she turned her head she saw that it
also resembled a hospital. She felt bruised
and sore, but was not in much pain, and
only an indefinable sensation of great weakness
warned her not to move.
Presently some one noticed that her eyes
were open and, drawing near, asked her
some questions. She answered them with
ease, and then in her turn asked a few. The
man, obviously a physician, answered briefly
but definitely. Then he drew a note-book
from his pocket, took down some addresses
that she gave him, and moved away softly in
the direction of the telegraph window. She
lay, looking after him incredulously. So this
was death! She had at farthest two more
hours on earth. It was part of her creed that
one may permit one’s self to be surprised but
never startled. She was not startled now,
but, decidedly, she was sorry. Her best work
was yet undone, and she had not meant to
leave earth while there still remained so much
to do.
The sounds and sights of the hastily improvised
hospital were unpleasant to her, and
she turned her head away from them. There
was one cot between her and the corner.
She recognized the profile of that bandaged
head as belonging to the man who had sat
across the aisle in the sleeper. She had
jotted down a description of him in her
note-book, thinking she might use it some
day. It ran:
“Sallow skin, soft, brown hair, fine eyes,
but an iron mouth with a devil-may-care
expression. He has the get-up of a man
who is too busy being prosperous to take
time to be comfortable. His face, a singular
combination of sensitiveness and stolidity,
the latter leading. Neither hard enough for
this world nor tender enough for the next.
An Achilles with a dozen vulnerable spots,
he sheds two drops of his own blood for
every one he draws in his battles; so,
whether he wins or not, they are always losing
fields for him.”
She lay, looking at his profile, thinking
that never, so long as she lived, could she
see the other side of that anguished countenance,
and the thought irritated her. This,
she reflected, was an instance of the strength
of the ruling passion. She had always been
thirstily curious about life, even to its least
details. Now the opportunities for quenching
that thirst were at an end. There was no
more for her in this world of that friction of
spirit upon spirit which she loved. She was
dying in a corner. Between herself and the
immensity of eternity hung only that one
white face.
Suddenly a thought came into her mind.
Why should she not talk to him—while she
was waiting?
“Are you badly hurt?” she asked, softly.
He groaned. “I am a dead man.”
“They tell me I am dying, too,” she said.
“Why have they put us here in this corner,
away from the others?”
“Because neither of us is in great pain,
and we are both hopeless cases. They have
no time to waste on us.”
“It is very strange to think that this is
really the last of it. Are you prepared to
die?”
“Prepared? What is prepared?” he
answered. “One is never ready to stop
living. And there were a great many things
I wanted to do yet.”
“Were any of them important?”
An ironic smile twisted the corner of his
lips. “Now that you mention it—no. I
wanted to make a good deal more money.
I was going to turn over two or three pieces
of real estate next week that I expected a
profit upon. I meant to build a finer house
for my wife—a big, new one, with all the
modern wrinkles of architecture and furnishing.
Then, if I had known she was going
to have charge of things so soon, I should
have altered one or two investments”——
His pain grew sharper and he groaned.
When he was still she spoke again.
“If I had met you yesterday I should
have said that your interests in life were very
much less fine and spiritual than my own.
I wrote things that people praised. They
said I was clever, ingenious, witty; but
they never said I was an artist. I meant to
make them say it. I was going to write a
novel next winter that should show”—She
stopped, but presently went on, musingly:
“It is very odd, but somehow it
doesn’t seem as important as it did this
morning. Do you care that your house will
never be built?”
“No.”
“And I don’t care about my novel. I
called my interest in life art, and you called
yours business; but neither of them seems to
count any more. The question is, What
does count?”
“Close your eyes and lie still for five
minutes, and note what you find yourself
unable to avoid thinking of. That will
show you what counts.”
“You have been trying it?”
He made a motion of assent.
“Well,” he asked, after a silence on her
part that seemed long, “does it work?”
“Yes,” she said, in a tense way; “it
works too well. What did you see?”
Again the ironic smile twisted the visible
corner of his mouth. “Shall we exchange
confidences—last confessions, and all that?
I’d just as soon. Reticence isn’t worth
much now. Only—you begin.”
“I saw,” she said, slowly, “my husband’s
eyes. I had forgotten how they looked
when he found that I really meant to insist
on a separation. He could not bear it, for
he adored the ground I walked on. It was
five years ago. I had no presentable reason
for leaving him. He was so horribly good-natured
that it used to irritate me. And I
didn’t care for the domestic life. It interfered
with my work, although he had promised
that it should not. I wanted to be free
again. He let me have the child. He was
very good about the whole business—painfully
good, in fact. But it did hurt him
cruelly. I have been very much happier
since, but I don’t suppose he has.”
“Did he have brown eyes—the big, faithful,
dog-like kind?” asked the man.
“How did you know?”
“That good sort often do. The girl I
jilted did. We had been engaged almost
from our cradles. There was an accident
with horses, and she got hurt. She limped
a little afterward, and there were scars on
her face and neck—not very bad scars, but
still they were there. She had been a little
beauty before that; but she never at any
time thought much about her looks, and it
hadn’t occurred to her that I minded. But
I did mind. I fretted over it until I fancied
that I didn’t love her, after all; but I
did. One day I told her so. You know
how she looked at me. She asked if the
accident made any difference, and I hadn’t
the skill to lie about it so that she believed
me. She rose at once, as if to put an end to
our interview. All she said was, ‘I thought
you knew better what love was.’ I can hear
how her voice sounded. She was badly cut
up; lost her health and all that. And I never
could pretend I wasn’t to blame. The girl
I married later was faultlessly pretty, but
there was nothing in the world to her.”
“We seem to be a nice sort, don’t we?”
said the woman, reflectively.
“We are no worse than others. Unselfishness
is out of fashion. Everybody takes
what he wants nowadays.”
“My husband didn’t.”
“I respect your husband. But you did
it. We did the same sort of thing, you and
I; only I think you are the worse of the
two. It is natural for a man to want a wife
who isn’t disfigured.”
“It is natural for a clever woman to want
to live unfettered.”
“Perhaps. But I erred through the
worser part of my nature, and you through
the better. My revolt against unselfishness
was physical, and yours intellectual. Therefore
you fell farther than I, by as much as
the mind is better than the body; don’t you
see?”
“That is speciously put, but I doubt its
truth.”
Both were silent for a space.
“I have it!” she breathed suddenly, and
her voice was stronger; for even in the
clutches of death a new insight into the
meaning of things had power to stimulate
her whole being. “It is this way. Our
error was the same. We both betrayed their
trust in us. We grieved love. And the
reason that we remember now is that love
and God are one, and this is the judgment.
That is why we see their eyes rebuking us.
It comes to us, now that we die. That is all
life is for—to learn not to grieve love. Why
did I never know it before? Oh, if I had
put that in my books!”
“If you had put it in your life it would
have been better,” interrupted the man; but
she went on, unheeding:
“That must be what they meant when
they said my work lacked conviction. It is
the heart that takes sides. One man said I
was too clever to be interesting. I never
understood what he meant before, but I see
now. It was that I had mind enough but
too little heart. I wanted to become as one
of the gods by knowing, and the appointed
path is by loving. To be human and to
love is to be divine.”
“Oh, wise conclusion!” mocked the man.
“What does it profit you to know it—now?”
She was silent, spent with the effort of her
eager speech. The maps on the opposite
wall whirled before her eyes. She felt herself
slipping—slipping. Yet, though she
found no words to tell him why, there came
to her a sudden, sweet assurance that it
profited her much, even at this last hour, to
know the thing she had just spoken.
It was a long time before she found
strength to ask: “Shall you be here after I
am gone?”
“Why?”
“I gave them my husband’s name. I
knew he would be glad to come. He lives
a hundred miles from here, and it will only
take him four hours at the longest. I shall
not last that long. If you would tell him”—
“Tell him what?”
“Tell him,” said the woman, slowly,
“that I saw; that I am sorry I grieved love
and him; that I wish I had been wiser
about what life meant; that love is always
best.”
“The fact is,” said the man, reluctantly,
“I did not mean to stay. I dabbled in
medicine a little once, and I know that I
can last this way a day or two. But I am
in pain now, and it will grow worse. What
is the use of staying? They tied an artery
for me; it might easily get untied, you
know.”
“Aren’t you going to wait until your wife
comes?” she asked, wonderingly.
“Better not,” answered the man, briefly.
“It would hurt her less this way, and me
too. Scenes worry me, and her nerves are
delicate.”
“What farces such marriages as yours
are!”
“Better a farce than a tragedy. My wife
has been happier than your husband. She
has been very comfortable, and she will continue
to be so, for my estate is reasonably
large.”
“Then Arthur will never know that I am
sorry, and I want him to. Oh, God! I
want him to.”
The man lay, frowning sharply at the ceiling.
The ineffectual anguish of her cry had
touched him, but his pain was growing
worse. At last he spoke.
“Look here. If I will stay and deliver
that message for you, will you do something
for me?”
“I? What can I do for any one?”
“You are a woman, though not, it seems,
a very loving one. You can tell me if there
is any forgiveness for the hurt I gave that
girl, and if there is, absolve me in love’s
name! I cannot bear her eyes.”
“Love forgives everything,” she answered,
simply. “Wait until you see Arthur’s
face when you tell him I was sorry.
That will show you.”
“Say it!” murmured the man, peremptorily.
“Let me hear the words, as she
might say them.”
She turned upon her side to smile at him.
Her voice had grown so faint that it seemed
but a disembodied, yearning tenderness that
spoke.
“In love’s name, then, and hers, absolvo
te”—And the thread of sound dropped
into a silence that was to remain unbroken.
The man lay still, clenching his hands and
unclenching them. The thrusts of pain had
grown very sharp, but he grimly set his
teeth. He might ask for morphine; but if
he took it “Arthur” might come and go
while he lay in stupor, and the message
remain forever undelivered. He looked at
the clock on the opposite wall. Perhaps he
had still three hours to wait. What should
he do? That last dart was keenest of them
all. What did people do in torture, people
who had made promises that they must stay
to keep? Surely there was something. Ah,
that was it. Of course. They prayed. Then
why not he, as well?
His lips moved feverishly.
“Christ, thou who suffered for love’s
sake, give me—give me the pluck to hold
out three hours more.”
Minor punctuation errors have been corrected.
Page 115: “at at the corner” changed to “at the corner”
Page 151: “the amenites” changed to “the amenities”
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